I have come to the depressing conclusion that...

[CuteJill143]

I have come the conclusion that I can never be happy with somebody vanilla. I tried telling myself with my last relationship that tickling did not matter at all and that he cared about me and that fact was more important. I even started hating myself being on TMF and Fetlife for even just for discussion and talking to people. It made me feel guilty and shameful to even be interacting on this site and even guiltier when I put out a personnel to find someone I had lost connection with even though I did not have intent to cheat on my boyfriend at the time. I just needed someone else to talk to about it. I am aware that a few people criticized me for being a hypocrite for making a personnel and complaining about a jealous boyfriend in the same week and you were all 100% right for calling me out on my BS and I appreciate people having the courage to point out what I was doing. I needed that because I realized then that I was not truly happy being in that relationship.

When I missed out on tickling fun and even simply talking about it with others it made me realize that it is a part of me that I can not even change or forget about. As I said in another post earlier its hard to have both the commitment of a relationship AND the tickle play. Its always been one or the other with me. We can't have our cake and eat it too. I never had both with anyone =( Some people have been truly lucky with finding both but unfortunately its so rare and not everyone could have that.

What hurts is that I had so many other things in common with him. He liked the tickle play but he did not love it. I think he just gave it a shot to humor me. A huge part of me wants to just remain single and never date anyone steady again and just have tickle play whenever I want with no drama or anyone getting hurt. Yet at the same time I have a bit of hope that if I hold out long enough and not settle; maybe I will find the right guy for me and maybe just maybe he likes tickling too. I feel that is too high of an expectation for me to have. The desire for a soul mate versus the desire to live my fantasies and have my play time will always continue to clash with one another. =(

 

[2ltamerica]

I'm going though the same thing. The dream is to find someone that apreciates the lifestyle as much as I do, but the reality is that it may be a hopeless quest. I know that feel. It's daunting, but I suppose all we can do is remain cautiously optimistic and hope for the best. If it never happens, we just have to ensure it's a fun ride while looking for it.

 

[deadlywiffeathr]

I feel for you and your situation. But sometimes we need to do the hard things to make things right. When I ended things with my ex last year I realised something. As selfish as our actions may seem, we have to make ourselves happy first. I was scared to end things because it would hurt him, but to condemn myself to a life of lies and pretend is just not fair to anyone. It hurts everyone more in the long run. I felt a deep connection for over a year and a half, no doubt. But when you start to realise that the one thing you strive for will never be fulfilled the choice becomes very clear. In my case it had nothing to do with tickling, but I can see a few similarities here. I hope you find that special someone soon. Life is made to be lived, mistakes and all. I think the key with our interest is to not become so fixated on it, otherwise our partners will be too. Play it by ear. Take things as they come. ENJOY IT! The most powerful attribute we have as humans is the ability to reflect. We need to trust our instincts when they tell us things are wrong or right. Dont feel bad for listening to your heart 🙂

 

[Deleted member 2452]

dont be so down, this is a magnificent starting point for you, you now know what you want, and can look for that i n a relationship. i must have lived a charmed life, or i was charming , lol. i have met and had serious relationship with several girls/women that all were into tickling to some extent, and i wasn't even trying! i was honest about my love of tickle play with them, and they responded positivly. you can do it too. now go out there and grab a man and tickle him silly, he'll love you for it, and respond in kind!

steve

 

[rhiannon]

He liked the tickle play but he did not love it.

Seriously - shouldn't liking it be enough? I guess the tickling wasn't the only problem in that relationship.

 

[Em Es]

Relationships are over-rated

http://sexatdawn.com/

CuteJill143, I recommend the book Sex at Dawn. I think it will help you understand your feelings.

Not that I've taken a survey, but I imagine finding a lover who's as much into tickling as you are does not happen for most of us. After reading Sex at Dawn, if you still think you want an exclusive relationship and your next lover's another guy who just isn't into tickling, I suggest seeking a platonic tickle buddy that you keep a secret. That is, unless tickling and sex are inseparable for you; should that be the situation, you might want to bend some rules for the sake of your own sanity. Good luck.

 

[Dandy Jack]

Cute Jill this post is for you... I feel your pain!

Just keep living...Perhaps your luck will change...

I have a GF of many years who won't have anything to do with tickling...

She is a companion... My compromise is I don't get what I want from her in

a certain area... she gives me other things I like....

To take care of the tickling needs I hire pros... It is beginning to not be what I want anymore.

However to find a total package has not been easy...

I have never found any girl that was not being paid by me who even liked tickling...

I have tickled every GF I have had in Life, but all of their bitching complaining is too much.

