Love Question

[Snail Shell]

H'okay.

So you meet this person and you know in your heart of hearts that this person is Mr/Mrs Right. Problem is, they're already in a dating relationship with someone else. That relationship isn't going great, but they're not looking to break up any time soon.

What do you do?

(Put to me yesterday by another TMFer. Wanted to see what everyone else said). 😀

Snail Shell

 

[sean901]

Its pretty much impossible to say really without being in their shoes.
I suppose the best thing to do would be to tell someone if you feel that strongly about them, but if thats gonna cause trouble with people that you know or care about, then sometimes its just better to keep it to yourself. Although my personal view is life's too short to let them kind of opportunities pass by, and you could end up regretting it for a long, long time.

 

[-Hari-]

you wait, not forvever but as long as you need to convince yourself to either walk away or keep on waiting. Its all you CAN do, you dont try and influence the other people involved and you dont get visibly down about it, you simply keep being you and hope for the best.

Best to not to prepare yourself for either a let down or a chance, just be open minded to the possibility and dont mess with anyone elses business. If its gonna happen, then it will.

Fingers crossed for whoever it is🙂

 

[Snail Shell]

Fingers crossed for whoever it is🙂

Oh, this isn't happening to me or nothing. Not to my knowledge anyways. This was a hypothetical asked of me yesterday. I just wanted to know what others would do. 🙂

Snail Shell

 

[CarolinaTickler]

I think you wait, but I don't really know how long. A friend of mine has been in this type of situation for about 10 months and now that the couple has finally broken up, she doesn't want to date anyone for a while. The couple he wanted to break up was in a situation where everyone knew it wasn't a good relationship except them and finally they realized it and broke up. Before hand she was kind of hesitant to hang out with him because she had a boyfriend, now she is hesitant because she doesn't want to be in a relationship and she knows he is interested.

Part of the problem is that you can't wait around forever. There is a possibility the couple might never break up. I'm sure we all know those couples that are just bad for each but they never break up. You have to go on and live your life and perhaps you'll find someone else.

I'm not in favor of breaking up couples. It just seems underhanded to do that. I think you just continue to have a friendship with the person you want to date and put yourself in a position to be able to ask them out if the couple ever breaks up.

 

[Skipadeedoodah]

I'd wait it out. If the person is really unhappy, they'll eventually leave. And if they really are Mr./Mrs. Right, and ya'll are meant to be together, you'll be together. It totally blows, but it's all you can do.

(I understand this isn't about YOU, but I just say "you" cause...ya know..it's easier for me LOL)

 

[Skipadeedoodah]

I think you wait, but I don't really know how long. A friend of mine has been in this type of situation for about 10 months and now that the couple has finally broken up, she doesn't want to date anyone for a while. The couple he wanted to break up was in a situation where everyone knew it wasn't a good relationship except them and finally they realized it and broke up.

Part of the problem is that you can't wait around forever. There is a possibility the couple might never break up. I'm sure we all know those couples that are just bad for each but they never break up. You have to go on and live your life and perhaps you'll find someone else.

I'm not in favor of breaking up couples. It just seems underhanded to do that. I think you just continue to have a friendship with the person you want to date and put yourself in a position to be able to ask them out if the couple ever breaks up.

This is a really really good point, too.

 

[-Hari-]

Oh, this isn't happening to me or nothing. Not to my knowledge anyways. This was a hypothetical asked of me yesterday. I just wanted to know what others would do. 🙂

Snail Shell

thats why I said fingers crossed for whoever it is, cause I dont know who it is 😛

 

[Capnmad]

First, this "Mr./Miss Right" B.S. is dangerously close to falling into the "The One" trap. There's 6.?+ BILLION people on Earth. Ain't just one for ya.

A lady or a gentleman bides their time and doesn't interfere. If you're their "Mr./Miss Right" as you believe they are yours, time will see to it that they find you. If they don't, best divest yourself of such "Right" notions.

If you love them, and want for their happiness selflessly, you will support their current relationship and all the happiness and growth they can derive from it. If you don't want for their happiness, again, best divest yourself of your "Right" notions.

In the meantime, keep looking and keep learning. You may find even a better fit in time, or, with luck, you'll have at least learned a thing or two about yourself and others to make you a more worthwhile mate when your presumed "Mr./Mrs. Right" finds you.

 

[fireguardian]

I hae to agree with Capnmad on a few levels. I have never felt that there is just one and only one person for each other in the world. I think that a person will meet many people in their life that are meant to be a party of it. Whether that is a solid lingering part or even just a fleeting moment doesn't change the impact they can have.

