Hard limits?

[prestidigits]

I'm tempted to expound on the subject of compatibility. Should I go ahead here or start another thread?

 

[BellaRisa]

I believe you are just spoiled!

And you love to argue for no good reason, Miss Thang 😈

I know you're just giving him a hard time, but let me say that love IS more important than sex but bad and uncompromising sex has ruined some awfully good relationships. While it's noble sounding and downright Hallmark card-worthy to say that we'd never ever ask our partners to do anything they don't like, in reality I rarely meet a couple where one of them doesn't have to suck it up a little sometimes, and often quite literally; how many people aren't overly fond of oral sex but do it to make their partner happy? How many ladies would cheerfully never wear a thong again, but wear one on occasion because it drives her husband wild? Love doesn't mean never getting what you want, and asking to be indulged at times doesn't make one a spoiled partner. Don't get me wrong, I'm not talking about activities your partner truly despises or fears, and if you need something like that then maybe you two shouldn't be together (as Viper wisely mentions). But deciding not to spend your life sexually frustrated doesn't make you spoiled, you're just not setting yourself up to be a bedroom martyr-and my god are those annoying 🙄

 

[BellaRisa]

I'm tempted to expound on the subject of compatibility. Should I go ahead here or start another thread?

Start another thread, we've hijacked this one quite enough 🙂

 

[prestidigits]

Good idea. I shall!

 

[Skipadeedoodah]

I don't know that I would say I have "hard limits" in terms of tickling, because I guess I don't really understand the term and I don't want to misuse it. There are a few things I don't enjoy. I hate having the tops of my feet tickled. It does tickle, but a horribly itchy annoying way and it makes me angry. Actually, in general, I don't like anything that makes me itch. It makes me want to punch a baby. The fun goes from a billion to zero if itchiness goes on for more than a second or two.

 

[tklee88]

hand over mouth while being tickled in any situation is a hard limit...

 

[playgirl]

for my personal feeling of protection and safety, i first meet someone new in a public place to rule out the 'ew too creepy' factor. after meeting and negotiating a tickling session, i want to meet at my place for at least the first couple of times until i feel safe and comfortable enough to consider going to their place. the same rule applies with bondage. i'm unwilling to allow someone i just met to restrain me until i feel comfortable enough that i don't have to worry about my personal safety. these rules apply whether it will be a one time event or potentially the beginning of a new relationship. to me, they're just common sense guidelines, not hard (or soft) limits.

 

[emilyemilyemily]

i don't have a super hard limit in terms of spots, but i do really hate being tickled on my neck.

 

[adrenalayna]

I don't hate it, but I don't like having my knees lobster-pinched. That's just uncomfortable.

 

[starburstz91]

For me, I would have to say my feet.

I honestly, can't stand being touched there, or tickled, and I don't even feel comfortable with being barefoot around other people. It's not that I have bad feet or anything, but I just don't like feet in general.

It's a little odd, and I guess you can say that I have a phobia of feet.

 

[emilyemilyemily]

For me, I would have to say my feet.

I honestly, can't stand being touched there, or tickled, and I don't even feel comfortable with being barefoot around other people. It's not that I have bad feet or anything, but I just don't like feet in general.

It's a little odd, and I guess you can say that I have a phobia of feet.

not odd at all. i hate feet.

 

[TheTickleMonster]

Having said that, ever notice that it's the Top-only players that make statements like this? I really think you need to be fully familiar with both sides of the rope to understand Hard Limit and this: is just plain insulting and alienating to a LOT of folks here...

don't single all us lers out just because one said that.. i wouldn't.. I mean I'm not a Dom, but i'm still a Ler.. 😛

 

[BellaRisa]

don't single all us lers out just because one said that... 😛

I didn't, of course many 'lers have more sense than that I'm saying that when you do hear such a statement it's usually from a top-only player, rarely from a bottom or switch, and for good reason: we know better

 

[rhiannon]

And you love to argue for no good reason, Miss Thang

Oh shoot, you figured me out! 🙂 Don't tell anyone, would you??

I know you're just giving him a hard time, but let me say that love IS more important than sex but bad and uncompromising sex has ruined some awfully good relationships. While it's noble sounding and downright Hallmark card-worthy to say that we'd never ever ask our partners to do anything they don't like, in reality I rarely meet a couple where one of them doesn't have to suck it up a little sometimes, and often quite literally; how many people aren't overly fond of oral sex but do it to make their partner happy? How many ladies would cheerfully never wear a thong again, but wear one on occasion because it drives her husband wild? Love doesn't mean never getting what you want, and asking to be indulged at times doesn't make one a spoiled partner. Don't get me wrong, I'm not talking about activities your partner truly despises or fears, and if you need something like that then maybe you two shouldn't be together (as Viper wisely mentions). But deciding not to spend your life sexually frustrated doesn't make you spoiled, you're just not setting yourself up to be a bedroom martyr-and my god are those annoying

You are absolutely right. But as you said, there is a difference between doing something you are not completely fond of and doing something you totally despise.

