Have you ever been hurt so bad by a friend, lover, or family member that it twirls in the pit of your stomach and you can't eat or sleep? What did you do to make it go away. I have went from ok this is cool, to OMG I can't deal to bitter. I think I am trying to hate the person so maybe it wont hurt anymore but I can't seem to do that.
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Have you ever been hurt so bad......
- Thread starter classy
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4Pawz
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Lttg is right. I hurt and bad for months, couldn't seem to get through to anyone that I needed some help. I even tried counseling and that crashed and burned. Finally I was able to open up to one of my friends and it made things easier. If you need to talk, feel free to PM me or you can usually grab me in the chatroom late at night.
Take care hon, thinkin of you!
Take care hon, thinkin of you!
Yeah, I went through that last year with a gf. Some suggestions:
1) Wallow in self pity for a few days. You need to acknowledge your feelings before your can deal with them.
2) Talk to a trusted friend about what you're going through. Let your anger and sadness out.
3) Sometimes writing your feelings down helps. You don't need to keep a diary or journal, just write down how you feel and why.
4) Occupy yourself with old and new friends. If you're trying to deal with a breakup, start dating casually to get yourself back into a groove, and to get your mind off your heartache.
5) Write messages of commiseration like the one I'm writing now, which I have to say feels pretty damn good! 🙂
6) Know that all things must pass, including what you're going through now.
Good luck.
1) Wallow in self pity for a few days. You need to acknowledge your feelings before your can deal with them.
2) Talk to a trusted friend about what you're going through. Let your anger and sadness out.
3) Sometimes writing your feelings down helps. You don't need to keep a diary or journal, just write down how you feel and why.
4) Occupy yourself with old and new friends. If you're trying to deal with a breakup, start dating casually to get yourself back into a groove, and to get your mind off your heartache.
5) Write messages of commiseration like the one I'm writing now, which I have to say feels pretty damn good! 🙂
6) Know that all things must pass, including what you're going through now.
Good luck.
maniactickler
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Please dont tell me its me your referring to? 😱
TickleKnight
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Yes many times actually, which is why I infrequently visit anymore.
But I would say take a twist on the apathetic, know that holding on to such feelings only does you harm, and it is best to release the stress and tension that comes with it.
Try talking it out with someone, putting the energy into something else like working out, jogging, bike riding, turn the negative into something positive with some type of relaxing activity.
Wide skies and open waters,
But I would say take a twist on the apathetic, know that holding on to such feelings only does you harm, and it is best to release the stress and tension that comes with it.
Try talking it out with someone, putting the energy into something else like working out, jogging, bike riding, turn the negative into something positive with some type of relaxing activity.
Wide skies and open waters,
ChosenofMystra
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I've been down that road once or twice. Dealt with people in intimate relationships who couldn't get past my looks and see me for who I am, dealt with friends that betrayed me in the end, and I've dealt with family members who have told me that "I'm no longer a part of their life."
What helped me come to terms with it all and move on was simply realizing who my true friends were and confiding in them, going o them for support and guidance. Spending large amounts of time writing....writing anything really works wonders too (least it did for me) I've also found that meditation and reflection can be an excellent way of putting things into perspective, as well as an excellent stress reliever.
I know you don't know me very well, but like everyone else my PM box is always open if you need someone to vent to. I'm not the best advice giver...but I am one hell of a good listening post 🙂
What helped me come to terms with it all and move on was simply realizing who my true friends were and confiding in them, going o them for support and guidance. Spending large amounts of time writing....writing anything really works wonders too (least it did for me) I've also found that meditation and reflection can be an excellent way of putting things into perspective, as well as an excellent stress reliever.
I know you don't know me very well, but like everyone else my PM box is always open if you need someone to vent to. I'm not the best advice giver...but I am one hell of a good listening post 🙂
I don't have a lot of advice for you, except that hatred is very destructive, mostly to the one hating. Besides, it's just not you. You've got to go through the painful process of dealing with this betrayal. Perhaps simply discontinue your association with this indificial, at least until you've processed this recent event.
In the meantime...
That's for being so nice.
In the meantime...
That's for being so nice.classy said:
yes i have...and it can easily turn to bitterness...i had to finally decide that life is short and not worth worrying over the hurt anymore..although of course it still does hurt..
sorry that happened to you, Classy..
lightninbug
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Ms Classy, You don't know me...
Someone earlier said, Hate doesn't affect anyone but the 'Hater'...I tend to agree, but I also know what betrayal feels like up close & personal and facts do not cease to exist simply because they're ignored.
