anna292955
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help please...wanting to get rid of this.
- Thread starter anna292955
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Does your boyfriend know you feel this way? You really should tell him, maybe than will change things and make it work?
Did you ever try to be tickled while tied down? Then your boyfriend can explore every spot and every technique and maybe find the right stuff!
Did you ever try to be tickled while tied down? Then your boyfriend can explore every spot and every technique and maybe find the right stuff!
Jealousy is such a hard thing to beat and can definitely consume you. Hopefully if you can explain to your boyfriend how his actions affect you without getting into the fetish details, he will be understanding and stop doing this either while in your presence or totally. Otherwise it may be a rough road ahead unfortunately. Best of luck to both yourself and him.
WorkInProgress
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There are two major issues in your post that I'd like to address one at a time: the jealousy in your relationship with your boyfriend and your desire to be rid of the fetish.
The relationship with your boyfriend, presumably, has much more going on in it than this one component, ideally including emotional intimacy. If you really feel comfortable with him, which you should, then telling him about your fetish might be a good idea. The thing is, for him tickling is completely non-sexual and just playful, and for you it's sexual. This is key, because if you ask him to refrain from tickling friends in front of you, it will need to be clear that you're not criticizing his actions or questioning his fidelity to you, but rather, asking him to accommodate you with a special situation that you have inside yourself. Having that conversation is the ideal, but your relationship may or may not be strong enough to support it, and you know the answer to whether it is better than anyone else. Maybe he'd be understanding of your fetish and maybe he wouldn't. Otherwise, the alternative is to grin and bear it, and even there, you have to assess how good the relationship is in the overall. And a big question you have to deal with is whether you have a relationship that satisfies your needs, as they are, sexually.
Now, about the fetish itself. Trying to make it go away is futile, unless you want to sit in someone's office and get zapped with an electric shock as you think about tickling (which I actually doubt is even available for something this socially harmless). But what you can do is strengthen other interests in your life so that the whole worry over the fetish will be a smaller percentage of what's going on in your world. You'll get more mileage from building up other things than from trying to tear a part of you (like it or not) down. But again, if it's a powerful fetish, you may well need a relationship that deals with it.
Good luck.
The relationship with your boyfriend, presumably, has much more going on in it than this one component, ideally including emotional intimacy. If you really feel comfortable with him, which you should, then telling him about your fetish might be a good idea. The thing is, for him tickling is completely non-sexual and just playful, and for you it's sexual. This is key, because if you ask him to refrain from tickling friends in front of you, it will need to be clear that you're not criticizing his actions or questioning his fidelity to you, but rather, asking him to accommodate you with a special situation that you have inside yourself. Having that conversation is the ideal, but your relationship may or may not be strong enough to support it, and you know the answer to whether it is better than anyone else. Maybe he'd be understanding of your fetish and maybe he wouldn't. Otherwise, the alternative is to grin and bear it, and even there, you have to assess how good the relationship is in the overall. And a big question you have to deal with is whether you have a relationship that satisfies your needs, as they are, sexually.
Now, about the fetish itself. Trying to make it go away is futile, unless you want to sit in someone's office and get zapped with an electric shock as you think about tickling (which I actually doubt is even available for something this socially harmless). But what you can do is strengthen other interests in your life so that the whole worry over the fetish will be a smaller percentage of what's going on in your world. You'll get more mileage from building up other things than from trying to tear a part of you (like it or not) down. But again, if it's a powerful fetish, you may well need a relationship that deals with it.
Good luck.
Morning Angel
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You say you have a tickling fetish but aren't ticklish yourself: have you ever tried tickling your boyfriend, and would that turn you on? Also, putting aside the jealousy, is it a turn-on for you when your boyfriend tickles his friends? Maybe if he knew you liked it, the jealousy wouldn't be so much of an issue because your boyfriend would then be tickling these other girls partly to give you pleasure.
In any case, I agree with those who advise you to tell your boyfriend about your fetish. If you could bring yourself to tell him that tickling turns you on, you can explore ways of getting satisfied together, even if it's just having some good dirty talk about tickling during sex to bring you over the edge, or sharing fantasies as part of foreplay. There are always possible ways for you to get some joy out of a fetish you find otherwise more painful than pleasurable.
