Indulgence

[amandahaze]

Thank you all for indulging me as I tell my story over in the stories section. I'm thinking it's going to be one of the last things that Jeff and I need to make sense of our relationship with feet and with tickling.

But speaking of indulgence--to me, that's what tickling is about. I personally really don't like being tickled--even at 48 my feet are incredibly sensitive (and the backs of my knees, and my sides, and underarms) and being seriously tickled is a challenge sometimes for me to endure. But I do. Because my husband likes it. We are still working on exactly why he likes it, but it seems to come back mostly to the fact that it's something I am willing to endure for his pleasure. In a sense I guess it's no different than women who let their husbands do anal or something like that.

Please understand--I am not suggesting that any woman let any man do any thing to her that she does not want to happen. You don't know me, but trust me I am much stronger than that. But if I want my husband to be happy, and to be faithful, I have to at least be willing to explore things he likes, and I have a right to expect the same from him. It has taken a lot of trust, some talking, some arguing, some hurt feelings, but all aspects of a relationship take that. I'm certain that if I absolutely could not take being tickled, Jeff would not ask me to, but I'm also certain that we would come up with something that he likes.

I am not suggesting this as a recipe for anyone else's marriage. But I do think that if everyone on both sides could "lighten up", not make it so life-and-death to get exactly everything that they want, and to realize that there are always many things we do for loved ones that we would not choose to do on our own.

 

[OscarTheMonkey]

Bravo

 

[Teal]

But speaking of indulgence--to me, that's what tickling is about. I personally really don't like being tickled--even at 48 my feet are incredibly sensitive (and the backs of my knees, and my sides, and underarms) and being seriously tickled is a challenge sometimes for me to endure. But I do. Because my husband likes it. We are still working on exactly why he likes it, but it seems to come back mostly to the fact that it's something I am willing to endure for his pleasure. In a sense I guess it's no different than women who let their husbands do anal or something like that.

Actually, a whole lot of people really enjoy receiving anal. Not for me personally, but whatever floats your boat. I definitely wouldn't want to tickle someone who was just enduring it for me, but I'm glad that you two seem to have come to something that works.

 

[3tsahdgas1]

.........

 

[amandahaze]

Actually, a whole lot of people really enjoy receiving anal. Not for me personally, but whatever floats your boat. I definitely wouldn't want to tickle someone who was just enduring it for me, but I'm glad that you two seem to have come to something that works.

You are missing the point. I am sorry I tried. My point was that every relationship involves compromise. Maybe you go to a Thai restaurant even though you don't really like it but a girl does.

 

[TicklishBlackGuy]

Honestly I agree with Teal. To endure it as a way of compromise because your husband likes it takes alot of guts, but I certainly wouldn't want my wife to just endure it for the sake of me liking it honestly. If your into it your into it, and if your not your not. I wouldn't want you to let me continue to tickle you and u deep down hate it. I would rather you like it and have fun then to just take it just because it makes me happy, that just wouldn't work for me honestly. Unless you like it or have a passion for liking it, then its fun, other then that I don't see it fun then.

 

[amandahaze]

Honestly not trying to "win" this discussion--just offering my perspective--48, married over 20 years, etc.

Said with peace and love: It's a very "man" thing to want to control what both partners in a relationship are thinking and feeling. Can you not see that all women don't think the way you do? I believe one problem some men have in finding/maintaining a tickle relationship, or any other, is that they spend too much time looking for a woman who loves IT rather than one who loves THEM. Do men really think that women are always into ALL the things that men like? Jeff loves to hunt--I don't care for it either way, but he goes when he wants, and a few times I have gone with him and been a good companion I think. If he had spent years looking for the perfect woman who was into hunting, very unlikely we'd have found each other.

I would never suggest a woman do anything that she deep down hates--I wouldn't either. But there's a quantum leap between deep down hate and I can tolerate it/even learn to enjoy it at times. Sure there are times when it becomes overwhelming, but even then I don't feel any hate or resentment towards him. These are some primal urges and needs that it would be wrong to criticize him for. I don't have a passion for liking being tickled (or anal) but I have a passion for being with my husband and making him happy as long as it doesn't cross a big boundary.

If you and Teal are correct, you'd rather either do without tickling because your woman isn't 100% into it, thus making you both unhappy, or you'll look for it outside your relationship which is even worse of course.

But expecting a woman to always "like it and have fun" is setting yourself up for disappointment and frustration in my opinion. Again, I am not trying to be hateful or critical, or even right. I am just offering up what I think I've learned, in the hopes it might help other men and couples out there who are like me and Jeff.

 

[crap_game]

Honestly not trying to "win" this discussion--just offering my perspective--48, married over 20 years, etc.

