Help! My fiance isn't like us...

[Ticklishgirl529]

Hey there. Can someone help me. My fiance knows about my fetish and is very willing to learn, but I can't seem to explain everything enough in a way he understands. I'm more into the sensual tickling and bondage, also kidnapping fantasies and it just seems like every time we have a session its playful and rushed, but still very sweet that he's trying. I just need some direction. Has anyone had a similar issue? I get really embarrassed talking about it in real life, but have started feeling a bit more comfortable talking about it with him...he just wants to make me happy. Any advice?

Thank you!

 

[greenteam]

Communication with him about what you want is what is going to help you the most here. He's not going to get it all at once, it might just come in pieces. Giving him direction during the session will help him the most since he will get instant feedback. If he's being rushed tell him "tickle me slow" and if you want to do a kidnapping fantasy, plan out all the details. This might seem "unsexy" but communication is the only way you're gonna get what you want. He can't know what is and what isn't working if you don't tell him.

 

[MissCatrin]

I had a similar issue when I was dating a guy who was pretty vanilla. Ultimately that lead me to Tumblr, before the big purge. I made a blog and reblogged things I wanted to try, stuff I fantasized about, different bondage positions, etc. My suggestion would be to find media that best represents what you enjoy and share that with him. For me it was so much easier than trying to awkwardly explain how to do stuff. Good luck!

 

[porcelaindoll2]

Kink University by Kink.com came out with a tickling video.
https://www.kink.com/shoot/38503

 

[Ticklishgirl529]

Thanks guys! Great advice, i appreciate it

 

[Alliekat]

You have already gotten some really great advice, but I want to add one thing. I have found in my marriage that we learned to adopt each other's kinks over the years. The thing about tickling and really any kind of bondage is that it requires trust and communication, both of which come with time.

My advice is to spend some time exploring each other's interests and see what develops

 

[BeautifullyBNT]

Are there any videos you enjoy related to what you are looking for? Maybe watch it with him so he gets an idea of what you are wanting.

 

[FFT32]

Hey there. Can someone help me. My fiance knows about my fetish and is very willing to learn, but I can't seem to explain everything enough in a way he understands. I'm more into the sensual tickling and bondage, also kidnapping fantasies and it just seems like every time we have a session its playful and rushed, but still very sweet that he's trying. I just need some direction. Has anyone had a similar issue? I get really embarrassed talking about it in real life, but have started feeling a bit more comfortable talking about it with him...he just wants to make me happy. Any advice?

Thank you!

Keep communicating with him and be calm and reassuring about it. He is getting used to something that "was" beyond his understanding and may also be a little stressed about doing it right. Take your time, be supportive as he learns. You'll be very glad that you did!

 

[Libertine]

This may be a boring answer, but I think 'identikit' relationships, where everything just meshes are basically a wonderful fantasy.

Anything longterm requires a lot of learning and compromise on both sides if it's going to have a chance of lasting. You have a definite advantage being female, and a lee, because your fiancé seems to be doing everything in his power to 'get it', and even if he never fully attains that psychological state, at least he's happy to try to keep you happy.

Even after 14 years together there are still some things on either side that both KT and I are uncomfortable with, but the relationship's still overwhelmingly excellent so we take that as a benchmark and keep trying to work through it all. Sometimes it can be a bit of a tightrope walk but, again, as long as both participants in a relationship or a marriage want to be happy and want that for the other person too there's still a chance.

Be good to one another and above all keep talking.

 

[frankied21]

Hey there. Can someone help me. My fiance knows about my fetish and is very willing to learn, but I can't seem to explain everything enough in a way he understands. I'm more into the sensual tickling and bondage, also kidnapping fantasies and it just seems like every time we have a session its playful and rushed, but still very sweet that he's trying. I just need some direction. Has anyone had a similar issue? I get really embarrassed talking about it in real life, but have started feeling a bit more comfortable talking about it with him...he just wants to make me happy. Any advice?

Thank you!

The way I would go about this is allowing him to combine it with something he enjoys doing as well. That way you will enjoy it two fold and he will realize what he is doing is effective. Such as oral sex and tickling together, or tickling you while in a sex position which allows such as cowgirl and what not. Then after that you can be more creative and get him into the more involved fantasies. Almost as if it is a weaning process. Giving directions and not just enjoying a moment can also be a killer for him because he feels as if he is doing something wrong in my eyea

 

[terorizer]

Hey there. Can someone help me. My fiance knows about my fetish and is very willing to learn, but I can't seem to explain everything enough in a way he understands. I'm more into the sensual tickling and bondage, also kidnapping fantasies and it just seems like every time we have a session its playful and rushed, but still very sweet that he's trying. I just need some direction. Has anyone had a similar issue? I get really embarrassed talking about it in real life, but have started feeling a bit more comfortable talking about it with him...he just wants to make me happy. Any advice?

Thank you!

I haven't ever experienced a similar issue, but I can tell you that even as a lifelong tickle lover, it took many years to get a firm grasp and understanding of the emotional/mental/physical aspects involved with a ticklee dynamic. Many, many conversations, sessions and a relationship before it sort of clicked. It's easy to focus on the physical, but I had never really understood particularly the emotional. And I've loved this since birth! That being the case, as others have said, the main thing is going to be time, patience and communication. The one thing I may add is trying to find something relatable for him. I mean possibly relate what tickling means to you to something which means something similar to him - emotionally. The great news, is he desires to please you - and that's the start of all things wonderful. Always encourage, but don't feel badly for not being completely satisfied either. Best to you both.

 

[Yote]

Discuss different types of tickling with him and lay out your kidnapping fantasies for him so he can follow through. Ask him about his own kinks and fetishes too. Sessions can be easier and more enjoyable if you learn how to combine each other's fetishes. You may even discover something new you both like.

Seems like you're on the right track. He just seems to be learning more slowly, which is fine. Communication is key. Best of luck!