Married to someone who doesn't share your tickle fetish?

[misslee22]

I have a question for those of you in relationships with people not into tickling... how do you channel the extra "energy"?

I'm a 36 year old woman who LOVES to be tickled. There's literally nothing I love more. I was very active on the scene in my early to mid twenties and considered myself insatiable. I simply could not get enough of tickling. I met my now husband when I was 29.

When I met him I had stepped down from the tickle scene for about a year. I'd had some complicated experiences which had put me off - feelings developing for tickle partners, boundaries getting overstepped, it got messy... I decided at 28 that I wouldn't have casual sessions anymore and would instead be honest with any future romantic partners about my tickle fetish.

It worked out well... at first... my now husband was the second boyfriend I ever shared my love of tickling with. He has a foot fetish so tickling was the perfect companion to it and our sex life was electric. He was so invested in tickling me and I had some of my very BEST tickle experiences with him (and keep in mind I was tickled by some pros in the past).

However.... it's been nearly 7 years later and his interest has dimmed. He'll tickle me a bit during sex (like once a week if I'm lucky) but the intensity, length of sessiond and spontaneity has stopped. He's just not that into it anymore. It's heartbreaking for me.

Last week, after I spoke to him about how much I miss it, he gave me an intense tickle, just pinned me down and tickled my underarms while lickling my neck and verbally teasing me. It was a good 20mins of heaven and then it was over. All I can do is keep thinking about it and wondering when I'll get to experience it again and wondering what to do with all these cravings. If anything, it only made the obsession worse like an addict who got a little taste of their drug of choice. Even though he knows how to blow my mind if he wants to, I feel he's just going through the motions which kind of kills it for me.

I love my husband and wouldn't want to do anything to jeopardise my marriage. He's not comfortable with me being tickled by someone else and I know that to travel that path would end my relationship. But tickling is on my mind like ALL the time. And it's somewhat of a chore to him now. I don't know what to do.

Is there anyone in similar situation who can tell me what they do? I am thinking to channel the energy into writing and reading tickle stories, or find better videos, or get new toys? Something because I feel like I'm going crazy and I am open to suggestions...

 

[Wesker28]

Did you just say I miss being tickled and then he tickled you? Or was it a lot more thorough than that. I would really discuss it deeply with him.

 

[D-Tickler]

After reading your story, my feeling is that your husband has been into tickling you to some extent. This extent was relatively strong when you just met each other 7 years ago, but has dimmed throughout ages.

For this, your husband has just experienced the decrement of his interest in tickling you (and possibly of some other aspects of intimacy, I suspect).
This can be actually paralleled to the common phenomena (of the decrement of interest in intimacy throughout ages) that exist in many couples' marriages.
So, the change of your husband is not something unique. And it should definitely not be the reason to jeopardise or even end your relationship with him!

Though I'm unmarried, I may give you the following suggestion:
Try to communicate with your husband.
Actively tell him that you miss the feeling of his frequent tickling on you when you just met each other.
And just express your thought that you want to somehow experience that again!

Best luck!

 

[Ghostwriter727]

I can relate to the spouse becoming more estranged to tickling, and it just not being "electric' like it used to be. (Although being a male I probably view it differently)

My wife still plays on occasions, but not with same intensity, or consistency that we used to do it. Part of it is her job which is never ending as well as aging which catches up to all of us unfortunately.

I mostly just keep up hope that we can tap into some kind of roll play games, or maybe she gets on some sort of tickler kick where she just wants to take charge and make me beg like a slave.😂
(I normally don't, but desperate times call for desperate measures sometimes)

Your case is a tough one. I can't even imagine getting bored, or losing interest in tickling; especially with a foot fetish... He's a lucky guy.🤙

Perhaps he's having trouble with libido, and its causing him confidence issues, or maybe there is some unspoken communication that he's feeling resentful about.

It's a hard thing to speculate over without him shedding some light on what's going on, or communicating more.
Maybe some affectionate bargaining where you give him foot loving time if he will tickle you back in exchange.

I'm just throwing ideas that would definitely get my attention.😜
Sorry that you aren't getting the giggles that you wildly deserve, but hopefully he comes around, and opens up so you can have a deeper understanding of one another.

Writing stories, and exploring some hot scenarios with tickling help me scratch the tickling itch some, but in many ways it just intensifies the desire to want it more.