Good luck 🙂
In any case, I agree with those who advise you to tell your boyfriend about your fetish. If you could bring yourself to tell him that tickling turns you on, you can explore ways of getting satisfied together, even if it's just having some good dirty talk about tickling during sex to bring you over the edge, or sharing fantasies as part of foreplay. There are always possible ways for you to get some joy out of a fetish you find otherwise more painful than pleasurable.
Good luck 🙂
ZenTickling
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Fetishes are not very well understood, and once you develop one you are stuck with it. I would suggest that you embrace not only your fetish, but everything else about yourself.
You are NOT your fetish.. or your jealously. They do NOT define you as a person. Next time you find yourself feeling jealousy, mentally step back for a second and observe how the emotion affects your mind and body. Don't suppress it, don't become it.. watch it as though you were outside yourself. This method helps me curb/understand my emotions, and soon your negative emotions won't be as intense as they usually are.
As far as your fetish and your boyfriend, talking about it would probably help. Do what you feel is best though.
You are NOT your fetish.. or your jealously. They do NOT define you as a person. Next time you find yourself feeling jealousy, mentally step back for a second and observe how the emotion affects your mind and body. Don't suppress it, don't become it.. watch it as though you were outside yourself. This method helps me curb/understand my emotions, and soon your negative emotions won't be as intense as they usually are.
As far as your fetish and your boyfriend, talking about it would probably help. Do what you feel is best though.
ElFewja
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Alternatively, you could just mention that you don't like him being so physical with other people, and the tickling inparticular, if you aren't so comfortable talking about.
It's never an easy thing to talk about internally, but after you get it over with, I think it's not so bad. If you wanted to talk to him about it, and he didn't accept it... so what? Fuck him. If it wasn't this, it would be something else later on. Irrelevant though.
There isn't a way to get over something psychological like this. However, if you embrace it, it can be controlled more easily. Trying to force something out of your life never works; should you make it a norm to some extent, it's easier to turn on/off, I believe.
Personally I think there is a lot more going on here in your relationship or self image or whatever than you make us aware of, which is always the case, that without knowing, make this impossible to answer. I doubt you'll find the answer you need here, and I sincerely doubt you will find the answer you want anywhere. Look internally, take up meditation, etc. It helps with everything mental, and since the answer has to come from within, etc.
But then I rambled.
Etc
It's never an easy thing to talk about internally, but after you get it over with, I think it's not so bad. If you wanted to talk to him about it, and he didn't accept it... so what? Fuck him. If it wasn't this, it would be something else later on. Irrelevant though.
There isn't a way to get over something psychological like this. However, if you embrace it, it can be controlled more easily. Trying to force something out of your life never works; should you make it a norm to some extent, it's easier to turn on/off, I believe.
Personally I think there is a lot more going on here in your relationship or self image or whatever than you make us aware of, which is always the case, that without knowing, make this impossible to answer. I doubt you'll find the answer you need here, and I sincerely doubt you will find the answer you want anywhere. Look internally, take up meditation, etc. It helps with everything mental, and since the answer has to come from within, etc.
But then I rambled.
Etc
Lord Doctor
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If you rally want to be id of it that much...
the only to even begin is to accept that it is part of who you are. When you can do that, you may find that it doesn't bother you any more. You might forget all about it.
If you don't then, you could see a hypnotherapist, I suppose, but it may take some time to remove it from you, especially if you're beating yourself up over it because yo're thinking about it, which (presumably) makes y angry with yourself, which makes you think about it which... you get the idea, I'm sure.
I think you need to accept it first, then tell your BF about it, then you can work on what you want to do with it.
Good luck 🙂
the only to even begin is to accept that it is part of who you are. When you can do that, you may find that it doesn't bother you any more. You might forget all about it.
If you don't then, you could see a hypnotherapist, I suppose, but it may take some time to remove it from you, especially if you're beating yourself up over it because yo're thinking about it, which (presumably) makes y angry with yourself, which makes you think about it which... you get the idea, I'm sure.
I think you need to accept it first, then tell your BF about it, then you can work on what you want to do with it.
