How do I please a girl with a kiss when I don't feel anything from it myself?

[sum_weirdo]

I just started dating this girl, last night was our third date and among other things we started kissing. It's not that I'm not attracted to her because I am but the fact is I've never gotten a charge out of kissing any girl (no I'm not gay). Whenever we'd start kissing I'd quickly end up skating to the side and kissing her cheek, working my way down her neck, etc. She didn't complain but pretty soon she's going to want a real long kiss on the lips. Problem is I don't know how to make that feel good because I don't know what DOES feel good, I'm better with my hands (obviously ) If it wasn't the social norm I wouldn't bother with kissing at all but since it likely does matter to her I'd like to be able to make it good. Anyone have any idea what I can do?

 

[Helena]

I just started dating this girl, last night was our third date and among other things we started kissing. It's not that I'm not attracted to her because I am but the fact is I've never gotten a charge out of kissing any girl (no I'm not gay). Whenever we'd start kissing I'd quickly end up skating to the side and kissing her cheek, working my way down her neck, etc. She didn't complain but pretty soon she's going to want a real long kiss on the lips. Problem is I don't know how to make that feel good because I don't know what DOES feel good, I'm better with my hands (obviously ) If it wasn't the social norm I wouldn't bother with kissing at all but since it likely does matter to her I'd like to be able to make it good. Anyone have any idea what I can do?

Hi Sum,
So, let me see if I understand...
You just don't enjoy kissing her on the mouth, and you've never enjoyed kissing anyone, yes?
Do you enjoy kissing a woman on her body, and just dislike mouth kissing, or are you opposed to kissing in general?
I would not worry about any "social norms." If you are not enjoying something, there is no law that says you must do it. Perhaps you could explain to her that you don't get a rise out of mouth kissing so she doesn't wonder about any reasons you have for shying away from it.
Talk to her. Good luck.

 

[TonyInMyThroat]

Without specifically asking us to discuss the situation, we may have some difficulty in knowing how to respond, but I’ll try anyway.

Just fake it as best you can, if you do it right you might just get the opportunity to use your hands, and then who knows, you might even get to tickle her and find out she likes it.

Might be worth a few boring kisses …

 

[unclebill]

Dump her, and get a puppy.

 

[sum_weirdo]

Hi Sum,
So, let me see if I understand...
You just don't enjoy kissing her on the mouth, and you've never enjoyed kissing anyone, yes?
Do you enjoy kissing a woman on her body, and just dislike mouth kissing, or are you opposed to kissing in general?
I would not worry about any "social norms." If you are not enjoying something, there is no law that says you must do it. Perhaps you could explain to her that you don't get a rise out of mouth kissing so she doesn't wonder about any reasons you have for shying away from it.
Talk to her. Good luck.

Well largely I enjoy doing whatever the girl likes me to do lol. If she likes to be kissed on her lips then I'd like to do it. Kissing her on her body is something I can get into because I have a sense of how it feels but kissing her lips to me feels like kissing a turnip If I knew that something my lips were doing was giving her pleasure then that would be enough reason to do it but I'm basically flying blind. You're probably right about talking to her about it but I don't think I want to do it this early, she might not take it the right way

TonyInMyThroat: Actually tickled her already (she started it 🙂 )

unclebill: Yeah tickling a dog isn't quite the same

 

[Soda Bobinski]

Wanna please this turnip-girl w/o having to kiss her?


your finger(s) + her vagina


There.

Done.

 

[WorkInProgress]

If she's not complaining, you're probably doing okay, and if that's all that's at issue, then you may not even have a problem. But you may need to work out just what forms of intimacy are satisfying to both of you, and if you want to know what she likes, you should be able to ask her--if the relationship is comfortable and is an emotional intimacy as well as a physical one.

 

[BrightEyes1082]

Maybe you just haven't had the right kiss yet. I'm not big on kissing
either, but a hungry, rough, hard kiss that literally sucks my breath
away can get me going.

 

[Skipadeedoodah]

If you're not sure, just let her lead you. Try to just do what she's doing. If she's going soft and slow, go soft and slow back. She's going to naturally kiss in a way that's pleasing to her, so if you do your best to match that you should be on the right path. I understand if it's too early to feel comfortable talking about it, but if you do feel comfortable bringing it up, ask her straight out what she likes.

 

[Rectangle]

When I was stationed over in Germany, I was across the border in France hitting on this one girl who taught me "How french mothers teach their daughters to kiss"

She picked up a pen, opened her mouth, and started lightly twirling it around her tongue, stopping every few seconds to lightly flick the pen off the tip of her tongue.

Then she put the pen down, looked at me all doe-ey eyed and said "Any questions?", which was my cue to make out with her like crazy.


Dont know if you gained any insight from that, but it sure was nice of you to remind me of the memory 🙂

Rock on!

 

[chicago]

Kissing is way more intricate than people think and if a person doesn't get a "charge" from kissing the other, it's not likely that anything else they do will result in a "charge" either.

Girls, for the most part, don't like being mouth raped so be gentle.

Also, there's this: http://www.wikihow.com/Kiss#The_French_Kiss

 

[Coup de Grace]

I'm not all that into kissing either... I mean it's cool and all but you need to have compatible kissing styles for it to be enjoyable. If a girl is trying to swallow you whole or gets off on sucking your lips, you might have a problem. It's even worse if she has stank breath or you can taste what she just ate. The very thought of tasting what she just ate nauseates me and makes me throw up a little in my mouth. Normally, what I do is kiss on the lips for a bit then work my way down to her neck. Women seem to like it and it works out well.

