Hard limits?

[BellaRisa]

And here is little me believing the most important thing in a relationship was love!

Here's little me looking at little you and saying "My, how poetic"

Love is very, very important, but it doesn't solve all issues; compromise and tolerance that stem from that love are deeply important, people in long term realtionships know this very well

 

[Wolf]

Yeah, I hear that...

No...that's a submissive woman yielding to the wishes of her Dominant, and if they're both happy there's nothing wrong with it

I actually agree with what Viper wrote; why should people stay in relationships that aren't sexually fulfilling? Then they wonder why so much cheating happens One of my significant others is a spanking fetishist who loves wooden paddles so much I think it might be a separate kink; if I 100% refused to play with wooden toys we'd be miserable and would never have lasted these 10 yrs, I had to learn to compromise he had to learn to make it nice for me. Sometimes anyways

I just think there's a difference between submissive and being treated as having no value except as an animated blow-up doll.

But, that's just me.

 

[BellaRisa]

But a 'relationship' like the one described above is about a different kind of love...

No it's not. The bottom line is that certain levels of compatibility are essential for any relationship, and what's important to someone else may not be important to you but it's no less vital to them for a long term happy union. At least Viper has the sense to know it's better to move on than stay miserable for decades the way so many do...

 

[Em Es]

Two kinds of hard limits

There are two hard limits I have when I am the 'lee (which is rare for me, being a hardcore tickler of women):

The first is probably the same thing most 'lees would say, namely, I would only want certain people (in my case, a woman I like) to tickle me.

The second hard limit, which direcly answers the question that started this discussion: I have none. If I like the woman tickling me, she can attack anyplace she finds ticklish.

I'd like to know the other limit, which is when you insist your tickler give you a break. But that has yet to happen.

 

[prestidigits]

It never ceases to amaze me, the broad set of viewpoints here. Some of us are feet people. Some of aren't. Some of us like bondage, some don't. Some are into pain. Apparently the only thing that brings us all together is tickling.

Personally, for me tickling is fun and arousing. Two things that kill the mood for me are anger and any variation of the word "Ouch!"

But (am I the only one?) I'm really enjoying Rhiannon and Bellarisa double-teaming Viper!

Go, Ladies!

 

[BellaRisa]

I just think there's a difference between submissive and being treated as having no value except as an animated blow-up doll.

But, that's just me.

It's not just you. There is indeed a difference. What Viper described isn't blow-up doll material. Needing a woman to be compatible with you in bed isn't the same as giving her no value. In fact, him saying he'd move on rather than futilely trying to force his will on her tells me he *does* value women. Good for him.

 

[Wolf]

Okay, but -

No it's not. The bottom line is that certain levels of compatibility are essential for any relationship, and what's important to someone else may not be important to you but it's no less vital to them for a long term happy union. At least Viper has the sense to know it's better to move on than stay miserable for decades the way so many do...

Isn't respect part of a real relationship, D/s relationships included?

If it's only about self-respect, and your own needs (even if one admits that at the outset), can you even be said to be in a relationship, or are you just using the other party until something better comes along?

 

[BellaRisa]

I'm really enjoying Rhiannon and Bellarisa double-teaming Viper!

Viper, I want a cookie for all the jokes I'm not making right now...

 

[ViperGTS]

I just think there's a difference between submissive and being treated as having no value except as an animated blow-up doll.

But, that's just me.

I'm tempted to say something along the lines of, "then you don't know much about the way a D/s relationship works," but I am not one to make assumptions about what you may or may not know.

Instead, I will say this - just because the sexual side of a relationship is dominated by me, that does not mean it isn't fulfilling to both myself and my SO. Also, women are not property - and I am extremely offended that you would imply I think otherwise. I am a very loving and caring person, as anyone who actually knows me personally will tell you, and although my partner and submissive may bend to my will in bed, other areas of the relationship are just as give-and-take as any other vanilla's romance.

Viper, I want a cookie for all the jokes I'm not making right now...

Will a good, thorough, make-you-walk-funny-for-half-an-hour spanking suffice instead?

 

[BellaRisa]

Isn't respect part of a real relationship, D/s relationships included?

If it's only about self-respect, and your own needs (even if one admits that at the outset), can you even be said to be in a relationship, or are you just using the other party until something better comes along?

How is there no respect in knowing your needs and seeking them out? If you know good and well you're a fetishist and you vitally need a partner to indulge in your fetish to be happy, that's just being real. I was born to be a mom; why in the world would I marry a man I was dating who didn't want children? And if he wasn't even willing to consider parenthood, putting my needs to be a mother ahead of his need to not be a father and moving on rather then dragging it out and making us both unhappy would make me intelligent, not selfish.

 

[BellaRisa]

Will a good, thorough, make-you-walk-funny-for-half-an-hour spanking suffice instead?

I got somebody for that, I want a cookie

 

[ViperGTS]

Fine, brat. But you can only have the cooking DURING the spanking that Mr. Gorilla gives you...think you can do that without choking on it?

And can I record it?

 

[Wolf]

Fair enough...

I'm tempted to say something along the lines of, "then you don't know much about the way a D/s relationship works," but I am not one to make assumptions about what you may or may not know.

