How do you feel about exclusivity vs variety?

[Silverflame3]

Howdy folks!

I was wondering how people feel about exclusivity vs variety when in comes to your playmates. Exclusivity would be something like folks commited in a marriage or simply within the scope of a relationship, whereas variety would include both folks who are in a marriage/relationship but have opened their relationship to others or folks who are single and just enjoy noncommited fun on the side.

Where do you find yourselves and which way do you swing? As for me, I'm married and commited, so for us it's all you can tickle between ourselves to our heart's content, but including someone else would be a dealbreaker.

 

[yinzer]

I have 0 commitments, so for me I definitely like variety, although when I find someone I like it definitely makes me want to play with them again too!

 

[WickedTouch]

Howdy folks!

I was wondering how people feel about exclusivity vs variety when in comes to your playmates. Exclusivity would be something like folks commited in a marriage or simply within the scope of a relationship, whereas variety would include both folks who are in a marriage/relationship but have opened their relationship to others or folks who are single and just enjoy noncommited fun on the side.

Where do you find yourselves and which way do you swing? As for me, I'm married and commited, so for us it's all you can tickle between ourselves to our heart's content, but including someone else would be a dealbreaker.

My wife and I play together often, but also play with others as a couple. We do not play with others without the other present. Generally, our play is minimally sexualized and the focus is on the tickling. Virtually all of our play is with females or other well-established couples. It takes work to get it right, but we have found it enhancing to each of us personally and our relationship as well.

 

[maniactickler]

Variety hands down. same old same old gets boring no matter how good it might be.

 

[Silverflame3]

Variety hands down. same old same old gets boring no matter how good it might be.

How often do you change playmates? Gow "far" can you go with a particular individual on average regarding the kind of stuff you can do? Do you rotate and return to have some fun with folks you had sessions before, or is it always someone new?

 

[Silverflame3]

My wife and I play together often, but also play with others as a couple. We do not play with others without the other present. Generally, our play is minimally sexualized and the focus is on the tickling. Virtually all of our play is with females or other well-established couples. It takes work to get it right, but we have found it enhancing to each of us personally and our relationship as well.

Interesting to hear that. Were you always open to playing with others outsdie just the two of you, or was it a development that came later over time?

 

[duderino84]

I find myself asking "Is tickling equivalent to sex for you?" Because exclusivity is like putting a price tag on something that really should be free.

 

[piyr]

To me it comes down to is there intimacy with tickling and then the rules of the relationship control. Each couple makes their own rules. For me there's intimacy so variety doesn't work for me.

 

[Silverflame3]

I find myself asking "Is tickling equivalent to sex for you?" Because exclusivity is like putting a price tag on something that really should be free.

Not exactly equivalent, but very, very adjacent. For both myself and my wife, it's a big turn on and it will lead to desire for sex. Not to mention we're completely hands off about where our hands wander when the tickling starts. It's a form of sexual intimacy, for sure. Now, I've had a few requests from folks who specifically asked if we as a couple would like to tickle them. Not just as two random people, specifically a commited couple. The question I find myself asking is, if you go from such a position, how does including a third person change the whole sexual dynamic?

 

[Silverflame3]

To me it comes down to is there's intimacy with tickling and then the rules of the relationship control. Each couple makes their own rules. For me there's intimacy so variety doesn't work for me.

The same goes for us when intimacy is in question, and tickling certainly is intimate. The question I ask myself is how have folks managed such interactions if they went from a similar position.

 

[piyr]

The same goes for us when intimacy is in question, and tickling certainly is intimate. The question I ask myself is how have folks managed such interactions if they went from a similar position.

Yeah idk. Sounds like we're in the same boat so unfortunately I'm no help. If I was in a different relationship then maybe? I think we can reflect different sides of ourselves depending on the chemestry we have with a given partner. Is it something you're wanting to do?

 

[Silverflame3]

Yeah idk. Sounds like we're in the same boat so unfortunately I'm no help. If I was in a different relationship then maybe? I think we can reflect different sides of ourselves depending on the chemestry we have with a given partner. Is it something you're wanting to do?

you can still offer interesting insight, even though you are in a similar position. Every point of input is valid. We may be in a similar position, but surely everyone's perspective on it is unique, yes? For us, since tickling is sexual, it's just a part of our general sex life, not something that is separate. Playful, friendly tickling is still something my wife does on occasion (I tend to avoid it), but it's really a different kind of activity, so to speak.

 

[duderino84]

Not exactly equivalent, but very, very adjacent. For both myself and my wife, it's a big turn on and it will lead to desire for sex. Not to mention we're completely hands off about where our hands wander when the tickling starts. It's a form of sexual intimacy, for sure. Now, I've had a few requests from folks who specifically asked if we as a couple would like to tickle them. Not just as two random people, specifically a commited couple. The question I find myself asking is, if you go from such a position, how does including a third person change the whole sexual dynamic?

See, the thing with me is. ... tickling just leads to more tickling, just in sexual places lol.

Like I usually prefer someone trading tickling for handling me with their hands/etc but I don't want intercourse.

A lot of women I've dated wanted the monogamous method, so I can't really say, but I always thought it would be hot to either tickle two women or have one help me tickling someone else tied up.

But assuming everyone's "monogamous" (or really wanting to be the only person attracting attention), how does tickling really infringe on meeting people? That's my concern. Like, assuming my kinks are just inflated constructs of my own head, acknowledging they don't really lead to intercourse, what does that say for relationships if it all might be "fake"?

 

[WickedTouch]

Interesting to hear that. Were you always open to playing with others outsdie just the two of you, or was it a development that came later over time?

