I need help- am I being stupid?

[GC4AH]

Hey everyone. I need advice. Ok here's my problem. My gf and I have a long distance relationship and I have a massive fetish for tights (nylons). Because I have a huge fetish for tights, when she wears them and I'm not around I get really frustrated because it makes me want to be there. I know I can't tell her what to wear but I really don't like her wearing them when I'm not around as it is incredibly frustrating for me because I see them as very sexual clothing and I think that they should be just for me and not anyone else to see her in. I know I am being just stupid with my thinking but I can't help it. What can I do? I really need help.

Thanks in advance

GC

 

[CrystalLight]

No, actually you're not.

The best advice I can think of is to talk to her about it. Is she aware of your interest and how you respond to it?

 

[GC4AH]

She is indeed aware and what I think of it. She has said that she isn't going to stop wearing them when I'm not around but I just have to think of them as an ordinary item of clothing. She did originally agree to not wear them unless its unavoidable but that's gone out the window.

 

[venray]

Try to keep in mind that not everyone shares your fetish and will not look at her in that way just cause she is wearing them....

That may help you to be less jealous when she does wear them without you there....

 

[BellaRisa]

You're not being stupid at all, try not to be so hard on yourself; it's natural to want to be around her when she's wearing something that drives you crazy . Having said that, when it's cold outside she may want to wear them anyway, so I'd suggest having tights you picked out and purchased that she only wears for you and you alone. Shifting your focus to just those 'special' tights might help quite a bit, and she can still have warm legs the other days

You can also make sure you're unaware of what she's specifically wearing on days you're not together, so your mind isn't wandering to what tights she might have on...

 

[Babyshambles]

Of course you're being stupid - well kinda.

I understand where you are coming from and that jealousy can be very uncomfortable.

Unfortunately you have a major fetish for something extremely innocous. That is your issue and not hers. How can you expect to tell someone who lives a number of miles away not to wear tights! Is this for ever? What about going to clubs, pubs, bars, work?? You are severely restricting her fashion choices.

Personally, I don't like any man dictating to any woman. If she wants to wear fishnets, high heels etc. then that is her choice and her personality. You should accept that or go into a different relatinship.

I honestly don't think you can do anything here. You seem to have major issues with jealousy and should perhaps explore how you can resolve these.

You're the one with the problem - and to expect her to fix it is just selfish-in my opinion.

 

[GC4AH]

Of course you're being stupid - well kinda.

I understand where you are coming from and that jealousy can be very uncomfortable.

Unfortunately you have a major fetish for something extremely innocous. That is your issue and not hers. How can you expect to tell someone who lives a number of miles away not to wear tights! Is this for ever? What about going to clubs, pubs, bars, work?? You are severely restricting her fashion choices.

Personally, I don't like any man dictating to any woman. If she wants to wear fishnets, high heels etc. then that is her choice and her personality. You should accept that or go into a different relatinship.

I honestly don't think you can do anything here. You seem to have major issues with jealousy and should perhaps explore how you can resolve these.

You're the one with the problem - and to expect her to fix it is just selfish-in my opinion.

I don't expect her to fix it. If I thought that would I be asking for advice on here. I know I'm the one with the problem and I find your tone quite insulting. I have never said to her that she can't wear them- I'm not a controlling person at all. I just made her aware how it makes me feel and it was her choice to decide not to wear them initially not mine FYI.

 

[Francie_Pants]

I'm sure your intentions are good, but you have to be careful not to make it seem like a guilt trip. If a guy told me something like that, while I would consider it thoughtful and perhaps a bit flattering, I would also feel like the pressure was being put on for me to feel guilty while wearing them, when the guy is not around. Guilt-tripping is one of the first things to drive me away from someone, in a relationship.

 

[Scouse]

If it makes you feel any better, if I saw your girlfriend in the street i'd be cursing those nylons.

Nekkid legs all the way <3

 

[Skipadeedoodah]

I agree 100% with Miss Bella.

 

[ViperGTS]

I felt the same way about stockings and tights myself a while ago, until I just acclimated myself to the fact that they are clothing that most women wear at some point and seeing them as sexual items is little more than just frustrating. My current girlfriend, SapphireRose, loves teasing me by wearing them every chance she gets.

She wore them to work today. She's getting pounced when she gets home.

 

[Babyshambles]

I don't expect her to fix it. If I thought that would I be asking for advice on here. I know I'm the one with the problem and I find your tone quite insulting. I have never said to her that she can't wear them- I'm not a controlling person at all. I just made her aware how it makes me feel and it was her choice to decide not to wear them initially not mine FYI.

I'm sorry. It was not my intention to sound insulting at all. I have some of the same issues - regarding jealousy etc. so I know where you are coming from. It can make me feel frustrated too and its detrimental.

It's just I think that the most likely outcome of your continued frustration is either an ended or unhappy relationship for everyone involved.

How would you feel about her wearing tights in front of your friends or your family. Would you still be unhappy?

