Low_Roads
4th Level Black Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 8,922
- Points
- 38
Blonde: "My job is so classy! When I go on business trips, they make sure I travel first class!"
Brunette: "Aha! I wondered why you had stamps on your forehead!"
When I was younger, man did I hate going to church! All that "Stand up! Sit down! Kneel!" The damn priest could never figure out which position he wanted me in!
Q: You own an old storage building; at least once each month, you find it full of boxes containing long shaggy hair. What kind of building is it really?
A: A were-house.
The doctor who did my sexual reassignment surgery was offering a deal too good to resist: two for the price of one. Damn it! Now I'm right back where I started!
It's been noted that missiles look awfully phallic. That's only fitting; the whole arms race has been a pissing contest.
Blonde: "What does 'monosyllabic' mean?"
Brunette: "It means having only one syllable."
Blonde: "Wow! Just like the word!"
A busty woman was explaining to me all the reasons why she refused to wear a bra. I must say, she made some good points!
Have you heard the new country song? It's about a man whose self-driving pickup truck leaves him with nothing but his wife.
It's true that girls mature a lot more quickly than boys. Girls start to develop breasts around age 10; I didn't get mine until I was 40.
Q: It makes use of two bums and kills people. What is it?
A: An assassin.
My cousin just opened a fancy hair salon. Unfortunately, it hasn't been very successful. The name she chose for the place may have something to do with that: "Curl Up and Dye".
Blonde: "Officer! Officer! I've just been carjacked!"
Cop: "Can you give me a description of the robber?"
Blonde: "No. But I did get his license number."
Back when I was a kid, stringing a wire between two tin cans was the best we could do if we wanted to own a telephone; today, every youngster uses a hand-held personal computer to make his calls! The difference is uncanny!
Laborers at the nuclear plant have been complaining that the site is understaffed. They claim to need several extra sets of hands to help with the workload. Management has enthusiastically agreed. They have responded by taking all the lead shielding off the reactor core.
If you like really tasty sausage, I just got some from an online outlet! I'll send you a link!
She: "If you hope to beat this sexual harassment charge, you're going to have to come off as respectful and caring. As your lawyer, I'm advising you to be very careful with your language."
He: "Great! I hope you can get me off!"
Did you know that Hamlet once worked for Mystery Incorporated? Which means at one time they had two Great Danes.
Blonde: "You better give me a raise! I'll have you know that three other companies can't wait to get their hands on me!"
Brunette: "Yeah? Which ones?"
Blonde: "Water, gas and electric!"
Wuhan and Las Vegas are sister cities. Not very similar ones, though... what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To get to the other side.
Q: Why didn't the rooster do the same?
A: He got cock-blocked.
Stupid botched hanging! The fall didn't break my neck! Now these clowns don't know what to do! I hope they figure it out quick... the suspense is killing me!
Blonde: "I just heard you were wounded during the war, granddad. Where did they get you?"
Granddad: "In the Solomons, hon."
Blonde: "Wow, that sounds horrible! I hope they're all healed now!"
Brunette: "Aha! I wondered why you had stamps on your forehead!"
* * *
When I was younger, man did I hate going to church! All that "Stand up! Sit down! Kneel!" The damn priest could never figure out which position he wanted me in!
* * *
Q: You own an old storage building; at least once each month, you find it full of boxes containing long shaggy hair. What kind of building is it really?
A: A were-house.
* * *
The doctor who did my sexual reassignment surgery was offering a deal too good to resist: two for the price of one. Damn it! Now I'm right back where I started!
* * *
It's been noted that missiles look awfully phallic. That's only fitting; the whole arms race has been a pissing contest.
* * *
Blonde: "What does 'monosyllabic' mean?"
Brunette: "It means having only one syllable."
Blonde: "Wow! Just like the word!"
* * *
A busty woman was explaining to me all the reasons why she refused to wear a bra. I must say, she made some good points!
* * *
Have you heard the new country song? It's about a man whose self-driving pickup truck leaves him with nothing but his wife.
* * *
It's true that girls mature a lot more quickly than boys. Girls start to develop breasts around age 10; I didn't get mine until I was 40.
* * *
Q: It makes use of two bums and kills people. What is it?
A: An assassin.
* * *
My cousin just opened a fancy hair salon. Unfortunately, it hasn't been very successful. The name she chose for the place may have something to do with that: "Curl Up and Dye".
* * *
Blonde: "Officer! Officer! I've just been carjacked!"
Cop: "Can you give me a description of the robber?"
Blonde: "No. But I did get his license number."
* * *
Back when I was a kid, stringing a wire between two tin cans was the best we could do if we wanted to own a telephone; today, every youngster uses a hand-held personal computer to make his calls! The difference is uncanny!
* * *
Laborers at the nuclear plant have been complaining that the site is understaffed. They claim to need several extra sets of hands to help with the workload. Management has enthusiastically agreed. They have responded by taking all the lead shielding off the reactor core.
* * *
If you like really tasty sausage, I just got some from an online outlet! I'll send you a link!
* * *
She: "If you hope to beat this sexual harassment charge, you're going to have to come off as respectful and caring. As your lawyer, I'm advising you to be very careful with your language."
He: "Great! I hope you can get me off!"
* * *
Did you know that Hamlet once worked for Mystery Incorporated? Which means at one time they had two Great Danes.
* * *
Blonde: "You better give me a raise! I'll have you know that three other companies can't wait to get their hands on me!"
Brunette: "Yeah? Which ones?"
Blonde: "Water, gas and electric!"
* * *
Wuhan and Las Vegas are sister cities. Not very similar ones, though... what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.
* * *
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To get to the other side.
Q: Why didn't the rooster do the same?
A: He got cock-blocked.
* * *
Stupid botched hanging! The fall didn't break my neck! Now these clowns don't know what to do! I hope they figure it out quick... the suspense is killing me!
* * *
Blonde: "I just heard you were wounded during the war, granddad. Where did they get you?"
Granddad: "In the Solomons, hon."
Blonde: "Wow, that sounds horrible! I hope they're all healed now!"
