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i'm new, i'm not into tickling and i need to understand

C

curious_girl

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well i'll try to explain my story. first of all i have to say i have a relationship with a boyfriend and i'm really in love with him. he likes tickling (i don't or better i've never tried) but he is too shy to open with this and explain me all about it. he kinda told me something about tie and tickle another person (me) but since at first i was a little hesitant about it he is very closed about it now and refuse to explain me how it works. i really want his happines and i will try even if the whole thing scares me a little. can you give me some advice about it? how does this thing about tickling works? i tried to understand it on internet and i found this site. can someone help me?
 
Welcome to the forum.

I guess what he wants is tie you down and then tickle you, and your laughter and squirming is what turns him on. Make sure you use a safeword when you play at first. It can be something like yellow and red - yellow meant for him to slow down, red to stop. So you can end it if it's too much.
 
i see, some people gave me the same advice. i will follow it if we'll ever try. to answer to the first part of you post, yes. he would like to tie and tickle me. being tied it's ok, being tickled like in a tickle fight can be funny. the two things together scare me
 
Understandable, because you wouldn't be able to stop it. That's what the safeword is for! Do you trust him to stop when you use it?
 
You both should talk openly about it. Explain to him what you are afraid of and how you could change it
 
I will attempt to explain a little bit from my position as a tickler (ler). I derive pleasure and sexual stimulation from my ticklee's (lee) out of control laughing and struggling helplessly. I enjoy the control and the domination I feel when my lee has submitted to me, especially when she knows what I am going to do to her. By the way I only tickle females, although that doesn't have to be the case. I place ticklish ladies in 3 catagories. 1. hate being tickled. 2. will tolerate being tickled. and 3. Actually enjoy being tickled. Ladies that fall into #3 make the best lee's. They find pleasure in the laughing and physical contact and pleasing their ler. Where you fall is going to be up to you. The ladies in group 2 do it to please their ler ( bf/husband). In my opinion if you fall into group 1, just leave it alone. If your boyfriend is closed about it now, it possibly could be that he is afraid of losing you if he pushes you into something unknown. Yes, bondage can be scary. It requires a lot of trust on the part of the lee and the ler must except a lot of responsibility for the lees safety, because when they are helpless, the ler is in control. I believe that every bondage situation should be discussed and agreed upon before it takes place. Then the ler needs to be responsible enough to stay within the limits that have been agreed to. Safety words should be used , which allows the helpless lee an emergency escape. Here is a game that might help you decide if you want to proceed furthur. I call it strip tickle. I have used it on several new lees. It can be a lot of fun and not nearly so threatening as being tied up the first time. The lee must stand and hang onto a bar or rope or something with her arms above her head. The ler is allowed to tickle her for a preset time period, ie 5 minutes. If the lee lets go of the bar before the time period expires then she must remove one article of clothing. After the clothing is removed, the game continues. If the lee wants to maintain her clothing, then she must tolerate the tickling. If she has lost her clothes, it will be up to the couple to decide what comes next.
 
Sounds like when he first mentioned it, he was freaked out by your negative reaction.

How about letting him tie one of your hands to a bedpost? Not quite as overwhelming as being tied spreadeagled on the bed!
 
Kudos to you for having the understanding to research for information, instead of writing him off as a "freak with a problem," as well as for considering trying an activity you are scared of doing for the sake of the relationship. Rhiannon put it best by simply suggesting the use of safe words. Considering you've never done it before, safe words are fundamental to your safety and well-being. Also, it is important to consider whether or not you can trust him to HONOR the safe word. If you say the safe word, he needs to stop and give you a break. At times, some people have trouble respecting this boundary, thinking that tickling is a harmless activity, but if you choose to incorporate a safe word, it needs to be honored. If he doesn't respect your saying the safe word, then you have a problem, and probably shouldn't play with him further. Bear in mind, it's also going to be up to you whether or not the activity is too intense, and it can be difficult to judge while it's happening if it's something that calls for using the safe word. Obviously, it's gonna be difficult to play if you're saying the safe word over and over again before he even touches you, but as you've never been in a position where you have no control while being tickled, it will be a new, potentially scary experience. No one can say how you'll react until you're in the scenario.