Good luck 🙂
Tiger.Lily
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I've had this problem before with a long-term boyfriend. Honestly, I know you don't want to hear it, but the only way to fix this is to talk to him and explain to him the situation. It's not nearly as big of a deal to explain this fetish as we make it out to be. Look at the testimonies on here. I have yet to read one that says "zomg, they thought I was a freak!" In fact, I've told multiple friends and all of them said "that's it?"
Once you explain to him your feelings and the situation you can communicate and work to find a healthy, balanced solution. And that's really the only way to do it.
Good luck.
Once you explain to him your feelings and the situation you can communicate and work to find a healthy, balanced solution. And that's really the only way to do it.
Good luck.
anna292955
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thank you for all of the support. i need to learn how to properly control my thoughts i guess cause in the back of my mind i know that this isnt a big deal at all so i dont know why it has become such a huge thing for me that is making me feel so negative about myself and him.
BorisandNatasha
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You should first discuss this with your boyfriend. Also, in question, since you are not a ticklish person, does your fetish as you describe it lie as wanting to be ticklish so as you can be tickled?
Do you like being the tickler? If so, you can assist your bf in tickling others.
Boris
vladtickleman22
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You can't just stop having the fetish. If you can't curb your jealousy, maybe it's best to just end the relationship.
maniactickler
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Im assuming your boyfriend has a tickling fetish. i dont know how you can have a tickling fetish if your not ticklish. i think if you dont let him tickle others, he wont be happy and may leave you. i dont think he should have gotten involved with you if he has a tickling fetish and your not ticklish. sorry.
There are professionals therapists who help individuals and couples with paraphilia-based issue, therapists who self-identify as "non-vanilla". The name of the group is Kink Aware Professionals. the link is
http://www.ncsfreedom.org/index.php?option=com_wrapper&Itemid=75
Maybe talking to someone there can help.
http://www.ncsfreedom.org/index.php?option=com_wrapper&Itemid=75
Maybe talking to someone there can help.
loveofmystery
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I'm sorry that things are so difficult right now. I have to second others opinions on talking to your boyfriend about it. If you don't want to mention the fetish, you could still mention that when he touches other girls like that it makes you uncomfortable...But it's not really for us to decide what's best for you and your boyfriend. Trust yourself, and you won't be far off.
As for "getting rid" of your fetish, if it's not something you enjoy perhaps you could slowly wean yourself off of it? (for example, "get started" using tickling clips and slowly switch to more non-fetish materials until non-fetish stuff turns you on by itself).
Please, though, don't beat yourself up over "not controlling" your thoughts. That's a nearly impossible thing to do, especially when you are trying NOT to think of something. Everyone--DON'T think of a tap dancing, pink polka dotted elephant, right now! You see? The paradox is to "remember" not to think of something, you have to think of it.
Perhaps an easier way would be to distract yourself with something else (exercise, reading, television, talking to friends, etc.) whenever tickling thoughts come up.
Having said all of this, please remember that you are fine just the way you are. You only need to make changes you want to make. Take a deep breath.
Take Care and Good Luck,
Love of Mystery
As for "getting rid" of your fetish, if it's not something you enjoy perhaps you could slowly wean yourself off of it? (for example, "get started" using tickling clips and slowly switch to more non-fetish materials until non-fetish stuff turns you on by itself).
Please, though, don't beat yourself up over "not controlling" your thoughts. That's a nearly impossible thing to do, especially when you are trying NOT to think of something. Everyone--DON'T think of a tap dancing, pink polka dotted elephant, right now! You see? The paradox is to "remember" not to think of something, you have to think of it.
Perhaps an easier way would be to distract yourself with something else (exercise, reading, television, talking to friends, etc.) whenever tickling thoughts come up.
Having said all of this, please remember that you are fine just the way you are. You only need to make changes you want to make. Take a deep breath.
Take Care and Good Luck,
Love of Mystery
anna292955
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this made me feel so, so much better, thank you. i think your opinion is right and im really so relieved to hear that my feelings in this are justified, especially from a male point of view. i really appreciate everyone in this community helping someone they dont even know, its a really cool community of people in here. im going to tell him how i feel without including anything about my fetish. thanks for all the help again.
only half right...
