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Friday night nyuks (5-1-20).

Low_Roads

4th Level Black Feather
Joined
Nov 16, 2004
Messages
8,971
Points
48
Somebody kept passing gas at our last family gathering. I suspect my cousin... he was the one with the windbreaker.

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There are two kinds of people in the world: the first is, the second isn't.

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Dirty Harry was one of the most considerate police officers ever. He was always extremely concerned about how crime suspects were feeling.

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Even though our local shawarma joint got sited by the Health Department doesn't mean I don't patronize them. I falafel regularly.

* * *​

Q: How did Spiderman get to be so pithy?

A: He owns a Webster's Dictionary.

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I've tried and tried to think of a joke about social distancing... I'm afraid this is as close as I can come.

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Japanese news sources say that Kim Jong Un is in a vegetative state. I don't know if that's completely true... he could turnip eventually.

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My sister-in-law and her lover murdered my brother... he died of Sam 'n' Ella poisoning.

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Everything in life is easier said than done... unless, of course, your sister sells sea shells and the sea shore.

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The folks living in my town can't be buried in our local cemetery. God, I hope not anyway... the idea of burying living people is grotesque.

* * *​

The Joker finally succeeded in running over Batman and Robin with a steamroller. They're now known as Flatman and Ribbon.

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It's easy to find humorous aspects of mundane things. The amusing and the average go hand-in-hand: that's why they named the profession "co-median".

* * *​

Q: What has two legs and runs, but can't walk on its own?

A: A pair of tights.

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My grandma is 90 years old and has never used glasses. She drinks straight from the bottle.

* * *​

Library patron: "Got any books by Jack Kevorkian?"

Librarian: "Yes, but we don't lend them out anymore. Nobody ever brings them back."

* * *​

My wife thinks she's pregnant. She doesn't know for sure; it's just a gut feeling.

* * *​

Hear about the woodcutter who went into the magic forest to find a talking tree? He wanted it to dialogue.

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Prostitutes ought to be allowed to work during the quarantine. They provide a sensual labor.

* * *​

"I'm a bit worried about my grandpa in Scotland. He wrote yesterday to say he had a wee cough."

"He should complain! I'm going through my second month!"

* * *​

During my recent trip to the beach, I was attacked by a dolphin. To put a positive spin on the experience, I choose to think of it as a-sea-ssault.

* * *​

My son isn't doing too well with the current online learning. When he went to an actual school, he got A's and B's; now he's getting C's and D's. I'm not sure he doesn't have the COVID... the first sign is supposed to be a low-grade fever.

* * *​

"Where is Kim Jong Un?" the world wants to know. Well, I have my suspicions: in a Kim Jong Urn.
 
LOL 😛
Great collection, as usual. My favorite:

Prostitutes ought to be allowed to work during the quarantine. They provide a sensual labor.
 
Couldn't agree more with your choice, Milagros! 😀 The world needs to get back to work!
 
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