I'm so depressed! relationships and tickling

[GroovyBaby]

I have been with my girlfriend for several years. I love her, and she loves me but I am finding myself less and less happy. Why? she won't allow tickling in our relationship AT ALL. I have asked her if she has any kinks or anything that I could do to make her happy. She has none.

In the day to day routine we get along great. But when it comes to sexual stuff... it's tough. I feel so shallow about it. It's not just tickling. I am very touchy feely. She doesn't like it and often pulls away. She tells me she can't help it, but I don't know what to think. I mean sometimes the way she pulls away, it feels like she wants to split up. Of course I ask her if there is a problem, and she tells me no, and that she loves me, and wants to get married. I often find myself hoping she would end the relationship. I am a person who would NEVER cheat on anyone, but I find myself more often wanting to stray, and I feel it is because she won't even let me indulge in my fetish EVER....

Is this the wrong way to be? Can an otherwise wonderful relationship end because of sexual compatability problems?

 

[Budweiserbob!]

Ouch, this doesn't sound good at all.

Well, as I'm sure you know all too well, this is the harsh reality of our fetish. In order to become truly comfortable with our sexual lives, we need to find someone who can be truly "open" to other kinky things and... well, not everyone is that open and unfortunately, you fell in love with someone who isn't that open to ours. 🙁

It's an age old problem that's often discussed on this forum quite a bit where someone has fallen for someone who is perfect in terms of looks and personality BUT painfully imperfect when it comes to sex. And in order to have an incredibly strong relationship, you need to be able to tick those two very important boxes, "Personally Compatible" and "Sexually Compatible".

So it sounds like you've come to the point where you need to think long and hard about your relationship, what you want out of it and where you want it to go.
Do you feel as though you could sustain a long, healthy relationship with your girlfriend without being allowed to indulge in your fetish?
Or do you feel that you need to find someone who can fulfil you both personally and sexually?

Really, what you should do (if you already haven't) is sit down and talk about this issue with your girlfriend because it's almost certain that she's feeling the same level of sexual frustration as you are (if you're finding it tough when it comes to sex, then it'll be obvious that you're not putting your whole heart into it). If possible, some sort of middle ground would be perfect for you... but I know this isn't always possible, so make sure you have a good, long discussion with your girlfriend.

I'm sorry to hear about this issue mate, and hope it works out well for you. Hope my advice helped a little. ^^

 

[melanie2]

If you feel that way, i definitely advise against marriage for now..especially if you sometimes wish she would split up with you..

 

[GroovyBaby]

Ouch, this doesn't sound good at all.

Well, as I'm sure you know all too well, this is the harsh reality of our fetish. In order to become truly comfortable with our sexual lives, we need to find someone who can be truly "open" to other kinky things and... well, not everyone is that open and unfortunately, you fell in love with someone who isn't that open to ours. 🙁

It's an age old problem that's often discussed on this forum quite a bit where someone has fallen for someone who is perfect in terms of looks and personality BUT painfully imperfect when it comes to sex. And in order to have an incredibly strong relationship, you need to be able to tick those two very important boxes, "Personally Compatible" and "Sexually Compatible".

So it sounds like you've come to the point where you need to think long and hard about your relationship, what you want out of it and where you want it to go.
Do you feel as though you could sustain a long, healthy relationship with your girlfriend without being allowed to indulge in your fetish?
Or do you feel that you need to find someone who can fulfil you both personally and sexually?

Really, what you should do (if you already haven't) is sit down and talk about this issue with your girlfriend because it's almost certain that she's feeling the same level of sexual frustration as you are (if you're finding it tough when it comes to sex, then it'll be obvious that you're not putting your whole heart into it). If possible, some sort of middle ground would be perfect for you... but I know this isn't always possible, so make sure you have a good, long discussion with your girlfriend.

I'm sorry to hear about this issue mate, and hope it works out well for you. Hope my advice helped a little. ^^

Well... Getting it "up" isn't a problem 🙂 I don't need tickling for that. I just feel... what's the word... incomplete? I also think it's how often she is in the mood to even be close. I want to cuddle, makeout, tickle ect... she likes cuddling, but pretty much stops there most of the time.

Oh, and thanks for the thoughtful response.

 

[Budweiserbob!]

Haha! Sorry, shoulda made it clear with what I thought you meant was "tough".
And yeah, I understand the problem. You've just gotta work out how much of the two very important sides of a relationship (personal and sexual) she fills.

And no problem, any thing to help a ticklephile in need. x]

 

[QueenBeeBeeMari]

I have been with my girlfriend for several years. I love her, and she loves me but I am finding myself less and less happy. Why? she won't allow tickling in our relationship AT ALL. I have asked her if she has any kinks or anything that I could do to make her happy. She has none.

In the day to day routine we get along great. But when it comes to sexual stuff... it's tough. I feel so shallow about it. It's not just tickling. I am very touchy feely. She doesn't like it and often pulls away. She tells me she can't help it, but I don't know what to think. I mean sometimes the way she pulls away, it feels like she wants to split up. Of course I ask her if there is a problem, and she tells me no, and that she loves me, and wants to get married. I often find myself hoping she would end the relationship. I am a person who would NEVER cheat on anyone, but I find myself more often wanting to stray, and I feel it is because she won't even let me indulge in my fetish EVER....

Is this the wrong way to be? Can an otherwise wonderful relationship end because of sexual compatability problems?

all of this,you need to tell her and talk to her about it.You two have to be honest about the way you feel.You can try a counselor or psychologist but either way she needs to know how you feel and you need to know how she feels

 

[jinx]

Unfortunately you guys are not a match. You will always feel that there is something missing and you may grow to resent her for it.

