I enjoyed it, but lost everything...

[Cif]

This is a rather hard topic for me to discuss here, but I would really like some people's view on this. I told my girlfriend of two and a half years relatively early in our relationship about my fetishes! Albeit, she was amazingly understanding and accommodating. We would play each others game in order to give one another pleasure.

I am by no means a sadistic tickler, I do not see it as "tickle torture" and if that is what I am partaking in becomes I will back away and leave it. However, when in this relationship, the convenience of having somebody to tickle got the better of me however much I have to admit this. It actually makes me feel sick how much it upsets me because I believed I had more self-control. When we broke up, one of the things that we discussed was my love for tickling (something I've never really accepted myself) and how much it turned me on. In a way, I was upset and angry at myself for being so selfish, because I love sex also but I like it to be a part of my sexual experience. Should I feel guilty as such? I mean, at the end of the day, I was accommodating her sexual needs, but she got a little tired of mine. It was because of this our break up was an extremely messy one, and one I still feel responsible for and I am upset I couldn't control my urges which ended up breaking her heart.

To summarise...

1. Does the convenience get the better of people and do we become selfish in the wake of having somebody who accepts a fetish?
2. Is it also selfish to become tired of somebody's fetish because its a part of them and they're also not as interested in "vanilla" sex as the partner may be?
3. Do you feel that attention to body parts that are not mainstream or indulging in alternative sex acts (such as a tickling fetish) make partners feel less sexy because we pay less attention to the parts theyre usually used to relating to sexuality?

Sorry for the long post... I hope this gets some conversation going. Its been bothering me for a long while.

 

[Cif]

Rereading this, something else I have thought about is that when I was tickling her, I almost forgot about EVERYTHING ELSE... perhaps even her. I was a predator and I was enjoying the activity that I enjoyed. Is this normal or is this a predatory nature in me without sounding prehistoric?

 

[rhiannon]

Okay, here is my opinion on this:

If you get together with someone, you want the person very badly. In the beginning, you are ready to accept their fetish and fulfill their wishes. But in time, if you don't enjoy it at least a little, your readiness to do that will wear down, especially if it doesn't happen occasionally but regularly.

And yes, I think if someone has a very strong fetish, the person who is with that fetishist might think that it is not about them, but only about the fact that they agree to participate in the fetish.

I felt like that for a while with my play partner, even though we DO share the fetish!

 

[Cif]

Thats interesting (and also sad) that you managed to get bored with somebody yo share the interest with.

Its funny because I got bored with her interests too, but never felt like anything was directed away from me. Its such a difficult topic. It just makes me feel seedy where that couldn't be further from the truth, I think.

 

[rhiannon]

? No, that's not what I meant! 🙂 I am not getting bored with him, I thought that he was only interested in me because I would let him tickle me. 🙂

The thing with having likes and dislikes which are totally different from each other is complicated....if you can't meet in the middle, sooner or later the relationship will break apart. You have to have a few things that both like a lot, and those which are just done as a favor shouldn't happen all too often.

Personally I would never ask my partner to do something sexual for me as a favor. He's not into it - he shouldn't do it! I couldn't enjoy it anyways then.

 

[Cif]

? No, that's not what I meant! 🙂 I am not getting bored with him, I thought that he was only interested in me because I would let him tickle me. 🙂

The thing with having likes and dislikes which are totally different from each other is complicated....if you can't meet in the middle, sooner or later the relationship will break apart. You have to have a few things that both like a lot, and those which are just done as a favor shouldn't happen all too often.

Personally I would never ask my partner to do something sexual for me as a favor. He's not into it - he shouldn't do it! I couldn't enjoy it anyways then.

Haha, that was a freudian slip, I apologise. I didn't mean it like that either. I have verbal diarrhea sometimes.

I don't think its about getting something as a favour. However, I wouldn't like a partner to not know as well as not having any expectation for anything in return. I wouldn't expect something as a "favour" from somebody I had that connection with.

 

[rhiannon]

But you say you were playing one another's games to give you pleasure. Isn't that the exact definition of doing each other a favour?

 

[Cif]

It usually suggests an act of kindness etc that is beyond the usual expectation and I feel we were doing for one another something that gave us both pleasure. It was a mutually enjoyable experience to begin with. Maybe she did begin to favour me eventually.

 

[rhiannon]

She probably did. If you continously do stuff that you are not really into, you will get tired of it eventually.

 

[TicklesFemales]

My take on this is that she your girlfriend was only doing you a favor by allowing you to tickle her, but she was not really into it herself. She grew tired of it or annoyed with it since it seemed that was all you were looking forward to and not the satisfying her sexualy part. Tickling is fun especially when you find a ticklish lady who is willing to let you tickle them, but if they want more than tickling alone then you should oblige them I think. I can tickle someone without having sex with them, but hey I am also a guy who loves sex and would not turn it down if it was offered by one of the ticklee's I have ever tickled. I am always looking for willing ticklee's but not looking for sex in itself. If offered or my ticklee wanted it after the tickling or during the tickling I would have sex with her.
I don't know if I am answering your dilema questions or not or if I am only giving an opinion, but thought I would add something to this post.

TicklesFemales

 

[Cif]

You did touch on it. I mean, we had amazing sex... we were sleeping together 4-5 times a day even when we broke up and it never got dull. I love sex as much as I love tickling. It wasn't concentrated purely on tickling, don't get me wrong. But I can't switch off the urges that I have. Meh, who knows?

 

[Skipadeedoodah]

My basic opinion is this. If tickling is something you need or want to include in your sexual encounters on a regular basis, you need to have someone who's going to be willing to accommodate that. If you can do without it, then you can have someone who isn't interested in participating in your fetish.

