Low_Roads
4th Level Black Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 8,971
- Points
- 48
I never should have written that article about foreign culture! I managed to confuse the word "Jacuzzi" with "Yakuza"... now I'm in hot water with the Japanese mafia!
Someone please find those damn hackers who keep compromising our computer systems! They ransomware!
I'm in a long-distance relationship with a lovely woman and will be for the next 6 months. After that, the restraining order lifts.
"Wow, have you ever before seen such an ugly smile?"
"Sssshhh, not so loud! He has very sensitive teeth!"
"Do you French like to play video games?"
"Wii."
Peasant #1: "Women can't be knighted."
Peasant #2: "How do you know that?"
Peasant #1: "All the armored knights I've ever seen have been guys."
Peasant #2: "If they're all done up in armor, how did you know they were men?"
Peasant #1: "Because they all used maley weapons."
The king ape in the city zoo's monkey house has developed a food fetish: he's fucking bananas.
"You'll never guess who I bumped into at the optometrist's office!"
"I can't imagine. Who?"
"Everybody!"
I can be quite the cutup. For instance, the other day I stuck a cork in the entrance to a beehive so the little bastards couldn't get out to gather their pollen. I know, I know... unbelievable.
Q: What does a house wear to a house party?
A: Address.
I'm no longer allowed to work on submarines. Why? I just can't fathom it!
I fondly remember the day I learned to moonwalk! Man, that really takes me back!
Almost every court insists on sworn testimony... all except juvenile court. It isn't old enough to swear.
Don't try to use your credit card to make purchases from the Vatican. It's strictly Papal.
I tuned in to watch the World Origami Championships, but it was only paper view.
You kids don't know how lucky you are! If you want milk, you just run down to the store for it. In my day, we had to get it from big white behemoths with horns. We called them milk trucks.
Most folks think splinters are a minor concern... that is, until they get out of hand.
I was in a brainstorming session once. Man, it blew my mind!
All politicians are required to take IQ tests. Waste of time and concern... they always come back negative.
I put my Rottweiler on a vegan diet and it's worked out great! I'm planning to sic him on Jehovah's Witnesses next!
A fiddle and a violin are virtually the same musical instrument. The only difference is the number of the performer's teeth.
I was walking past a farm last week when I noticed a sign reading "Duck, eggs". I was pleased to see a new retail opportunity, but couldn't understand the need for punctuation. Then it suddenly hit me.
* * *
Someone please find those damn hackers who keep compromising our computer systems! They ransomware!
* * *
I'm in a long-distance relationship with a lovely woman and will be for the next 6 months. After that, the restraining order lifts.
* * *
"Wow, have you ever before seen such an ugly smile?"
"Sssshhh, not so loud! He has very sensitive teeth!"
* * *
"Do you French like to play video games?"
"Wii."
* * *
Peasant #1: "Women can't be knighted."
Peasant #2: "How do you know that?"
Peasant #1: "All the armored knights I've ever seen have been guys."
Peasant #2: "If they're all done up in armor, how did you know they were men?"
Peasant #1: "Because they all used maley weapons."
* * *
The king ape in the city zoo's monkey house has developed a food fetish: he's fucking bananas.
* * *
"You'll never guess who I bumped into at the optometrist's office!"
"I can't imagine. Who?"
"Everybody!"
* * *
I can be quite the cutup. For instance, the other day I stuck a cork in the entrance to a beehive so the little bastards couldn't get out to gather their pollen. I know, I know... unbelievable.
* * *
Q: What does a house wear to a house party?
A: Address.
* * *
I'm no longer allowed to work on submarines. Why? I just can't fathom it!
* * *
I fondly remember the day I learned to moonwalk! Man, that really takes me back!
* * *
Almost every court insists on sworn testimony... all except juvenile court. It isn't old enough to swear.
* * *
Don't try to use your credit card to make purchases from the Vatican. It's strictly Papal.
* * *
I tuned in to watch the World Origami Championships, but it was only paper view.
* * *
You kids don't know how lucky you are! If you want milk, you just run down to the store for it. In my day, we had to get it from big white behemoths with horns. We called them milk trucks.
* * *
Most folks think splinters are a minor concern... that is, until they get out of hand.
* * *
I was in a brainstorming session once. Man, it blew my mind!
* * *
All politicians are required to take IQ tests. Waste of time and concern... they always come back negative.
* * *
I put my Rottweiler on a vegan diet and it's worked out great! I'm planning to sic him on Jehovah's Witnesses next!
* * *
A fiddle and a violin are virtually the same musical instrument. The only difference is the number of the performer's teeth.
* * *
I was walking past a farm last week when I noticed a sign reading "Duck, eggs". I was pleased to see a new retail opportunity, but couldn't understand the need for punctuation. Then it suddenly hit me.
