Low_Roads
4th Level Black Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 8,971
- Points
- 48
[FONT=Comic Sans Ms”]When my brother and I were kids up in snow country, he’d always bug me to help him build a log cabin. But I always insisted we build an igloo instead. I thought it was much cooler.
Don’t try to cure your insomnia alone. It’s teamwork that makes the dream work.
If I had a dime for every time I was clueless, I’d probably be constantly thinking, “Now that’s weird! Where the hell did all these dimes come from?”
Q: How do you get your new balloon elephant home if it doesn’t fit into the back seat of your car?
A: Pop the trunk.
One of the trainees at work referred to me as “Bossy” instead of “Boss”. He’s in for it now... no one calls me a cow word.
She: “I’m gonna donate all my old clothes to the poor.”
He: “How come that?”
She: “Because those people are living on the brink! Probably homeless and starving!”
He: “Sweetie, anyone who can fill out a pair of your jeans ain’t starving.”
A secretary at work called me a Grammer Nazi. She doesn’t know me well enough to say that; she must have overheard some gossip that I’m anti-semantic.
Coffee shops may seem innocent, but they’re frequently a hotbed of crime. You wouldn’t believe how many muggings take place!
I wanted a team of dogs primarily to pull my sled, but I also hoped that their barking would scare bears away from my tent. Just my luck; I ended up with Malamutes.
Knock knock jokes work better in North Korea than they do in the US. Let freedom ring!
My great grandmother died on her 100th birthday. In retrospect, we probably shouldn’t have done the traditional spanking.
Customer: “I ordered a glazed donut! Why isn’t there any glaze on it?”
Cashier: “Sir, I’m not gonna sugarcoat this... “
How embarrassing! I walked in on my boss masturbating yesterday. He told me to quit playing with myself and get back to work.
The chess Queen has a lot more mobility than the chess King. That’s because she’s more familiar with the board; it looks exactly like a kitchen floor.
Plants sleep as soon as the sun goes down. But they wake up every morning for a light breakfast.
Supermarkets don’t stock game meat. That’s because it’s too pricy for most people to afford. Beef is cheap; venison is dear.
All my grass has died in the summer heat. It’s so depressing... I hate lawn goodbyes.
My wife had to argue me into seeing a psychiatrist... a stupid idea I thought, but the first thing the guy asked me was how I felt. Well, I’m completely turned around now, this guy’s a genius! I mean, how on earth did he know that I had a job constructing pool tables?
I’d always heard that turtles make good soup, but I don’t believe that anymore. The one I caught couldn’t even boil water.
”My great grandfather sailed aboard the Titanic.”
“Wow! He must have some great stories!”
“Not really. He’s still on it.”
I recently donated to a Blind Children’s charity, but now I’m having second thoughts. The operation looked kinda shady; it’s likely that those kids will never see any of the money.
A hydrogen atom walks into a bar and approaches the bartender.
“Remember when I was in here last night? I got pretty loaded and I believe I left one of my electrons in a booth .”
The bartender checks the lost-and-found box.
“Sorry,” he states. “I don’t see it. You absolutely sure you lost it in here?”
“Yep,” replies the atom. “I’m positive.” [/FONT]
* * *
Don’t try to cure your insomnia alone. It’s teamwork that makes the dream work.
* * *
If I had a dime for every time I was clueless, I’d probably be constantly thinking, “Now that’s weird! Where the hell did all these dimes come from?”
* * *
Q: How do you get your new balloon elephant home if it doesn’t fit into the back seat of your car?
A: Pop the trunk.
* * *
One of the trainees at work referred to me as “Bossy” instead of “Boss”. He’s in for it now... no one calls me a cow word.
* * *
She: “I’m gonna donate all my old clothes to the poor.”
He: “How come that?”
She: “Because those people are living on the brink! Probably homeless and starving!”
He: “Sweetie, anyone who can fill out a pair of your jeans ain’t starving.”
* * *
A secretary at work called me a Grammer Nazi. She doesn’t know me well enough to say that; she must have overheard some gossip that I’m anti-semantic.
* * *
Coffee shops may seem innocent, but they’re frequently a hotbed of crime. You wouldn’t believe how many muggings take place!
* * *
I wanted a team of dogs primarily to pull my sled, but I also hoped that their barking would scare bears away from my tent. Just my luck; I ended up with Malamutes.
* * *
Knock knock jokes work better in North Korea than they do in the US. Let freedom ring!
* * *
My great grandmother died on her 100th birthday. In retrospect, we probably shouldn’t have done the traditional spanking.
* * *
Customer: “I ordered a glazed donut! Why isn’t there any glaze on it?”
Cashier: “Sir, I’m not gonna sugarcoat this... “
* * *
How embarrassing! I walked in on my boss masturbating yesterday. He told me to quit playing with myself and get back to work.
* * *
The chess Queen has a lot more mobility than the chess King. That’s because she’s more familiar with the board; it looks exactly like a kitchen floor.
* * *
Plants sleep as soon as the sun goes down. But they wake up every morning for a light breakfast.
* * *
Supermarkets don’t stock game meat. That’s because it’s too pricy for most people to afford. Beef is cheap; venison is dear.
* * *
All my grass has died in the summer heat. It’s so depressing... I hate lawn goodbyes.
* * *
My wife had to argue me into seeing a psychiatrist... a stupid idea I thought, but the first thing the guy asked me was how I felt. Well, I’m completely turned around now, this guy’s a genius! I mean, how on earth did he know that I had a job constructing pool tables?
* * *
I’d always heard that turtles make good soup, but I don’t believe that anymore. The one I caught couldn’t even boil water.
* * *
”My great grandfather sailed aboard the Titanic.”
“Wow! He must have some great stories!”
“Not really. He’s still on it.”
* * *
I recently donated to a Blind Children’s charity, but now I’m having second thoughts. The operation looked kinda shady; it’s likely that those kids will never see any of the money.
* * *
A hydrogen atom walks into a bar and approaches the bartender.
“Remember when I was in here last night? I got pretty loaded and I believe I left one of my electrons in a booth .”
The bartender checks the lost-and-found box.
“Sorry,” he states. “I don’t see it. You absolutely sure you lost it in here?”
“Yep,” replies the atom. “I’m positive.” [/FONT]
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