Low_Roads
4th Level Black Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 8,971
- Points
- 48
[FONT=“Comic Sans MS”]A stallion busted out of his stall and is now roaming free. Police have warned locals not to approach him... he’s obviously unstable.
My neighbor’s mother-in-law is a real angel. I’m not so lucky... mine’s still alive.
The Invisible Man doesn’t date a lot, but that’s understandable. He isn’t much to look at.
I’ve written an ode in praise of my manhood. Last night, I showed it my girlfriend... she told me it has a weak climax and ought to be longer.
During WW II, the Germans developed a camera that could be hidden in Allied urinals so’s to spy on the generals. The program was known by its acronym: VCUP.
I used to live in a bouncy castle, but now I’m homeless... the cost of inflation.
A vampire went to a fancy restaurant, but came out dead. He never should have ordered that stake.
My wife calls her ex-boss the Big Banana. She once found him a’pealing.
Optimist: “We live in the best world possible!”
Pessimist: “Oh god! That’s what I was afraid of!”
Some folks tell about their relatives who’ve cowered in time of crisis, but not me! Heroes run in my family!
Thanos is so evil, he’d have made a perfect Nazi. I can see him now at the Beer Hall Putsch... of course, he would have ordered schnapps.
During the early part of the war, the Nazis weren’t so bad. In fact, they offered the entire city of Warsaw a trip to camp. They said it would be a great ghetto-way.
My son spends way too much time in his room playing Grand Theft Auto. All the car theft and prostitutes... Jesus, I wish he’d spend more time outside!
The military has developed a hybrid soldier that’s half man and half wolf. These mutants are stored in an army were-house.
Yesterday I had a full cavity search. My damn dentist doesn’t know what the hell he’s doing!
John, Paul, George and Ringo made a very successful music team. But when John tried to include his wife, the others cried, “Oh no!”
My blond girlfriend borrowed my car for the weekend. On Monday, I expected her to return it at 8:00 AM. Well, 9:00 came, then 10:00, then 11:00, and before I knew it, it was noon. So I called her up and asked her where the heck she was.
“Where am I?” she retorted. “Where the heck are you? I drove past your place three times and never saw your car in the driveway!”
Cassette tapes had a side A and a side B. It’s only logical that the next step would be CD.
I scratched myself while handling an old video game cartridge... had to get a Tetris shot.
What’s better, butter or margarine?
Margarine. Nothing’s better than butter, but margarine’s better than nothing.
I recently competed in a turkey shoot, but missed the target every time. No harm, no fowl.
Blonde: “Reverend, I accidentally ate a bug! Do you think I’m gonna die?”
Priest: “My dear, eventually we’re all going to die.”
Blonde: “Jesus Christ! What have I done!”[/FONT]
* * *
My neighbor’s mother-in-law is a real angel. I’m not so lucky... mine’s still alive.
* * *
The Invisible Man doesn’t date a lot, but that’s understandable. He isn’t much to look at.
* * *
I’ve written an ode in praise of my manhood. Last night, I showed it my girlfriend... she told me it has a weak climax and ought to be longer.
* * *
During WW II, the Germans developed a camera that could be hidden in Allied urinals so’s to spy on the generals. The program was known by its acronym: VCUP.
* * *
I used to live in a bouncy castle, but now I’m homeless... the cost of inflation.
* * *
A vampire went to a fancy restaurant, but came out dead. He never should have ordered that stake.
* * *
My wife calls her ex-boss the Big Banana. She once found him a’pealing.
* * *
Optimist: “We live in the best world possible!”
Pessimist: “Oh god! That’s what I was afraid of!”
* * *
Some folks tell about their relatives who’ve cowered in time of crisis, but not me! Heroes run in my family!
* * *
Thanos is so evil, he’d have made a perfect Nazi. I can see him now at the Beer Hall Putsch... of course, he would have ordered schnapps.
* * *
During the early part of the war, the Nazis weren’t so bad. In fact, they offered the entire city of Warsaw a trip to camp. They said it would be a great ghetto-way.
* * *
My son spends way too much time in his room playing Grand Theft Auto. All the car theft and prostitutes... Jesus, I wish he’d spend more time outside!
* * *
The military has developed a hybrid soldier that’s half man and half wolf. These mutants are stored in an army were-house.
* * *
Yesterday I had a full cavity search. My damn dentist doesn’t know what the hell he’s doing!
* * *
John, Paul, George and Ringo made a very successful music team. But when John tried to include his wife, the others cried, “Oh no!”
* * *
My blond girlfriend borrowed my car for the weekend. On Monday, I expected her to return it at 8:00 AM. Well, 9:00 came, then 10:00, then 11:00, and before I knew it, it was noon. So I called her up and asked her where the heck she was.
“Where am I?” she retorted. “Where the heck are you? I drove past your place three times and never saw your car in the driveway!”
* * *
Cassette tapes had a side A and a side B. It’s only logical that the next step would be CD.
* * *
I scratched myself while handling an old video game cartridge... had to get a Tetris shot.
* * *
What’s better, butter or margarine?
Margarine. Nothing’s better than butter, but margarine’s better than nothing.
* * *
I recently competed in a turkey shoot, but missed the target every time. No harm, no fowl.
* * *
Blonde: “Reverend, I accidentally ate a bug! Do you think I’m gonna die?”
Priest: “My dear, eventually we’re all going to die.”
Blonde: “Jesus Christ! What have I done!”[/FONT]