Let me know if I can help in any other ways.
Its great to meet you, and good luck.🍻

 

[WickedTouch]

I have a question for those of you in relationships with people not into tickling... how do you channel the extra "energy"?

I'm a 36 year old woman who LOVES to be tickled. There's literally nothing I love more. I was very active on the scene in my early to mid twenties and considered myself insatiable. I simply could not get enough of tickling. I met my now husband when I was 29.

When I met him I had stepped down from the tickle scene for about a year. I'd had some complicated experiences which had put me off - feelings developing for tickle partners, boundaries getting overstepped, it got messy... I decided at 28 that I wouldn't have casual sessions anymore and would instead be honest with any future romantic partners about my tickle fetish.

It worked out well... at first... my now husband was the second boyfriend I ever shared my love of tickling with. He has a foot fetish so tickling was the perfect companion to it and our sex life was electric. He was so invested in tickling me and I had some of my very BEST tickle experiences with him (and keep in mind I was tickled by some pros in the past).

However.... it's been nearly 7 years later and his interest has dimmed. He'll tickle me a bit during sex (like once a week if I'm lucky) but the intensity, length of sessiond and spontaneity has stopped. He's just not that into it anymore. It's heartbreaking for me.

Last week, after I spoke to him about how much I miss it, he gave me an intense tickle, just pinned me down and tickled my underarms while lickling my neck and verbally teasing me. It was a good 20mins of heaven and then it was over. All I can do is keep thinking about it and wondering when I'll get to experience it again and wondering what to do with all these cravings. If anything, it only made the obsession worse like an addict who got a little taste of their drug of choice. Even though he knows how to blow my mind if he wants to, I feel he's just going through the motions which kind of kills it for me.

I love my husband and wouldn't want to do anything to jeopardise my marriage. He's not comfortable with me being tickled by someone else and I know that to travel that path would end my relationship. But tickling is on my mind like ALL the time. And it's somewhat of a chore to him now. I don't know what to do.

Is there anyone in similar situation who can tell me what they do? I am thinking to channel the energy into writing and reading tickle stories, or find better videos, or get new toys? Something because I feel like I'm going crazy and I am open to suggestions...

Firstly, thank you for being vulnerable about your situation and I’m very sorry you’re experiencing these challenges. Everyone so far has their unique spin on this, but they’re right about the shared point: Communication is the thing to work on here. Every indication you’ve given is that you love him very much and that he loves you very much. Finding someone to share that deep persistent love with is hard enough, and it sounds like you have found that. Even so, most otherwise healthy relationships in and out of the kink and fetish world encounter intimacy issues at different times in the span of the relationship. Many people think something is wrong when intimacy is not what it used to be, and in some ways, that is true. Initially, intimacy takes less effort in the sense that the drive is naturally high, but it make take more awareness and intention as time goes on.

What I would suggest doing is sorting out what aspects of your fetish are needs, and then, discuss them with him. You’re already ahead in that it is probably not a big surprise to him that you like and want those things. However, it might not be as clear to him that it is a need required by you for your sexual and emotional well-being. It’s not wrong to crave something from him that he does not have a natural drive for. Many couples compromise all the time by giving each other the thing that makes the other light up. But you also have to accept that it might not be in the forefront of his mind like it is hardwired into yours. Be patient, be kind, and be understanding, but also be direct and be explicit about how you feel and what you need. If you communicate your needs to someone who loves and respects you, they will make an attempt to accommodate you. And as always, express gratitude to him in instances where he does what you like or when he shows understanding in conversation about it. It’s a very good positive reenforcement that signals what’s important to you and how well he is doing.

Lastly, I’ll just say do not expect immediate results, but do expect graduated effort over time. If it goes better than that, great, but keep fair expectations. If you don’t see noticeable effort over time after several discussions, and you feel a true need of yours is not being met that he should reasonably be able to accommodate, you may then want to consider couples therapy or sex therapy. That can be a scary move for some people and even feel close to the nuclear option of divorce, but it doesn’t have to be about that. Therapy can merely be a way to better understand where each other is coming from and how to better serve each other as partners. If you do end up down this road, just be aware that not all therapists are created equal and if one ends up not working out, find one that does.

