Low_Roads
4th Level Black Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 8,971
- Points
- 48
My neighbor wants to sell me his fancy-schmancy bed, one he says is guaranteed to provide restful nights. I told him I'd sleep on it.
Optimus Prime leads the Autobot concert band. This isn't his fulltime job, of course; he's only a semiconductor.
If Trump wins the election, I'm leaving the country. Conversely, if Biden wins, I'm leaving the country. It's got nothing to do with politics; I just really enjoy air travel.
"Stay away from that guy. He's a necromancer."
"Hey, we all got our personal kinks. I can't condemn him if he's turned on by throats."
Is impotence genetic? I think I may have inherited it from my father.
He: "9:00, dear... time to go upstairs and hit the sack."
She: "If you say so, sweetie. I'll get the bondage gear and the ping pong paddle.
Tonight my buddy wants me to watch some DC superhero movie about a guy who never turns 20. The title is "Constant Teen".
Q: Of all her companions, how come Dorothy missed the Scarecrow most?
A: She knew he was outstanding in his field.
Evidently a marine mammal has just escaped from SeaWorld. I'm not sure which one, but I understand they have to reseal the tank.
A young carnival performer was arrested for wearing his clown costume downtown. It's about time he learned: life isn't always fair.
I have a very fascinating story about the discovery of sodium, but you do need to take it with a grain of salt.
Heard the one about hydrocortisone cream? Good joke... it's topical.
I finally get to go back the movie theater and what's the first thing I see? Some inconsiderate bastard puffing away on a cigar! I know there's a no smoking policy so I complain to the management. But it didn't do any good... they say they have no control over what the actors do.
An escaped lion ate up three circus workers. No one was surprised... the animal was, after all, a carny-vore.
Grandpa griped that all the noisy machinery was keeping him awake, so I turned off as many of them as I could. The one making the rhythmic beeping sound must have been particularly annoying, because he soon nodded off.
Recent gender reveal parties are a menace, the way they keep sparking brush fires. Still, it's not as bad as the one in 1945 when the Japanese discovered they had a Little Boy.
I must have the body of a porn star! All my clothes are marked XXX!
Batman has some serious competition these days: Methman. There are distinct similarities... neither of them goes out at night without Robin.
I don't know who came up with the concept of the circle, but I'm not impressed. I've never seen anything so pointless.
Q: What type of guy needs to be stamped on?
A: The outgoing male.
When my wife and I go out to the mall, I always head straight for the escalator. She, however, has an aversion to it and chooses the elevator instead. Different approaches, I know... but then we were raised differently.
Contrary to popular opinion, chickens do not cross roads. They get halfway across, then go "Bak!"
* * *
Optimus Prime leads the Autobot concert band. This isn't his fulltime job, of course; he's only a semiconductor.
* * *
If Trump wins the election, I'm leaving the country. Conversely, if Biden wins, I'm leaving the country. It's got nothing to do with politics; I just really enjoy air travel.
* * *
"Stay away from that guy. He's a necromancer."
"Hey, we all got our personal kinks. I can't condemn him if he's turned on by throats."
* * *
Is impotence genetic? I think I may have inherited it from my father.
* * *
He: "9:00, dear... time to go upstairs and hit the sack."
She: "If you say so, sweetie. I'll get the bondage gear and the ping pong paddle.
* * *
Tonight my buddy wants me to watch some DC superhero movie about a guy who never turns 20. The title is "Constant Teen".
* * *
Q: Of all her companions, how come Dorothy missed the Scarecrow most?
A: She knew he was outstanding in his field.
* * *
Evidently a marine mammal has just escaped from SeaWorld. I'm not sure which one, but I understand they have to reseal the tank.
* * *
A young carnival performer was arrested for wearing his clown costume downtown. It's about time he learned: life isn't always fair.
* * *
I have a very fascinating story about the discovery of sodium, but you do need to take it with a grain of salt.
* * *
Heard the one about hydrocortisone cream? Good joke... it's topical.
* * *
I finally get to go back the movie theater and what's the first thing I see? Some inconsiderate bastard puffing away on a cigar! I know there's a no smoking policy so I complain to the management. But it didn't do any good... they say they have no control over what the actors do.
* * *
An escaped lion ate up three circus workers. No one was surprised... the animal was, after all, a carny-vore.
* * *
Grandpa griped that all the noisy machinery was keeping him awake, so I turned off as many of them as I could. The one making the rhythmic beeping sound must have been particularly annoying, because he soon nodded off.
* * *
Recent gender reveal parties are a menace, the way they keep sparking brush fires. Still, it's not as bad as the one in 1945 when the Japanese discovered they had a Little Boy.
* * *
I must have the body of a porn star! All my clothes are marked XXX!
* * *
Batman has some serious competition these days: Methman. There are distinct similarities... neither of them goes out at night without Robin.
* * *
I don't know who came up with the concept of the circle, but I'm not impressed. I've never seen anything so pointless.
* * *
Q: What type of guy needs to be stamped on?
A: The outgoing male.
* * *
When my wife and I go out to the mall, I always head straight for the escalator. She, however, has an aversion to it and chooses the elevator instead. Different approaches, I know... but then we were raised differently.
* * *
Contrary to popular opinion, chickens do not cross roads. They get halfway across, then go "Bak!"
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