Said with peace and love: It's a very "man" thing to want to control what both partners in a relationship are thinking and feeling. Can you not see that all women don't think the way you do? I believe one problem some men have in finding/maintaining a tickle relationship, or any other, is that they spend too much time looking for a woman who loves IT rather than one who loves THEM. Do men really think that women are always into ALL the things that men like? Jeff loves to hunt--I don't care for it either way, but he goes when he wants, and a few times I have gone with him and been a good companion I think. If he had spent years looking for the perfect woman who was into hunting, very unlikely we'd have found each other.

I would never suggest a woman do anything that she deep down hates--I wouldn't either. But there's a quantum leap between deep down hate and I can tolerate it/even learn to enjoy it at times. Sure there are times when it becomes overwhelming, but even then I don't feel any hate or resentment towards him. These are some primal urges and needs that it would be wrong to criticize him for. I don't have a passion for liking being tickled (or anal) but I have a passion for being with my husband and making him happy as long as it doesn't cross a big boundary.

If you and Teal are correct, you'd rather either do without tickling because your woman isn't 100% into it, thus making you both unhappy, or you'll look for it outside your relationship which is even worse of course.

But expecting a woman to always "like it and have fun" is setting yourself up for disappointment and frustration in my opinion. Again, I am not trying to be hateful or critical, or even right. I am just offering up what I think I've learned, in the hopes it might help other men and couples out there who are like me and Jeff.

I've been married for 24 years. I met my wife before the advent of the internet. Finding a mate that likes the exact same VERY particular fetish randomly before things like TMF was nearly impossible. My wife has all the qualities that make her a perfect mate for me. She's not into tickling, she doesn't get aroused by it but allows me to tickle her, just like Amanda does for Jeff. Marriage is the living embodiment of comprise. My wife is not repulsed by me tickling her feet but at the same time it doesn't turn her on, I think that's the same for Amanda.

As a tickler, and before the internet, I thought I was the only person on earth that loved to tickle pretty female feet never mind there were women who liked having their feet tickled. I met my wife, she was/is adorable, emotionly and personality wise perfect for me. To top it off, she has perfect feet that are exquisitely ticklish. At no time have I ever forced her, cajoled her or demanded her to endure a physical act that she detested, that being tickled. Now, the overwhelming majority of humans do not take pleasure from being tickled so that lends to my fetish. I find that while I tickle her and she begs for it to stop and says No No No while I tease her toes, I get a huge charge out of it! I know my wife better than anyone and I know when to stop. Even when she is begging for me to stop and I give her break she'll look at me and ask if everything is OK. LOL. My wife gets no sexual pleasure from being tickled but gets a certain satisfaction from knowing it sends me to the moon and back. My wife is a typical vanilla house wife, which in an odd way makes tickling her even more sexy. It's the borderline suffering that is part of it and I truly believe if she were to respond to the TICKLING with "Yes yes yes, More More More, don't stop." It would take something away from it.

No offense, I think it's naive to expect your mate is into everything you are at all times. My relationship, my marriage isn't based on my fetish or predicated upon it. I fell in Love with my wife way before she allowed me to tie her up and tickle her, crawl under the bed with her feet sticking out while she was "stuck" and call for me for that surprise. She loves me, knows it drives me crazy and will indulge and endure a good and thorough tickling out of love. To me, that is truly an act of love when the pleasure is all mine. If I do an act for my wife but I'm getting sexual pleasure who am I doing it for and what small sacrifice am I doing? To say that I'm not gonna do something for my wife, be it in bed or cleaning her car, should I only do it if it's gratifting to me. Yes, is my wife enduring her extremely ticklish feet tickled like mad a trying event? She is glad to do it because she loves me, same goes for Amanda with Jeff. I am more than willing to reciprocate to please her any way I can, ABSOLUTELY!

 

[Alliekat]

Any marriage that lasts has it's share of sacrifice by both parties. I think it's magnanimous of you to indulge him and i'm sure he's very grateful to you 🙂

 

[sspyss]

Very well said.. I just wish I could bring some of this up..

 

[okdremur]

Amanda, I totally understand what you're saying and couldn't agree more!! I have a very understanding wife, she indulges me. I told her long ago, we've been together for almost 30 yrs, how female feet and tickling them is a huge turn on for me. While she has been aware for a long time, she didn't really comprehend exactly what I was telling her. She's always been a good sport, offering her pretty feet up to me reguraly, but things have changed for the better. She has gotten to the point the after allowing me to just have at her feet for a while, she herself has been getting turned on. We discussed this, and she said that knowing how it really gets me going, that in turn gets her going as well. So while me tickling and playing with her feet really does nothing for her, knowing that she is really pleasing me has become a turn on. I of course return the favor by pleasuring her with things she likes, and I'm sure you're aware, this has made for some really charged up and interesting times. So, I say a big heart felt THANK YOU for being so understanding and willing to make each other happy!! We certainly are!!