I wish you both the best of luck and happiness 🙂

 

[Soles_Scream]

I have a question for those of you in relationships with people not into tickling... how do you channel the extra "energy"?

I'm a 36 year old woman who LOVES to be tickled. There's literally nothing I love more. I was very active on the scene in my early to mid twenties and considered myself insatiable. I simply could not get enough of tickling. I met my now husband when I was 29.

When I met him I had stepped down from the tickle scene for about a year. I'd had some complicated experiences which had put me off - feelings developing for tickle partners, boundaries getting overstepped, it got messy... I decided at 28 that I wouldn't have casual sessions anymore and would instead be honest with any future romantic partners about my tickle fetish.

It worked out well... at first... my now husband was the second boyfriend I ever shared my love of tickling with. He has a foot fetish so tickling was the perfect companion to it and our sex life was electric. He was so invested in tickling me and I had some of my very BEST tickle experiences with him (and keep in mind I was tickled by some pros in the past).

However.... it's been nearly 7 years later and his interest has dimmed. He'll tickle me a bit during sex (like once a week if I'm lucky) but the intensity, length of sessiond and spontaneity has stopped. He's just not that into it anymore. It's heartbreaking for me.

Last week, after I spoke to him about how much I miss it, he gave me an intense tickle, just pinned me down and tickled my underarms while lickling my neck and verbally teasing me. It was a good 20mins of heaven and then it was over. All I can do is keep thinking about it and wondering when I'll get to experience it again and wondering what to do with all these cravings. If anything, it only made the obsession worse like an addict who got a little taste of their drug of choice. Even though he knows how to blow my mind if he wants to, I feel he's just going through the motions which kind of kills it for me.

I love my husband and wouldn't want to do anything to jeopardise my marriage. He's not comfortable with me being tickled by someone else and I know that to travel that path would end my relationship. But tickling is on my mind like ALL the time. And it's somewhat of a chore to him now. I don't know what to do.

Is there anyone in similar situation who can tell me what they do? I am thinking to channel the energy into writing and reading tickle stories, or find better videos, or get new toys? Something because I feel like I'm going crazy and I am open to suggestions...

How specific has your communication with your husband been regarding your desire to be tickled? Also, do you know what his wants are or where he's at with the relationship? I don't mean to sound cold, definitely not my intention. I'm just trying to figure out the bases to better give you feedback. Now if you all talked about someone else tickling you, I would think he'd realize how important it was, but I don't know the context for how that convo came about.

As for the partner not being into it but doing it anyway. That resonates. Mine allows herself to be tickled by me sometimes, but she can only take so much so there's a compromise. I also have to initiate it since obviously I'm the only one with the fetish.

 

[luvgirlsfeet]

I’m in a similar boat my wife knows of my interests in women’s feet and for tickling. She just doesn’t have any interest in it at all like I do.

 

[Jpg8911]

Literally me, my wife rarely indulges me and when she does it's short lived. I'm a switch but with her she'll only ever tickle me maybe 3-5 times a year we'll do it.

 

[misslee22]

Did you just say I miss being tickled and then he tickled you? Or was it a lot more thorough than that. I would really discuss it deeply with him.

We had a really deep convo, one of many to be honest, where I told him I literally crave it and the odd time he does tickle me makes the cravings worse. There was probably a bit of reverse psychology involved too as I told him it might be best not to tickle me much anymore at all, and instead wean me off, and I suppose he saw that as a challenge and wanted to make me admit I didn't mean it. After he'd tickled me he said he would tickle me more but then we had an entire weekend at home, just us two, we were snowed in, the perfect scenario for tickle fun but he didn't touch me at all. I spent the entire weekend craving.

 

[misslee22]

After reading your story, my feeling is that your husband has been into tickling you to some extent. This extent was relatively strong when you just met each other 7 years ago, but has dimmed throughout ages.

For this, your husband has just experienced the decrement of his interest in tickling you (and possibly of some other aspects of intimacy, I suspect).
This can be actually paralleled to the common phenomena (of the decrement of interest in intimacy throughout ages) that exist in many couples' marriages.
So, the change of your husband is not something unique. And it should definitely not be the reason to jeopardise or even end your relationship with him!

