I hate this interest sometimes

[doseone]

So I'm wondering if anyone else has this trouble as tickling has ruined my life recently. As I was just fired for the 2nd time in over two years for revealing my interest in being tickled to coworkers. I know it's wrong to tell or confess this to people you work with, but I almost can't control myself sometimes. It's like I'm so desperate to find someone to help me out that I just end up blurting it out to others or sending them e-mails/messages about it. Wondering if anyone else has this similar problem or maybe know ways I can better control/keep it in check. I'd appreciate any and all replies to this topic. Thanks

 

[Adam]

Man, I swear I'm not being flippant when I say this, but I'd strongly suggest looking into counseling. I also have to wonder if there's more to this story than just having revealed your interest to co-workers. I'd expect something like that could make one the butt of some jokes, but... fired? Twice? You sure you didn't take things further than just a revelation?

 

[AngelOfDarkness]

Not surprising. "Hey, I get off on tickling." isn't exactly appropriate for being around the water cooler. It may have been a complaint of sexual harassment. I'd agree with counseling.

 

[mabus]

Yep, get counseling.
Okay, but you asked us here. And we'll be happy to help.

But first.

Please.

No, seriously.

NO, REALLY - if you need help, and seek our help, and you want to tell us what happened,

BE FUCKING HONEST.

I in no way want to discourage you from getting help from anyone here, but lately we've had a lot of crazy-level lying here (go look at the "I got attacked by a fellow TMFer in the park while minding my own business" thread, or the others where people were on buses grabbing at people and pretending they were all innocent, or being really inappropriate at work, and not coming clean until 5 pages later or something.)

Letting someone at work know you have a tickling fetish at work won't get you fired unless you work for complete assholes, who personally hate you fo no reason. One of my co-workers worked a second job at the local sex shop, and she talked about the weird people who came in there often. Other times she talked about her Mexican man fetish, and she only sleeps with Mexican men. She was eventually fired. You know why?

She kept coming in late, and not showing up for work. All the sex stuff I just talked about had nothing to do with her firing. She could probably get a job back with us, and STILL talk about her love for hot Mexican dick.....as long as she shows up, and on time.

SO, be honest, and there are hundreds here who can give you advice.

 

[solescratcher99]

Um, if you're getting fired for revealing your interest to co-workers that's discrimination. Its just like discrimination against someone who's openly gay. You can actually sue for that. Possibly with very little problem or effort on your behalf.

But, depending on the nature of your emails and messages, it can count as harassment. If you're just talking with someone about your personal interests or simply "coming out", then that's not harassment. But, if you're sending them countless messages and saying something like "are you interested in ___" or "hey, what do you think about ___". Then, yeah, you can't do that in the workplace.

Granted, I don't really think its as big a deal as they do, but you have to admit you may have made it out to be more than it originally was by trying to find some sort of emotional validation for it. You might end up in an dichotomous mind, saying to yourself "if they won't openly talk about it with me, that means they disapprove".

In this case, perhaps you pushed for them to talk with you to get that validation but they misconstrue your desperate behavior as a sexual advance towards them and you get fired as a result? Not a lot of people have a great deal of understanding for needy or desperate behaviors, so if this is the case it doesn't surprise me they fired you instead of sending you to see a counselor or someone to talk too (which is ironically what you actually wanted in the first place).

Am I misunderstanding anything about what happened so far?

 

[Ace Riley]

Honestly, why are you posting here instead of finding out what your rights as an employee are? You should be talking to a therapist or a lawyer. Second job? Please. The TMF is getting trolled, SO hard lately.

 

[ViperGTS]

If it hurts when you move it like that, then stop moving it like that.

First. Stop talking about your fetish at work. The workplace is an entirely inappropriate place to discuss your private sexual preferences. Period. I found this out the hard way and hopefully, you now have as well. Now stop it.

Secondly, if you feel as though you are unable to control yourself, then you need to learn more self control. As someone else mentioned in here, there are hundreds of people here with backgrounds in psychology who will be able to help you, as well as countless professionals who specialize in helping people like you with problems like this.

Slightly off topic - I STRONGLY doubt that the OP simply "revealed" his interest to someone - it's entirely more likely that he asked someone to allow him to tickle them, or asked someone to tickle him. No company would ever fire someone for just talking about what he likes - he would have needed to try to solicit someone.