You've obviously been hurt & hurt badly; bad news, there's no quick fix.
Better news, sometimes things happen for a reason and as one door closes, another opens...maybe not to another relationship - just yet - but to awareness.
I tried this:
1) Sit down & write a real scathing letter...how THIS made you feel, what you think of these actions; Take NO PRISONERS!!...Kick out th' Jams ...the whole enchillada goes on Paper!!
2) Address it to the person(s) and set it aside
3) Sit down & write ANOTHER letter...more reasoned after you've contemplated the 1st correspondence...address THAT one as well....
4) After 3 days,consign both letters to your woodstove or fireplace & meditate on both Tomes...then ask YOURSELF, "What do I need from this?" step back & see how you feel.
I Worked to get ME out of the mood I was in.
Hang in there
BUG
classy said:
Someone earlier said, Hate doesn't affect anyone but the 'Hater'...I tend to agree, but I also know what betrayal feels like up close & personal and facts do not cease to exist simply because they're ignored.
You've obviously been hurt & hurt badly; bad news, there's no quick fix.
Better news, sometimes things happen for a reason and as one door closes, another opens...maybe not to another relationship - just yet - but to awareness.
I tried this:
1) Sit down & write a real scathing letter...how THIS made you feel, what you think of these actions; Take NO PRISONERS!!...Kick out th' Jams ...the whole enchillada goes on Paper!!
2) Address it to the person(s) and set it aside
3) Sit down & write ANOTHER letter...more reasoned after you've contemplated the 1st correspondence...address THAT one as well....
4) After 3 days,consign both letters to your woodstove or fireplace & meditate on both Tomes...then ask YOURSELF, "What do I need from this?" step back & see how you feel.
I Worked to get ME out of the mood I was in.
Hang in there
BUG
Thank you
You are so right I am not a hater and never would be able to do that. I still care about the person and that persons well being. I will get over this in time and will look back on it as a learning experience. For now I will do the things you have said and thank you for taking the time to write.
You are so right I am not a hater and never would be able to do that. I still care about the person and that persons well being. I will get over this in time and will look back on it as a learning experience. For now I will do the things you have said and thank you for taking the time to write.
hi classy
yes, i hurt so much i couldn't sleep for days, i drank like a fish but the pain wouldn't leave. i tried to hide from it but the more i hide the more it hurt, only when i faced it the pain started to slowly subside.
yes, i hurt so much i couldn't sleep for days, i drank like a fish but the pain wouldn't leave. i tried to hide from it but the more i hide the more it hurt, only when i faced it the pain started to slowly subside.
kurchatovium
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I am so sorry this happened to you classy. Give yourself time to get over it. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Peace and wuv.
luvgirlsfeet
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classy said:
I have yes and because of it i havent gone to any family functions in 2 years unfortunately i havent done anything to make it go away b/c no matter what i do i cant forget it
Oh yes. Last year, I went through the end of my relationship with my fiancee. We'd gotten engaged basically as a last ditch fight-or-flight response to the reality that the relationship had gone as far as it was going to go in the situation it was in then and we were both terrified of being single after three and a half years together. The first few weeks I was so depressed I just sort of shut down, I felt like there'd been a nuclear war and I was the last person on earth. After that, I started going out and partying a lot, doing too much cocaine, and jumping into bed with anything that showed interest. And today, she and I still aren't done, we still have unresolved issues and the sense that this relationship isn't over.
But in the midst of all this, I eventually returned to something which could, without too much stretching of the imagination, be conceivably called 'normalcy'. You will too, sooner or later.
But in the midst of all this, I eventually returned to something which could, without too much stretching of the imagination, be conceivably called 'normalcy'. You will too, sooner or later.
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First off Classy, I'm sorry you were hurt. Having met you in person, I can't imagine why anyone would intentionally do that.
A very wise friend of mine who has a lot to forgive once told me that she sits down and writes out everything that she feels in a letter to whomever has hurt her. She then takes the letter outside and burns it. A good way to express your feelings without putting yourself in a potential battle with someone where no one is going to come out ahead.
As has been said by others in this thread, feel free to contact me if you need someone to hash this out with. Talking a problem to death often helps me.
A very wise friend of mine who has a lot to forgive once told me that she sits down and writes out everything that she feels in a letter to whomever has hurt her. She then takes the letter outside and burns it. A good way to express your feelings without putting yourself in a potential battle with someone where no one is going to come out ahead.
As has been said by others in this thread, feel free to contact me if you need someone to hash this out with. Talking a problem to death often helps me.