Though I'm unmarried, I may give you the following suggestion:
Try to communicate with your husband.
Actively tell him that you miss the feeling of his frequent tickling on you when you just met each other.
And just express your thought that you want to somehow experience that again!

Best luck!

You're right on so many fronts here. Our intimacy isn't what it was in the beginning. This was my first long term relationship so I didn't know this was normal. I've always had less libido than my partners in relationships but lately I've been wanting it way more than him. He insists its normal as sex gets quite predictable.

Anyway, we discussed it all over again last night as one thing we don't have issues with is communicating. I am very open with him, maybe sometimes a little too much. Yesterday, he insisted that he does still enjoy tickling me otherwise he wouldn't be as good at it (which I couldn't really deny as he does a remarkable job for someone not into it himself).

He admitted that its not as exciting to him as it was at first as the novelty has worn off but that we can still do it more and he will try to be intentional... it's not the first time we've had this conversation but it does seem that every time we talk, we go a little deeper into it so maybe something will shift soon.

 

[misslee22]

I can relate to the spouse becoming more estranged to tickling, and it just not being "electric' like it used to be. (Although being a male I probably view it differently)

My wife still plays on occasions, but not with same intensity, or consistency that we used to do it. Part of it is her job which is never ending as well as aging which catches up to all of us unfortunately.

I mostly just keep up hope that we can tap into some kind of roll play games, or maybe she gets on some sort of tickler kick where she just wants to take charge and make me beg like a slave.😂
(I normally don't, but desperate times call for desperate measures sometimes)

Your case is a tough one. I can't even imagine getting bored, or losing interest in tickling; especially with a foot fetish... He's a lucky guy.🤙

Perhaps he's having trouble with libido, and its causing him confidence issues, or maybe there is some unspoken communication that he's feeling resentful about.

It's a hard thing to speculate over without him shedding some light on what's going on, or communicating more.
Maybe some affectionate bargaining where you give him foot loving time if he will tickle you back in exchange.

I'm just throwing ideas that would definitely get my attention.😜
Sorry that you aren't getting the giggles that you wildly deserve, but hopefully he comes around, and opens up so you can have a deeper understanding of one another.

Writing stories, and exploring some hot scenarios with tickling help me scratch the tickling itch some, but in many ways it just intensifies the desire to want it more.

Let me know if I can help in any other ways.
Its great to meet you, and good luck.🍻

Thank you for such a thoughtful response. You sound like you're in a similar situation to me and have defo given some food for thought. Out of interest, are you a lee or a switch? It must be even trickier to get a partner not into tickling to do both.

 

[Ghostwriter727]

Thank you for such a thoughtful response. You sound like you're in a similar situation to me and have defo given some food for thought. Out of interest, are you a lee or a switch? It must be even trickier to get a partner not into tickling to do both.

I'm a switch so letting her have the control really isn't so hard. I've had a few great sessions as the ler as well though.

She's like to get control, and feel like she's getting the best of me.🫣
I get pretty animated when hyper sensitivity takes over so I guess I make a fun lee. (Somebody's gotta do it) 😉🤙

 

[misslee22]

Firstly, thank you for being vulnerable about your situation and I’m very sorry you’re experiencing these challenges. Everyone so far has their unique spin on this, but they’re right about the shared point: Communication is the thing to work on here. Every indication you’ve given is that you love him very much and that he loves you very much. Finding someone to share that deep persistent love with is hard enough, and it sounds like you have found that. Even so, most otherwise healthy relationships in and out of the kink and fetish world encounter intimacy issues at different times in the span of the relationship. Many people think something is wrong when intimacy is not what it used to be, and in some ways, that is true. Initially, intimacy takes less effort in the sense that the drive is naturally high, but it make take more awareness and intention as time goes on.

What I would suggest doing is sorting out what aspects of your fetish are needs, and then, discuss them with him. You’re already ahead in that it is probably not a big surprise to him that you like and want those things. However, it might not be as clear to him that it is a need required by you for your sexual and emotional well-being. It’s not wrong to crave something from him that he does not have a natural drive for. Many couples compromise all the time by giving each other the thing that makes the other light up. But you also have to accept that it might not be in the forefront of his mind like it is hardwired into yours. Be patient, be kind, and be understanding, but also be direct and be explicit about how you feel and what you need. If you communicate your needs to someone who loves and respects you, they will make an attempt to accommodate you. And as always, express gratitude to him in instances where he does what you like or when he shows understanding in conversation about it. It’s a very good positive reenforcement that signals what’s important to you and how well he is doing.

