Is tickling considered unattractive because it's a distraction?

[duderino84]

So this has been rolling around the old noggin for a while.

I was watching this video a couple days ago with Stefan Molyneux, who I occasionally watch if I see an interesting subject come up. I was watching this video https://youtu.be/OJ1tlDYvhiI .

It basically discusses how men age through their 20s feeling like they're always seeking relationships, while women come off as active in the wrong directions until their late 20s, in which guys become burnt out, and women seek solid relationships leading to marriage in order to "save the eggs".

How much of it I personally believe? Questionable. But I'm usually looking in places, probably the wrong ones, for girls that "don't mind a tickle". But it's usually a "why the hell would you like that?" Or "so you'll be the one enjoying yourself while I'm being tortured" reaction I feel I'm getting if I tell anyone.

The thing I am getting to is, I think if it's "sex" to someone vs a "commitment", then how does tickling fit in? DOES it fit in? Or is it considered a distracting, annoying bomb of sensations that people usually feel they could do without it going off? I do know to a lot of people it isn't sex, even if it works for me. I think this is a potential key to bringing tickling to relationships easier than just "meeting the right person that'll just deal with it", because frankly, I don't buy the "right person" line. Sorry if this can be filed under "off topic" but wanted to put feelers out.

 

[Sensualswitch10]

Ok, you embedded a 55+ minute video. Narrow it down to the couple minutes that you hope people will actually watch. For fuck's sake, do you really think someone is going to spend the next hour watching an embedded video?!!!

 

[duderino84]

Ok, you embedded a 55+ minute video. Narrow it down to the couple minutes that you hope people will actually watch. For fuck's sake, do you really think someone is going to spend the next hour watching an embedded video?!!!

People are free to do whatever they like. I never said anyone "has" to read this thread, yet you get offended because it's there. I thought the conversation got a little interesting around the 25 minute mark tho.

 

[chicago]

Yeah not watching the video, but I think over analyzing can cause a lot of problems for a person looking for a potential playmate too.

At the end of the day, you control how you feel. Many people don't like being tickled. That's gonna be one part of the challenge. I don't think there's one right person for everyone. Probably more like a handful of potential right people. But I don't think you need a commitment to find a play partner although it could make it more difficult because the other person would have to get something out of it too. The rest about guys and females acting some type of way in their 20s sounds like mumbo jumbo dude just kinda half made up lol

 

[Sensualswitch10]

People are free to do whatever they like. I never said anyone "has" to read this thread, yet you get offended because it's there. I thought the conversation got a little interesting around the 25 minute mark tho.

I wasn't offended, just a little flabbergasted lol. I actually wanted to see what you were talking about, but didn't want to watch the entire video. Sorry if it came off as being rude, and thanks for clarifying.

 

[duderino84]

Yeah not watching the video, but I think over analyzing can cause a lot of problems for a person looking for a potential playmate too.

At the end of the day, you control how you feel. Many people don't like being tickled. That's gonna be one part of the challenge. I don't think there's one right person for everyone. Probably more like a handful of potential right people. But I don't think you need a commitment to find a play partner although it could make it more difficult because the other person would have to get something out of it too. The rest about guys and females acting some type of way in their 20s sounds like mumbo jumbo dude just kinda half made up lol

I get what you mean, I tend to apply a lot of critical thinking to what shouldn't really matter. But I think some vanilla types have this "this is all it takes and I need _____ to fit the bill!" Mindset, and it goes for relationships too. I have looked for "play partners" but the lines blur when I take them to movies/dinners, lol. I just feel kinda like my "type" probably has a certain small cut of the population, and the fetishes additionally cut that cut down to size....

I wasn't offended, just a little flabbergasted lol. I actually wanted to see what you were talking about, but didn't want to watch the entire video. Sorry if it came off as being rude, and thanks for clarifying.

Well I tried to outline the video because at the end of the day it's just two dudes sharing a case of the feels. But I think I get rejected by the normal option sometimes because to them it's bullshit, for lack of a better word. A good portion of people seem to plan their lives in advance. Being I'm 32 and find myself alternating between wanting a partner and wanting to isolate myself, I related. I think the whole conversation applies, when I'm at a pc I set the playback speed to 2x tho.

 

[SoleMates]

I have no idea what the premise of the OP is, to be honest. I don't see a connection between tickling and life planning, or whatever. I can say that I've met very few people who considered tickling unattractive who didn't otherwise have some kind of horrible hangup over it or kink in general though, so I honestly think threads like this are either just projection or badly colored by negative experiences.