Ticklee1973
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Hey classy girl,
Sorry you are dealing with this. It seems we all know what it's like and I am right there in the club. The best you can do is try and forgive but definitely talk it out and vent. That seems to help. With time you will be able to forgive even though it can be real difficult at first.
Much luv to ya,
Sandee
Sorry you are dealing with this. It seems we all know what it's like and I am right there in the club. The best you can do is try and forgive but definitely talk it out and vent. That seems to help. With time you will be able to forgive even though it can be real difficult at first.
Much luv to ya,
Sandee
Classy, so sorry this had to happen to you. 'Part of life, though. I like the suggestions of tcklft, especially regarding the need to recognize and purge your feelings. I'd found through several cycles of drama with someone this year that my own heart was more and more inclined toward bitterness and suspicion with each successive turn downward, because of something they'd do too frequently that just doesn't fit in my definition of friendship. I forgave them each time, even the last, but forgiveness doesn't mean a friendship will continue, and it didn't.
It's natural and part of the human design to become bitter, I think, when your heart views a person or relationship as too emotionally damaging, as the emotions can become consuming and hinder one's performance at a variety of levels, thereby decreasing survival fitness. Bitterness inclines one to ignore or even treat the other with open disdain, offering a prickly emotional barrier to make sure they can't get close again or have the chance to impact your feelings, thus allowing you to go on with apparently minimal difficulty.
But I, too, have no desire to become bitter or closed off. Besides which, doing so does nothing except destroy communication and keep your emotions temporarily safe. Because someone else, sooner or later will find their way in there, and may again hurt you, I believe it's better to find a more creative solution for inevitable future difficulties than shutting down.
A certain degree of resignation is required, I think, and also evident in the advice some have given:
"6) Know that all things must pass, including what you're going through now."
"Perhaps simply discontinue your association..."
"4) After 3 days,consign both letters to your woodstove or fireplace..."
Discontinuing association is probably advisable for at least a time. Emotional distance is required for both parties to begin thinking at least semi-rationally and with more balance. Perhaps this time of separation will last forever, and perhaps not. Don't try to say forever or put any deadline on it, either. Let time and your hearts decide, but don't rush back too soon.
My own form of resignation involves this line of thinking:
All human beings are limited and flawed. It's just the way things are. They're going to screw up, and so will you. Accept and forgive both them and yourself for your flaws and limitations, because they are things you can't always see or always help. When you truly realize just how limited we all are, you can't help but be forgiving. And when you can forgive and forgive completely, you find it harder to be bitter, because it's no longer their action against you that you're acknowledging, but you're accepting their very understandable, very human limitations and their failure to see a better way. They are flawed, as are we all. Forgive them as you want to be forgiven by others when you've erred.
Using this line of thought consistently and often, I've managed to push my feelings away from bitterness and into a sort of emotional neutrality. Now and then, they still need a nudge to keep them there, but I keep at it, because I think it a worthwhile and good thing to do. And mind you, forgiveness doesn't mean forgetting. There are some things a person does after which, it better serves you to be wary. So let your rational caution and memory keep you safe, and your forgiveness keep your heart open, but calm.
I hope you can find peace one way or the other.
If you'd like to PM me on this matter or anything else, you're most welcome, Classy.
It's natural and part of the human design to become bitter, I think, when your heart views a person or relationship as too emotionally damaging, as the emotions can become consuming and hinder one's performance at a variety of levels, thereby decreasing survival fitness. Bitterness inclines one to ignore or even treat the other with open disdain, offering a prickly emotional barrier to make sure they can't get close again or have the chance to impact your feelings, thus allowing you to go on with apparently minimal difficulty.
But I, too, have no desire to become bitter or closed off. Besides which, doing so does nothing except destroy communication and keep your emotions temporarily safe. Because someone else, sooner or later will find their way in there, and may again hurt you, I believe it's better to find a more creative solution for inevitable future difficulties than shutting down.
A certain degree of resignation is required, I think, and also evident in the advice some have given:
"6) Know that all things must pass, including what you're going through now."
"Perhaps simply discontinue your association..."
"4) After 3 days,consign both letters to your woodstove or fireplace..."
Discontinuing association is probably advisable for at least a time. Emotional distance is required for both parties to begin thinking at least semi-rationally and with more balance. Perhaps this time of separation will last forever, and perhaps not. Don't try to say forever or put any deadline on it, either. Let time and your hearts decide, but don't rush back too soon.