In essence if your partner does not have a passion for tickling...It may never work.

You do have to make yourself happy.

Good luck to both of us finding someone that shares your tickling needs and passion.

Dandy Jack!

 

[guysmiley]

When I got divorced a few years ago, I decided that my next long term commitment would be with someone who enjoys tickling as much as I do. In the time since, I've bounced back and forth between whether or not it's really important. At times it definitely put me in a neutral position in which I did nothing and ultimately missed out on opportunities to meet someone both inside and outside of the tickling community.

My advice would be to make sure you know what you want but to still keep an open mind. And if something comes along that seems worth pursuing, even if it isn't a perfect fit for that choice, don't rob yourself of an opportunity!

But, if you do decide that a love of tickling is an absolute must-have, be patient and don't give up hope if it takes some time 🙂

Either way, best of luck!

 

[voided9]

There's a lot of good advice here, I believe everything that needs to be said has been said. I hope you find what you're looking for, I know it's not easy. And if you ever need to talk, about anything at all, you can PM me.

 

[CuteJill143]

Seriously - shouldn't liking it be enough? I guess the tickling wasn't the only problem in that relationship.

You are right about that. He was selfish and possessive too. Wanted me to call and "check in" and always explain myself if I was busy with studying and couldn't get back to him sooner.

 

[Dialon]

I have a vanilla partner, and she basically plays along well with my fetish. She doesn't dislike tickling, but doesn't like it either. It turns her on but only for the fact that I am touching her. But even as a vanilla, she still enjoys it a lot. When she does stuff for my fetish, I do things for what she likes to do. I can even talk to her about tickling and such.

So basically the point is, you can have a vanilla partner and still not miss out on any of your fetish. You just have to find the right person, which can take a while.

 

[Coda]

That's worth giving a lot of thought, CuteJill143, and it sounds like you've been doing that. I understand*it's a little melancholy to learn from experience, but in the long run, I don't think you'll find that depressing. It seems like a positive thing -- you're becoming aware of something that will help you sort between people you're interested in, and avoid wasting too much time and interest from people you don't think you'll do well with. (I think I vaguely remember that post about your past relationship, too, and it didn't sound fabulous to me either.)

 

[TicklesXXX]

I have come the conclusion that I can never be happy with somebody vanilla. I tried telling myself with my last relationship that tickling did not matter at all and that he cared about me and that fact was more important. I even started hating myself being on TMF and Fetlife for even just for discussion and talking to people. It made me feel guilty and shameful to even be interacting on this site and even guiltier when I put out a personnel to find someone I had lost connection with even though I did not have intent to cheat on my boyfriend at the time. I just needed someone else to talk to about it. I am aware that a few people criticized me for being a hypocrite for making a personnel and complaining about a jealous boyfriend in the same week and you were all 100% right for calling me out on my BS and I appreciate people having the courage to point out what I was doing. I needed that because I realized then that I was not truly happy being in that relationship.

When I missed out on tickling fun and even simply talking about it with others it made me realize that it is a part of me that I can not even change or forget about. As I said in another post earlier its hard to have both the commitment of a relationship AND the tickle play. Its always been one or the other with me. We can't have our cake and eat it too. I never had both with anyone =( Some people have been truly lucky with finding both but unfortunately its so rare and not everyone could have that.

What hurts is that I had so many other things in common with him. He liked the tickle play but he did not love it. I think he just gave it a shot to humor me. A huge part of me wants to just remain single and never date anyone steady again and just have tickle play whenever I want with no drama or anyone getting hurt. Yet at the same time I have a bit of hope that if I hold out long enough and not settle; maybe I will find the right guy for me and maybe just maybe he likes tickling too. I feel that is too high of an expectation for me to have. The desire for a soul mate versus the desire to live my fantasies and have my play time will always continue to clash with one another. =(

Understandable. Being in a relation without tickling, is like being in a relation without sex. Hard to keep, as you can not do with your loved what you like to do the most with a partner in a physical way.

 

[marcusb]

Finding what you describe is hard. Trust me... I've (and I'd guess others here) faced the same challenge. I've dated women who were otherwise the perfect GF but were not ticklish or hated it or whatever. In the end, it became a sticking point for me. I remain hopeful that someday the right person will come along. Best you can do is hope the same. 😉

 

[TicklesXXX]

Finding what you describe is hard. Trust me... I've (and I'd guess others here) faced the same challenge. I've dated women who were otherwise the perfect GF but were not ticklish or hated it or whatever. In the end, it became a sticking point for me. I remain hopeful that someday the right person will come along. Best you can do is hope the same. 😉

You could also not only hope, sitting in front of your computer, but search for your hoped dream.

