Low_Roads
4th Level Black Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 8,971
- Points
- 48
[FONT=“Comic Sans MS”]“Can the letters ‘s’ and ‘c’ make the same sound when it’s necessary?”
“Sure. Even when it’s ‘unnecessary’.”
I’ve noticed that the “c” in “scent” is silent. Or is it the “s”?
He: “I’m getting tired of the same sex positions. How about I stick it in here?”
She: “Absolutely not . That violates the penal code.”
My wife had me arrested for premature ejaculation. I was quickly discharged.
I stayed overnight at my girlfriend’s house and her father said he didn’t want us to sleep together. Too bad... a threesome would have been fun.
A prostitute was up on sex charges, so she got a pubic defender. He was working pro boner.
My girlfriend accused me of being the father of her unborn child. That meant a 9 month trial, followed by an 18 year sentence.
There’s no point in pursuing legal action if the empaneled are drawn from a pool of male porn stars. The jury will always be hung.
A boating dock was accused of serious crimes and scheduled for trial. It demanded a jury of its piers.
There are way too many bad legal puns in this thread. It’s time to give these jokes arrest.
A canine officer had to discover why all his police dog’s equipment had been stolen. Unfortunately, he had no leads.
An extortion victim didn’t know whether the accused or his identical twin brother had threatened to beat him. The case was ultimately dismissed as double jeopardy.
I’m attending a lecture on the value of spontaneous ejaculation. I thought I might have to dress up for it, but they say it’s perfectly okay to come in street clothes.
Remember when Elon Musk stuck one of his Teslas onboard a rocket launch? How could he possibly explain that?
Easy: cargo space.
Writer: “I need just the right word...”
Magician: “Try ‘presto’! That always does the trick!”
My cousin has become an advocate for bestiality. I think he’s heading down a rabbit hole.
She: “Here, honey! I cooked you a steak, extra rare with plenty of juice!”
He: “I like it! Well done!”
She: “Jesus, I just can’t do anything right! All you ever do is bitch!”
I went to a gym and lost 500 pounds, easy. This damn British trip is costing me a fortune.
I always thought that the propeller at the front of a plane was there to provide forward momentum; seems its actually purpose is to cool down the pilot. If it ever stops, you’re sure to see him sweat.
Christian motto: “Don’t get mad; get cross.”
I don’t know how clothiers invented the zipper. I suppose some overworked tailor came up with it on the fly
A vacuum cleaner salesman calls at a rural residence. The housewife answers the door, but before she can ask his business he pushes past her and empties a big bag of dust all over the floor.
“Ma’am,” he crows, “if my handy-dandy vacuum can’t clean up this mess completely, I’ll eat every ounce of that dust!”
The woman looks perplexed and asks, “And what about ketchup?”
“Ketchup?” he replies. “Sorry lady, I didn’t bring any.”
“You better get some then. We don’t have electricity in this house.”[/FONT]
“Sure. Even when it’s ‘unnecessary’.”
* * *
I’ve noticed that the “c” in “scent” is silent. Or is it the “s”?
* * *
He: “I’m getting tired of the same sex positions. How about I stick it in here?”
She: “Absolutely not . That violates the penal code.”
* * *
My wife had me arrested for premature ejaculation. I was quickly discharged.
* * *
I stayed overnight at my girlfriend’s house and her father said he didn’t want us to sleep together. Too bad... a threesome would have been fun.
* * *
A prostitute was up on sex charges, so she got a pubic defender. He was working pro boner.
* * *
My girlfriend accused me of being the father of her unborn child. That meant a 9 month trial, followed by an 18 year sentence.
* * *
There’s no point in pursuing legal action if the empaneled are drawn from a pool of male porn stars. The jury will always be hung.
* * *
A boating dock was accused of serious crimes and scheduled for trial. It demanded a jury of its piers.
* * *
There are way too many bad legal puns in this thread. It’s time to give these jokes arrest.
* * *
A canine officer had to discover why all his police dog’s equipment had been stolen. Unfortunately, he had no leads.
* * *
An extortion victim didn’t know whether the accused or his identical twin brother had threatened to beat him. The case was ultimately dismissed as double jeopardy.
* * *
I’m attending a lecture on the value of spontaneous ejaculation. I thought I might have to dress up for it, but they say it’s perfectly okay to come in street clothes.
* * *
Remember when Elon Musk stuck one of his Teslas onboard a rocket launch? How could he possibly explain that?
Easy: cargo space.
* * *
Writer: “I need just the right word...”
Magician: “Try ‘presto’! That always does the trick!”
* * *
My cousin has become an advocate for bestiality. I think he’s heading down a rabbit hole.
* * *
She: “Here, honey! I cooked you a steak, extra rare with plenty of juice!”
He: “I like it! Well done!”
She: “Jesus, I just can’t do anything right! All you ever do is bitch!”
* * *
I went to a gym and lost 500 pounds, easy. This damn British trip is costing me a fortune.
* * *
I always thought that the propeller at the front of a plane was there to provide forward momentum; seems its actually purpose is to cool down the pilot. If it ever stops, you’re sure to see him sweat.
* * *
Christian motto: “Don’t get mad; get cross.”
* * *
I don’t know how clothiers invented the zipper. I suppose some overworked tailor came up with it on the fly
* * *
A vacuum cleaner salesman calls at a rural residence. The housewife answers the door, but before she can ask his business he pushes past her and empties a big bag of dust all over the floor.
“Ma’am,” he crows, “if my handy-dandy vacuum can’t clean up this mess completely, I’ll eat every ounce of that dust!”
The woman looks perplexed and asks, “And what about ketchup?”
“Ketchup?” he replies. “Sorry lady, I didn’t bring any.”
“You better get some then. We don’t have electricity in this house.”[/FONT]
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