The best outcome is to try to deal with your jealousy. Also- you are being extremely selfish, cotrolling and perhaps insecure.

I like feet, but if I tried to tell my girlfriend that she must never show her feet to anybody but me - then i would be unrealistic. As much as I might like her to wear a full length burkha and wellington boots - it isn't going to happen.

(incidentally i oppose the wearing of Burkhas. Those people look like casper the friendly ghost)

 

[CrystalLight]

You're the one with the problem - and to expect her to fix it is just selfish-in my opinion.

I think it's a completely justified question, personally.

I agree that she shouldn't 'fix' the issue. But at least talking with her about it is better then stewing over it.

That would just cause more problems.

 

[tru x factor]

nope..your cool

 

[Babyshambles]

I think it's a completely justified question, personally.

I agree that she shouldn't 'fix' the issue. But at least talking with her about it is better then stewing over it.

That would just cause more problems.

You're right. It is completely justified.

As unpalatable as it may sound there is only one option - stop stewing about it or prepare to be dumped/unhappy.

From what I gather he has talked about it and whilst she's made some concessions, he wants complete and total concession.

I know how he feels - that can be me sometimes. But it doesn't change the fact that he's got to overcome this.

Or - find a more compatible person

Personally - another conversation with her might be useful, but if I was her, I would be walking the first chance I got.

Life is too short for controlling men to tell you what to wear.

I don't want to tell the guy something that will end his relationship.

Everything suggests to me that the relationship might have some issues -and this tights thing might be exacerbating it.

Also - I believe that if he was more comfortable with himself and secure about the status of his relationship - he would not feel as uncomfortable.

 

[GC4AH]

You're right. It is completely justified.

As unpalatable as it may sound there is only one option - stop stewing about it or prepare to be dumped/unhappy.

From what I gather he has talked about it and whilst she's made some concessions, he wants complete and total concession.

I know how he feels - that can be me sometimes. But it doesn't change the fact that he's got to overcome this.

Or - find a more compatible person

Personally - another conversation with her might be useful, but if I was her, I would be walking the first chance I got.

Life is too short for controlling men to tell you what to wear.

I don't want to tell the guy something that will end his relationship.

Everything suggests to me that the relationship might have some issues -and this tights thing might be exacerbating it.

Also - I believe that if he was more comfortable with himself and secure about the status of his relationship - he would not feel as uncomfortable.

Our relationship has no issues whatsoever. That is the only part of it that I have an issue with and after hearing everyones comments on here particularly Bella's I can't see it being an issue anymore. Thanks for the advice everyone. I do agree though Babyshambles I do have insecurities- my last gf cheated on me with 2 other guys so trust is a problem for me. My current gf is the most amazing person on this planet and I love her to pieces. She is awesome.

 

[drew70]

I'm only saying this because you asked the question, "Am I being stupid?" My answer is a resounding YES! You need to get over that shit and get over it really quick if you want to keep this girl.

I knew this guy named Bob a long time ago, back in the mid seventies. Bob married a beautiful lady named Odessa. They had a great marriage going, but Bob screwed the pooch big time, in much the same way you're doing now.

Bob had a major foot fetish. He was the first person I ever knew to have one. Odessa loved being barefoot. That's probably one of the things that attracted Bob to her in the first place.

The problems started after their marriage. Odessa did not like wearing shoes in the house. Bob had no problem with this until they had company. He expected her to cover up her feet in front of their friends, especially the guys. In his mind, it was no different from her going topless. She refused. They fought endlessly over it, until she finally packed up and left him.

So guy, there's nothing wrong with a pantyhose fetish. I personally lean that way myself. But you've got to cowboy up and get a grip on it. Asking your girlfriend not to wear hose when you aren't there is the first sign that you are trying to control her. Most women find that extremely unattractive in a guy. Keep it up and she'll dump you in a heartbeat.
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[kis123]

Our relationship has no issues whatsoever. That is the only part of it that I have an issue with and after hearing everyones comments on here particularly Bella's I can't see it being an issue anymore. Thanks for the advice everyone. I do agree though Babyshambles I do have insecurities- my last gf cheated on me with 2 other guys so trust is a problem for me. My current gf is the most amazing person on this planet and I love her to pieces. She is awesome.

I believe you're getting the point!

It's alright to have a fetish, but don't let the fetish have you!

Keep the horse in the barn, so to speak, and don't let it out of control and you'll be okay.

 

[ZenTickling]

Hey everyone. I need advice. Ok here's my problem. My gf and I have a long distance relationship and I have a massive fetish for tights (nylons). Because I have a huge fetish for tights, when she wears them and I'm not around I get really frustrated because it makes me want to be there. I know I can't tell her what to wear but I really don't like her wearing them when I'm not around as it is incredibly frustrating for me because I see them as very sexual clothing and I think that they should be just for me and not anyone else to see her in. I know I am being just stupid with my thinking but I can't help it. What can I do? I really need help.