 

[LD_Tickler]

If it hurts when you move it like that, then stop moving it like that.

First. Stop talking about your fetish at work. The workplace is an entirely inappropriate place to discuss your private sexual preferences. Period. I found this out the hard way and hopefully, you now have as well. Now stop it.

Secondly, if you feel as though you are unable to control yourself, then you need to learn more self control. As someone else mentioned in here, there are hundreds of people here with backgrounds in psychology who will be able to help you, as well as countless professionals who specialize in helping people like you with problems like this.

Slightly off topic - I STRONGLY doubt that the OP simply "revealed" his interest to someone - it's entirely more likely that he asked someone to allow him to tickle them, or asked someone to tickle him. No company would ever fire someone for just talking about what he likes - he would have needed to try to solicit someone.

I don't agree. If he was talking to a co-worker about what fetishes he likes, even without solicitation, I can easily imagine that co-worker becoming uncomfortable and complaining to the boss. If a company receives a complaint in the ballpark of sexual harassment, they'll fire the culprit. It would be easier to defend a dismissal on those grounds than a sexual harassment suit.

 

[ViperGTS]

I guess I'd need to know the details about the context of the conversation he had - apologies for the assumption and judgment.

 

[kis123]

Yep, get counseling.
Okay, but you asked us here. And we'll be happy to help.

But first.

Please.

No, seriously.

NO, REALLY - if you need help, and seek our help, and you want to tell us what happened,

BE FUCKING HONEST.

I in no way want to discourage you from getting help from anyone here, but lately we've had a lot of crazy-level lying here (go look at the "I got attacked by a fellow TMFer in the park while minding my own business" thread, or the others where people were on buses grabbing at people and pretending they were all innocent, or being really inappropriate at work, and not coming clean until 5 pages later or something.)

Letting someone at work know you have a tickling fetish at work won't get you fired unless you work for complete assholes, who personally hate you fo no reason. One of my co-workers worked a second job at the local sex shop, and she talked about the weird people who came in there often. Other times she talked about her Mexican man fetish, and she only sleeps with Mexican men. She was eventually fired. You know why?

She kept coming in late, and not showing up for work. All the sex stuff I just talked about had nothing to do with her firing. She could probably get a job back with us, and STILL talk about her love for hot Mexican dick.....as long as she shows up, and on time.

SO, be honest, and there are hundreds here who can give you advice.

Yeah, what he said!

Oh and for those of you who think he has a lawsuit, sexual fetishes are not in a Federally protected class so he might have a wrongful termination suit, but it had better be for something else than outing a fetish to coworkers. And I'm sure there is much more to the OP than is being posted.

Now to the OP:

If you are the same person who did the email thing with a coworker a couple of years ago, it's about time you realize that you cannot bring that mess to work. Your employer is paying you for time spent doing your job; fraternization is not on the menu and is discouraged at many companies. If you don't get a handle on this soon, you'll won't be employable. It's way past fetish status when you can't function through an eight hour workday. Get a therapist and get yourself some help before you end up in jail next time.

 

[Mitchell]

Unfortunately, any discussion of a sexual nature whatsoever can get someone either warned or fired nowadays. I have a friend who got in trouble at work on two different occasions, due to giving poems to female co workers. Thankfully, he was only warned, and not terminated, on both occasions, because it happened at two different jobs. After the warnings, he told me that he didnt give out any more poems.

While it would seem inappropriate to discuss tickling at work, unless someone else brought it up, and there was a whole discussion about it, I do have a question: Did you ask any co workers if they were ticklish, or about their ticklish experiences? If so, then it would seem to me that such could be considered a solicitation of sexual conversation, and harrassment, and might be grounds for termination. If all you said is "I like tickling", then it might seem that whoever fired you overreacted somewhat.

One final thing, and I'm saying this with the utmost sincerity, and to try and be helpful. If you had been terminated once for such a discussion, then I would say that you made a mistake, and to try and just be very careful not to do such again. Two terminations in two years for the same behavior, seems to me to be a red flag, and that you might be wise to seek counseling, to discuss what has happened to you at work in regard to this, so that hopefully it wont happen again.

Good Luck to you. I do hope that you are able to work through this problem.

