Low_Roads
4th Level Black Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 8,971
- Points
- 48
When I was in the grocery store the other day, I happened to see an aisle marked "pet food". After pet rocks, I suppose this was the next logical step.
Be on the lookout for that guy groping women in the park. Cops have tried to collar him, but he's eluded them twice; so far, it's been touch and go.
My body is my temple... yep, it's in ruins.
During the '60s, the DEA was on the lookout for anyone getting high off banana peels. You can understand why; they're renown for causing bad trips.
I robbed a mushroom farmer last night, but in the end it was me who lost. It's now all over town that I got absolutely no morels.
Why did the vulture cross the road?
'Cause the chicken only made it halfway.
I lost my best buddy in a climbing incident; he beat me to that supervisor job.
Marriage councilor: "Your wife complains that you never buy her flowers."
Husband: "Of course not! Have you seen how much she charges?"
The guards asked me which toothpaste I wanted during my term in prison. I opted for cavity protection.
I'd tell you how much I hate trigonometry, but I don't want to go off on a tangent.
Why couldn't the three Mexican chickens cross the road?
There was a "No Trespassing" sign on the other side.
After eating all that licorice candy, I spent a very restless night. I had nightmares of all sorts.
"How many feet are in a yard?"
"That depends on how many people you invited to our barbecue."
If you've seen even one landmark in Washington DC, you've seen the Mall.
Mussolini wasn't simply an evil dictator... he was one of the earliest proponents of plant-based fuels. He made the trains run on thyme.
A Russian acrobat troupe came to the US to perform, but the guy who provided the base of the human pyramid acted suspiciously and got deported. The rest of them protested, but it did not good... they didn't have Oleg to stand on.
An entomologist has begun a special project that requires him to weigh different varieties of ants. It's a small scale operation.
Our governor wants to make school playgrounds safer by removing all the equipment except for the see-saw. Unfortunately for him, this is a swing state.
The new "Toy Story" movie deals with an alien jigsaw puzzle who arrives from another planet. His first words upon meeting the Woody and the Buzz: "I come in pieces."
Our local priest has laced the holy water with castor oil. He's hoping to start a religious movement.
The difference between a chemist and a plumber: the way they pronounce "unionized".
I have either amnesia or insomnia; I can't remember which is which, but I haven't lost any sleep over it.
* * *
Be on the lookout for that guy groping women in the park. Cops have tried to collar him, but he's eluded them twice; so far, it's been touch and go.
* * *
My body is my temple... yep, it's in ruins.
* * *
During the '60s, the DEA was on the lookout for anyone getting high off banana peels. You can understand why; they're renown for causing bad trips.
* * *
I robbed a mushroom farmer last night, but in the end it was me who lost. It's now all over town that I got absolutely no morels.
* * *
Why did the vulture cross the road?
'Cause the chicken only made it halfway.
* * *
I lost my best buddy in a climbing incident; he beat me to that supervisor job.
* * *
Marriage councilor: "Your wife complains that you never buy her flowers."
Husband: "Of course not! Have you seen how much she charges?"
* * *
The guards asked me which toothpaste I wanted during my term in prison. I opted for cavity protection.
* * *
I'd tell you how much I hate trigonometry, but I don't want to go off on a tangent.
* * *
Why couldn't the three Mexican chickens cross the road?
There was a "No Trespassing" sign on the other side.
* * *
After eating all that licorice candy, I spent a very restless night. I had nightmares of all sorts.
* * *
"How many feet are in a yard?"
"That depends on how many people you invited to our barbecue."
* * *
If you've seen even one landmark in Washington DC, you've seen the Mall.
* * *
Mussolini wasn't simply an evil dictator... he was one of the earliest proponents of plant-based fuels. He made the trains run on thyme.
* * *
A Russian acrobat troupe came to the US to perform, but the guy who provided the base of the human pyramid acted suspiciously and got deported. The rest of them protested, but it did not good... they didn't have Oleg to stand on.
* * *
An entomologist has begun a special project that requires him to weigh different varieties of ants. It's a small scale operation.
* * *
Our governor wants to make school playgrounds safer by removing all the equipment except for the see-saw. Unfortunately for him, this is a swing state.
* * *
The new "Toy Story" movie deals with an alien jigsaw puzzle who arrives from another planet. His first words upon meeting the Woody and the Buzz: "I come in pieces."
* * *
Our local priest has laced the holy water with castor oil. He's hoping to start a religious movement.
* * *
The difference between a chemist and a plumber: the way they pronounce "unionized".
* * *
I have either amnesia or insomnia; I can't remember which is which, but I haven't lost any sleep over it.
