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I have never

I've never posed as a Vietnamese prostitute named Ming Lee in order to infiltrate the Russian mob.
 
I have never been approached by someone in a trench coat who whispered, "We've been watching you. We need you. Meet me at the place where you spilled that sundae all over yourself, the one with the sprinkles and the jam. Meet me there at 4:17 PM and bring an extra pair of shoes and a sponge."
 
I've never seen my dead grandmother crawling up my leg with a knife in her teeth. 😱
 
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