Lastly, I’ll just say do not expect immediate results, but do expect graduated effort over time. If it goes better than that, great, but keep fair expectations. If you don’t see noticeable effort over time after several discussions, and you feel a true need of yours is not being met that he should reasonably be able to accommodate, you may then want to consider couples therapy or sex therapy. That can be a scary move for some people and even feel close to the nuclear option of divorce, but it doesn’t have to be about that. Therapy can merely be a way to better understand where each other is coming from and how to better serve each other as partners. If you do end up down this road, just be aware that not all therapists are created equal and if one ends up not working out, find one that does.

I wish you both the best of luck and happiness 🙂

When I made this post I was feeling desperate and overwhelmed and had no idea that I would receive such thoughtful responses. Thank you for taking the time to read my dilemma and write such insightful advice. Your message has given me some true lightbulb moments.

It is so hard to find someone that you want to do life with, not just tickling with, and it's easy to lose sight of that when you're feeling dissatisfied with the intimacy of the relationship but it's not just tickling, the truth is the intimacy isn't what it was in the beginning when he was discovering tickling for the first time and just could not get enough of it. Naturally overtime we've fallen into some kind of rhythm where we are having to be more intentional about that aspect of our lives.

Something else you said (among so many things) which feels like a wake up call for me is this:

"But you also have to accept that it might not be in the forefront of his mind like it is hardwired into yours. Be patient, be kind, and be understanding, but also be direct and be explicit about how you feel and what you need. If you communicate your needs to someone who loves and respects you, they will make an attempt to accommodate you. And as always, express gratitude to him in instances where he does what you like or when he shows understanding in conversation about it."

I think this may be what I needed to hear as I do think I've been letting my frustration get the better of me at times and not being as kind or patient as I should. We spent the entire weekend snowed in and he was content to relax and talk and do his own thing and I couldn't wrap my head around how anything could be more appealing to him than having a weekend full of tickle play. I think I do need to accept that it's just not on his mind the way it is on mine. I think I need to be more honest with him going forwards about how I would prefer to spend the weekends. I often bottle it up and then we have a whole discussion about how dissatisfied I'm feeling sometime later. Often when I complain about boring weekends he asks what I'd rather be doing and I feel too embarrassed to admit that I want him to tickle me and not just for 20mins but for a full hour like we used to do. I am going to have be more direct I think but also kind and patient as you've said. Thank you very much.

 

[misslee22]

How specific has your communication with your husband been regarding your desire to be tickled? Also, do you know what his wants are or where he's at with the relationship? I don't mean to sound cold, definitely not my intention. I'm just trying to figure out the bases to better give you feedback. Now if you all talked about someone else tickling you, I would think he'd realize how important it was, but I don't know the context for how that convo came about.

As for the partner not being into it but doing it anyway. That resonates. Mine allows herself to be tickled by me sometimes, but she can only take so much so there's a compromise. I also have to initiate it since obviously I'm the only one with the fetish.

Thank you for your input. I must say that my husband is BIG on communication. He does not keep things bottled up. In the beginning of our relationship, I was no so great. He would know something is wrong, I would refuse to talk about it and he would often tickle it out of me. It added to the fun of it I suppose but I genuinely struggled to be open with him so it felt like torture back then. But not now. I am so honest with him. He is one of the most laidback people I know and just about never gets offended so I became more comfortable just saying it how it is. Believe me when I say I've told him that tickling means so much to me. I recently asked him if he'd be more interested in tickling someone else rather than me (he admitted that he would like to tickle someone else in addition to me but also wouldn't want to bring a third person into our relationship so is not interested in doing so). He turned the question on me then and that's how I learned he would not be comfortable with it. I don't want to be tickled by someone else either. I want to be tickled by him. But if he's not interested in tickling me anymore, then being able to enjoy that elsewhere would be the next best thing. He says our relationship is a good one and its natural for that part of our lives to be less dominant when we're this far in. I think you're onto something with the initiating though. There's something hot about him just pouncing on me, deciding that I deserve to be tickled and just tickling me, just deciding that HE wants to tickle me and acting, but since I can't make him initiate more, I'm probably going to have to be more direct in telling him that I want to be tickled now.