I've read alot of advice on this thread and most of it is valid and on point....however....by you only voiceing your feelings that you don't like him tickling his female friends and not your fetish as well, you yourself are not totally being honest with him. If you expect honesty from him it's only right he should expect and receive the same from you. It's important he knows everything about this because they are connected. By not telling him you have this fetish is only giving him half the truth and you really have to ask yourself " is this fair to him"? This may not be what you want to hear but if you don't say something sooner or later it will resurface somewhere down the line. Getting the whole issue out in the open now is better cuz it clears up the tickling issue with his female friends BUT could open doors for you two as a couple. Either way it can get worked out now. The decision is ultimately up to you. I hope it works out either way.
I've read alot of advice on this thread and most of it is valid and on point....however....by you only voiceing your feelings that you don't like him tickling his female friends and not your fetish as well, you yourself are not totally being honest with him. If you expect honesty from him it's only right he should expect and receive the same from you. It's important he knows everything about this because they are connected. By not telling him you have this fetish is only giving him half the truth and you really have to ask yourself " is this fair to him"? This may not be what you want to hear but if you don't say something sooner or later it will resurface somewhere down the line. Getting the whole issue out in the open now is better cuz it clears up the tickling issue with his female friends BUT could open doors for you two as a couple. Either way it can get worked out now. The decision is ultimately up to you. I hope it works out either way.
Hope it all goes well for you with talking to your boyfriend, Anna! Good luck with that!
I think you are perfectly justified in feeling uncomfortable about your boyfriend getting so physical with other girls. I really hope he listens to what you've got to say.
As for the fetish side of things - I was also very uncomfortable and embarrassed about my fetish too - I thought i was totally weird for feeling the way I did, and I actually didnt realise that my feelings about tickling were fetish until I found places like TMF and all these tickling clips and stories on the internet.
Actually, even though I'm still not as "out" as others about my tickling fetish, I think what has really helped me about websites like these, is that they have allowed me to see that I'm not the only one out there who feels this way about tickling .... which was a huge eye-opener for me!
And then when I realised I wasnt so unusual after all, I started asking myself questions like - "Am I hurting anyone else or myself by having this fetish?" .... and when I acknowledged to myself that no harm was being done to anyone by my having this particular fetish, I just accepted the fact that this is just something about me that I cant change, nor do I need to change, and so I just gave in and enjoyed it!
Also ... I'm not sure when exactly you developed your tickling fetish, but for me, I have felt sexually turned on by tickling situations for as long as I can remember .... even as a young child of only 5 years old, I remember feeling sexually aroused by seeing people being tickled and being tickled myself. But as a kid, I just didnt realise what that warm, tight, but pleasurable feeling in my body was .... but now I do realise it for what it was.
Sometimes, you've just got to give yourself a break and not be so harsh on yourself ... coz there is no such thing as "normal" out there.
Once again ... I hope that it goes well with talking to your boyfriend and that he values your relationship enough to respect your wishes about his tickling other girls.
I think you are perfectly justified in feeling uncomfortable about your boyfriend getting so physical with other girls. I really hope he listens to what you've got to say.
As for the fetish side of things - I was also very uncomfortable and embarrassed about my fetish too - I thought i was totally weird for feeling the way I did, and I actually didnt realise that my feelings about tickling were fetish until I found places like TMF and all these tickling clips and stories on the internet.
Actually, even though I'm still not as "out" as others about my tickling fetish, I think what has really helped me about websites like these, is that they have allowed me to see that I'm not the only one out there who feels this way about tickling .... which was a huge eye-opener for me!
And then when I realised I wasnt so unusual after all, I started asking myself questions like - "Am I hurting anyone else or myself by having this fetish?" .... and when I acknowledged to myself that no harm was being done to anyone by my having this particular fetish, I just accepted the fact that this is just something about me that I cant change, nor do I need to change, and so I just gave in and enjoyed it!
Also ... I'm not sure when exactly you developed your tickling fetish, but for me, I have felt sexually turned on by tickling situations for as long as I can remember .... even as a young child of only 5 years old, I remember feeling sexually aroused by seeing people being tickled and being tickled myself. But as a kid, I just didnt realise what that warm, tight, but pleasurable feeling in my body was .... but now I do realise it for what it was.
Sometimes, you've just got to give yourself a break and not be so harsh on yourself ... coz there is no such thing as "normal" out there.
Once again ... I hope that it goes well with talking to your boyfriend and that he values your relationship enough to respect your wishes about his tickling other girls.
