Generational Progress on Shame

[brotherted]

Through no fault of my own, I've kind of become... and I hate to say it... middle aged.

Amid all kinds of problems with modern culture, I've noticed something really positive from this site, and elsewhere, that I've never mentioned publicly: There's less shame.

When I was young, being turned on by something like tickling, (God forbid the word "fetish"), could elicit all kinds of degrading responses. I just heard a story Friday night about a girl who for the sin of liking tickling was called a "pervert" in front of a large group -- she ended up crying and feeling like a broken, shamed freak of nature. And that actually wasn't that long ago. But it's less common.

This change probably started with gay acceptance. Now there are a lot more acceptances for lots of less common turn-ons.

I've kept the tickling thing a secret all my life, except to a few select people. I'm guessing most of you do too. Of course in most cases, that just makes sense -- after all, even the most vanilla people don't usually discuss at the office water cooler what turns them on in the bedroom. But I feel like these days the average young person pretty much has a "whatever you're into, as long as it's consensual" take on all this stuff. (At least until you get into the realm of serious S&M beatings, where even the most open-minded people will draw the line about what's a troubling sexual practice even with consents in place, from a mental health perspective.)

Anyway, overall you and I -- we -- are less and less seen as "perverts" as time goes on by the rest of society. And I just wanted to say that. Lots of people still hate to be tickled. But fewer of them hate us for liking it.

 

[Libertine]

Through no fault of my own, I've kind of become... and I hate to say it... middle aged.

Amid all kinds of problems with modern culture, I've noticed something really positive from this site, and elsewhere, that I've never mentioned publicly: There's less shame.

When I was young, being turned on by something like tickling, (God forbid the word "fetish"), could elicit all kinds of degrading responses. I just heard a story Friday night about a girl who for the sin of liking tickling was called a "pervert" in front of a large group -- she ended up crying and feeling like a broken, shamed freak of nature. And that actually wasn't that long ago. But it's less common.

This change probably started with gay acceptance. Now there are a lot more acceptances for lots of less common turn-ons.

I've kept the tickling thing a secret all my life, except to a few select people. I'm guessing most of you do too. Of course in most cases, that just makes sense -- after all, even the most vanilla people don't usually discuss at the office water cooler what turns them on in the bedroom. But I feel like these days the average young person pretty much has a "whatever you're into, as long as it's consensual" take on all this stuff. (At least until you get into the realm of serious S&M beatings, where even the most open-minded people will draw the line about what's a troubling sexual practice, from a mental health perspective.)

Anyway, overall you and I -- we -- are less and less seen as "perverts" as time goes on by the rest of society. And I just wanted to say that. Lots of people still hate to be tickled. But fewer of them hate us for liking it.

As TMF Jeff said so perceptively once, 'Before the Internet, no-one knew anything', and that's because for the average person, researching any topic in those days either involved a talk with friends or a visit to the library. And the student would still be handicapped by what friends did or didn't know, or the contents of the library itself.

Now, access to the sum total of the entire world's knowledge is via the cellphone. Everyone has one. And to narrow this down to the topic Brother Ted has mentioned, learning about every possible sexual permutation is only a few taps away, text and video on any perversion easily accessible and readily viewable. With Ms. Average 14 year old small town Midwesterner able to scroll through bestiality videos if she so desires in the comfort of her own bedroom, or some isolated farmboy on a mountainside croft in rural Scotland able to research coprophilia with no trouble or effort whatsoever, is our particular variation so ghastly in comparison?

Nowadays by the time the average person encounters people like us, s/he's almost inevitably seen and read about infinitely worse, and would regard our interest as quaint rather than disgusting.

 

[robmic]

I can't imagine going up to someone and casually mentioning that "I liked to shit in my diapers and have a woman change them for me. It gets me so hot!" What we're into is nothing compared to something like that! And that's just one example. So, yes, we have progressed a lot, and as far as I'm concerned, for the better! Oh, and middle aged... You've got a ways to go before you get "really" old! 😛

 

[duderino84]

I feel old and according to some I'm "still young". As for shame. You know at one point in my life THIS was all normal and all the dirty shit was the kinky stuff? It's only by product of interpersonal reactions that I grew to learn it was me that was the weird one.

Really, these days, I think the threshold for weirdness has increased to the point that if you want to be with someone, whatever it is, you'll grin and bear any miscellaneous quirks knowing that at least what you prefer defines you.

But then again, I'm the single one. So maybe take this with a few shakers worth of salt.

 

[chicago]

Once I realized I'd never get to experience what I wanted if I let shame run my life, I stopped caring as much.

Sometime around early 20s

So it's probably a good thing my kink wasnt murdering people or something

 

[Tenebrae]

Once I realized I'd never get to experience what I wanted if I let shame run my life, I stopped caring as much.

Sometime around early 20s

So it's probably a good thing my kink wasnt murdering people or something

Well, it's never too late to start a career as a serial killer I think we all have a great potential for that 😀 Back when I was kid, I did believe that I would end up a criminal because of my hugely sadistic impulses.

Personally, contrary to Libertine and the OP, I think the digital age has made us more stupid and sheepish than ever in the history of mankind. There is a mob mentality on the web that I find super frightening.

What the Internet did for me, and I made a post about that recently, is that in addition of finally allowing me to "scratch" that unbearably itchy tickling itch I used to feel during my teens, it did marvels for my self-acceptance. I suddenmy felt a lot better, knowing that I was not the only one in the world

 

[Enzo_Noir]

we've entered an era of radical self-acceptance which will hopefully bring about an end to the toxic relationship between sex & shame.