 

[L_o_s_e_r]

A woman may like to be tickled but that does not mean she would allow me to tickle her.

Or a woman may not like being tickled but that does not mean she wouldn't allow me to tickle her.

It all depends on what I mean to her.

 

[crap_game]

Amanda, I totally understand what you're saying and couldn't agree more!! I have a very understanding wife, she indulges me. I told her long ago, we've been together for almost 30 yrs, how female feet and tickling them is a huge turn on for me. While she has been aware for a long time, she didn't really comprehend exactly what I was telling her. She's always been a good sport, offering her pretty feet up to me reguraly, but things have changed for the better. She has gotten to the point the after allowing me to just have at her feet for a while, she herself has been getting turned on. We discussed this, and she said that knowing how it really gets me going, that in turn gets her going as well. So while me tickling and playing with her feet really does nothing for her, knowing that she is really pleasing me has become a turn on. I of course return the favor by pleasuring her with things she likes, and I'm sure you're aware, this has made for some really charged up and interesting times. So, I say a big heart felt THANK YOU for being so understanding and willing to make each other happy!! We certainly are!!

Yup,,,, you summed it up and said it much better than me!

 

[TicklingTips]

Well said Amanda.

 

[piyr]

I appreciate this thread tremendously and couldn't agree more with the sentiments expressed by the OP.

From a purely male perspective though (since that's all I can offer) there is something innately satisfying, almost primal, if my wife was "into it" as opposed to "indulging" me. For me tickling is part of my sexual identity. I don't have to incorporate it 100% of the time to have a healthy sexual relationship though but it's so connected that it's a dimension of me.

I played with your question a bit and substituted sex for tickling. If my wife ONLY had sex with me because she knew that I liked it rather than because she liked it then I feel that I would be missing something. I can't articulate what it is that would be missing. Maybe I feel this because of male insecurity or maybe just my insecurity.

My wife isn't into tickling so we don't incorporate it into sex that often. She indulges me occasionally though because that's what she is able to do and I don't ask for what she can't give. That said, with tickling and/or sex, it's not my wife's job to make sure NOTHING is missing. As has been stated, marriage and love mean that we compromise, often because we want to for the other person's happiness. To me the question of why someone compromises is just as important as whether they compromise; because they want to and find their own happiness in doing so or because they reluctantly do so.

 

[TicklishBlackGuy]

I've been married for 24 years. I met my wife before the advent of the internet. Finding a mate that likes the exact same VERY particular fetish randomly before things like TMF was nearly impossible. My wife has all the qualities that make her a perfect mate for me. She's not into tickling, she doesn't get aroused by it but allows me to tickle her, just like Amanda does for Jeff. Marriage is the living embodiment of comprise. My wife is not repulsed by me tickling her feet but at the same time it doesn't turn her on, I think that's the same for Amanda.

As a tickler, and before the internet, I thought I was the only person on earth that loved to tickle pretty female feet never mind there were women who liked having their feet tickled. I met my wife, she was/is adorable, emotionly and personality wise perfect for me. To top it off, she has perfect feet that are exquisitely ticklish. At no time have I ever forced her, cajoled her or demanded her to endure a physical act that she detested, that being tickled. Now, the overwhelming majority of humans do not take pleasure from being tickled so that lends to my fetish. I find that while I tickle her and she begs for it to stop and says No No No while I tease her toes, I get a huge charge out of it! I know my wife better than anyone and I know when to stop. Even when she is begging for me to stop and I give her break she'll look at me and ask if everything is OK. LOL. My wife gets no sexual pleasure from being tickled but gets a certain satisfaction from knowing it sends me to the moon and back. My wife is a typical vanilla house wife, which in an odd way makes tickling her even more sexy. It's the borderline suffering that is part of it and I truly believe if she were to respond to the TICKLING with "Yes yes yes, More More More, don't stop." It would take something away from it.

No offense, I think it's naive to expect your mate is into everything you are at all times. My relationship, my marriage isn't based on my fetish or predicated upon it. I fell in Love with my wife way before she allowed me to tie her up and tickle her, crawl under the bed with her feet sticking out while she was "stuck" and call for me for that surprise. She loves me, knows it drives me crazy and will indulge and endure a good and thorough tickling out of love. To me, that is truly an act of love when the pleasure is all mine. If I do an act for my wife but I'm getting sexual pleasure who am I doing it for and what small sacrifice am I doing? To say that I'm not gonna do something for my wife, be it in bed or cleaning her car, should I only do it if it's gratifting to me. Yes, is my wife enduring her extremely ticklish feet tickled like mad a trying event? She is glad to do it because she loves me, same goes for Amanda with Jeff. I am more than willing to reciprocate to please her any way I can, ABSOLUTELY!

^ this is a smart man right here, well said and that's what marriage is.