For decades, the mysterious process of writing has been idealized, glorified, heroicized, and dramatized while thousands of writers toil endlessly trying to crack the enigma of how to write the Great American Novel (or Great Work of Literature [International]). Well ladies and gentlemen, I HAVE CRACKED THE CODE and I will reveal here, now, and FOR FREE...the secret to writing a literary masterpiece in just 4 easy steps.
1. Develop a chemical addiction of your choice: booze, drugs, hallucinogens (nicotine doesn't count)
2. Under influence of said chemicals, write what comes to your mind, especially if its painful and embarrassing.
3. Give it a title that makes absolutely NO SENSE or has NO REFERENCE to the story.
4. Submit to publisher and await publication. If this fails, fake your own death and wait for posthumous recognition before "coming back to life" and writing a successor novel.
* (Proofreading, proper page ordering, and editing are optional...you can always pass it off as intentional at lectures and signings)
Seriously...think about it: the most famous books in the world are remembered by people who have never even read them. It's ALL because of the title. Consider this list of famous novels:
A Tree Grows in Brooklyn
Moby-Dick
The Catcher in the Rye
The Grapes of Wrath
To Kill a Mockingbird
The Agony and the Ecstasy
Wuthering Heights
Atlas Shrugged
Steppenwolf
I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings
Gravity's Rainbow
The Crying of Lot 49
The Sun Also Rises
Of Mice and Men
The Bell Jar
Of Human Bondage
Naked Lunch
A Clockwork Orange
Catch-22
No Country For Old Men
The Long Goodbye
Can you tell ANYTHING about the book or the story from the title? Nope, but you recognize them don't you? And they made a fortune as well. Coincidence? I think not!
This also works for plays:
Equus
The Night of the Iguana
The Glass Menagerie
The Man in the Glass Booth
The Tempest
See? Now that you grasp the secret in your hands, GO FORTH! WRITE! MAKE MILLIONS!
1. Develop a chemical addiction of your choice: booze, drugs, hallucinogens (nicotine doesn't count)
2. Under influence of said chemicals, write what comes to your mind, especially if its painful and embarrassing.
3. Give it a title that makes absolutely NO SENSE or has NO REFERENCE to the story.
4. Submit to publisher and await publication. If this fails, fake your own death and wait for posthumous recognition before "coming back to life" and writing a successor novel.
* (Proofreading, proper page ordering, and editing are optional...you can always pass it off as intentional at lectures and signings)
Seriously...think about it: the most famous books in the world are remembered by people who have never even read them. It's ALL because of the title. Consider this list of famous novels:
A Tree Grows in Brooklyn
Moby-Dick
The Catcher in the Rye
The Grapes of Wrath
To Kill a Mockingbird
The Agony and the Ecstasy
Wuthering Heights
Atlas Shrugged
Steppenwolf
I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings
Gravity's Rainbow
The Crying of Lot 49
The Sun Also Rises
Of Mice and Men
The Bell Jar
Of Human Bondage
Naked Lunch
A Clockwork Orange
Catch-22
No Country For Old Men
The Long Goodbye
Can you tell ANYTHING about the book or the story from the title? Nope, but you recognize them don't you? And they made a fortune as well. Coincidence? I think not!
This also works for plays:
Equus
The Night of the Iguana
The Glass Menagerie
The Man in the Glass Booth
The Tempest
See? Now that you grasp the secret in your hands, GO FORTH! WRITE! MAKE MILLIONS!