Instead, I will say this - just because the sexual side of a relationship is dominated by me, that does not mean it isn't fulfilling to both myself and my SO. Also, women are not property - and I am extremely offended that you would imply I think otherwise. I am a very loving and caring person, as anyone who actually knows me personally will tell you, and although my partner and submissive may bend to my will in bed, other areas of the relationship are just as give-and-take as any other vanilla's romance.

And I'm tempted to make a crack about someone who wields a oversized compensation - er, Magic Wand, but I'm not one to make assumptions, either.

And, you may actually be right. I'm not a Dom. Never claimed to be.
But I am an Alpha. It's different. One can be both, of course, but being one does not make you the other.

Anyways...it's clear now that I stepped into a conversation that I really had no business in. So, your 'assumption' has a grain of truth. My thing is tickling, a little light bondage, totally lightwweight...not all the BDSM "lifestyle" stuff. : shrug :

Peace.

 

[ViperGTS]

And I'm tempted to make a crack about someone who wields a oversized compensation - er, Magic Wand, but I'm not one to make assumptions, either.

This makes me smile. Well done!

 

[Wolf]

Thank you.

This makes me smile. Well done!

That was the spirit in which it was intended.

 

[BellaRisa]

Good post!

And, you may actually be right. I'm not a Dom. Never claimed to be.
But I am an Alpha. It's different. One can be both, of course, but being one does not make you the other.

Anyways...it's clear now that I stepped into a conversation that I really had no business in. So, your 'assumption' has a grain of truth. My thing is tickling, a little light bondage, totally lightweight...not all the BDSM "lifestyle" stuff. : shrug :

Peace.

My hubby's an Alpha without being a Dominant, they're definitely different things and the differences are fascinating You most certainly belong in this conversation, your point of view is just as valid as Viper's or mine; D/s players like us view sex and relationships through a different lense but we all want our partners to be happy

 

[desdemona]

With tickling, I don't have any hard limits. I usually set up the parameters of a play date with my partner in advance. It helps to at least outline what your expectations are and are NOT. Every encounter is different and it certainly depends on what both people want and bring to the table. To me, it's about mutual satisfaction. Sooo... ask carefully before you engage and no one gets hurt - that doesn't want to anyway

I will say that after trying the Wartenburg pinwheel recently... man, ow...depends where/how you use it. But that's not a limit per se...it's a tool that I don't find all that appealing, especially in certain areas.

 

[rhiannon]

Here's little me looking at little you and saying "My, how poetic"

Love is very, very important, but it doesn't solve all issues; compromise and tolerance that stem from that love are deeply important, people in long term realtionships know this very well

Exactly...compromise and tolerance! Which includes tolerating borders! (I think 8 years can be counted as a long time relationship...)

I would never ask anything from my husband that he doesn't enjoy doing, and he wouldn't ask anything from me that I don't enjoy doing, because we love and respect each other.

And something else: We loved each other long before we went into depth with sexual preferences. I think that sex isn't all that important once you actually love each other as long as you find common grounds and something that satisfies you both. Your significant other doesn't have to be into absolutely everything you like!

 

[ViperGTS]

Exactly...compromise and tolerance! Which includes tolerating borders! (I think 8 years can be counted as a long time relationship...)

I would never ask anything from my husband that he doesn't enjoy doing, and he wouldn't ask anything from me that I don't enjoy doing, because we love and respect each other.

And something else: We loved each other long before we went into depth with sexual preferences. I think that sex isn't all that important once you actually love each other as long as you find common grounds and something that satisfies you both. Your significant other doesn't have to be into absolutely everything you like!

That is entirely a matter of personal preference.

 

[rhiannon]

That is entirely a matter of personal preference.

I believe you are just spoiled!

 

[desdemona]

Different strokes for different folks. It's what makes life interesting Peace, love, and harmony are all well and good. But a little strife and healthy disagreeemnt/discussion never hurt anyone At least there's no name calling

 

[Loko Ticklish]

"Know Your Limits, Master Bruce" - Alfred

I haven't been tickled all that much to have any limits. But, I do believe that any tickling (or light touching) of a person's private areas would be a limit, especially if that person isn't used to your touch.

 

[rhiannon]

I haven't been tickled all that much to have any limits. But, I do believe that any tickling (or light touching) of a person's private areas would be a limit, especially if that person isn't used to your touch.

If the privates are off limits - yes. I don't see why that should be a limit if they aren't.

 

[Tiger.Lily]

Before you start calling my opinions and personal life choices ignorant, keep in mind one thing - I have no problem with other people's 'hard limits' as far as they are concerned. You're allowed to dislike, hate, or panic about anything you want. If someone wants to play with me, we need to have some common ground in order to get along, but if I am going to have a relationship with someone, it's either complete compatibility or nothing.

That's altogether different. Your OP didn't state your submissive shouldn't have x, y, z hard limits; nor that your submissive is only allowed this and that such limits. The OP suggested that any submissive should only have ____, ____, and ____, and anything else is just silly.

If it's your own relationship that you're talking about (and not just a generalization) I can definitely see where you're coming from. That's reasonable and I apologize for calling your opinion ignorant.

 

[ViperGTS]

And I apologize for being somewhat off topic and unclear in stating my opinion.

Now about our next session...