As far as HE goes, it may be difficult to get him to come back out of his shell to you, as he clammed up towards your initial hesitation--Not that you did anything wrong being hesitant. Nobody here knows how you expressed your hesitance, but nobody has to do anything they don't feel comfortable doing, no matter how much they care for their significant other. I don't really know what I can tell you to get him to open up to you about this, as many of us have experienced severe rejection and judgment from people who we thought we could trust with intimate details about ourselves. For many of us, tickling is heavily tied to our sexuality, and it's hard to trust a significant other when you've been burned in the past because you find an obscure, playful, and silly activity to be sexually arousing. I can only speak for myself, but I can't think of anything specific that caused me to be sexually aroused by tickling. I don't feel that I really "chose" it, and at times, it irritates me to have this interest, even with all the understanding in the world.

As far as YOU go, I can't say I'm one who believes in "converting" those who just aren't into it. Though I've heard of people claiming they've "converted" their significant other to like tickling, I think it's more about being aroused by engaging in something that arouses the significant other. I also think this only goes so far. I'll reiterate, kudos to you for being willing to try it, and you may find that you enjoy the activity, but also be prepared to find that the activity may irritate you over time, to the point that you hate it and never want it to happen again. If it gets to the point that he has to poke you every time he passes you in the kitchen, or tickles your foot anytime he passes you on the couch, you could find yourself eventually flinching in fear just from him reaching out to hug you (Believe me, I've been the person to cause this, before!). Over time, you may find yourself snapping at him for this, and what may have been an endearing quality will aggravate you, but the same could be said about any activity or behavior in a relationship.

Good luck, and play it by ear, I guess! :shrug: I don't know what else I can say, but if you have other questions, please don't hesitate to ask! You did a good thing by researching, and it really shows you care!
 
Rhiannon explained it about a simply and correctly as it could be. Safe words, and trust are key. If you have that then you should not worry.

You never know since you've never tried it...you may find it appealing.
 
First off, let me say that you are a total sweetheart for trying to understand that your boyfriend likes tickling. Also, to try to research it to figure out how/if you could allow your self to experience it for the betterment of your relationship is truely awesome and very emotionally healthy of you. I wish more people in this world were like you.

Good Luck to you both, I think you two will have a great time.

Peace
 
It won't help you to be less scared. But maybe you ask your boyfriend if he let you tie him down first? Then he knows how you would feel and vice versa. And maybe it helps you to understand the attraction of having your partner at your mercy.
 
You'll probably have to be the initiator now. Just act like it's not anything serious cus it's really not. Let him know you'd like to try out his suggestion for fun. I recommend a very simple position like your wrists tied above your head on a bed. It sounds like you're worried about the tickling, so just ask him to be nice, slow and gradually build up, not just attack you from jump street.

It can be very fun and intimate. I hope you guys have a great time.
 
first of all, thanks everybody for answering and helping me. we have 2 different problems here. on his side he is more close now about tickling me since he understood it scares me, on my side i would really try but i'm really worried for my reactions. i really think we should talk more about it
 
Why jump right in? Okay ultimately he wants to tie and tickle you (fun! Im a lee, i like it!) but you dont have to go right there. He is shy about acting on it and youre worried too, which is okay. Start slower.

Lay next to each other and let him tickle you softly, figure out how YOU feel about it without it being an "attack". Maybe he can hold one of your arms, or sit on your feet and tickle. OR you can try to hold still.

Theyre right you may have to initiate something at this point - lay across his lap on the couch and stretch your arms up and say something sexy like "be gentle." id probably forget to breathe, whew!

Just cause he mentioned the slightly scarier tie-and-tickle doesnt mean there arent less intimidating places to start where you both can learn about each others' comfort levels.