Interesting question. Before I met my now wife, I was not really open to the idea, thinking it wouldn't ever be for me. Some of that was colored by my experience with relationships up to that point, and some of it by my own personal values with less of a sophisticated framework for how to navigate very gray areas in relationship dynamics. My wife and I are both natural ticklephiles and met on an old iteration of the TMF chat. When we started meeting in person and dating, we had such a deep connection through so many shared aspects of life, and the kink aspect was the easiest to navigate since much of our common kink interests were already known up front. I think that facilitated earlier, deeper conversations that neither of us would have otherwise felt comfortable having. Early in our relationship we talked about all sorts of things we were into and weren't into. One thing that came up was how some people in the community will play with others and we both became curious about how the other felt about that practice. We both had reservations about it, but also liked the idea. We talked about the possibility of exploring it and we decided to hold onto the idea as something to experiment with when we felt more ready for it. At the time, we really wanted to prioritize each other and our developing relationship. We would bring it up occasionally in random conversations over the next few years so we were still processing how we felt. After being married for two or three years, we discussed it more thoroughly and laid out some boundaries and guidelines that worked for us. We talked about what we wanted, why we wanted it, and all of that. At that point we decided that we wouldn't rush into it and we'd just explore the prospect by trying to find potential play partners that met our expectations. We ended up connecting with a couple that not only met, but exceeded our expectations and that cemented our feelings going forward.

I do want to be clear that i don't think this is for everyone. My wife and I are admittedly atypical personalities. Even then, we have feelings to manage like jealousy, insecurity, and all kinds of normal human feelings. We have a very strong and open communication with each other that we work on every day that makes this kind of thing possible. For us, being able to explore together with others, while respecting each other's boundaries, makes this practice enhancing to our relationship. We are each other's first priority and favorite play partner. If at any point either of us felt that it was working against us, we'd cease immediately. But for now, it has been a pleasant experience over all.

 

[Silverflame3]

See, the thing with me is. ... tickling just leads to more tickling, just in sexual places lol.

Like I usually prefer someone trading tickling for handling me with their hands/etc but I don't want intercourse.

A lot of women I've dated wanted the monogamous method, so I can't really say, but I always thought it would be hot to either tickle two women or have one help me tickling someone else tied up.

But assuming everyone's "monogamous" (or really wanting to be the only person attracting attention), how does tickling really infringe on meeting people? That's my concern. Like, assuming my kinks are just inflated constructs of my own head, acknowledging they don't really lead to intercourse, what does that say for relationships if it all might be "fake"?

We didn't start out that way. Both of us liked tickling before long before we met and we used to tickle friends playfully (separately, we didn't do it much together). Then my wife and I met and started dating, and we both liked tickling each other a lot, as well as enjoying each other's bodies in many different ways.

We started out from a vanilla monogamous relationship, but since we both craved tickling, why not just go crazy at each other? It became part of our sex life after we started having regular sex, not the other way around. I'd say we entered the mutually exclusive phase first, but then decided to make "all you can tickle" a part of the deal, and tickling became a part of the regular sex package.

 

[Silverflame3]

Interesting question. Before I met my now wife, I was not really open to the idea, thinking it wouldn't ever be for me. Some of that was colored by my experience with relationships up to that point, and some of it by my own personal values with less of a sophisticated framework for how to navigate very gray areas in relationship dynamics. My wife and I are both natural ticklephiles and met on an old iteration of the TMF chat. When we started meeting in person and dating, we had such a deep connection through so many shared aspects of life, and the kink aspect was the easiest to navigate since much of our common kink interests were already known up front. I think that facilitated earlier, deeper conversations that neither of us would have otherwise felt comfortable having. Early in our relationship we talked about all sorts of things we were into and weren't into. One thing that came up was how some people in the community will play with others and we both became curious about how the other felt about that practice. We both had reservations about it, but also liked the idea. We talked about the possibility of exploring it and we decided to hold onto the idea as something to experiment with when we felt more ready for it. At the time, we really wanted to prioritize each other and our developing relationship. We would bring it up occasionally in random conversations over the next few years so we were still processing how we felt. After being married for two or three years, we discussed it more thoroughly and laid out some boundaries and guidelines that worked for us. We talked about what we wanted, why we wanted it, and all of that. At that point we decided that we wouldn't rush into it and we'd just explore the prospect by trying to find potential play partners that met our expectations. We ended up connecting with a couple that not only met, but exceeded our expectations and that cemented our feelings going forward.

I do want to be clear that i don't think this is for everyone. My wife and I are admittedly atypical personalities. Even then, we have feelings to manage like jealousy, insecurity, and all kinds of normal human feelings. We have a very strong and open communication with each other that we work on every day that makes this kind of thing possible. For us, being able to explore together with others, while respecting each other's boundaries, makes this practice enhancing to our relationship. We are each other's first priority and favorite play partner. If at any point either of us felt that it was working against us, we'd cease immediately. But for now, it has been a pleasant experience over all.

That's good to hear! We are currently pretty much focused on our toddler and growing together as a family, so we went in the opposite direction away from growing a base for tickling activities. We still want to indulge our fetishes, it's just so far down the list of priorities right now even with each other, let alone other people.

 

[duderino84]

We didn't start out that way. Both of us liked tickling before long before we met and we used to tickle friends playfully (separately, we didn't do it much together). Then my wife and I met and started dating, and we both liked tickling each other a lot, as well as enjoying each other's bodies in many different ways.

We started out from a vanilla monogamous relationship, but since we both craved tickling, why not just go crazy at each other? It became part of our sex life after we started having regular sex, not the other way around. I'd say we entered the mutually exclusive phase first, but then decided to make "all you can tickle" a part of the deal, and tickling became a part of the regular sex package.

Ah. yea, my methodology is "cart before the horse", but it's what I know.