Low_Roads
4th Level Black Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 8,971
- Points
- 48
[FONT=“Comic Sans MS”]“Young man, how dare you toss bread into the pond for those ducks! Don’t you know that children are starving in Africa? They need it so much more!”
“Sorry lady. I can’t toss it that far.”
My pal steals board games for thrills. He’s a Risk taker.
“My relatives are visiting. They’re so damn boring, they put me to sleep before I can even finish dinner!”
“I wish they’d put me to sleep during dinner. It wouldn’t matter if I passed out in my plate... not when I’m tortured by this awful insomnia.”
“Hey, you’re more than welcome to use my nap kin!”
Twelve white men occupy two benches at an all-black court proceeding... who are they?
Players at an NBA game.
I’m strongly considering higher education at an agricultural college. Corn, wheat, barley... there are so many different fields to choose from!
“So son, how’s kindergarten?”
“Not so good. We learned all about the letter P on Monday. I expected we’d learn about R today, but we haven’t got there yet.”
“What? How come?”
“There was a Q.”
Last night, I had the most terrible nightmare ever! What a letdown; it wasn’t even remotely scary.
Feuding hillbillies may seem divisive, but they all have one thing in common: DNA.
“The local pawnbroker employs me as an assistant. I guess you could say I’m a tonto.”
“A ‘tonto’? I’ve never heard that job description before.”
“Of course you have! Everyone knows that tonto works for the loan arranger.”
Pickup line for a pretty calligrapher: “I was first attracted to your I’s. But now I’ve had a better look, I see you also have a perfect S.”
Last year, our school hosted an exchange student from Pripyat. This year, he came back for a second term; he’s grown another foot since I saw him.
“Hey, who left this huge stuffed elephant in my room?”
“I did! Happy Birthday!”
“Oh. Thanks then.”
“Don’t mention it.”
“I’ve heard it said that the camera adds 10 pounds.”
“You sure couldn’t prove that from the gal I met online.”
When I was younger, I was so in touch with nature I built myself a wooden car. It had wooden seats, wooden wheels, a wooden body and a wooden engine. Needless to say, it wooden start.
Congress will never impeach Trump as long as the GOP holds the majority; Republicans insist on carrying a baby to full term.
I consider this lock-pick a sound financial investment; I can see it opening many doors for me.
Mommy: “Boy, you need to do more things for yourself. My world doesn’t revolve around you!”
Mommy’s little man: “But you always told me I’m your sun!”
To the gorgeous neighbor lady: please quit pounding and scratching at my front door! For the very last time: I don’t intend to let you out!
You may want to rip copper pipe out of a building so you can sell it, but you’ll never succeed. Copper’s always Cu.
My wife, a grief counselor, died yesterday. Happily, she was so good at her job I really don’t give a damn.
It’s hard to understand why Nike would go into business with Colin Kaepernick; you’d think they’d want a more stand-up guy.
“Doctor, my husband is crazy! He talks to our living room lamp constantly!”
“How many times have you seen him do this?”
“None. But the lamp told me all about it!”[/FONT]
“Sorry lady. I can’t toss it that far.”
* * *
My pal steals board games for thrills. He’s a Risk taker.
* * *
“My relatives are visiting. They’re so damn boring, they put me to sleep before I can even finish dinner!”
“I wish they’d put me to sleep during dinner. It wouldn’t matter if I passed out in my plate... not when I’m tortured by this awful insomnia.”
“Hey, you’re more than welcome to use my nap kin!”
* * *
Twelve white men occupy two benches at an all-black court proceeding... who are they?
Players at an NBA game.
* * *
I’m strongly considering higher education at an agricultural college. Corn, wheat, barley... there are so many different fields to choose from!
* * *
“So son, how’s kindergarten?”
“Not so good. We learned all about the letter P on Monday. I expected we’d learn about R today, but we haven’t got there yet.”
“What? How come?”
“There was a Q.”
* * *
Last night, I had the most terrible nightmare ever! What a letdown; it wasn’t even remotely scary.
* * *
Feuding hillbillies may seem divisive, but they all have one thing in common: DNA.
* * *
“The local pawnbroker employs me as an assistant. I guess you could say I’m a tonto.”
“A ‘tonto’? I’ve never heard that job description before.”
“Of course you have! Everyone knows that tonto works for the loan arranger.”
* * *
Pickup line for a pretty calligrapher: “I was first attracted to your I’s. But now I’ve had a better look, I see you also have a perfect S.”
* * *
Last year, our school hosted an exchange student from Pripyat. This year, he came back for a second term; he’s grown another foot since I saw him.
* * *
“Hey, who left this huge stuffed elephant in my room?”
“I did! Happy Birthday!”
“Oh. Thanks then.”
“Don’t mention it.”
* * *
“I’ve heard it said that the camera adds 10 pounds.”
“You sure couldn’t prove that from the gal I met online.”
* * *
When I was younger, I was so in touch with nature I built myself a wooden car. It had wooden seats, wooden wheels, a wooden body and a wooden engine. Needless to say, it wooden start.
* * *
Congress will never impeach Trump as long as the GOP holds the majority; Republicans insist on carrying a baby to full term.
* * *
I consider this lock-pick a sound financial investment; I can see it opening many doors for me.
* * *
Mommy: “Boy, you need to do more things for yourself. My world doesn’t revolve around you!”
Mommy’s little man: “But you always told me I’m your sun!”
* * *
To the gorgeous neighbor lady: please quit pounding and scratching at my front door! For the very last time: I don’t intend to let you out!
* * *
You may want to rip copper pipe out of a building so you can sell it, but you’ll never succeed. Copper’s always Cu.
* * *
My wife, a grief counselor, died yesterday. Happily, she was so good at her job I really don’t give a damn.
* * *
It’s hard to understand why Nike would go into business with Colin Kaepernick; you’d think they’d want a more stand-up guy.
* * *
“Doctor, my husband is crazy! He talks to our living room lamp constantly!”
“How many times have you seen him do this?”
“None. But the lamp told me all about it!”[/FONT]
Last edited:
