Gifts on a first date: chivalrous or desperate?

[gluestick]

I'm of the school of thought that a guy should bring nothing to a first date except 3 things:
- good hygiene,
- a sense of humor,
- and his wallet.

I think that bringing any sort of gift conveys that you're trying too hard and also puts the other person in an awkward position by making them feel obliged. Which brings me to the topic.
I have a friend who is meeting a girl for the first time through an online dating site. He's chatted with this girl for less than a month. He plans on bringing her a dozen roses, a box of chocolates, and a hand-written poem. I can't convince him that this is a bad idea. So I'm just curious- is he being just a tad too chivalrous? Or perhaps even downright creepy? Or for that matter do I lack game? Because I'm pretty sure the girls I've dated would have put a restraining order on me if I showed up with an armful of gifts on the first date.

 

[Bothersome]

He's probably coming on a little too strong.

Now, I'm not exactly the best source of this type of information, but I personally think that most dates should be at least somewhat casual. The point of a date is an outing for two individuals to better get to know each other, yes? Or at least, that's what a first date is for.

Personally, there aren't many girls I know that would actually dislike what the guy was doing. They may find it a little strange, and possibly a bit awkward, but I imagine they would probably find it cute as well.

But hey, I could be wrong.

 

[LD_Tickler]

If your friend was bringing a gift that was... a bit more personal - like, related to something they had talked about - then it would be fine. It would come off as sweet, and show that he was paying attention to their conversation. But to carpet bomb the unsuspecting woman with cliches is just going to look pathetic.

Imho.

 

[FLBowler]

I agree, no gift, it's a nice thought but it seems that he is trying to buy her love through the gifts, and if she expects one, forget her, spoil brat. A guy doesn't need to give her anything but respect and a good time to be successful, and she needs more, there are plenty of girls who will enjoy and respectful fun loving guy

 

[CrystalLight]

The cliche "flowers" is more than enough. If it were me; I'd prefer nothing at all. -- But if one feels the need to bring a gift or such, I think your friend is going way too strong. However, there are gals out there that dig that kind of thing. So who knows how it'll be taken.

 

[socktickler86]

I sort of agree with everyone but at the same time, it sounds like since they've chatted before, maybe they really really hit it off? I can honestly say at this very moment I've been talking to someone new (not to date) and we've chatted so much in the past month that we've both kinda skyrocketed up the list of 'people we like talking to the most'.

However, unless that's the case, it will come off a bit creepy and desperate.

 

[goddess_nemesis]

Times have changed. Those things are not done anymore. I can reasonably see a single flower or small box of candy, but not all three of those. If a guy did that to me on a first date, I would think he was desperate and desperate is NOT attractive.

 

[Bugman]

If your friend was bringing a gift that was... a bit more personal - like, related to something they had talked about - then it would be fine. It would come off as sweet, and show that he was paying attention to their conversation. But to carpet bomb the unsuspecting woman with cliches is just going to look pathetic.

Imho.

I'm of the same mind as LD here. What this guy plans on doing seems way out of bounds to me, but that's just my opinion.

 

[Bothersome]

I think flowers would be the best way to go, to be honest. Classy, but not overdone. Candy is a little cheesey, and both is a bit much.

Well, if he insisted on bringing gifts, that is.

 

[BCMC]

If your friend was bringing a gift that was... a bit more personal - like, related to something they had talked about - then it would be fine. It would come off as sweet, and show that he was paying attention to their conversation. But to carpet bomb the unsuspecting woman with cliches is just going to look pathetic.

Imho.

this

 

[c7_assassin]

I sort of agree with everyone but at the same time, it sounds like since they've chatted before, maybe they really really hit it off?
...
However, unless that's the case, it will come off a bit creepy and desperate.

This. It's not exactly a regular first date if they've been chatting already. Who knows, maybe they've hit it off because they're both hopeless romantics who love this kind of thing.

If you can't shake your friend of the idea, it's either because he knows what he's doing...or he's beyond all hope.

 

[socktickler86]

This. It's not exactly a regular first date if they've been chatting already. Who knows, maybe they've hit it off because they're both hopeless romantics who love this kind of thing.

If you can't shake your friend of the idea, it's either because he knows what he's doing...or he's beyond all hope.

Yah so is he crazy? haha. I mean, people who do things like this don't do them as isolated incidence. He's either a normal guy who normally wouldn't do such a thing or he's crazy and has probably done it more than once!

 

[Rusty Shackleford]

It's a date from the internet.... regular "pick you up at nine" rules do not apply here

 

[Persephone]

Just because it's modern day doesn't mean these "things aren't done anymore." It's kind of unfair to say that because dates come in all forms. Some boys are still raised to be gentlemen and not total douches. Some men are chivalrous....others are not. I think the flowers are a very sweet idea. However the candy and poem are a bit much in my opinion ^^

 

[socktickler86]

It's a date from the internet.... regular "pick you up at nine" rules do not apply here

Uhm... why's that?

 

[tcklft]

Gifts on a first date: desperate.

 

[Bride of Dracula]

I'd tell him to ditch the flowers and the poem, but keep the candy. Chocolate is always appriciated regardless of the occasion.

 

[earthquake3444]

Just because it's modern day doesn't mean these "things aren't done anymore." It's kind of unfair to say that because dates come in all forms. Some boys are still raised to be gentlemen and not total douches. Some men are chivalrous....others are not. I think the flowers are a very sweet idea. However the candy and poem are a bit much in my opinion ^^

This. I'm from the rare breed that my old fashioned upbringing really stuck. I've always been a gentleman and from what I've seen its really rare. Not to say the guys who aren't gentleman are bad guys, but it's rare that I see someone do the old fashioned things or on the other hand see girls really respect the old fashioned. Times have changed, but that doesn't mean that we just throw everything out.

Your friend I think is going over board with the dozen roses, I think one flower would be enough. It's pretty much the same gesture but not as intense.

 

[Skipadeedoodah]

I don't think gifts are necessary, but I'd be lying if I said that a small gift that related to something he knew about me wouldn't be a sweet gesture. Like LD said, if he feels compelled to bring a gift tell him to bring something that is specific to her. I don't care how much a gift costs or how elaborate it is. If you could do the exact same thing for any girl in the world it just looks cheesy. I like things small and meaningful.

 

[cttickler44]

Terrible, terrible idea man. Im with you on this one, your boy is gonna look foolish

 

[Angel_2]

Its a nice idea but in todays day and age its a little too over the top for a first date imo

 

[Marquis De Sade]

Too much. Depends on the girl though, where/how she grew up, values, how she was treated before, the context of their short online relationship and blah blah blah. But in general, from the women I know, it could get awkward.

I mean, you don't wanna make anyone feel obligated and you don't wanna come across like a total desperate pansy either.

He'll learn on his own.

 

[Jagermeistered]

The best gift... Arrive, not to horny!

 

[FLBowler]

On a funny, not serious at all point, My presence among them is gift enough. Trust me.

 

[tickledorange]

I'd say not to bring one. Gifts on a first date are awkward and a lot to carry around. If it is her birthday, however, or a special occasion for your first date, you could always bring a card or small something.