Thanks in advance

GC

No offense, but it does sound like you are being unreasonable and somewhat selfish. You could see a psychologist and talk about it, or you can go to the doctor and try an antidepressant.. they can help with obsessive thoughts. Meditation is another good way to go if both of those things scare you.

 

[Babyshambles]

Our relationship has no issues whatsoever. That is the only part of it that I have an issue with and after hearing everyones comments on here particularly Bella's I can't see it being an issue anymore. Thanks for the advice everyone. I do agree though Babyshambles I do have insecurities- my last gf cheated on me with 2 other guys so trust is a problem for me. My current gf is the most amazing person on this planet and I love her to pieces. She is awesome.

Bella may have told you what you wanted to hear.

Personally, if you ask your girlfriend to have a special pair of tights that she wears only for you, you might be doing the single-most stupid thing in any relationship.

I'm no expert at relationships - and in the heat of the moment i do stupid things too. But personally - i would drop this like a lead balloon.

 

[Babyshambles]

Bella may have told you what you wanted to hear.

Personally, if you ask your girlfriend to have a special pair of tights that she wears only for you, you might be doing the single-most stupid thing in any relationship.

I'm no expert at relationships - and in the heat of the moment i do stupid things too. But personally - i would drop this like a lead balloon.

However - if you phrase it differently. You might get away with it. A special pair of tights just for you can work - let her know they drive you wild and you like her wearing them around you.

However, you can't really ever say - these are just for me. And if she wears them aroud other people you can't really get mad.

Having a nylon fetish is acceptable - expecting her to ever understand it is never going to happen.


But i suspect that all tights are special around you, and this won't really help you in anyway - but i could be wrong.

Do what you think is right - but think of her and what she wants too.

 

[BellaRisa]

'Shambles, may I ask what you're basing your responses on? I didn't tell the man "what he wanted to hear", I told him my opinion based on my experiences as a female who's been in this situation with a lover. I certainly agree with you that he should think of her and what she wants as well, but I've known non-kinky women who have no trouble wearing special items for their man and him alone, from stockings to certain dresses to hair bows; in fact it makes them feel sexy and special, knowing she's doing something that can turn him on that way She may never fully understand, but she doesn't have to in order to want to accomodate him.

However - if you phrase it differently. You might get away with it. A special pair of tights just for you can work - let her know they drive you wild and you like her wearing them around you.

However, you can't really ever say - these are just for me. And if she wears them aroud other people you can't really get mad.

Having a nylon fetish is acceptable - expecting her to ever understand it is never going to happen.


But i suspect that all tights are special around you, and this won't really help you in anyway - but i could be wrong.

Do what you think is right - but think of her and what she wants too.

 

[Babyshambles]

'Shambles, may I ask what you're basing your responses on? I didn't tell the man "what he wanted to hear", I told him my opinion based on my experiences as a female who's been in this situation with a lover. I certainly agree with you that he should think of her and what she wants as well, but I've known non-kinky women who have no trouble wearing special items for their man and him alone, from stockings to certain dresses to hair bows; in fact it makes them feel sexy and special, knowing she's doing something that can turn him on that way She may never fully understand, but she doesn't have to in order to want to accomodate him.

We all hear from people what we want to hear. The OP used my favourite trick of only listening to the people who agreed with him I try my hardest not to do this.

I just don't think your solution will work. The OP likes ALL tights - not just a certain pair of tights. He'll be equally frustrated whether his gf wears the special tights or just an ordinary pair of tights in front of other people (IMHO).

Its a step in the right direction, but in my opinion, the only outcome from having this conversation with his girlfriend will be for her to think that he is a bit weird, jealous and clingy.

This may work for a fiance or a wife - but it won't work with a gf - unless she has low self esteem and doesn't think that she can do any better than him.

Or unless she really, really loves him and will do anything for him. But if that was the case, then this thread would not have been created.

 

[BellaRisa]

I agree with you that your hearing is selective, since you didn't answer my question No matter, let's not hijack the thread any further, we both wish the OP the best of luck

We all hear from people what we want to hear. The OP used my favourite trick of only listening to the people who agreed with him I try my hardest not to do this.

I just don't think your solution will work. The OP likes ALL tights - not just a certain pair of tights. He'll be equally frustrated whether his gf wears the special tights or just an ordinary pair of tights in front of other people (IMHO).

Its a step in the right direction, but in my opinion, the only outcome from having this conversation with his girlfriend will be for her to think that he is a bit weird, jealous and clingy.

This may work for a fiance or a wife - but it won't work with a gf - unless she has low self esteem and doesn't think that she can do any better than him.

Or unless she really, really loves him and will do anything for him. But if that was the case, then this thread would not have been created.

 

[3xPIN]

Hmmm, from everything you descdribe it sounds like she is antagonizing you. Maybe I'm wrong, but maybe it isn't you being stupid, but her being a tease. Seducing you from afar. Maybe she wants you to long for her stocking clad body. maybe that is what gets her off. You aren't being stupid though, just vulnerable. maybe she is trying to teach you self control, which, to me, it sounds like you could use some more of. Just me though.