friends

[minerva]

Most of us probably have lots of acquaintances, but only a few true friends.
What makes the people you sincerely call friends so special for you?
What qualities does a person have to have to make them a really good or even best friend in your opinion?

 

[Capnmad]

Honesty, integrity, honor, compassion, and a desire to understand another despite the obstacles.

All these I must have. Without honesty, there can be no trust; without integrity, their character waivers; without honor, there can be no respect; without compassion, there can be no kindness; and without a desire to understand, indifference reigns.

I've found I can be apart from a friend for months -- even years -- but as long as this core is intact, we begin again as though we'd never parted.

Good question! 🙂

 

[Bugman]

Honesty, integrity, honor, compassion, and a desire to understand another despite the obstacles.

All these I must have. Without honesty, there can be no trust; without integrity, their character waivers; without honor, there can be no respect; without compassion, there can be no kindness; and without a desire to understand, indifference reigns.

I've found I can be apart from a friend for months -- even years -- but as long as this core is intact, we begin again as though we'd never parted.

Good question! 🙂

Good question,and an excellent answer.The ability to be honest with each other is it seems to me the cornerstone on which friendships are built.Everything else flows from that foundation.

 

[brianspencer66]

Most of us probably have lots of acquaintances, but only a few true friends.
What makes the people you sincerely call friends so special for you?
What qualities does a person have to have to make them a really good or even best friend in your opinion?

You dont ask the easy questions do you Minerva? 🙄 Id say a friend is the one that is the one sitting next to you still listening when all others are gone. A friend puts up with all your shit when others are tired of it or is around well after the last tear has fallen. Friends are way beyond thick and thin. A friend can finish your sentence before you finish it. You give a friend half your candy bar and dont politely cut it with a knife but break it with your hands and not give it to them out of polite obligation but out of love and freindship. Friendship is memories and laughter, friends are the people in your scrapbook pictures that you show your grandkids. A friend can outlast a relative or lover.

 

[alf]

What makes the people you sincerely call friends so special for you?

Well that one is easy 🙂

For me those are people on which you can rely one, who don't judge you, who you can ask every help you need, who tell you things that they won't tell others, people on which you can trust. And of course who understand you, cheer you up when needed, and take you as you are !!

Friends are many, but you can count close friends on one hand. I have mines since like 10 years or more, and those are people for which i'd do anything what i mentioned above, cause it worx both ways.


Don't be fooled by false friends folx it's a loss of time ! beware ! 🙂

 

[minerva]

Thanks for the great answers so far. Very true things have been said.

For me true friendship is all about

- knowing each other inside out and still respecting and loving each other.

- honesty, even if it's uncomfortable at times. True friends should never watch you screw up and not say anything out of politeness, they will be the ones who'll tell you without sugar coating things, but at the same time, they will be there for you - no matter what.

- loyality, a true friend will defend you when you're not there to defend yourself

- understanding, even if you don't agree

- unselfishness, true friends will drop anything and come help you in case you really need them and they will never take advantage of you

- trust, 100%

True friendship is a very rare gem and can't be cherished enough and I totally agree with alf, it can only work both ways.

 

[Deadsea7777]

I do not know how to describe easily a friend, Minerva, but I know one thing. The fingers of one hand are more than enough to count your real friends in your life, and mosto likely those of the opposite sex would became your wife/husband/ lover.

However for everyday company and enjoyment we have comrades, acquaintances, collegues, people of the tmf that share a common interest etc.

 

[drew70]

For me, a friendship is based on two people who genuinely enjoy each other's personality and company. I've got some friends with whom I'll talk on the phone, and the next thing I know, three hours have gone by.

The lady who lives next door to me is like that. Her husband is a great guy but I have more in common with her. We're the same age, grew up in the same area, went to different high schools, but graduated the same year. We even discovered we were born in the same hospital, and yet I never met her until they moved next door last year. I have to be careful when drinking with her, because I'm likely to polish off an entire bottle of rum or vodka, stumble back home and retch in the grass along the way.

I have another friend whom I've known since the age of five. I don't see him so much any more but he's not that far away, and when we do get together, it's like we always pick up where we left off last time.

The guy with whom I work most closely is ten years older than me, and he's become like a brother to me. He and his wife had Thanksgiving dinner with my wife and I, along with my brothers and sister.

Of course, I have friends I see every year at NEST...friends whom I think it would be really cool to see more often, but distance comes into play.