Mitch

 

[Skipadeedoodah]

This is where paraphilia becomes a mental health issue. Kis is right - if you can't function at a job, it's time to get some help. And if/when you do seek counseling, I strongly encourage you to be honest with that person. One company might...MIGHT fire someone for opening up about a fetish, if they had strict rules about what was and was not to be discussed at work. However, I find it extremely hard to believe that two companies fired you for merely mentioning it. I'm in agreement with those who said you must have pushed way past appropriate chatter into sexual harassment territory.

No one can help solve a problem if you don't tell them the problem.

Good luck!

 

[baldadonis]

Um, if you're getting fired for revealing your interest to co-workers that's discrimination. Its just like discrimination against someone who's openly gay. You can actually sue for that. Possibly with very little problem or effort on your behalf

Sorry, if this is off-track for this topic but the above paragraph is completely wrong from a legal standpoint. If you want to return solely to the topic of what the OP should do with his problem skip over this post.

1. If you get fired for revealing your interest to co-workeres that is not discrimination. There are many forms of discrimination: age discrimination, gender discrimination, disability discrimination, veteran status, race, ethnicity, and nationality among others. To treat someone differently because of any of these things is discrimination because they are a public component of one's identity. They are something that is perfectly acceptable to discuss at work and to make any sort of decision in the workplace because of them is discrimination under the 1964 Civil Rights Act otherwise known as Title VII. Talking about tickling with coworkers or sending emails about how you'd like to tickle someone, and how that would make you feel, is not a public part of your identity. It is a public discussion of a private fetish that is not appropriate for the workplace. It is completely unprotected behavior and most likely would be viewed as harassment by coworkers and employers.

2. Unfortunately, however, discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation is not a protected class under Title VII. Title VII does state that a person may not be discriminated in the workplace "because of sex" but neither the Supreme Court nor the lower Federal Courts have ever interpreted that language to mean because of sexual orientation. Of course states are free to pass more protective laws than provided by Congress, but few have done that.

Also, even if one were to bring an action for sexual orientation discrimination, it would not be because people merely said that person is gay. The plaintiff would have to show some sort of pervasive continuous conduct that was so severe as to create a hostile work environment. There's a famous Supreme Court case where the petitioner quit his job because he felt if he didn't two of his male coworkers would going to beat and sodomize him. If the conduct rose to that level and the plaintiff worker could articulate another reason for the discrimination besides sexuality, than it might be protected.

Sorry for the diatribe, but once upon a time I wrote a legal article on this topic, so I felt compelled to correct the assertions in that paragraph for those of you actually trying to learn something from this thread.

Now, as to the situation at hand, I agree with others that counseling potentially could be something to look into. But more simply than that, you are clearly in need of someone to talk to about your fetish. I understand the feeling of having your fetish get pent up until you think can explode. If you don't have someone to talk to or play with, that can be an overwhelming feeling. I would suggest getting more involved here on the forum; try making some contacts or friends. Talk with people in the chatrooms about tickling if you like, that's a much more appropriate venue than work. Whatever outward mode of expression you choose for dealing with it, do something so that you are never again compelled to talk about your private sex or fetish life in the workplace again.

 

[solescratcher99]

It is illegal where he lives: Washington. The state law recently passed in 2006 I believe.

 

[doseone]

Thanks for all opinions and thoughts that were given, to give you some back story this was done not through work but outside of work through a social networking website. It wasn't an actual co-worker but a drug rep(I worked for a dermatology office). We were both friends of each other through the site and talked about numerous other things prior to this. One day we were chatting through the facebook chat system I decided to tell her about that I like being tickled as a form of stress relief and relaxation. She didn't seem that weird out or offended about it so I asked her would it be wrong to see if she'd ever be willing to tickle me sometime? She said it's not an issue, but that it's not something she would feel comfortable doing. I said no worries as that's cool, as I didn't expect her to accept and left it at that then we went onto a completely different topic. After she said no I never brought it up or mentioned it to her again, however I was told when I was fired/terminated that she had felt uncomfortable from this that she started to not want to come to our clinic based on how I made her feel. Never did I ever bring it up or mention it again after that one time and when she came into the office I always acted professionally to her and kept the conversation light aka how's your day going and so forth.

I don't have any friends into tickling and am for the most part embarrassed or ashamed of it. So I generally internalize the interest and keep it to myself only to confide in my female friends or people I work with in the hopes that one of them will understand/accept it and be willing to help me out. Also I have been in therapy for a while, but have had trouble going due to constantly changing medical insurance or not having visits covered all the time. Plus the therapists I have had have not been the most helpful as they think I need to get rid of this thing completely rather than learn to control or be more comfortable with it.

