Low_Roads
4th Level Black Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 8,971
- Points
- 48
Hitler and Stalin wind up sharing the same boiling pit in Hell.
"Wanna hear a joke?" Stalin inquires.
"Sure!" Hitler replies jovially.
"Been nice seeing you," Stalin continues. "Now I Moscow."
Hitler considers for a minute.
" 'Moscow' ?" he says, puzzled. "I don't get it."
"No!" Stalin crows. "And you never will!"
If you ever go to consult a psychotherapist, make sure the sign on his door is all one word.
The Department of Transportation has done an exhaustive study to determine the most failure-prone component of any car; turns out to be it's the nut holding the steering wheel.
All the talking furniture in the Beast's castle were sweet to Belle... all except the one she sat in front of during meals. That piece was uncharacteristically irritable.
Never list "calligraphy" as one of you skills during an oral interview. It always looks better on paper.
My girlfriend's a redhead... I handle her gingerly.
"I think every Nazi in our country should be eliminated!"
"Me too! Blind people weaken our society!"
Never play Scrabble... you run way too much risk of losing an i.
Nothing wrong with procrastination! Everyone should plan for the future!
Alfred: "Sir, you'll have to use the Batcycle today. I checked the Batmobile and it won't start... bad battery."
Batman: "Okay, if you say so. But what the heck's a tery?"
I may not have gone to school, but I have plenty of street smarts. That make me a roads scholar.
"Guess what? I was rubbing rust off an old oil lamp when suddenly all this smoke started pouring out the spout! Then a a magic spirit named Eric appeared and promised to grant me a pile of money! He did it, too! Trouble was, it was a lot less than I expected."
"Well, that's what you should expect from djinn Eriks"
Nutritionists recommend lots of vegetables. They say red meat is bad for you. But I think I have the solution: don't eat it till it turns green.
My stallion fell in love with a mare in a nearby pasture. Unfortunately, a turf farm lies between them. Too bad... lawn-distance relationships never work out.
There was a mass grave robbing at our local cemetery. You'd think that would make for an solid story, but no... the plot is full of gaping holes.
Doctor: "I have some bad news for you. You'll have to take one of these pills once a day for the rest of your life."
Patient: "That doesn't sound so bad! But why did you give me only three?"
Doctor: "Like I said...
You know what really gets my goat? El chupacabra.
She: "I don't want you to drink anymore."
He: "Hey, I put away two bottles of wine a night. I don't think I could drink any more than that."
I planned to apply for work at the factory that makes Tide laundry soap, but I guess they hire only women. My brother tells me they can deter gents.
If you're given the choice of toting a load of water or a load of butane, pick the butane. It's a lighter fluid.
I've gotten involved with a woman who has OCD. It's been a sorted affair.
A drunk stumbles into a bar. He's obviously had too many already, so the bartender tosses him out. The wino dusts himself off, gets unsteadily to his feet and, after staggering around aimlessly for a few minutes walks right back inside. Once again, the bartender throws him out. And once again, the drunk manages to get upright and heads back into the bar. This goes on for several minutes, in and out, in and out, in and out. Finally the drunk becomes incensed.
"Fer Pete's sake!" he hollers at the bartender. "Just how many bars do you own?"
"Wanna hear a joke?" Stalin inquires.
"Sure!" Hitler replies jovially.
"Been nice seeing you," Stalin continues. "Now I Moscow."
Hitler considers for a minute.
" 'Moscow' ?" he says, puzzled. "I don't get it."
"No!" Stalin crows. "And you never will!"
* * *
If you ever go to consult a psychotherapist, make sure the sign on his door is all one word.
* * *
The Department of Transportation has done an exhaustive study to determine the most failure-prone component of any car; turns out to be it's the nut holding the steering wheel.
* * *
All the talking furniture in the Beast's castle were sweet to Belle... all except the one she sat in front of during meals. That piece was uncharacteristically irritable.
* * *
Never list "calligraphy" as one of you skills during an oral interview. It always looks better on paper.
* * *
My girlfriend's a redhead... I handle her gingerly.
* * *
"I think every Nazi in our country should be eliminated!"
"Me too! Blind people weaken our society!"
* * *
Never play Scrabble... you run way too much risk of losing an i.
* * *
Nothing wrong with procrastination! Everyone should plan for the future!
* * *
Alfred: "Sir, you'll have to use the Batcycle today. I checked the Batmobile and it won't start... bad battery."
Batman: "Okay, if you say so. But what the heck's a tery?"
* * *
I may not have gone to school, but I have plenty of street smarts. That make me a roads scholar.
* * *
"Guess what? I was rubbing rust off an old oil lamp when suddenly all this smoke started pouring out the spout! Then a a magic spirit named Eric appeared and promised to grant me a pile of money! He did it, too! Trouble was, it was a lot less than I expected."
"Well, that's what you should expect from djinn Eriks"
* * *
Nutritionists recommend lots of vegetables. They say red meat is bad for you. But I think I have the solution: don't eat it till it turns green.
* * *
My stallion fell in love with a mare in a nearby pasture. Unfortunately, a turf farm lies between them. Too bad... lawn-distance relationships never work out.
* * *
There was a mass grave robbing at our local cemetery. You'd think that would make for an solid story, but no... the plot is full of gaping holes.
* * *
Doctor: "I have some bad news for you. You'll have to take one of these pills once a day for the rest of your life."
Patient: "That doesn't sound so bad! But why did you give me only three?"
Doctor: "Like I said...
* * *
You know what really gets my goat? El chupacabra.
* * *
She: "I don't want you to drink anymore."
He: "Hey, I put away two bottles of wine a night. I don't think I could drink any more than that."
* * *
I planned to apply for work at the factory that makes Tide laundry soap, but I guess they hire only women. My brother tells me they can deter gents.
* * *
If you're given the choice of toting a load of water or a load of butane, pick the butane. It's a lighter fluid.
* * *
I've gotten involved with a woman who has OCD. It's been a sorted affair.
* * *
A drunk stumbles into a bar. He's obviously had too many already, so the bartender tosses him out. The wino dusts himself off, gets unsteadily to his feet and, after staggering around aimlessly for a few minutes walks right back inside. Once again, the bartender throws him out. And once again, the drunk manages to get upright and heads back into the bar. This goes on for several minutes, in and out, in and out, in and out. Finally the drunk becomes incensed.
"Fer Pete's sake!" he hollers at the bartender. "Just how many bars do you own?"
