Low_Roads
4th Level Black Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 8,971
- Points
- 48
Last year I had a terrible accident in which I lost all the fingers off both my hands. The consequences are ongoing... I just don't feel that well anymore.
Doctors who used to practice internal medicine are now going into plastic surgery. That should raise a few eyebrows!
I can't do without either of my wives. A lot of people say that makes me a selfish bigamist, but I disagree. I'm such a givin' guy, I treat each of them as if she was the only woman in my life: Sharon is Karen.
Return addresses are missing from almost all envelopes... they up and left.
I heard about this singer named Sting who must have been in bad trouble with authorities. Seems he turned himself into the police.
"My dog Skippy just had her first taste of chocolate."
"Did she like it?"
"Like it? She loved it to death!"
That lackadaisical waiter ruined the date I had last night... he just couldn't give two forks.
"So, you saw the movie 'Free Solo' last night. What did you think of it?"
"I found it to be a gripping experience."
Witch: "Beware of my evil spell!"
Priest: "Do your worst, hag!"
Witch: "Very well, then... E-V-I-L."
She: "Women are the backbone of our nation. They're clearly the better sex."
He: "I can dig it, babe! Wo, men are the best!"
Frodo just couldn't stay out of the Prancing Pony; he was hobbitually drunk.
"Ash had difficulty traveling by rail with Pikachu and Bulbasaur."
"Of course! He had two Pokemon."
Jesus must have baked the heck out of the Last Supper... I hear it was prepared on high.
My ex-wife and I have been arrested for child murder. We went through a nasty divorce last year and the kids were torn between us.
A missionary spent months in a cannibal village, observing their strange rites. It shook him so much that he couldn't wait to get back to civilization and take communion.
Image my surprise when I washed ashore after the shipwreck to find the beach strewn with ice cream sundaes, pies and cakes! I always thought it would be tough to be stranded on a desserted island!
Mother Superior has turned the local convent into a business; she's been charging folks for using her powers to foretell their futures. All the money goes to charity... this is a nun prophet organization.
At the age of 80 I finally watched my first porno. It was quite a revelation; I looked so different back then.
Q: Why do dentists move to Miami when they retire?
A: Because... fluoride, duh!
My wife and I have two boys, 10 and 13. Not very inventive names, but the best we could do in such a large household.
Jesus is said to have gone through crucifixion. I very much doubt that really happened; if it was true, scholars would call it a crucifact.
I went the gym today... spend 20 grueling minutes stretching, twisting and straining. By the time I finally got my exercise clothes on, I was too exhausted to work out.
* * *
Doctors who used to practice internal medicine are now going into plastic surgery. That should raise a few eyebrows!
* * *
I can't do without either of my wives. A lot of people say that makes me a selfish bigamist, but I disagree. I'm such a givin' guy, I treat each of them as if she was the only woman in my life: Sharon is Karen.
* * *
Return addresses are missing from almost all envelopes... they up and left.
* * *
I heard about this singer named Sting who must have been in bad trouble with authorities. Seems he turned himself into the police.
* * *
"My dog Skippy just had her first taste of chocolate."
"Did she like it?"
"Like it? She loved it to death!"
* * *
That lackadaisical waiter ruined the date I had last night... he just couldn't give two forks.
* * *
"So, you saw the movie 'Free Solo' last night. What did you think of it?"
"I found it to be a gripping experience."
* * *
Witch: "Beware of my evil spell!"
Priest: "Do your worst, hag!"
Witch: "Very well, then... E-V-I-L."
* * *
She: "Women are the backbone of our nation. They're clearly the better sex."
He: "I can dig it, babe! Wo, men are the best!"
* * *
Frodo just couldn't stay out of the Prancing Pony; he was hobbitually drunk.
* * *
"Ash had difficulty traveling by rail with Pikachu and Bulbasaur."
"Of course! He had two Pokemon."
* * *
Jesus must have baked the heck out of the Last Supper... I hear it was prepared on high.
* * *
My ex-wife and I have been arrested for child murder. We went through a nasty divorce last year and the kids were torn between us.
* * *
A missionary spent months in a cannibal village, observing their strange rites. It shook him so much that he couldn't wait to get back to civilization and take communion.
* * *
Image my surprise when I washed ashore after the shipwreck to find the beach strewn with ice cream sundaes, pies and cakes! I always thought it would be tough to be stranded on a desserted island!
* * *
Mother Superior has turned the local convent into a business; she's been charging folks for using her powers to foretell their futures. All the money goes to charity... this is a nun prophet organization.
* * *
At the age of 80 I finally watched my first porno. It was quite a revelation; I looked so different back then.
* * *
Q: Why do dentists move to Miami when they retire?
A: Because... fluoride, duh!
* * *
My wife and I have two boys, 10 and 13. Not very inventive names, but the best we could do in such a large household.
* * *
Jesus is said to have gone through crucifixion. I very much doubt that really happened; if it was true, scholars would call it a crucifact.
* * *
I went the gym today... spend 20 grueling minutes stretching, twisting and straining. By the time I finally got my exercise clothes on, I was too exhausted to work out.