 

[kalaxa]

I have the exact same problem. Above all I want a partner who shares my fetishes. Yes personality and interests matter. But really if she can't incorporate my fetishes I honestly don't think I could get an orgasm, which would scare the hell out of me. As in imaging getting to the point where your partner wants to have sex with you but you tell them you can't orgasm unless you do a fetishes he/she is most likely not interested in. I try and try to find someone online in the hopes she has my fetishes. This year I might be going to NEST finally. But really I don't know what else to do. I just want a nice sane girl who likes tickling and is single and interested in me. Yet this seems impossible to find.

 

[Dandy Jack]

Good to ask for a sane girl...

That makes a difference...

Dandy Jack!

 

[rhiannon]

He was selfish and possessive too. Wanted me to call and "check in" and always explain myself if I was busy with studying and couldn't get back to him sooner.

Yeah....to tell you the truth, and if he was the most perfect sex partner in the world for me, a guy doing that would be kicked to the curb by me in no time. Don't jump to the conclusion yet that it can't work with vanillas....that behavior was the main problem, not him not being into tickling that much!

 

[Bothersome]

Hey, if you want to have a relationship exclusively with someone with the fetish, that's fine. It happens all the time, all around us. Many, many of the people on this forum are dating people that share the fetish.

But... before you condemn yourself to that potentially long road, try dipping your toes in the dating pool again. Just... find someone who you have fun with. Get into a relationship that you enjoy, or at least try to. If you can't, then you can at least say you tried.

Just make sure to try with someone who isn't a paranoid lunatic first. I assure you that relationships are much more successful and enjoyable without those.

 

[Dandy Jack]

Yes Hun! Go out and tickle someone... You have to do it!!!

Better to ask forgiveness than permission...



Take a two hour tickling session outside of the marriage...Keep it quiet...

See how it feels to you! Then a few drinks if you drink...

then check in with the TMF for further comments....

Just do it!

You have to release the pressure...

Dandy Jack

 

[mb7700]

CuteJill: At least you are being honest with yourself now. That's a mandatory first step for finding any kind of real happiness or satisfaction in life.

 

[FeatherEndeavor]

CuteJill: At least you are being honest with yourself now. That's a mandatory first step for finding any kind of real happiness or satisfaction in life.

The first step in finding happiness, finding what you long for, finding what you need is being honest with yourself. And you'd mentioned that sometimes you feel guilty being on TMF or Fetlife. Sometimes what you want goes against the mainstream. Not everyone will get it. Not everyones will understand. But don't turn away from what makes you happy just because some people will think you're weird or crazy. And you may need to push away people in your life that are special in every other way just because they don't share your fetishes, but in the end it's best for both of you.

And don't give up hope. There are people on this site who are married to someone who loves tickling as much as they do. Can't think of the names right now but there are actually tickling dating sites! Really, I'm not kidding. It may be harder to find someone when you have alternative interests, but harder doesn't mean impossible. I know things kind of suck for you right now but just be patient. I promise it'll get better.

 

[JoePTickle]

I have come the conclusion that I can never be happy with somebody vanilla. I tried telling myself with my last relationship that tickling did not matter at all and that he cared about me and that fact was more important. I even started hating myself being on TMF and Fetlife for even just for discussion and talking to people...

...The desire for a soul mate versus the desire to live my fantasies and have my play time will always continue to clash with one another. =(

Jill, if you're coming around to being more comfortable on TMF and FetLife, then I'm happy for you. The closest thing to an outlet for me used to be some playful tickles with other, non-tickling types which went nowhere or backward. But since I've been active on TMF and FetLife, I've met up with several people for tickling and made online friends for talking, which I like to think has made my vanilla relationships stronger. There are plenty of examples of things that aren't common, but are fine just the same, and tickling's one of them. Keep posting, you'll have fun.

 

[ticklishguy1985]

I can understand your depression Jill, as no one every likes ending a relationship. That said, I think it is good to take a personal inventory of yourself and ask yourself what aspects of relationship are nonnegotiable. If tickling is an issue that is nonnegotiable and has to be a part of any romantic relationship then, though it may be painful it the short term, it is better in the long term to find someone who will share that aspect of your life with you. I know that for me tickling was something that was nonnegotiable for a spouse and was lucky enough to meet my wife who, though she wasn't into tickling before, became interested in it as we dated and enjoys it herself. I'm sorry to read that you are dealing with all this now, but hopefully it will open up opportunities to meet other like-minded people and meet others who share your love for tickling.

 

[Coffee]

Hang in there. Don't settle. That doesn't mean there isn't some give and take in relationships. Keep looking and don't give up.