 

[chicago]

A lot of people do plan their lives in advance, and then they realize that half the time that doesnt work out so they make tentative long-term goals. If they work hard and can recognize opportunities as they present themselves, they may reach those goals. Hiccups always occur. Such is life. Again, overthinking causes stress and anxiety, at least in my experience, which leads to negativity, which is not very good for motivating oneself to keep working hard, recognize opportunities, etc.

 

[duderino84]

I don't see a connection between tickling and life planning, or whatever.

That's the premise of my op. .....that because tickling doesn't make a woman feel seduced (I mean unless they catch on that the guy likes it) or pregnant that it likely is viewed as a waste of time. IE because it's not in any direction of a direct aim at a plan.

And part of me thinks "well, that's the way it is, isn't it" but another part of me thinks "well does it really have to be that way? ".

 

[duderino84]

A lot of people do plan their lives in advance, and then they realize that half the time that doesnt work out so they make tentative long-term goals. If they work hard and can recognize opportunities as they present themselves, they may reach those goals. Hiccups always occur. Such is life. Again, overthinking causes stress and anxiety, at least in my experience, which leads to negativity, which is not very good for motivating oneself to keep working hard, recognize opportunities, etc.

Working hard. ....for tickling?

 

[chicago]

Working hard. ....for tickling?

I mean, you mentioned life planning, not sure what exactly you meant. But yeah, if you aren't getting what you want and it's worth it, some more effort might help.

 

[duderino84]

I mean, you mentioned life planning, not sure what exactly you meant. But yeah, if you aren't getting what you want and it's worth it, some more effort might help.

I understand working hard, but those areas I take up working hard in benefit myself. For example, I'm a musician, not everyone becomes a rock star. So I wanted to be more versed in woodworking, I drilled a pedal board last night to enable me to follow projects that tangentally connect to music. But I work hard for dates, but nothing I've pulled off has lasted through years because I believe "getting serious" takes a "serious" amount of time (YEARS!).

....that's all I got, this thinking has taken me to this thread.

 

[chicago]

So, isn't getting something you desire benefiting you though? If it's not something you want, then I don't understand all this thinking about it at all to be honest.

I don't know what it's like to be a musician. I'd hate the idea of trying to make ends meet on an occupation that wasn't stable. That's just me. And as far as dating goes, you don't really go into it thinking too hard about a potential relationship because that's the getting-to-know phase. Id say if after a few months you don't know if you want to make it serious or not, then you probably don't. No need to waste time or anything. But you're right, people are complex and multifaceted and shit and can take years to get to know fully, but that's the risk you take. Could be successful, could be shitty. That's life. Usually, you can figure out compatibility within a few months i would imagine, though everyone is different.

 

[jj82277]

So this has been rolling around the old noggin for a while.

I was watching this video a couple days ago with Stefan Molyneux, who I occasionally watch if I see an interesting subject come up. I was watching this video https://youtu.be/OJ1tlDYvhiI .

It basically discusses how men age through their 20s feeling like they're always seeking relationships, while women come off as active in the wrong directions until their late 20s, in which guys become burnt out, and women seek solid relationships leading to marriage in order to "save the eggs".

How much of it I personally believe? Questionable. But I'm usually looking in places, probably the wrong ones, for girls that "don't mind a tickle". But it's usually a "why the hell would you like that?" Or "so you'll be the one enjoying yourself while I'm being tortured" reaction I feel I'm getting if I tell anyone.

The thing I am getting to is, I think if it's "sex" to someone vs a "commitment", then how does tickling fit in? DOES it fit in? Or is it considered a distracting, annoying bomb of sensations that people usually feel they could do without it going off? I do know to a lot of people it isn't sex, even if it works for me. I think this is a potential key to bringing tickling to relationships easier than just "meeting the right person that'll just deal with it", because frankly, I don't buy the "right person" line. Sorry if this can be filed under "off topic" but wanted to put feelers out.

You're absolutely right. It's hard enough to find someone that you agree with on both what to eat and what movie to watch. let alone bringing in the infinite array of potential sexual preferences.

The simple answer is that in reality, its not a distraction if its not a distraction for you. By that I mean, that if there is an aspect of your personality or sexuality that you feel strongly about then its important enough to look for. The danger is to trivialize sex and think that just because you have a fetish or the like that in some way that's trivial. In reality, finding sexual fulfiilment inside your relationship is key to your long-term compatibility.

 

[duderino84]

So, isn't getting something you desire benefiting you though? If it's not something you want, then I don't understand all this thinking about it at all to be honest.