It sounds as though you need/want tickling to be involved all the time, and there's nothing wrong with that. It's not wrong of you to want it, and it's not wrong of her to not want it. It just means the two of you aren't going to mesh well in this area. But no one is "wrong".

 

[LD_Tickler]

Ultimately, you two weren't compatible. People who aren't compatible can only stick it out for so long before one or both become critically unsatisfied. That's not selfishness. Be proud that the two of you managed to stay together as long as you did; it speaks to both of your characters.

 

[solescratcher99]

This is a rather hard topic for me to discuss here, but I would really like some people's view on this. I told my girlfriend of two and a half years relatively early in our relationship about my fetishes! Albeit, she was amazingly understanding and accommodating. We would play each others game in order to give one another pleasure.

I am by no means a sadistic tickler, I do not see it as "tickle torture" and if that is what I am partaking in becomes I will back away and leave it. However, when in this relationship, the convenience of having somebody to tickle got the better of me however much I have to admit this. It actually makes me feel sick how much it upsets me because I believed I had more self-control. When we broke up, one of the things that we discussed was my love for tickling (something I've never really accepted myself) and how much it turned me on. In a way, I was upset and angry at myself for being so selfish, because I love sex also but I like it to be a part of my sexual experience. Should I feel guilty as such? I mean, at the end of the day, I was accommodating her sexual needs, but she got a little tired of mine. It was because of this our break up was an extremely messy one, and one I still feel responsible for and I am upset I couldn't control my urges which ended up breaking her heart.

To summarise...

1. Does the convenience get the better of people and do we become selfish in the wake of having somebody who accepts a fetish?
2. Is it also selfish to become tired of somebody's fetish because its a part of them and they're also not as interested in "vanilla" sex as the partner may be?
3. Do you feel that attention to body parts that are not mainstream or indulging in alternative sex acts (such as a tickling fetish) make partners feel less sexy because we pay less attention to the parts theyre usually used to relating to sexuality?

Sorry for the long post... I hope this gets some conversation going. Its been bothering me for a long while.

Nope. You're not being "selfish". That's just a term people throw around when their interests collide.

1. It depends on the person. But, usually becoming obsessed with sex (in one form or another) usually means something else is going on. For example, I used to use sex to ease my anxiety. Still do too sometimes. Its a great stress reliever now and then.

2. Two questions: 1st: No, its not selfish to become tired of somebodies fetish. People get tired of many things from the books they read to the sex they have. Its natural. 2nd: Is it selfish they're not as interested in vanilla sex as the partner is? Nope. Many people aren't interested in doing things with their partners. But, they do it because they care for them and, in the midst of it, at least try to find some way to remember why they care about them enough to "go to their baby shower" or "attend a party with them" or "do that thing they like in bed". So, its not selfishness. Its skill-less-ness. Specifically, not having the ability to respond to the situation.

3. I'm not really sure what to make of this. You guys were having sex (intercourse) 4-5 times a day? Obviously, she was getting her sexual needs met. I don't know. Maybe the relationship just ran its course and had nothing to do with sex. It happens all the time so why would it not happen to people involved with alternative forms of sexuality as well?

My friends and I would always try to find all sorts of reasons why our previous relationships ended. We'd say maybe its' this or maybe it was this. Even my partners (whom I stayed in contact with over the years) would try to figure out what it was. When everything cooled off, we found out it was never any of the reasons we concocted throughout the break up. It was usually something completely benign and impersonal. Sometimes it had to do with our own personal immaturity and psychological issues, but even those aren't personal (due to conditioning and simply misguided thinking).

Sort of a weird thing to say, but my experience in relationships has made me really picky. For example, I won't date bar rats anymore. Those chicks are trouble. lol.

 

[tickler4u2]

Your post really struck a chord in me and I can tell that you're in a lot of pain. But, I think the relationship ended for reasons other than a tickling fetish. You said you were having sex multiple times per day. It sounds to me that her sexual needs were being met and you aren't selfish. I found it interesting when you said, "when we broke up one of the things we discussed was my love for tickling" I assume you meant that she apparently had a problem with it? It seems to me that there was a lack of communication and selfishness on her part. If she started to have a problem with it, she could have asked you to tone it down. You are not a mind reader.
I think the answer to your third question is that it depends. If you're paying attention to the usual sexual parts, why can't one more be added such as feet?

For two people that are truly in love and compatible, a harmless fetish is at most a minor inconvenience if you don't get too obsessed with it and you satisfy your partner. It sounds like you were. Don't be too hard on yourself!

 

[rhiannon]

Maybe the relationship even was defined though sex way more than it should have been. When I read 4-5 times a day, I think that is A LOT. I mean, in the beginning - the very beginning! - of a relationship, okay. But on the long run? I don't even have the time to do it that often, leave alone the urge! 🙂

If I may ask, how often did sex include tickling?

 

[Morning Angel]

I am upset I couldn't control my urges which ended up breaking her heart.

Rereading this, something else I have thought about is that when I was tickling her, I almost forgot about EVERYTHING ELSE... perhaps even her. I was a predator and I was enjoying the activity that I enjoyed. Is this normal or is this a predatory nature in me without sounding prehistoric?

I can't tell if you're exaggerating here because of your feelings about the break-up, but as long as you kept her pleasure in mind you shouldn't blame yourself for the incompatibility.

That said, I'm a lady who adores tickling, and if I were with someone who didn't accept it when I'm not in the mood for it or when I want it to stop, I'd be none too pleased...