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Love and Hate
- Thread starter Flatfoot
- Start date
AffectionateDan
Verified
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- Jan 3, 2002
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Yuppers.
That's why she's my EX wife. For a long time, I stuck it out, even knowing that our relationship was steadily growing unhealthy. I consoled myself with platitudes like "I was raised better than to run away from it, Mom & Dad made it the distance, so you can too." and "You either make your son the child of divorced parents, or stick it out in this lousy marriage... it's a lose-lose proposition either way ya look at it, and this is MUCH easier than going through with divorce, just live with it."
Feh.
Thank God I woke up and got paroled from that life sentence! I almost immediately discovered the community afterwards, and found out that I'm not alone in this thing of ours. Transitions are scary and can be hard, but quite often are the best thing in the world to do once you get past them and move on. Gives ya wings. You never really know how bad you feel until you don't anymore. I was fortunate, though, and I know this... most people stick it out until it's gotten so unhealthy, the relationship is actively hostile. I had a good split, and I'm SOOOOOOOOO thankful for it.
That's why she's my EX wife. For a long time, I stuck it out, even knowing that our relationship was steadily growing unhealthy. I consoled myself with platitudes like "I was raised better than to run away from it, Mom & Dad made it the distance, so you can too." and "You either make your son the child of divorced parents, or stick it out in this lousy marriage... it's a lose-lose proposition either way ya look at it, and this is MUCH easier than going through with divorce, just live with it."
Feh.
Thank God I woke up and got paroled from that life sentence! I almost immediately discovered the community afterwards, and found out that I'm not alone in this thing of ours. Transitions are scary and can be hard, but quite often are the best thing in the world to do once you get past them and move on. Gives ya wings. You never really know how bad you feel until you don't anymore. I was fortunate, though, and I know this... most people stick it out until it's gotten so unhealthy, the relationship is actively hostile. I had a good split, and I'm SOOOOOOOOO thankful for it.
TicklishSinner
1st Level Orange Feather
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- Apr 18, 2003
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My ex boyfriend...i loved him just as much as i hated him, he was cruel immature and just a real asshole (excuse my language) i was with him for more than 2 years because I thought that my loving him would over power the feeling of hatred i had to him, but in the end i realized i was more miserable than i was happy and surprisengly even after i realized that it still hurt so bad to break things off with him, but in the end i felt better about it, he never physically hurt me but emotionally he did quite a bit so now i am glad we arent together, but it is a tough choice to make if you truely love the person...i dont envy anyone who has to make that decision.
Knox The Hatter
2nd Level Indigo Feather
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There's not even a "thin line"...one easily blurs into the other! 🙂
Dunno if you meant exclusively in the romantic sense, but I had that situation with my Dad off and on. Or at least so I thought at the time. I think of love like the current in the house that is you. Even if you aren't using it or aware of it, the current still runs through the house. Hate is like refusing to use anything that requires that current. Pops wasn't always Cliff Huxtable, so for awhile, I unplugged everything. I knew the significance of this person, but because he was the source of so much pain, I tried to hate him, but the current of love was always in me. I don't know if I ever wished not to love (the absence of love is about the only thing in life that scares me), but I just wished it didn't hurt to love.
giantfan121262
1st Level Orange Feather
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I remember one of my first jobs after graduating college in 1986. My boss was a great guy to talk to. We ended up becoming good friends. We'd hang out, go bowling, drinking, and other male bonding things. However, when it came to the job at hand, he was a ball buster to the n th degree, all personal things aside. I'm not complaining but it was almost like Jeckyll and Hyde. There were times something had to get done which almost interfered with weekend plans I made, and I guess you can say I hated him for not giving me a little more slack then and other times for not getting credibility that I thought I earned, but the more I thought about it, the more I understood he was just a professional skeptic at heart.
Overall, I loved the guy and he was like a father figure to me in a lot of ways but there were times I just wanted to wrap my hands around his throat. I actually still keep in touch with him to this day after leaving the job ten years ago.
Overall, I loved the guy and he was like a father figure to me in a lot of ways but there were times I just wanted to wrap my hands around his throat. I actually still keep in touch with him to this day after leaving the job ten years ago.
toward the end of my marriage I was to the point where I would go into another room, clench my fists, and through gritted teeth I would quietly scream, “I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!”. not very healthy.