I don't know what qualities it is that make me regard people as friends, other than I like them and they like me. Maybe that's all we need.

 

[SnowBunny]

I believe a true friend is someone that would go out of there way to do anything for you. They are willing to listen to you no matter how busy they are or how interested they truly are in your conversation. True friends are hard to find, hard to lose, and even harder to forget. I believe that true friends won't go behind your back and tell all your secrets and they are loyal to you and the overall friendship. They are the ones that are with you through it all no matter what arises. Finding them is really hard and I only have 2 true friends, first and foremost my bf and a girl that has been my friend since gradeschool. What makes them true friends exacty is they are not backstabbers and are with me through it all and listen to any problems that I have. They offer me advice and they make anything that I make negative into a positive, that helps me a lot even though it is difficult at times. Mostly, true friends need to accept you for who you are, they like you because of who you are and not because you wear brand named clothing or are rich, but because you are fun, loving, and a good person that possesses many great qualities.

 

[Horatio]

Wow!

I was just pondering this very question and saw your thread. Thank you so much for posting it!

I'm coming out of a divorce and have been getting closer with some people that I was simply friends with before. Some have bubbled to the top.

I'm so very lucky to have good friends through this time, and my recent ponderings (is that a word) have led me thus:

I have had four people recently tell me that I'm their best friend. This makes me feel awesome, since I really don't do much but listen to them and try to help them as friends would. But one person told me something that made me think (paraphrasing):

"When I talk with you, I feel like I'm the only person in the world".

I've tried to take this sage statement and make it my ultimate interaction goal. I think that's how people should feel - they have 100% of your attention and you're listening and you care.

I have a lot more to say on this topic, and I'm going to read others responses to this thread before I do.

 

[minerva]

I was just pondering this very question and saw your thread. Thank you so much for posting it!

I'm coming out of a divorce and have been getting closer with some people that I was simply friends with before. Some have bubbled to the top.

I'm so very lucky to have good friends through this time, and my recent ponderings (is that a word) have led me thus:

I have had four people recently tell me that I'm their best friend. This makes me feel awesome, since I really don't do much but listen to them and try to help them as friends would. But one person told me something that made me think (paraphrasing):

"When I talk with you, I feel like I'm the only person in the world".

I've tried to take this sage statement and make it my ultimate interaction goal. I think that's how people should feel - they have 100% of your attention and you're listening and you care.

I have a lot more to say on this topic, and I'm going to read others responses to this thread before I do.

Thank YOU for this reply 🙂

This compliment you got clearly shows why you deserve the good friends you have and may I say it obviously comes from a person, who seems to be very attentive themselves for even acknowledging this quality of your's, which unfortunately can't be taken for granted as much as it should actually be among friends.

I'm really looking forward to your further thoughts 🙂

 

[Horatio]

That's an astute observation, and one I didn't think of before - that my friend was keyed in to that aspect of friendship. Nicely done!

I mentioned earlier how happy I am that these people consider me their best friend, and I'm curious as to other people's thoughts. Is that a worthy goal - being someone's best friend? Being several people's best friends?

What if you went through life trying to be the best friend to everyone you could? I don't mean walking up to someone on the street and befriending them, but the people in your life. Why not try to be the best friend they have? Is that too "needy"? Is that a sign of someone who is starved for acceptance? Or is that the path you take to become an excellent human being?

I've thought about this and I can't see a downside. Obviously, being someone's friend takes an investment in time. So there is a finite number of people you could be best friends with. But, connecting on that level requires you to put (sometimes) your own needs and your own fulfillment on the back burner while you help someone else. And that can't be healthy long-term. So, the idea there is to have best friends that are like minded and can help you out too.

It's a really really damn good topic and I hope others will chime in.

 

[ChosenofMystra]

I have lots of friends, but only one or two people in my life I can honestly call "true" friends.

For me, friendship is nothing more than two people who share common interests/beliefs and connect with the personality of the other. These people are great fun to yak over the phone with, or even hang out at a club, see a movie together, or what have you....but they are not the type of people you open up to easily or come to for deep support. They are buddies you get together with for a night of fun; you care for them, but they are lacking something....

A true friend however, offers that missing link that standard friendships miss. Different people understand this link in ways others do not; for some, it could be that a true friend is nothing more than that one friend you enjoy spending time with moreso than the other people in your group, still others may feel that a true friend is that someone who has the ability to cheer you up on a bad day or shares a special empathic link with you.