I don't know what it's like to be a musician. I'd hate the idea of trying to make ends meet on an occupation that wasn't stable. That's just me. And as far as dating goes, you don't really go into it thinking too hard about a potential relationship because that's the getting-to-know phase. Id say if after a few months you don't know if you want to make it serious or not, then you probably don't. No need to waste time or anything. But you're right, people are complex and multifaceted and shit and can take years to get to know fully, but that's the risk you take. Could be successful, could be shitty. That's life. Usually, you can figure out compatibility within a few months i would imagine, though everyone is different.

I guess, if you mean the couple of times things work that it yields tickling someone. After you get done with all the teases, the unsures, the fresh out of relationships looking to date for the sake of mixing it up, and the crazies. Yea. Sometimes it's fun.

The getting to know period should be the longest, in my head. Why someone would want to abbreviate that to a matter of months to get married (I'm seeing this a lot lately) is beyond me... I don't think of myself as that shallow. And yes, tons of musicians have day jobs, it's why it's a thing (try working with someone for 6 months in a creative environment, I assure you, it tells A LOT about a person). Trust is important, and earned.

 

[duderino84]

You're absolutely right. It's hard enough to find someone that you agree with on both what to eat and what movie to watch. let alone bringing in the infinite array of potential sexual preferences.

The simple answer is that in reality, its not a distraction if its not a distraction for you. By that I mean, that if there is an aspect of your personality or sexuality that you feel strongly about then its important enough to look for. The danger is to trivialize sex and think that just because you have a fetish or the like that in some way that's trivial. In reality, finding sexual fulfiilment inside your relationship is key to your long-term compatibility.

That's interesting...I didn't think of the trivializing sex aspect...I kind of let tickling be the "fulfillment" itself. Meanwhile I just think some "matches" have this "well, you whipped your dick out, we shared some laughs, you had a good time, OK, in the saddle yet!?" attitude and I'm like "Yea, this comfort zone? We haven't reached it." Which is interesting now because nobody comes across as willing to experiment.

 

[chicago]

I guess, if you mean the couple of times things work that it yields tickling someone. After you get done with all the teases, the unsures, the fresh out of relationships looking to date for the sake of mixing it up, and the crazies. Yea. Sometimes it's fun.

The getting to know period should be the longest, in my head. Why someone would want to abbreviate that to a matter of months to get married (I'm seeing this a lot lately) is beyond me... I don't think of myself as that shallow. And yes, tons of musicians have day jobs, it's why it's a thing (try working with someone for 6 months in a creative environment, I assure you, it tells A LOT about a person). Trust is important, and earned.

I had no idea you were talking about marriage. To me dating is what you do before you get into a relationship, you know typical monogamous boyfriend-girlfriend thing? I can't help you when it comes to getting married. I find it to be an antiquated tradition anyway lol

But yeah, life is hard, dating is hard. I don't know what else to tell you lol

 

[duderino84]

I had no idea you were talking about marriage. To me dating is what you do before you get into a relationship, you know typical monogamous boyfriend-girlfriend thing? I can't help you when it comes to getting married. I find it to be an antiquated tradition anyway lol

But yeah, life is hard, dating is hard. I don't know what else to tell you lol

That's why the video was there lol. People don't seem to want to take up dating if it doesn't land to marriage, in my experience.

Maybe I'm just choosing poorly?

 

[SoleMates]

That's why the video was there lol. People don't seem to want to take up dating if it doesn't land to marriage, in my experience.

Maybe I'm just choosing poorly?

That would be my guess. I see where you're coming from, though. Out here in Cali the women tend to be either total free spirits who just want to party hard their entire lives or expect you to put a ring on it by the second date and there's nothing in between. I kinda hate it because I'm not young and hot enough to pull the partiers but I've already been married once and am in no hurry to jump down that mine shaft again, so I can't find anyone to date. The tickling thing is the least of my worries.

 

[chicago]

That's why the video was there lol. People don't seem to want to take up dating if it doesn't land to marriage, in my experience.

Maybe I'm just choosing poorly?

I can understand that being your experience. I'm sure there's a lot of people out there looking for that. Ultimately, I imagine people just want companionship, which doesn't mean you have to be married, but yeah. Gotta go with Sole and say maybe you're picking the wrong people. I'd say putting people into categories and seeing things as very cut and dry versus just being open to the experience could make things hard. And again, if you're just looking for something casual, why care if the dates end with someone? Move on to the next.

 

[duderino84]

Yea I'm still semi-young, just trying to get lean. I'd leave jersey if family wasn't here. Planning on making a 100 mile shift of location to see if I get change tho.

I really don't know how "casual" I am. Maybe I should state I'm polyamorous,lol that's the other trend around I'm seeing.