 

[Rectangle]

Maybe you just haven't had the right kiss yet. I'm not big on kissing
either, but a hungry, rough, hard kiss that literally sucks my breath
away can get me going.

This.

 

[sum_weirdo]

Hmm. Some good feedback here. Doing what she does is a really good thought and it's nice to know I can get away with moving to her neck.

Changing to a rougher style is an interesting thought too but sucking the life out of her is a bit a-typical for me and I sense for her too. She strikes me as more the slow and sweet type.

 

[nenezinho]

Ill just throw something in....portuguese stile 😉

Allways remember kissing is not only about what you do with your lips. And this is specially true if you canot feel anything special there. Just see the whole picture. Theres a lot about the way you hold the girl, powerfull or sweet, gentle or rapping....theres so many different ways. Also dont be shy to use your hands during a kiss if you know what pleases her. And think on it like something higher....like having sex....in the end its not all about sticking the thing inside the hole....and if it was, i think many people would be bored to death. So just look at the details around kissing, from what you say, we already know you enjoy some of them. If you see the big picture im sure you can realize the many potential pleasure sources 🙂

And if all this fails....just close your eyes and think what youd really like to do and what she will likely let you do after that kiss 🙂

 

[solely4u]

When I was stationed over in Germany, I was across the border in France hitting on this one girl who taught me "How french mothers teach their daughters to kiss"

She picked up a pen, opened her mouth, and started lightly twirling it around her tongue, stopping every few seconds to lightly flick the pen off the tip of her tongue.

Then she put the pen down, looked at me all doe-ey eyed and said "Any questions?", which was my cue to make out with her like crazy.


Dont know if you gained any insight from that, but it sure was nice of you to remind me of the memory 🙂

Rock on!

i love this story. just reading it made me hot and want to kiss my guy.

i LOVE kissing!!! kissing can be as intimate or even more intimate than sex. i consider kissing a form of making love. so much of who you are and what you feel is transmitted through a kiss, be it playfulness, yearning, discomfort, attraction, comfort, passion, etc. if you aren't into kissing and aren't feeling it, she will know.

as someone said, it's important not to try to suck the life out of her. the other thing is please don't slobber all over her. you can keep your saliva to yourself--thank you. the best technique someone told me about as a kid was to completely relax your lips so that they sort of mush into the other person's lips. it makes it easy for you to rub your lips against her upper or lower lip or even down her neck. while tongue is certainly nice, it's not a requirement. you can have really hot sensual kisses with little to no tongue at all. i love body worship too, but kissing the rest of my body, including my other lips 😉 is in no way comparable to a hot lip-lock, mmmm...

kissing is about letting go, releasing and allowing what you feel for her to be expressed non-verbally through your lips. whenever i find someone who doesn't like to kiss, i usually suspect that they have intimacy issues. although we're taught from childhood that kissing is "first base," for some it seems to be the equivalent of a grand slam.

my suggestion would be that rather than focusing on what you're not feeling when you kiss her, think about what feeling you want to convey and let your kiss convey those feelings to her through your lips.

 

[mass1926]

If you don't get a charge out of kissing her then there is no spark in the relationship. I have the tickling fetish like everyone else on here, but I don't need something like that to get in the mood. When I like a girl, the long kisses ignite a type of energy that gets me charged up and in the mood. If you don't feel that, then shes not the girl for you.

 

[sum_weirdo]

my suggestion would be that rather than focusing on what you're not feeling when you kiss her, think about what feeling you want to convey and let your kiss convey those feelings to her through your lips.

Interesting thought. I'll give that a try. It's been a few weeks now and we always kiss up a storm when we're together though I still do it more for her benefit than mine. I think I've gotten a better sense of what she enjoys, she's even said she likes kissing me although that could be more about me paying so much attention to her neck lol. Guess we'll see.

 

[sum_weirdo]

If you don't get a charge out of kissing her then there is no spark in the relationship. I have the tickling fetish like everyone else on here, but I don't need something like that to get in the mood. When I like a girl, the long kisses ignite a type of energy that gets me charged up and in the mood. If you don't feel that, then shes not the girl for you.

Whether I enjoy kissing or not I don't need to tickle her to get "in the mood". I may have some issues but I could dump her and spend the rest of my life looking for a sensation I don't think I'm capable of feeling or I could build on what we do have together which is considerable. We fit together.

 

[mass1926]

Whether I enjoy kissing or not I don't need to tickle her to get "in the mood". I may have some issues but I could dump her and spend the rest of my life looking for a sensation I don't think I'm capable of feeling or I could build on what we do have together which is considerable. We fit together.

I didn't say you need to tickle her to get in the mood. I said it is something that gets me in the mood, but I don't use it as a crutch. What I was saying is that a kissing should do something for you if you have feelings for this girl. If it doesn't, then maybe theres some underlying cause that needs to be recognized.

 

[Morpheus72]

I agree with a lot of what's being said here. Personally, I've only really liked making out with girls that I'm really into. I enjoy kissing and using my tongue on the girl's body more than the mouth, in general. One issue I have run into a couple of times is girls that love wet, sloppy kissing. I'm not really into it!

I'll definitely concur with the idea that really wanting to kiss someone is indicative of feelings for them, but not necessarily that the converse is true.

 

[sum_weirdo]

Might be a little hard to explain my attraction to this girl. I do desire her physically, in some respects more than others, but I form my attachments mostly on an emotional level. I'm sure someone is saying "duh that's what everyone does" but I don't mean love exactly, I mean that I'm attracted more to intangible qualities and personality traits. She's sweet, and quirky, and playful and I "respond" physically more to her positive energy than to simple contact. I'm one of those guys who gets dragged to strip clubs and sits there looking bored lol.