So there you guys are you know the whole truth, anything else you want to know about it feel free to ask me either through this thread or by e-mail. Thanks for all your input and help.

 

[Skipadeedoodah]

I agree with baldadonis that it would be good for you to be more active and try to make more friends here. You know that people here are going to be accepting of your interest, and you may even meet a play partner, who knows. I think internalizing it clearly only making you obsess about it, and it's affecting your job performance, whether you think it is or not.

Keep anything not job-related out of the workplace. Sometimes some people can get away with mentioning something here or there, but obviously you can't be it because of what your job entails or how you go about it, we'll never know, but the fact remains that mixing the two worlds is continuing to cause you problems.

Do the work thing at work, and the tickling thing here, and you should be just fine 🙂

 

[ticklesfeetintx]

Also to note, be careful of "Facebook chats." It's easy to think that just because someone talks to you in Facebook, you're thinking of them as a friend level. But a lot of people use Facebook to network. So while she was having a "friendly" conversation with her, she could still be thinking of you as a co-worker who she's having idle chat with, therefore making your request to be tickled by her uncomfortable.

I know how you feel, dude. It's a Catch-22. You're scared to ask someone to tickle you, but you can't be tickled unless you ask someone to tickle you. And I know some people say talk to folks in the forum, which is very helpful, but I know that can also only get you so far if you want to be "ticklelly active."

So I would suggest keep trying to make friends both in and out of the forum and hope one feels close enough to reveal your secrets, but best stay away from doing it at work. I know it sounds innocent enough, but to the even slightly vanilla of people, it's not much different than "Hey, I like having sex. You want to have sex with me, co-worker!"

And I'm sure your fellow ticklers here can give you some tricks of the trade of how to "feel" someone out before revealing that big secret. You just have to go with your gut, no matter how much you want the tickling to start soon. Even someone who would eventually be a tickling partner may not be one if you ask too soon.

Now hopefully I can follow my own advice.

P.S. Is it safe to say there are no dungeons, ranches, or S&M type places that you can go to and at least have a tickle session. You'd have to pay for it, but it's something.

 

[kis123]

But more simply than that, you are clearly in need of someone to talk to about your fetish. I understand the feeling of having your fetish get pent up until you think can explode. If you don't have someone to talk to or play with, that can be an overwhelming feeling. I would suggest getting more involved here on the forum; try making some contacts or friends. Talk with people in the chatrooms about tickling if you like, that's a much more appropriate venue than work. Whatever outward mode of expression you choose for dealing with it, do something so that you are never again compelled to talk about your private sex or fetish life in the workplace again.

This.

I noticed this yesterday that you have been a member since 2001 and have less than 200 posts. How are you going to learn and manage your fetish if you don't utilize this forum? You are going through internal torture every day; eventually what's inside of you starts coming out.

When I stumbled onto this forum I was scared, confused, and emotionally numb and stayed that way for awhile. Then I started posting; from there I made what started out as cyber friends to help me navigate through this place. Some of them I still consider friends today even though I have yet to meet them.

I still say get some therapy but learn how to open yourself up. If you start seeing this forum for what it is to many and start networking, you'll make some cool friendships. You might even get up the nerve to go to a gathering where there is definitely tickling going on, but there are people who have bonded pretty much for life and they meet as much and whenever they can.

Oh, and in the meantime once you get your job and financial issues straight, as a previous poster said, there are plenty of places you can go to get your tickling fix on. You won't be the first man who pays for it and you won't be the last, trust me.

 

[rhiannon]

There is a good example why you shouldn't mix sex and work! You can never tell how it ends!

 

[solescratcher99]

Wow. You're therapists have actually tried to change your sexual preference? Are you seeing closet Freudians or something? lol.

You should be looking for a more specialized therapist like a sex therapist instead of a general psychotherapist with an M.D.. If you can't find a sex therapist, maybe check in to see a therapist who's background is more existential-humanistic, client-centered, etc. Make sure to ask what they're studies consisted of BEFORE you see them and check it out before hand. If they say eclectic, ask what their eclecticism consists of. That's very important because if you don't agree with the therapists philosophy, you probably won't see any kind of useful improvement and will be wasting your time.