My own form of resignation involves this line of thinking:
All human beings are limited and flawed. It's just the way things are. They're going to screw up, and so will you. Accept and forgive both them and yourself for your flaws and limitations, because they are things you can't always see or always help. When you truly realize just how limited we all are, you can't help but be forgiving. And when you can forgive and forgive completely, you find it harder to be bitter, because it's no longer their action against you that you're acknowledging, but you're accepting their very understandable, very human limitations and their failure to see a better way. They are flawed, as are we all. Forgive them as you want to be forgiven by others when you've erred.
Using this line of thought consistently and often, I've managed to push my feelings away from bitterness and into a sort of emotional neutrality. Now and then, they still need a nudge to keep them there, but I keep at it, because I think it a worthwhile and good thing to do. And mind you, forgiveness doesn't mean forgetting. There are some things a person does after which, it better serves you to be wary. So let your rational caution and memory keep you safe, and your forgiveness keep your heart open, but calm.
I hope you can find peace one way or the other.
If you'd like to PM me on this matter or anything else, you're most welcome, Classy.
brianspencer66
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Classy so sorry that has happened to you ..as your one of the sweetest people here. I really cant add anything more than what the other people posted here other than to say what was said before. Perhaps talking to someone you trust and time. Time heals all wounds and wounds all heels. Stay strong and feel free to send me a message if youd like.
Stugots
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I use to love scrambled eggs...so much! Throughout high school I have done a good amount of egging and cleaning off eggs. The smell of egg on your house during a hot summer morning is definitly not good for the stomach. I have gotten so sick from the smell of eggs that I can no longer eat them. The smell alone makes me sick. The friend that threw them is such a dick. I feel your stomach problems when I think of your situation, Classy.
Thank you
I appreciate all of you taking the time to write, not just a one liner but truely from your heart. I have put a lot of thought into what you have said and when it hurts I will come back here and read it again till I no longer feel this way. It is still hard inside, but I am a very emotional person anyway when it comes to friends. I wont bore you with the details of it all, they are a bit personal but I will say all of you writing in has made me feel a lot better.
I do know life throws curve balls at times and we have to find a learning experience in these sorts of events. I am sure there are many in mine and will start trying to find those instead of dwelling on the pain of it. HA! As for the working out part that is a great idea especially since I just made a ton of cookies and sweets, lol. Thank you again everyone for your heart.
Nicki
I appreciate all of you taking the time to write, not just a one liner but truely from your heart. I have put a lot of thought into what you have said and when it hurts I will come back here and read it again till I no longer feel this way. It is still hard inside, but I am a very emotional person anyway when it comes to friends. I wont bore you with the details of it all, they are a bit personal but I will say all of you writing in has made me feel a lot better.
I do know life throws curve balls at times and we have to find a learning experience in these sorts of events. I am sure there are many in mine and will start trying to find those instead of dwelling on the pain of it. HA! As for the working out part that is a great idea especially since I just made a ton of cookies and sweets, lol. Thank you again everyone for your heart.
Nicki
ouch!
Classy,
Just saw your thread -forgive my late timing. I don't know the particulars in your situation so it is very hard for me to speak specifics. Every situation is different. I suppose I can add my $0.02 but the main point of my post is to let you know that you are in my and Lady Sunset's thoughts and prayers, whatever your difficulty may be.
Talking does help, gets your thoughts out and gets it "off your chest" so to speak, I agree. In addition I have found some quiet time for clear thought is helpful with a commitment to brutal honesty with oneself about the facts of the situation as well as the "what if I was a third person looking in from the outside, what would I think?" type question.
It is especially hard when we are hurt by someone we love/care about. If it is someone we do not know or do not care about then it's a lot easier for sure. Loving does not mean accepting any form of treatment from someone. Often times we have to "love the sinner and hate the sin" so to speak. That said, we need to be honest with ourselves about how the actions of others affect us and consider the protection of our own hearts as well. I am glad you have decided not to hate -that is a terrible thing which would only adversely effect the hater, not the object of one's hate. It is an instinctively misunderstood thing that way. Hate is the cancer of the soul - it will eat away at ya and it's never worth it. Fortunately we have a cure. Forgiveness is also instincively misunderstood. Forgiveness benefits the forgiver more so than the forgiven. Forgiveness does not mean that the offending action was okay, does not mean that it is forgotten, does not mean you will tolerate it again. It does mean you have let go of the anger and resentment which can occur as a result of the hurtful act you have endured, so that your heart is no longer poisoned by it.
Now, without a doubt there is more to it than that, but just some random thoughts. Again, just my $0.02. Most importantly we are here for you, Classy. PM or call anytime - you know that!
