Low_Roads
4th Level Black Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 8,972
- Points
- 48
Doctor: "So, how long have you had Alzheimer's?"
Patient: "For as long as I can remember."
To make a long story short, I work as a film editor.
In another two months, it'll be Halloween. Who would have thought that this year's scariest costume would be one where you don't wear a mask.
"My next-door neighbor comes from Baghdad, and when he first got here he knew next to nothing about our customs of the US. It's like he'd been living under a rock!"
"Of course he was! You said yourself he came from Baghdad."
Q: Where do barbarians buy their home supplies?
A: At Bloodbath and Beyond.
Most people get salmonella from eating raw chicken; me, I ate raw salmon and got chickenella.
At least 40 million sperm cells have to be released before there's any hope of fertilizing an egg. That's because only one in 40 million will stop to ask for directions.
I don't intend to dictate my children's career paths... they can choose whatever medical school they think best.
Doc Holiday got into a gunfight with Ike Clanton. Clanton tried to fool Holiday and claimed that the feared gunman had missed, but Doc saw right through him.
I thought there'd be friction between me and my neighbor when we were forced to share a common water supply, but that hasn't happened. We've gotten a long well.
New physics theory developed in 2020: there is no such thing as gravity. The Earth just naturally sucks.
My throat doesn't mind medical examinations, but my tongue does. It always gets depressed.
Waitress: "Hi! May I take your order?"
Customer: "Hell no, I'm paying for it! Get your own!"
Of all the British royals, Prince Charles is most likely to catch the COVID. From what I've heard, he's next in line to be coronated.
Hear about the engineer who was forced to pay 20,000 bucks for blocking up a river? Officials regard it as a dam fine project.
Nutritionists say that breakfast is the most important food you'll eat all day. It's never done much for my health, so I'm not a big fan of this meal; it isn't even one of my top ten.
Barfly #1: "I miss the days when you were allowed to smoke in bars."
Barfly #2: "I miss the days when you were allowed to drink in them."
I recently bought a motor vehicle made by the EU. It was a group effort: Germany supplied the engine, Poland built the frame, Spain was responsible for the upholstery and Italy made the tires. Oh, and it also has a Czech engine light.
Teacher: "And what does your daddy do for a living?"
New student: "My dad is dead, ma'am."
Teacher: "I'm terribly sorry! So... what did your daddy do before he died?"
Student: "He turned purple and foamed a lot."
Do you think Jeff Bezos sleeps naked or with pajamazon?
Two bed bugs fell in love and got married. He proposed in December, but the ceremony was held in the spring.
What has six legs, six eyes, wild red hair and flies? I'm not kiddin', write me quick! The damn thing is freaking me out!
Patient: "For as long as I can remember."
* * *
To make a long story short, I work as a film editor.
* * *
In another two months, it'll be Halloween. Who would have thought that this year's scariest costume would be one where you don't wear a mask.
* * *
"My next-door neighbor comes from Baghdad, and when he first got here he knew next to nothing about our customs of the US. It's like he'd been living under a rock!"
"Of course he was! You said yourself he came from Baghdad."
* * *
Q: Where do barbarians buy their home supplies?
A: At Bloodbath and Beyond.
* * *
Most people get salmonella from eating raw chicken; me, I ate raw salmon and got chickenella.
* * *
At least 40 million sperm cells have to be released before there's any hope of fertilizing an egg. That's because only one in 40 million will stop to ask for directions.
* * *
I don't intend to dictate my children's career paths... they can choose whatever medical school they think best.
* * *
Doc Holiday got into a gunfight with Ike Clanton. Clanton tried to fool Holiday and claimed that the feared gunman had missed, but Doc saw right through him.
* * *
I thought there'd be friction between me and my neighbor when we were forced to share a common water supply, but that hasn't happened. We've gotten a long well.
* * *
New physics theory developed in 2020: there is no such thing as gravity. The Earth just naturally sucks.
* * *
My throat doesn't mind medical examinations, but my tongue does. It always gets depressed.
* * *
Waitress: "Hi! May I take your order?"
Customer: "Hell no, I'm paying for it! Get your own!"
* * *
Of all the British royals, Prince Charles is most likely to catch the COVID. From what I've heard, he's next in line to be coronated.
* * *
Hear about the engineer who was forced to pay 20,000 bucks for blocking up a river? Officials regard it as a dam fine project.
* * *
Nutritionists say that breakfast is the most important food you'll eat all day. It's never done much for my health, so I'm not a big fan of this meal; it isn't even one of my top ten.
* * *
Barfly #1: "I miss the days when you were allowed to smoke in bars."
Barfly #2: "I miss the days when you were allowed to drink in them."
* * *
I recently bought a motor vehicle made by the EU. It was a group effort: Germany supplied the engine, Poland built the frame, Spain was responsible for the upholstery and Italy made the tires. Oh, and it also has a Czech engine light.
* * *
Teacher: "And what does your daddy do for a living?"
New student: "My dad is dead, ma'am."
Teacher: "I'm terribly sorry! So... what did your daddy do before he died?"
Student: "He turned purple and foamed a lot."
* * *
Do you think Jeff Bezos sleeps naked or with pajamazon?
* * *
Two bed bugs fell in love and got married. He proposed in December, but the ceremony was held in the spring.
* * *
What has six legs, six eyes, wild red hair and flies? I'm not kiddin', write me quick! The damn thing is freaking me out!
