Low_Roads
4th Level Black Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 8,971
- Points
- 48
"Hi Ho, Hi Ho!" from "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs" is an upbeat, jolly tune. You'd expect it to be gloomy... it's performed in a miner key.
I once threw a boomerang so hard, it went completely out of sight. I now live in constant fear.
A blonde went to the theater to watch "Jaws 3D". Every time the giant shark popped out of the screen, she would cower behind the seat.
The guy next to her scornfully whispered, "What the heck are you doing? Don't you understand this is only a movie?"
"Of course I know that!" the girl whimpered. "I'm a human being and have intelligence. But does the dumb shark know it?"
I asked my yoga instructor to a meeting so he could teach us all the disciple, but he showed up drunk... put me in a really awkward position.
Typically, German homes have tiny living rooms. That's because the last guy would wanted more started World War II.
Which of the Romantic era composers was also a professional wrestler?
Gustav Mahler.
I managed to burn down my house simply by poking a few holes in the wall. How was I supposed to know it was a fire drill?
Did you know that Helen Keller had a unique musical talent? She could play piano with one hand and sing with the other!
I'm worried about my pet poodle; he ate a bunch of ants this morning, then yelped with glee. What an odd bark!
First kindergartner: "What are you drawing?"
Second kindergartner: "A picture of God."
First kindergartner: "But no one knows what God looks like!"
Second kindergartner: "Of course not! I'm not done with my picture yet!"
What do demon children do for fun?
Go to plague rounds.
I just had a pair of polarizing lenses fitted into my glasses' frames... can't decide if I love 'em or hate 'em.
In Bram Stoker's novel, Count Dracula travels to England from his homeland in the Carpathians by ship, feasting on the captain along the way. You might say he took a blood vessel.
I understand that Queen Elizabeth attended a criminal trial and accidentally belched when the verdict was being read. She quickly issued a royal pardon.
"You really think gays are monsters?"
"Just the ones that came out of the closet."
I had to tell off our Indian chef because he made my favorite meal with something other than chicken. It was a cormorant.
"I knew we shouldn't have come to this Chinese restaurant! Our waiter just gave my order to a white guy sitting a a completely different table! Ha! I guess we all look alike to them!"
"That isn't our waiter."
Theresa May plans to resign as Britain's Prime Minister on June 7. There is precedence for this: the first of June typically signals the end of May.
My wife's lousy cooking gives me sinus headaches; every time she make a meal, I get pseudo fed.
Why hasn't Godzilla ever attacked Israel?
Because he's kaijuish.
Working with soulless computers causes even devout programmers to eventually lose their religion. They become heretechs.
Surgeon: "See this entry in the Guinness Book of World Records? I'll never forget that man. He's had his penis severed on six separate occasions, and six times I've had to attach it again."
Nurse: "Is that really true, Doctor?"
Surgeon: "Oh yes. I'll always remember him."
* * *
I once threw a boomerang so hard, it went completely out of sight. I now live in constant fear.
* * *
A blonde went to the theater to watch "Jaws 3D". Every time the giant shark popped out of the screen, she would cower behind the seat.
The guy next to her scornfully whispered, "What the heck are you doing? Don't you understand this is only a movie?"
"Of course I know that!" the girl whimpered. "I'm a human being and have intelligence. But does the dumb shark know it?"
* * *
I asked my yoga instructor to a meeting so he could teach us all the disciple, but he showed up drunk... put me in a really awkward position.
* * *
Typically, German homes have tiny living rooms. That's because the last guy would wanted more started World War II.
* * *
Which of the Romantic era composers was also a professional wrestler?
Gustav Mahler.
* * *
I managed to burn down my house simply by poking a few holes in the wall. How was I supposed to know it was a fire drill?
* * *
Did you know that Helen Keller had a unique musical talent? She could play piano with one hand and sing with the other!
* * *
I'm worried about my pet poodle; he ate a bunch of ants this morning, then yelped with glee. What an odd bark!
* * *
First kindergartner: "What are you drawing?"
Second kindergartner: "A picture of God."
First kindergartner: "But no one knows what God looks like!"
Second kindergartner: "Of course not! I'm not done with my picture yet!"
* * *
What do demon children do for fun?
Go to plague rounds.
* * *
I just had a pair of polarizing lenses fitted into my glasses' frames... can't decide if I love 'em or hate 'em.
* * *
In Bram Stoker's novel, Count Dracula travels to England from his homeland in the Carpathians by ship, feasting on the captain along the way. You might say he took a blood vessel.
* * *
I understand that Queen Elizabeth attended a criminal trial and accidentally belched when the verdict was being read. She quickly issued a royal pardon.
* * *
"You really think gays are monsters?"
"Just the ones that came out of the closet."
* * *
I had to tell off our Indian chef because he made my favorite meal with something other than chicken. It was a cormorant.
* * *
"I knew we shouldn't have come to this Chinese restaurant! Our waiter just gave my order to a white guy sitting a a completely different table! Ha! I guess we all look alike to them!"
"That isn't our waiter."
* * *
Theresa May plans to resign as Britain's Prime Minister on June 7. There is precedence for this: the first of June typically signals the end of May.
* * *
My wife's lousy cooking gives me sinus headaches; every time she make a meal, I get pseudo fed.
* * *
Why hasn't Godzilla ever attacked Israel?
Because he's kaijuish.
* * *
Working with soulless computers causes even devout programmers to eventually lose their religion. They become heretechs.
* * *
Surgeon: "See this entry in the Guinness Book of World Records? I'll never forget that man. He's had his penis severed on six separate occasions, and six times I've had to attach it again."
Nurse: "Is that really true, Doctor?"
Surgeon: "Oh yes. I'll always remember him."