With fondest regards,
Professor Tkl
Just saw your thread -forgive my late timing. I don't know the particulars in your situation so it is very hard for me to speak specifics. Every situation is different. I suppose I can add my $0.02 but the main point of my post is to let you know that you are in my and Lady Sunset's thoughts and prayers, whatever your difficulty may be.
Talking does help, gets your thoughts out and gets it "off your chest" so to speak, I agree. In addition I have found some quiet time for clear thought is helpful with a commitment to brutal honesty with oneself about the facts of the situation as well as the "what if I was a third person looking in from the outside, what would I think?" type question.
It is especially hard when we are hurt by someone we love/care about. If it is someone we do not know or do not care about then it's a lot easier for sure. Loving does not mean accepting any form of treatment from someone. Often times we have to "love the sinner and hate the sin" so to speak. That said, we need to be honest with ourselves about how the actions of others affect us and consider the protection of our own hearts as well. I am glad you have decided not to hate -that is a terrible thing which would only adversely effect the hater, not the object of one's hate. It is an instinctively misunderstood thing that way. Hate is the cancer of the soul - it will eat away at ya and it's never worth it. Fortunately we have a cure. Forgiveness is also instincively misunderstood. Forgiveness benefits the forgiver more so than the forgiven. Forgiveness does not mean that the offending action was okay, does not mean that it is forgotten, does not mean you will tolerate it again. It does mean you have let go of the anger and resentment which can occur as a result of the hurtful act you have endured, so that your heart is no longer poisoned by it.
Now, without a doubt there is more to it than that, but just some random thoughts. Again, just my $0.02. Most importantly we are here for you, Classy. PM or call anytime - you know that!
With fondest regards,
Professor Tkl
tickleshotel
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Classy,
I am saddened that a person as sweet as you are is feeling hurt,betrayed by someone you care about,love..I have have been hurt myself by people in my life that I thought would be the last ones to stick a knife in my heart and twist .Despite this persons bahavior and attitude towards me,I couldn;t believe that I just kept taking the abuse attempting a smile when inside I felt crushed,stampled and hung out to dry. To this day,overhearing something about what this person is doing with their life hurts me in a way as I would have enjoyed being there in their happiness,sadness and Joy but this person has Clearly shown,demonstrated they want NO part in my life and so It will be...and I made a tough choice to get rid of pictures taken years ago as they would be constant reminder of what was..and what will never be,.
My thoughts are with you hun ,take care and many hugs..
I am saddened that a person as sweet as you are is feeling hurt,betrayed by someone you care about,love..I have have been hurt myself by people in my life that I thought would be the last ones to stick a knife in my heart and twist .Despite this persons bahavior and attitude towards me,I couldn;t believe that I just kept taking the abuse attempting a smile when inside I felt crushed,stampled and hung out to dry. To this day,overhearing something about what this person is doing with their life hurts me in a way as I would have enjoyed being there in their happiness,sadness and Joy but this person has Clearly shown,demonstrated they want NO part in my life and so It will be...and I made a tough choice to get rid of pictures taken years ago as they would be constant reminder of what was..and what will never be,.
My thoughts are with you hun ,take care and many hugs..
Just went through it not long ago Classy, so I know exactly how you feel. At first I tried to pretend that It didn't matter and that I could just move on, but that unfortunately doesn't work. The fact is it does matter, and real people have real feelings that can get really hurt.
The old saying that time heals all wounds is starting to kick in a bit now, but there are still things that bring memories flooding back. I can't offer you a 'quick fix', cause I don't believe there is one. Family and good friends helped me enormously. You said you wern't 'a hater', well either am I and I understand that as well. Sometimes I wished I could hate, thinking it might help, but I couldn't do it and now I'm glad I didn't try.
You sound like such a good person, take care heaps,
Huskys xoxo
The old saying that time heals all wounds is starting to kick in a bit now, but there are still things that bring memories flooding back. I can't offer you a 'quick fix', cause I don't believe there is one. Family and good friends helped me enormously. You said you wern't 'a hater', well either am I and I understand that as well. Sometimes I wished I could hate, thinking it might help, but I couldn't do it and now I'm glad I didn't try.
You sound like such a good person, take care heaps,
Huskys xoxo
Knox The Hatter
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I've been through this quite a few times...
The first few days are the worst. Time heals...and scar tissue is created.
All my best, sweetie.
The first few days are the worst. Time heals...and scar tissue is created.
All my best, sweetie.