 

[QueenBeeBeeMari]

Unfortunately you guys are not a match. You will always feel that there is something missing and you may grow to resent her for it.

sounds like he is very close to that already if he doesn't some now

 

[aztkled58]

I was in a similar situation. I wasted 10 years trying to make it work. Hope your situation works out but don't get to far from the door. Best of luck to you,

 

[U.N.Owen]

I'm no believer in the "no tickling no relationship" thing, but what you describe sounds like genuine trouble. If she can't deal with tickling, okay. But if she won't make an effort to meet you partway, there's a problem. Especially if you just want to be touchy-feely and she rejects it. I can handle a gf who isn't into tickling, but one who won't accept stroking? That's a danger sign.

Maybe the two of you should try relationship counseling. Breaking up is a big step if you otherwise feel close, but intimacy is a major part of a good relationship and it sounds like there's a real barrier there.

 

[Frost King]

I know how you feel kinda because i'm still working on telling my girlfriend about my fetishs i do feel i have waited far too long since me and her have been together for five years and a planning to get married next year so i hope to tell her by then but anyhow you should talk to her about this tell her this is who you are if she can't accept it then maybe she doesn't understand you hope it works out for you

 

[makugiggl1]

Brother whatever you do DO NOT GET MARRIED! If you're not compatible now I promise you it's not going to get better. It's very difficult to find a match in our fetish but I'm happy to say I've at least found someone that puts her bare feet in my lap every night and lets me play. It's enough to keep it at least tolerating. In your case that's just headed nowhere. There's a lot more women out there. Go find you one more compatible my friend.

 

[mdizzle]

How often do ya'll have sex?
How often do you try to have sex with her?
Do you get her off?

These are all relevant questions.

Anyhow. She's not GGG. But maybe you're not either?

 

[jk666uk]

I have been with my girlfriend for several years. I love her, and she loves me but I am finding myself less and less happy. Why? she won't allow tickling in our relationship AT ALL. I have asked her if she has any kinks or anything that I could do to make her happy. She has none.

In the day to day routine we get along great. But when it comes to sexual stuff... it's tough. I feel so shallow about it. It's not just tickling. I am very touchy feely. She doesn't like it and often pulls away. She tells me she can't help it, but I don't know what to think. I mean sometimes the way she pulls away, it feels like she wants to split up. Of course I ask her if there is a problem, and she tells me no, and that she loves me, and wants to get married. I often find myself hoping she would end the relationship. I am a person who would NEVER cheat on anyone, but I find myself more often wanting to stray, and I feel it is because she won't even let me indulge in my fetish EVER....

Is this the wrong way to be? Can an otherwise wonderful relationship end because of sexual compatability problems?

hi just a question
1 are you still with her ? now
2 how can you be happy if you not a loud to tickle at all ?
3 sorry man but move on , find a new woman

 

[ticklefiend30001]

Two lessons in this saddening thread me thinks.

To start, in the beginning of any relationship, be YOURSELF, do not be ashamed of, or feel it necessary to hide any aspect of yourself. If you do, you run a high risk of unkowingly sabotaging any chance of a truly fulfilling realtionship, and it's also likely that you will come across one or more variation of this type of predicament in the long term.

Secondly if you do feel that need to hide it, and I think we have all been there at some point, for gods sakes, do not wait 10 years like one fella up in here. 3 months tops.

In regards to tickling, it amazes me that there is still so much.. well shame or fear of a fetish for it being discovered.

Over the past 6 years, I have slowly but surely come more and more out of my shell with it, to the point where now, just about everyone in my life is aware of it. I won't lie, it's a bit nerve racking sometimes still. Like last week, where my girlfriend asked her soon to be sister in law.. very much out loud at a party, in front of all her friends who I have only just recently met.. "M.. can I tickle your feet later" .. I mean my heart about jumped out my mouth for two reasons, 1. that would be hot!! 2. My heart almost jumped out my mouth and I gotta keep looking cool, and not drop to my knees and beg M to let her too at the same time. Then I had the realization that everyone around me was very well aware of my fetish too. Indeed one dude mentioned it to another. All again in front of M!!

But look at it from the other side, my girl did that cause she knew I would LOVE to see it. She was trying to please me. If you are up front about what you like from the start the more likelihood your partner can and will work it in to their "routine" shall we say!

Point in case, the past two first dates I have been on, both girls were aware of my foot & tickle fetish beforehand. Both of them turned up in sexy ass shoes, and made a good point of making sure I saw and/or felt their feet during the dates.

May be I'm just dumb lucky, but I do not think so.

Ticklefiend

 

[tickle120]

This is a tough situation, if you're wishing that she would break up with you, definitely don't get married yet bro. I've met a few girls that didn't like tickling all to well(so they said) but as long as I did it lightly and adjoined with different things they didn't mind. I've only met one girl today who actually isn't ticklish(sept super lightly on a 1x1 inch spot on the back of her neck...) and for some reason that's a huge turn off...

But as stated above just talk to her and see what she says, but don't marry someone who you wished would break up with you.

 

[Casadyrocks]

Unfortunately you guys are not a match. You will always feel that there is something missing and you may grow to resent her for it.

True True True

 

[GroovyBaby]

To answer a few questions on here. Yes I'm still with her. Like I said, I have been with her for several years. We get along great on just about everything except for tickling, and me being touchy feely. I love her, and it feels like my heart gets ripped out every time we have a spat, that I feel responsible for because I bring it up.

I do agree with what people have said about bringing it up earlier in a relationship. I wouldn't put a static timetable. First you have to want to be with the person. Second, you have to have an idea if the person seems into it or not (try a little tickle). If both things happen, just tickle them and tell them it turns you on.

What makes things worse, she is ULTRA ticklish. We are talking, has a hard time scrubbing the bottoms of her own feet ticklish. Talk about irony.