Like the thong-thing (I love that word 😀 ). I don't like to wear them very much, but if my husband got wild seeing me in them, I'd wear them for him. Because I would love the result even though I don't like the way of getting him there.

Now if he got wild sticking a needle through my nipple - nah, I don't think him being all horny would be worth the effort!! 🙂

And there is sooooooo much stuff that is enjoyable and people enjoy, is it really so bad if there are one or two things which are off limit?

Of course if someone only enjoys sex in the dark and the partner only does when the light is on, that's simply not compatible. But if it's just a little thing someome doesn't want to do, I don't think it's so terrible not to do it if you love your partner.

 

[loveofmystery]

Feeling kind of naive here, but what does knife play actually mean? Viper made a reference to holding a knife to a girl, but that reminds me more of getting mugged than having fun. Wouldn't that be inherently dangerous?

I don't mean to derail the thread here, I'm just curious.

On topic, I haven't found anywhere that I absolutely hate having tickled as long as it's done right. For instance, if someone digs into my stomach, that just hurts. I have to say, though, outside of tickling there are a few things that have been mentioned that I probably wouldn't want to try. Not to be unadventurous, but some kinks sound so un-fun to me...just not my cup of tea.

 

[ViperGTS]

Knife Play is a form of BDSM powerplay. The same way some women really love the feeling of being tickled, despite it's intense, irresistable sensations, or other women become extremely aroused by the thought of a rape-fantasy, many ladies get a BIG sexual thrill out of someone holding a knife to their throat, assuming it is someone they know and trust.

 

[loveofmystery]

Knife Play is a form of BDSM powerplay. The same way some women really love the feeling of being tickled, despite it's intense, irresistable sensations, or other women become extremely aroused by the thought of a rape-fantasy, many ladies get a BIG sexual thrill out of someone holding a knife to their throat, assuming it is someone they know and trust.

Thanks for the info! Ya learn something new every day.

 

[xSamanthax]

So here's something that's probably been asked before, albeit not recently.

Can you name any spots that you actually hate being tickled? Not hate as in a love-hate relationship, I mean in a place that you actually don't want to be tickled, and that if someone 'lerred you there you would consider it a serious breach of trust.
Also, why do you think it is that you can't bring yourself to let people tickle you there?

Personally, nobody's found a spot like that on me, but I've heard the term hard limits tossed around sometimes, and was curious.

My hard limits tend to be more psychological/emotional than physical. So context is paramount.

 

[xSamanthax]

"I can respect anyone's limits. But if someone's "hard limits" happen to be something I enjoy doing, and they are not willing to entertain the notion of trying something as a result, I simply don't play with that person. Period."

I am always willing to entertain the notion, provided the approach is...not sure what word I am looking for...but basically as long as it is a teaching moment so to speak. If someone is trying to broaden my horizons and is willing to pace it where I can follow, I'm willing to at least try. If they are impatient and not willing to work with me and see me through the hard parts, then fuck 'em.

Not sure if that makes any kind of sense, but best I can do. =)

 

[drnkntklr]

"I can respect anyone's limits. But if someone's "hard limits" happen to be something I enjoy doing, and they are not willing to entertain the notion of trying something as a result, I simply don't play with that person. Period."

I am always willing to entertain the notion, provided the approach is...not sure what word I am looking for...but basically as long as it is a teaching moment so to speak. If someone is trying to broaden my horizons and is willing to pace it where I can follow, I'm willing to at least try. If they are impatient and not willing to work with me and see me through the hard parts, then fuck 'em.

Not sure if that makes any kind of sense, but best I can do. =)

It means you're open minded and willing explore. Not that I would've expected anything less from you 🙂

 

[xSamanthax]

"This has to be the most ignorant thing I've ever heard you say. Just because you're the "Dom" doesn't mean you get to dictate what hard limits a submissive has."

Well now. In some ways it does. No one has to sub to any particular Dom, afterall. I think the sub has some responsibility in who they submit to?

As long as things are spelled out and agreed to in advance, I don't see an issue with it. But that is just me. Some people are willing to go to that level, some aren't. It's all good.

 

[xSamanthax]

"Know Your Limits, Master Bruce" - Alfred

I haven't been tickled all that much to have any limits. But, I do believe that any tickling (or light touching) of a person's private areas would be a limit, especially if that person isn't used to your touch.

Didn't Master Bruce reply something along the lines of...And how can you know your limits if they are not tested?

 

[AngelOfDarkness]

I don't have any hard limits, except to restrict contact in intimate places.

As for the sub issue (not to drag it back up), if there was an activity out side of scat/urine/children/animals/the like that my Dom wanted to me to try, I certainly would try to do it, if it were reasonable to me. Some things I will never engage in, like getting needles/anything sharp put through my skin. It just doesn't appeal to me.

 

[rhiannon]

Didn't Master Bruce reply something along the lines of...And how can you know your limits if they are not tested?

Hard limits usually are hard limits because they were experienced!

 

[ticklebunny 2]

Viper,

Would you still refuse to play with somebody even though they have their set hard limits because they were tortured or abused by them?