I loved him. still do. but now I know that I was never ‘in love’ with him. it took putting a nice little buffer (about 25-30 miles and a girlfriend lol) between us to get me to the point where I can love him more than hate him. if we had stayed together any longer (13 years is long enough!) we wouldn’t have been able to be friends. he still drives me nuts every once in a while, but for the most part that’s what we are. friends. and I am so glad.
I loved him. still do. but now I know that I was never ‘in love’ with him. it took putting a nice little buffer (about 25-30 miles and a girlfriend lol) between us to get me to the point where I can love him more than hate him. if we had stayed together any longer (13 years is long enough!) we wouldn’t have been able to be friends. he still drives me nuts every once in a while, but for the most part that’s what we are. friends. and I am so glad.
I'm with Ayla...she said it perfect.
My 11 year marriage went down the exact same path. There were occassions that I thought I really did love him, and wanted to work through our troubles, but more often than not we would get into a fight, and my hatred torward him totally blinded out any feelings of love I may have thought I had for him.
I was finally able to get out of the relationship (our divorce was final March 12th...YEAH!!!!!), and I am now in a wonderful, loving, HEALTHY relationship. Even when we get into our worst arguments (which are so minor compared to the fights I would have with my ex) I still love him deeply underneath my anger, and never, EVER do I ever experience any emotion remotely close to hatred toward him. No matter how mad he makes me, I always love him.
My new found love life has taught me one thing: Once you actually begin experiencing hatred toward your partner, the relationship is shot. There is no coming back from the place you have reached, and things will only get worse with time. Don't make the same mistake I did, trying to stick with it and make it work. My biggest regret about my failed marriage is that I waited so long to end it, and wasted so much time and effort on it. I lost several good young years of my life in that marriage, and I can't get them back now. Get out while you can, and take that initiative to find TRUE happiness and love in your life. You'll be awfully damn glad you did when the right partner comes along.
Mimi
My 11 year marriage went down the exact same path. There were occassions that I thought I really did love him, and wanted to work through our troubles, but more often than not we would get into a fight, and my hatred torward him totally blinded out any feelings of love I may have thought I had for him.
I was finally able to get out of the relationship (our divorce was final March 12th...YEAH!!!!!), and I am now in a wonderful, loving, HEALTHY relationship. Even when we get into our worst arguments (which are so minor compared to the fights I would have with my ex) I still love him deeply underneath my anger, and never, EVER do I ever experience any emotion remotely close to hatred toward him. No matter how mad he makes me, I always love him.
My new found love life has taught me one thing: Once you actually begin experiencing hatred toward your partner, the relationship is shot. There is no coming back from the place you have reached, and things will only get worse with time. Don't make the same mistake I did, trying to stick with it and make it work. My biggest regret about my failed marriage is that I waited so long to end it, and wasted so much time and effort on it. I lost several good young years of my life in that marriage, and I can't get them back now. Get out while you can, and take that initiative to find TRUE happiness and love in your life. You'll be awfully damn glad you did when the right partner comes along.
Mimi
KoocheeKoo
TMF Master
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My dad....definitely my dad 🙁
I agree...
Words to live by, Danimal and TKpervert.
I stayed with my ex-husband thinking we could work things out. While I resented him, and felt that I was doing all of the "working it out" part, I also ended up hating who I had become...didn't recognize myself anymore.
One other bit of advice (take it with a grain of salt): Don't just jump into another relationship when you're trying to recover from one that has caused you emotional pain. You'll need time to heal, and you'll probably be emotionally fragile; you may not be able to see the glorious forest for the damn dead trees! 🙂
*opens her wings, flies away with kwil*
TKpervert said:
Words to live by, Danimal and TKpervert.
I stayed with my ex-husband thinking we could work things out. While I resented him, and felt that I was doing all of the "working it out" part, I also ended up hating who I had become...didn't recognize myself anymore.
One other bit of advice (take it with a grain of salt): Don't just jump into another relationship when you're trying to recover from one that has caused you emotional pain. You'll need time to heal, and you'll probably be emotionally fragile; you may not be able to see the glorious forest for the damn dead trees! 🙂
*opens her wings, flies away with kwil*