Also youre AMAZING for seeking us out on his behalf. So so so sweet. Best of luck to you both!
 
What a wonderful place to bring that question, curious_girl. People with tickling fetishes vary so much, even down to the core reason why they like tickling at all. Some people like it just because it evokes sexy squirming, and some people like it for even deeper and subtler reasons, like the feeling of being able to control somebody -- almost as if by magic -- without hurting them. It's probably not possible for anyone here to guess exactly what this is all about for him, but it sounds like it's important to him. To somebody like that, a partner who is careful and open and interested in learning more -- like you seem to be -- is a rare and special thing to have.

Hopefully, if you reassure him and show him that you're willing and -- perhaps "curious" is the best word -- he'll eventually trust you with that deeply personal information more than anybody. It sounds like he's even more sensitive about this than you are, so give him time and just be a good friend.
 
You both should sit down and negotiate what is going to happen if you bot decide to try tying and tickling. For example, if you scream bloody murder, that would mean stop, but a little scream would be thought of as nothing. Come up with a safeword, for when you want the entire scene to instantly stop because you've had too much. Safety and communication during a scene is just as important as before it.
 
What a magnificent woman you are!

Holy moly!

First off, if he's not a member here, you should encourage him to join....wow, what a more magnificent thought!

It may help him become much more happier with himself.

I also hope you stay, we have a tickling discussion section, obviously, where you can learn new stuff, but we also have a General section,
if you want to talk politics (be careful, it gets nasty!) or movies, or humor. Make friends, and then when something happens that you're interested in,
you can discuss that.

I hope he can come here to open up more "find himself," and also to see what a magnificent wonderful girl he has, who loves him!

Many guys and girls here can't find anyone to tickle or tickle them, and are frustrated. Or the person is barely into it, or doesn't even care, or becomes
hateful, judges them. You are one of the rare miracles that accepts it, and even rarer, comes here, by yourself, to research it, to please him.

I pray every day I find someone with your heart, and I'm sure most guys and girls do here as well. You've made people's day by existing and showing us that it's possible!
You're like...The Avengers...of girlfriends! (The Avengers, greatest movie ever created by mankind, and a miracle in and of itself..)

Perspective helps here - I "dated" a girl many years ago, who was extremely religious. I never even asked her for sex....not that I even had the chance with the explosive
"sex is evil, and any deviation is SATANIC!! BLARGHHH!!!!!!!!!!" We never even held hands, and certainly never kissed.
If she had...ever...EVER.... EVER!!!! come here, by herself, and wanted to research tickling (if I'd ever had the chance to mention it to her, believe me, that wasn't going
to happen with her titanium steel closed mind) I literally would not have known what to do with myself. My mind wouldn't be able to process the information, it'd just
melt in my skull. I can't even envision that reality. Your man is LIVING IT! Many of my friends were super-duper religious, and would have been all the same.

My wife was a tad more tolerant, but then, everything was about her. The thought of her, making any effort for me, was unthinkable.

At this stage in my life, I'm not even going to bother anymore. I'll just help those who are close to achieving success and bliss.

Many guys say they like the "torturous" aspect, but there are those of us who don't but prefer the "fun" aspect.
We like to see and hear girls laugh, and tickling induces laughter, even though it may not be that pleasurable. Many people DO love being
tickled, or learn to love it.

Don't start all tied up, unless you wish to dive in head first.

Just dress up in something sexy one night - find out if he has other likes, night gown, pajamas, pantyhose, stockings, what color, bare feet.....
(Find this out early.....)
Then, one day, or night, dress up sexy for him, and put your feet in his lap. He should already be turned on right when you walk into the entrance to the room....
Ask him to tickle your feet, and that outfit should tamper down whatever shyness he has.

Most people are shy/worried about being "different" from society's boring ass "norms." There's absolutely nothing wrong with tickling, couples who
engage in it have WAY more fun, and closeness, than couples who don't. Your acceptance of him will not only make him a happier person and more content partner,
but hopefully bleed over into outside life, and make him a better person to those around him. (You as well...)

