"I hear it, but I don't believe it."

[Adam]

Well hi there, TMF. This thread is for all of us to reflect on the things we've heard come out of the mouths of others over the years. In other words, things that just about anyone has said to you that you're pretty sure you can't count on being true. No reason in particular I'm posting this. I just get a kick out of some of this stuff. I'll get the ball rolling with a quote from my best friend...

"I'm done with drinking."

Yeah. Probably not, dude. 🙄

 

[Dussicar]

"I swear to god, dude. Lend me the five hundred and I promise that I can pay you back at the end of the month when my welfare cheque clears."

I actually heard that a few times...Mostly from the same guy.

 

[Adam]

"Hey, I'm easy to get along with." -- Every a-hole boss I've ever had

 

[milagros317]

"Don't worry, I'll be there on time," said by some relatives who are always late.

 

[Dussicar]

Here's two I just remembered. I was offline, but I HAD to share these.

"Nobody in my home town fucks with me because they all know that I'm on the C.I.A.'s to 20 most dangerous offenders list."

First of all, dumbass, that would be the F.B.I you are referring to, and second, YOU ARE A CANADIAN!!!!!

One morning, my grandfather came out of his house into his back alley to dump his trash when he noticed my sister and her new boyfriend picking through peoples garbage looking for tin cans...Neither were homeless. Completely oblivious to the potentially akward situation this has now posed, she brainlessly decides to introduce them. She also let her new guy know that my grandfather was in WW2.

To which-in his attempt to impress him, I suppose- this fucking natural born genius replied "Hey! You're a veteran too? So am I!!! I was in operation Desert Storm and I won a purple heart for bravery!"

This was in ninteen nintey six and the guy was seventeen.

 

[milagros317]

"Don't worry, I know exactly where we are," from a friend who often gets lost while driving. (Fortunately, he now owns a GPS navigation system.)

 

[Dussicar]

"We are your elected officials. Obviously we are going to act in the peoples best interests."

"No, no, no! Anime females are in their mid twenties. They only LOOK like nubile, big breasted eleven year olds cuz it's just the art style!"

 

[Saeria]

"I've only had two drinks" -- after a pickup truck was buried to the axel in the ditch in front of my house.
"I can't help it, i'm just a kid" ... squidlett... i guess she thinks "being a kid" is going to get her out of something.
"You're not fat" .. uhh.. seriously.. you're not afraid to tell me when i'm late, but you can't tell me I'm fat? Both are plainly obviously.

 

[♡AimLEE♡]

"I will never EVER smoke or drink! I hate that stuff. It's disgusting."

a month later the guy is now smoking and drinking every chance he gets.
and bragging about it.

"I ALWAYS use a condom!"

...baby 9 months later.

"I'm just not into the party scene anymore."

We are going to a party this weekend.

 

[Perduabo]

"I'll karaoke if you go first." - said by two of my friends I go clubbing with who always chicken out and leave me high and dry.

"I can quit anytime I want." Said by my video-poker addicted friend.

 

[Marquis De Sade]

"I think you'd make a GREAT dad."

 

[Oddjob0226]

From my (ex) boss last summer:

In one spoken paragraph - "I don't know what any of the employees want to do."

In a couple of spoken paragraphs later - "But I though that's what you wanted to do!?"


Somehow, I think they both weren't true.

 

[Lord Doctor]

I'm never going to shack up with such a bitch/arsehole again...
...and again...
...and again...
......and again.....

This time it will be different!
...and so it was! She/he cheats on you with someone else!

Thankfully this don't happen to me!

 

[Carsomyr]

"We are your elected officials. Obviously we are going to act in the peoples best interests."

This.

 

[Dussicar]

This.

And you had better believe I really wish I didn't have the luxury to make a quote like that!

Some others:

"I just happen to know a guy who has a car for sale under 1000 bucks that runs excellently!"

"Trust me. The more corporations we let into this province without operating constraints, the better it will be for our economy and the people."

 

[Helena]

"I think if it's meant to happen, it will."
(If you want something, some effort speeds things up, unless you mean you plan to do nothing. Oh, NOW I get it.)


"Everything happens for a reason."
(The reason it didn't happen is because you did nothing.)

 

[chicago]

I was supervising my mom's house as my little sisters threw a party when my mom was in Wyoming. I was there just making sure no one died or things didn't get so crazy that the cops came, etc. This one fat goth kid was just saying the most ridiculous things to sound cool. He was saying that he drank a bottle of moonshine and that his dad owns Egypt (ok, he didn't say that last part, but I can't remember a lot of what he did say.) I wanted to kick him in the throat so bad. I told him to stop talking and drink his beer.

 

[Laffy Daffy]

"It's so easy! I work from home and earn thousands of dollars a month. And every year, someone wins a Ferrari!"

Ah, pyramid schemes.


"This will only hurt for a second"

The following pain usually lasts somewhere between the next several hours and the rest of your natural life.


"It'll build character."

aka: you're going to be miserable for the forseeable future


"I truly value our friendship"...

... enough to keep you at arms length, you weirdo
🙂 maaybe a little personal baggage on that one.


This thread is fun!

 

[The Fallen Angel]

"No My Dobermin wont bite you" (said my friend when i went to his house 2 days after he bought a dobermin. Ten minutes later i was on my way to the hospital to get 12 stiches)

 

[Musicroxmysox]

When at the doctors:

"It's just a little pinch, it won't hurt at all."

In regards to a blood test, where yes indeed I can feel the blood leaving...Blech.

 

[Bugman]

I work for the government and i'm here too help you.🙄