Plus, it helps with rapport if you have a general idea of the therapists attitude before you walk through the door.

Good luck!

 

[Wolf]

Not to be blunt, but there's a simple solution.

First: There's nothing wrong with you that needs to be fixed, except maybe some issues with self-confidence, and some schooling on boundaries.

Second: Stop talking about your sexual desires with co-workers, or anyone in your professional sphere, until you've developed a relationship with them where such intimacy would be appropriate. (Provided there are no policies forbidding dating)

 

[Musicroxmysox]

Like everyone else has said, you can't be to careful now a days.

Almost anything can be construed as harassment today. As much as you want to tell a co- worker that you trust, it is better to not do that since you never know.

As many have said before me utilize this forum. Find people you can talk to and not feel all pent up.

Good luck with everything.

 

[P_Bustleton]

Drug reps are supposed to be flirty. Moreover, dermatology is especially populated by beautiful people, for obvious reasons. I can understand how something like this could happen.

Adult tickling is sexual, even for "vanilla" people. Date first, then bring up tickling.
I agree with the previous advice about being active on the forum. It's a very interesting fetish, and I hope you can explore it and discover yourself.

Dave, I loved the legal treatise. You should write a Law Review article on tickling. 🙂

 

[chuckle]

I agree with

Yep, get counseling.
Okay, but you asked us here. And we'll be happy to help.

But first.

Please.

No, seriously.

NO, REALLY - if you need help, and seek our help, and you want to tell us what happened,

BE FUCKING HONEST.

I in no way want to discourage you from getting help from anyone here, but lately we've had a lot of crazy-level lying here (go look at the "I got attacked by a fellow TMFer in the park while minding my own business" thread, or the others where people were on buses grabbing at people and pretending they were all innocent, or being really inappropriate at work, and not coming clean until 5 pages later or something.)

Letting someone at work know you have a tickling fetish at work won't get you fired unless you work for complete assholes, who personally hate you fo no reason. One of my co-workers worked a second job at the local sex shop, and she talked about the weird people who came in there often. Other times she talked about her Mexican man fetish, and she only sleeps with Mexican men. She was eventually fired. You know why?

She kept coming in late, and not showing up for work. All the sex stuff I just talked about had nothing to do with her firing. She could probably get a job back with us, and STILL talk about her love for hot Mexican dick.....as long as she shows up, and on time.

SO, be honest, and there are hundreds here who can give you advice.

First. Stop talking about your fetish at work. The workplace is an entirely inappropriate place to discuss your private sexual preferences. stop it.

- be honest
- Stop talking about your fetish at work

 

[mabus]

I meant be honest in "Tell US the truth."

For example, I love Handel on The Law, a radio show. Poeple call in, and are like "Man, I was walking down the street with my shirt untucked, and this cop just throws me to the ground for no reason. Can I sue?"
They discuss it for 5 minutes, the guy talking about a handicap that prevents him from tucking his shirt in, whatever. Eventually the conversation ends because Handel asks a simple question, and the dude responds something like "Yeah, I had some blood on my shirt, a 44 magnum in my left hand that was pulling my shirt out, and 14 pounds of crack cocaine shoved in my underwear...." And Handel screams at him "You Didn't Tell US THAT!" and tells him have fun in jail or something.......

You know, "I was sitting on a park bench, and a fellow TMFer who I never met beats the crap out of me...."
-"Oh, he was someone I did know, and he found out about this place."
-Oh, there was no park, I'm not even the person I say I am......

Crap like that.

I guess I still need more info, because you got fired from TWO jobs, and if you were talking to this chick after hours on facebook, I can see how you could have fought that.
If you're dating someone outside work, and you both break up, and she doesn't want to come to your place....you can't get fired for that, for example. Maybe I don't know my absurdly anal human resource rules, but I can't see how you could be fired, and not maybe reprimanded, if even that.
Or if you see her at a club, ask her to dance, she says no, then you claim you can't work around her, because she rebuffed you on the dance floor...so they fire her....
Doesn't make a lot of sense. Being fired for something that trivial, for something after hours, in THIS economy....hell yeah I'd fight that. I wouldn't have asked her to tickle me, but still, firing is a little extreme. Now, if it was at work, and you had her cornered in the back warehouse, that's a different story...
Where I work, EVERYONE talks about sex. I have yet to work a job where people talk about work, and that's it!