But it takes people a while who have beat themselves down by judgmental societal norms. It DOES have an impact. Ask anyone overweight, handicapped, looks different, etc.

Some girls meet a guy with a foot fetish, and run for the hills after making him feel bad for the rest of his life, and others throw their shoes off and thank God they'll enjoy
free foot massages for the rest of their life! Being that second girl is the way to make everyone happy and feel accepted.

After he sees that you're the real deal (the fear of being made fun of and rejected is his biggest impediment and fear, trust me) he'll loosen up, and you'll get much closer.
 
i'll be honest. since i joined in i told myself "ok you'll find out what you're looking for but you know there will be people will bother you..." let me tell you, no one, i really mean no one, bothered me with "wrong" questions. i'm really happy i took the decision to join here and talk with you cause it's really helping me.

you're right, the best thing to move on is trying, take a long breath and forget how ticklish i am (maybe it's not the right place to admit this 😛 joking). he will have to help me about this.

someone wrote about the possibility that also my bf is signed here. i didn't think about it but when we'll be more confortable with the whole stuff, i'll find the way to suggest him this place. thanks all
 
I'm sure if he finds out you came on here to find out about tickling, he'll think your the best girlfriend ever.

Don't over think it or you might not do it. Just go up to him and say, "Remember when you talked about tying me up and tickling me? Well, I think we should do it."

Goodluck. And if you do it, let us know how it went.
 
I agree with most of the advice given here already. The important thing to remember is that you don't have to start yout tickling journey together with being tied down. Like others have suggested just start slow, keep the mood fun and just enjoy exploring each other with gentle tickles here and there or as a way of flirting. From my past relationship, with someone whom I never told about my interest, I've come to realise that tickling is pretty much a part of evey relationship whether you have a thing for it or not. Its simply a way of letting your partner know you like being close and comfortable with them.

I'm still not exactly sure what scares you about tickling. I gather that its because you know you are ticklish and you dont want to put yourself in a situation where it becomes too much? Or perhaps its the fact that you see it as his fetish and something he needs you to participate in to be together? Try not to worry about any of that and just enjoy your partner. If he's closed off about it and nervous himself now its probably because he thinks he's upset you in some way or that he'll somehow lose you by forcing the issue any further. I know its hard to imagine but at some point you'll just have to sit down together and let him know that you are curious about the whole thing and would like to give things a chance. He needs to know you dont think its weird and wrong, but its ok to admit that you are nervous about the whole thing too 🙂

I hope you two work things out soon and look back and laugh about this someday! Welcome to the forum, like the others I think you are awesome for coming this far to try and understand our world!
 
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I have to go with Mabus. A little tease goes a far way, and when his brain figures out you've accepted it, he should open right up 🙂
Depending on what kind of ticklish you are (some people really go for the light touches, others are more ticklish to the heavier touches), if it tickles too much you might want to try the opposite. If it's the heavy touches on you, tease him with a feather, have him tickle you with it. That way you get a steady introduction and have time to get used to it.
 
Let me just say your BF is very lucky to have a GF like you who is trying to understand and indulge his fetish. I am confused by one thing - you said you don't like tickling, or you've never tried. If you really don't like being tickled(and unfortunately for guys w/this fetish, a lot of women don't) then chances are at best you'll be able to only tolerate, but not really enjoy it. However if you've never tried tickling, then experiment a little. First I wouldn't suggest going from no tickling to being tied up and helpless. Have him tickle you a few times without being restrained, and see how you like it. Try tickling him back, he might really like that. You have to understand, a fetish is hardwired into a person, and its part of who they are. So if the fetish is rejected the person w/the fetish might also feel a sense of rejection.
 
Actually, she can grow to enjoy it, and since many ticklish zones are also erogenous, might even yield the unexpected turn-on or orgasm. (Well, not so unexpected anymore).
 
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