SmileyTkls
2nd Level Orange Feather
- Joined
- Sep 14, 2001
- Messages
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I received this and thought it was so funny, since I'm from and in the rural Midwest (if Indiana counts, for you 'true' Midwestphiles), so here's a list of things that non-Midwest folks should know, all in fun. 😀
Smiley
For everyone who loves the rural Midwest.
Because of misunderstandings that frequently develop when
Easterners and Californians cross into the Midwest states,
the Midwest Tourism Councils have adopted a new policy.
In an effort to help outsiders understand the rural
Midwesterner's mind, the following list will be handed to
each person as they enter each Midwestern state.
1. That slope-shouldered farm boy did more work before
breakfast than you do all week at the gym.
2. It's called a 'gravel road.' No matter how slow you
drive, you're going to get dust on your Navigator. I have
a four wheel drive because I need it. Drive it or get it
out of my way.
3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were five
years old. Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.
4. Any references to 'corn fed' when talking about our
women will get you whipped ..........by our women.
5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry
to us if a flathead breaks it off at the handle. We have
a name for those little 13-inch trout you fish for...bait.
6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.
7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are
making their final approach, we will shoot it. You might
hope you don't have it up to your ear at that time.
8. That's right. Whiskey is only two bucks. We can buy a
fifth for what you paid in the airport for one drink.
9. No, there's no 'vegetarian special' on the menu. Order
steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad
and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey.
10. Yeah, we have sweet tea. It comes in a glass with two
packets of sugar and a long spoon.
11. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet,
and served over ice.
12. So you have a sixty thousand dollar car. We're real
impressed. We have quarter of a million dollar Combines
that we only use two weeks a year.
13. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in
town. We stop when it's red. We may even stop when it's
yellow.
14. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks because they
want to. So, you're a feminist. Isn't that cute?
15. Yeah, we eat catfish, carp, and turtle, too. You
really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the bait shop.
16. They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get over
it. Don't like it? Interstate 70 goes two ways and
Interstate 35 goes the other two ways. Take your pick.
17. The 'opener' refers to the first day of deer season.
It's a religious holiday. You can get breakfast at the
church.
18. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called
being friendly. Understand the concept?
19. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water
hazards. It spooks the fish.
20. That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you over
for driving like an idiot...his name is 'Sir'...no matter
how old he is.
Now enjoy your visit and then go home!
Smiley
For everyone who loves the rural Midwest.
Because of misunderstandings that frequently develop when
Easterners and Californians cross into the Midwest states,
the Midwest Tourism Councils have adopted a new policy.
In an effort to help outsiders understand the rural
Midwesterner's mind, the following list will be handed to
each person as they enter each Midwestern state.
1. That slope-shouldered farm boy did more work before
breakfast than you do all week at the gym.
2. It's called a 'gravel road.' No matter how slow you
drive, you're going to get dust on your Navigator. I have
a four wheel drive because I need it. Drive it or get it
out of my way.
3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were five
years old. Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.
4. Any references to 'corn fed' when talking about our
women will get you whipped ..........by our women.
5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry
to us if a flathead breaks it off at the handle. We have
a name for those little 13-inch trout you fish for...bait.
6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.
7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are
making their final approach, we will shoot it. You might
hope you don't have it up to your ear at that time.
8. That's right. Whiskey is only two bucks. We can buy a
fifth for what you paid in the airport for one drink.
9. No, there's no 'vegetarian special' on the menu. Order
steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad
and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey.
10. Yeah, we have sweet tea. It comes in a glass with two
packets of sugar and a long spoon.
11. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet,
and served over ice.
12. So you have a sixty thousand dollar car. We're real
impressed. We have quarter of a million dollar Combines
that we only use two weeks a year.
13. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in
town. We stop when it's red. We may even stop when it's
yellow.
14. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks because they
want to. So, you're a feminist. Isn't that cute?
15. Yeah, we eat catfish, carp, and turtle, too. You
really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the bait shop.
16. They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get over
it. Don't like it? Interstate 70 goes two ways and
Interstate 35 goes the other two ways. Take your pick.
17. The 'opener' refers to the first day of deer season.
It's a religious holiday. You can get breakfast at the
church.
18. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called
being friendly. Understand the concept?
19. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water
hazards. It spooks the fish.
20. That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you over
for driving like an idiot...his name is 'Sir'...no matter
how old he is.
Now enjoy your visit and then go home!
