Low_Roads
4th Level Black Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 8,971
- Points
- 48
[FONT=“Comic Sans MS”]Brunette: “You say your boyfriend’s pet name for you starts with a ‘B’, right? It isn’t ‘Blondie’ is it?”
Blonde: “Nope... ‘Honey’.”
Dads are like boomerangs. God, I hope so anyway...
“I’m determined to turn invisible and won’t quit experimenting until I’m successful. Have I made myself clear?”
“Hey man, I can see where you’re coming from.”
Our wedding ceremony went off without a hitch. Now the bride’s suing me for breech of promise.
“A baby owl flew through the window this morning and fell straight into the toilet bowl. I didn’t notice until it was too late.”
“That’s terrible!”
“I know. You’re never supposed to flush moist owlettes.”
Scott Lang, the Ant Man, tried to become an Avenger, but Iron Man vetoed. He suggested he join the X-Men instead. There wasn’t a thing Lang could say in protest... he was a mute ant.
You’ve heard the expression, “There are no atheists in foxholes”, right? Well, the same holds true for earth tremors. During such an event, we all become quakers.
Brunette: “You need to start planning ahead.”
Blonde: “Okay. I’ll need two eyes and a nose. A mouth wouldn’t hurt, either.”
I wanted a copy of the novel “Vengeance is Mine!”, but didn’t have enough cash. As I tried to sneak one out of the bookstore, the cashier snarled, “You’ll pay for that!”
“So you’re visiting Wales, eh? You can go to Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllantysiliogogogoch.”
“How can you say such a thing!”
You know that look of longing when a gorgeous woman wants to tear off all your clothes and make sweet love to you all night long? No, me neither.
John: “Sure. It’s a business doing pleasure with you.”
A graduate student mounted a top-of-the-line digital camera inside his toilet. He desperately wanted his pee HD.
Doctor: “No, you don’t have prostate cancer. It’s all in your head:”
Patient: “Whew! That’s a relief!”
Doctor: “What are you talking about? Brain cancer is much more serious!”
My girlfriend wants to leave me because of my obsession with Transformers. I assured her I could change, but that only made things worse.
Killer whale pods have the highest pitched songs of any breed. That’s because each group includes an orcastrato.
Lesbian carpentry differs markedly from other types... all tongue and groove, without a single stud.
What a fool I was trusting that damn acupuncturist! I went to him with lumbar pain and he stabbed me in the back!
“For our French trip, I’ve arranged to rent a residence in the Bordeaux region.”
“Wow! Is it really fancy?”
“Fancy? It’s simply a maison.”
Steve Rogers was lured into a party limousine, then shot by the Red Skull. He was capped in a merry car.
This morning I found a spider in my tennis shoe... can’t image how he got the damn thing laced.
“You want a job, huh? How good a lumberjack are you?”
“The best, man! I swung the meanest axe in the whole Sahara Forest!”
“ ‘Sahara Forest’?! The Sahara’s a desert!”
“Yeah... it is now.”[/FONT]
Blonde: “Nope... ‘Honey’.”
* * *
Dads are like boomerangs. God, I hope so anyway...
* * *
“I’m determined to turn invisible and won’t quit experimenting until I’m successful. Have I made myself clear?”
“Hey man, I can see where you’re coming from.”
* * *
Our wedding ceremony went off without a hitch. Now the bride’s suing me for breech of promise.
* * *
“A baby owl flew through the window this morning and fell straight into the toilet bowl. I didn’t notice until it was too late.”
“That’s terrible!”
“I know. You’re never supposed to flush moist owlettes.”
* * *
Scott Lang, the Ant Man, tried to become an Avenger, but Iron Man vetoed. He suggested he join the X-Men instead. There wasn’t a thing Lang could say in protest... he was a mute ant.
* * *
You’ve heard the expression, “There are no atheists in foxholes”, right? Well, the same holds true for earth tremors. During such an event, we all become quakers.
* * *
Brunette: “You need to start planning ahead.”
Blonde: “Okay. I’ll need two eyes and a nose. A mouth wouldn’t hurt, either.”
* * *
I wanted a copy of the novel “Vengeance is Mine!”, but didn’t have enough cash. As I tried to sneak one out of the bookstore, the cashier snarled, “You’ll pay for that!”
* * *
“So you’re visiting Wales, eh? You can go to Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllantysiliogogogoch.”
“How can you say such a thing!”
* * *
You know that look of longing when a gorgeous woman wants to tear off all your clothes and make sweet love to you all night long? No, me neither.
* * *
Hooker: “That’ll be 40 bucks, sport.”John: “Sure. It’s a business doing pleasure with you.”
* * *
A graduate student mounted a top-of-the-line digital camera inside his toilet. He desperately wanted his pee HD.
* * *
Doctor: “No, you don’t have prostate cancer. It’s all in your head:”
Patient: “Whew! That’s a relief!”
Doctor: “What are you talking about? Brain cancer is much more serious!”
* * *
My girlfriend wants to leave me because of my obsession with Transformers. I assured her I could change, but that only made things worse.
* * *
Killer whale pods have the highest pitched songs of any breed. That’s because each group includes an orcastrato.
* * *
Lesbian carpentry differs markedly from other types... all tongue and groove, without a single stud.
* * *
What a fool I was trusting that damn acupuncturist! I went to him with lumbar pain and he stabbed me in the back!
* * *
“For our French trip, I’ve arranged to rent a residence in the Bordeaux region.”
“Wow! Is it really fancy?”
“Fancy? It’s simply a maison.”
* * *
Steve Rogers was lured into a party limousine, then shot by the Red Skull. He was capped in a merry car.
* * *
This morning I found a spider in my tennis shoe... can’t image how he got the damn thing laced.
* * *
“You want a job, huh? How good a lumberjack are you?”
“The best, man! I swung the meanest axe in the whole Sahara Forest!”
“ ‘Sahara Forest’?! The Sahara’s a desert!”
“Yeah... it is now.”[/FONT]
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