Headsnap
1st Level Orange Feather
- Joined
- Jun 28, 2004
- Messages
- 2,185
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Once again May is upon us, and once again we are being innundated with "OMFG I Am Gonig To The NESTS!" type threads and generic circle-jerky type behaviour from attendees of the tickle fetish community's biggest eye-ball. With tax-like inevitability such behaviour is creating something of a backlash amongst those of us who are not able to attend because we are too poor and scabby. That worries me. As non-attendees, it falls to us to not only tolerate the wankfest that is the TMF in the week before NEST, but to do so with delicacy and decorum. To this end I have compiled a list of "Do's and Don'ts" which I believe to be essential reading for every TMF member who is not going to NEST this year. And before anyone sends me a private-type message asking; no, I'm not joking and yes, I AM that arrogant. So fuck you and your cornflakes. We'll begin with the Do's
+ Do respond to any NEST-related enthusiasm with deference and poise. I know it's difficult, but you have to remember that for some of these people NEST is the only social event they'll ever go to that won't require them to dress up as C3PO or a Klingon to enter, and indeed some of them are leaving their padded cells/ TV chairs for the first time in a year just to go to Transylvania.
+ Do respect the rights of these saddos to gush about how they're better than you because they're going to Transylvania. As noted above, for some of these people bumping shoulders with a fellow ticklephile is the closest they'll ever get to indulging their fetish. And I'm not just talking about the men, either.
+ Do acknowledge that the reason you're so annoyed by all the threads and enthusiasm is because you're jealous that you can't go. It's okay to feel like a pikey bastard because you're too poor to afford the registration fee, or indeed because you do not have a credit card with which to pay the fee. You feel like a pikey because you ARE a pikey. Even if you did commit that armed robbery you've been planning and get the cash together to go, they probably wouldn't let you in anyway because you smell like rotten cabbage and are wearing the suit your great grandfather was buried in.
+ Do remember that there's another one next year. Just because you couldn't go this year doesn't mean you'll neccesarily have to miss out next year. Save those pennies, friend!
And now the Don'ts:
+ Don't start leaping from NEST thread to NEST thread pissing and wailing about how you wouldn't go even if they paid you because you're far too cool. Even if it's true nobody will believe you. All you'll achieve is to make yourself look a complete cock. Show a bit of class. If you can't say anything nice, shut the fuck up.
+ Don't assume that just because people are going to NEST that they'll neccesarily be spending the entire weekend spanking it over that semi-cute attention ***** you've lusted after since you first made a TMF account. It's not an orgy. Not one you'd want to join in with at any rate. Look at the Member's Gallery if you don't believe me.
+ Don't forget that once NEST is over the returning attendees get free reign to spam up every available forum with wankfest threads exhorting the whole thing as a triumphal carnivale of delights so exquisite that Dionysus himself could not have planned finer. Try to resist the urge to snark and whine in these threads about how you're sick of hearing about NEST. You don't want to discourage these people from leaving their armchairs again, do you? No.. There's a good little pleb. Just sort of gurgle along with the flow, it peters out after a while.
+ Finally, and this is the absolute most important point in the whole thread; don't spend the entire NEST weekend posting fucking Youtube video threads. I mean it. If I catch you doing it I'll have your hands off you little bastard. How am I supposed to read the guitar hero thread if I can't find it because you've posted 100 different threads linking to various videos depicting kittens doing silly things with yarns? I don't care if they're cute, I'll gut you like an ANZAC at Gallipoli.
That is all.
+ Do respond to any NEST-related enthusiasm with deference and poise. I know it's difficult, but you have to remember that for some of these people NEST is the only social event they'll ever go to that won't require them to dress up as C3PO or a Klingon to enter, and indeed some of them are leaving their padded cells/ TV chairs for the first time in a year just to go to Transylvania.
+ Do respect the rights of these saddos to gush about how they're better than you because they're going to Transylvania. As noted above, for some of these people bumping shoulders with a fellow ticklephile is the closest they'll ever get to indulging their fetish. And I'm not just talking about the men, either.
+ Do acknowledge that the reason you're so annoyed by all the threads and enthusiasm is because you're jealous that you can't go. It's okay to feel like a pikey bastard because you're too poor to afford the registration fee, or indeed because you do not have a credit card with which to pay the fee. You feel like a pikey because you ARE a pikey. Even if you did commit that armed robbery you've been planning and get the cash together to go, they probably wouldn't let you in anyway because you smell like rotten cabbage and are wearing the suit your great grandfather was buried in.
+ Do remember that there's another one next year. Just because you couldn't go this year doesn't mean you'll neccesarily have to miss out next year. Save those pennies, friend!
And now the Don'ts:
+ Don't start leaping from NEST thread to NEST thread pissing and wailing about how you wouldn't go even if they paid you because you're far too cool. Even if it's true nobody will believe you. All you'll achieve is to make yourself look a complete cock. Show a bit of class. If you can't say anything nice, shut the fuck up.
+ Don't assume that just because people are going to NEST that they'll neccesarily be spending the entire weekend spanking it over that semi-cute attention ***** you've lusted after since you first made a TMF account. It's not an orgy. Not one you'd want to join in with at any rate. Look at the Member's Gallery if you don't believe me.
+ Don't forget that once NEST is over the returning attendees get free reign to spam up every available forum with wankfest threads exhorting the whole thing as a triumphal carnivale of delights so exquisite that Dionysus himself could not have planned finer. Try to resist the urge to snark and whine in these threads about how you're sick of hearing about NEST. You don't want to discourage these people from leaving their armchairs again, do you? No.. There's a good little pleb. Just sort of gurgle along with the flow, it peters out after a while.
+ Finally, and this is the absolute most important point in the whole thread; don't spend the entire NEST weekend posting fucking Youtube video threads. I mean it. If I catch you doing it I'll have your hands off you little bastard. How am I supposed to read the guitar hero thread if I can't find it because you've posted 100 different threads linking to various videos depicting kittens doing silly things with yarns? I don't care if they're cute, I'll gut you like an ANZAC at Gallipoli.
That is all.
*splutter* friggin hilarious 