I happen to believe that a true friend is someone you love so dearly that you would be willing to do anything for them. They are no longer merely friends, you honestly view them as you would a member of your own flesh and blood family. A true friend is someone that you can share anything with without fear of scorn or resentment. A true friend helps in any way possible, but is not a yes-man, they do not sugar coat their advice or opinions because they care so much for you that they do not want to see you hurt or take a wrong path in life. A true friend worries for you when things take a wrong turn, rather than say a quick "hope things get better" speech and move on with their own agendas. In short, a true friend is a kindred spirit, a man or woman you can share in all aspects of life with, the good and the bad, and through it all, still be there for each other at the end of the day.

Apologies if that sounds overtly sappy or whatever, 'tis how I feel though.

 

[minerva]

..... A true friend helps in any way possible, but is not a yes-man, they do not sugar coat their advice or opinions because they care so much for you that they do not want to see you hurt or take a wrong path in life. A true friend worries for you when things take a wrong turn, rather than say a quick "hope things get better" speech and move on with their own agendas. In short, a true friend is a kindred spirit, a man or woman you can share in all aspects of life with, the good and the bad, and through it all, still be there for each other at the end of the day.

Apologies if that sounds overtly sappy or whatever, 'tis how I feel though.

Not sappy at all IMO, actually that's exactly how I feel as well.

Having someone who honestly gives you their opinion/advice when they see you screw up is something that cannot be appreciated enough.

Lots of 'friends' will go the easy way, they will listen to you, tell you how sorry they are, agree with you and wish you well, but don't really want to bother going through a discussion or even argument with you. Their excuse is mostly that they don't want to piss you off, that it's none of their business anyway and that they're afraid, you might end the friendship when they disagree with you and push you.

A true friend WILL bother, they WILL make it their business as well and they WILL risk pissing you off at first, because as Chosen said, they care too much to just stand beside you and comfort you while they watch you screw up.

You on the other hand will appreciate their interference because you know, they only mean you well and you will thank them by listening to them and thoroughly think over what they told you even if it might be uncomfortable or even painful at first.

Doesn't mean, you have to follow their advice and there may be arguments, but when all is said and done you will still be best friends, maybe even closer and will do the same for each other again and again whenever needed.

 

[minerva]

I mentioned earlier how happy I am that these people consider me their best friend, and I'm curious as to other people's thoughts. Is that a worthy goal - being someone's best friend?

no doubt about that, IMO.

Being several people's best friends?

Not sure about that one though, not sure if it's even possible.
To me personally, trying to be a good friend to everyone I like and generally being nice, friendly and helpful to everyone I know, is certainly a very worthy goal, but to be honest, there are only so many people I would want to be best friends with and besides, I don't think it's possible to 'plan' or 'try' being best friends. It might take some hard work on both sides, just like a close romantic relationship does, but basically it's something that happens and developes IMO.

What if you went through life trying to be the best friend to everyone you could? I don't mean walking up to someone on the street and befriending them, but the people in your life. Why not try to be the best friend they have? Is that too "needy"? Is that a sign of someone who is starved for acceptance?

Might be. If it means, you want to be everyone's best friend, because you like the idea of being needed, because you want them to like you most, to only tell you their secrets, to come to you first in case of problems, then yes, I'd say above's question is a valid one. Also that's when the time factor could become a problem 😉

 

[chicago]

Besides all the normal stuff, like being honest and trustworthy and loyal and shit, I need someone that gets my sense of humor.

A lot of people don't, which sucks, but the ones that do rock.

 

[alf]

isn't that the same like *someone who understands you as a whole* issue ?

 

[tickles]

For me, a true friend is a balance between honesty and acceptance for us both. A friend will know when it's time for honesty and time for her to just listen and let me vent without psycho analyzing everything. I also believe that a true friendship is balanced. Not one or the other is always the giver of advice or confrontational. Sometimes a friend just lightens the mood or asks provoking questions. Someone to be vulnerable with and someone who trusts me enough to be REAL.......a rare find indeed.


good question....

 

[storyteller]

A true friend meets many of the descriptors already given. For me, a best friend meets such descriptors AND is the one with whom no topic is off limits.

 

[huskys]

Honesty and Trust!!!
I have many aquaintences, but few true friends.
And the two above mentioned qualities are the reason.
If I can't have BOTH of those things (and yes I know they're pretty much related), then the friendship wouldn't be a close one.
And yes it does take time to develop as well.
But quite often its worth it!!!