In this situation my only advice would be to be that person's support through any rocky spots, a shoulder to cry on, and some one to turn to when they want to hve fun. In essence be a friend. He or she is going to have to let wherever their current relationship play out before anything else can happen. Even if they should split he/she is going to need their time and space. If you really want things to go farther it might just be a waiting game.

What you decide to do in that waiting time is up to you. Personally even if I was head over heels I would do what I could to make sure I wasn't a rebound for them. That can get a bit messy.

There is also that chance that nothing will come of it no matter how much you try to do. It's just the way it works. That's the point where you start looking else where. Now please don't take that as drop the friendship though that can happen if things get awkward but do what you can to not let it happen. If it didn't work out it didn't, don't force something if it's not there. It either will be or it won't. If it's not that cool and you start looking at all the other people that there are to meet.

Good luck to your friend.

 

[MasterPaladin]

plenty of fish in the sea but if your totally falling for her as haribish said you wait as long as you think in necessary then move on.

 

[kered]

Life is too short. Go for it.

 

[Perduabo]

I have actually been through something like this in the past.

What I did was let them know in no uncertain terms how I felt, that I was physically and emotionally attracted to them and could see a good future with us together.

However, I also let them know I respected the fact that their relationship was still in effect, despite it going through a rough patch. I told this person that I didn't expect him to drop everything on a chance with me, but if things got to the point where a parting of ways was called for, I would always be there. I also said I would respectfully bow down should he decide to stay on with his current lover.

Eventually nothing came of it, they are still together as far as I know, but the main point is you can't be afraid to speak up and let someone you care about know how you feel. At the very least, you'll know if a possibility of a relationship will be in play, instead of worrying yourself to death wondering "what if?"

I know that cliche is older than God, but it is true.

Hope that helps.

 

[Aimee]

Don't even get me started on this ...

... I just felt my eye twitch.

 

[MrMacphisto]

I've been in this position a lot. Generally speaking, I try to be helpful but keep my emotional distance. It's not that I have a lot of female friends that I feel strongly towards, but I tend to develop deep friendships over time, and by coincidence, a lot of my friends are couples. Unfortunately, this sometimes creates sexual tension between me and the girl, so I try to put some space between us when it's needed.

I basically had to do this recently with a girl I'd once felt attracted to when she was having trouble with her guy. She seemed to be sending me hints, but I'm friends with the guy too, and I didn't want to fuck that up.

I've never cheated, but I did help someone else cheat once a long time ago... I felt like a total asshole afterwards though, which is why I've never done it since.

The OP is a situation conducive to cheating, which is why I tread very carefully in this position.

 

[maniactickler]

I tactfully plant a little seed of doubt in them and then let it be.

 

[unclebill]

I say forget about her, get a puppy and look for the next "perfect" woman.

 

[Skipadeedoodah]

I have actually been through something like this in the past.

What I did was let them know in no uncertain terms how I felt, that I was physically and emotionally attracted to them and could see a good future with us together.

However, I also let them know I respected the fact that their relationship was still in effect, despite it going through a rough patch. I told this person that I didn't expect him to drop everything on a chance with me, but if things got to the point where a parting of ways was called for, I would always be there. I also said I would respectfully bow down should he decide to stay on with his current lover.

Eventually nothing came of it, they are still together as far as I know, but the main point is you can't be afraid to speak up and let someone you care about know how you feel. At the very least, you'll know if a possibility of a relationship will be in play, instead of worrying yourself to death wondering "what if?"

I know that cliche is older than God, but it is true.

Hope that helps.

I have to respectfully disagree. I would NEVER put that kind of pressure on a friend. I feel like it would just make things more complicated for them whether they had feelings for you or not. If they do have feelings for you, now they have extra pressure to get out of their current relationship, which might not be the easiest thing for them, for a variety of reasons. If they don't have feelings for you, now the friendship is probably just going to be weird. Any harmless flirting you did in the past is likely never going to be taken lightly again. It would likely make things awkward, and for me that could ruin a great friendship.

This, of course, only applies to me, and how I would feel. 🙂

 

[Perduabo]

I have to respectfully disagree. I would NEVER put that kind of pressure on a friend. I feel like it would just make things more complicated for them whether they had feelings for you or not. If they do have feelings for you, now they have extra pressure to get out of their current relationship, which might not be the easiest thing for them, for a variety of reasons. If they don't have feelings for you, now the friendship is probably just going to be weird. Any harmless flirting you did in the past is likely never going to be taken lightly again. It would likely make things awkward, and for me that could ruin a great friendship.

This, of course, only applies to me, and how I would feel. 🙂

No worries,we all have our opinions 🙂

I suppose its my brutal honesty that drives me to be so direct with others. I've never been one to mince words, but I can see your arguments. Very thought provoking indeed.