 

[misslee22]

I’m in a similar boat my wife knows of my interests in women’s feet and for tickling. She just doesn’t have any interest in it at all like I do.

Sorry. Does she at least let you tickle her feet sometimes?

 

[Soles_Scream]

Thank you for your input. I must say that my husband is BIG on communication. He does not keep things bottled up. In the beginning of our relationship, I was no so great. He would know something is wrong, I would refuse to talk about it and he would often tickle it out of me. It added to the fun of it I suppose but I genuinely struggled to be open with him so it felt like torture back then. But not now. I am so honest with him. He is one of the most laidback people I know and just about never gets offended so I became more comfortable just saying it how it is. Believe me when I say I've told him that tickling means so much to me. I recently asked him if he'd be more interested in tickling someone else rather than me (he admitted that he would like to tickle someone else in addition to me but also wouldn't want to bring a third person into our relationship so is not interested in doing so). He turned the question on me then and that's how I learned he would not be comfortable with it. I don't want to be tickled by someone else either. I want to be tickled by him. But if he's not interested in tickling me anymore, then being able to enjoy that elsewhere would be the next best thing. He says our relationship is a good one and its natural for that part of our lives to be less dominant when we're this far in. I think you're onto something with the initiating though. There's something hot about him just pouncing on me, deciding that I deserve to be tickled and just tickling me, just deciding that HE wants to tickle me and acting, but since I can't make him initiate more, I'm probably going to have to be more direct in telling him that I want to be tickled now.

I'd definitely say be more direct with what you want. "I need to be tickled now" type of blunt as you mentioned. Does he have any sexual interests or needs that you're aware of that you don't currently partake in? Perhaps you all discussed that already. Again, don't mean to be invasive, I'm just in problem solving mode.

 

[brotherted]

I feel like most of the good, grounded responses have already been given. I'd also just say that whether someone is into our little hobby or not, sexual energy, sexual frequency and sexual practices will ebb and flow in any relationship, and that's been true since the beginning of time. And generosity is part of this equation too.

By that I mean it should never just be a matter of "How do I get them to do what I want?" Instead, always start by giving them more of what they want. And don't just think of it as giving 51%... think of finding joy in giving 67% and only expecting 33% in return. (Sometimes both partners might actually think they're giving 67% at the same time, when it's really more like 50/50.)

I'm not saying you're not doing that already -- obviously I have no idea -- I just thought it was a point worth mentioning. Usually in a normal, healthy relationship, when we give more, we end up getting more. Maybe he has something he'd like you to do more too, about which he hasn't spoken. Making him want to please you will always be superior to either pushing or begging him to do it.

 

[WickedTouch]

When I made this post I was feeling desperate and overwhelmed and had no idea that I would receive such thoughtful responses. Thank you for taking the time to read my dilemma and write such insightful advice. Your message has given me some true lightbulb moments.

It is so hard to find someone that you want to do life with, not just tickling with, and it's easy to lose sight of that when you're feeling dissatisfied with the intimacy of the relationship but it's not just tickling, the truth is the intimacy isn't what it was in the beginning when he was discovering tickling for the first time and just could not get enough of it. Naturally overtime we've fallen into some kind of rhythm where we are having to be more intentional about that aspect of our lives.

Something else you said (among so many things) which feels like a wake up call for me is this:

"But you also have to accept that it might not be in the forefront of his mind like it is hardwired into yours. Be patient, be kind, and be understanding, but also be direct and be explicit about how you feel and what you need. If you communicate your needs to someone who loves and respects you, they will make an attempt to accommodate you. And as always, express gratitude to him in instances where he does what you like or when he shows understanding in conversation about it."

I think this may be what I needed to hear as I do think I've been letting my frustration get the better of me at times and not being as kind or patient as I should. We spent the entire weekend snowed in and he was content to relax and talk and do his own thing and I couldn't wrap my head around how anything could be more appealing to him than having a weekend full of tickle play. I think I do need to accept that it's just not on his mind the way it is on mine. I think I need to be more honest with him going forwards about how I would prefer to spend the weekends. I often bottle it up and then we have a whole discussion about how dissatisfied I'm feeling sometime later. Often when I complain about boring weekends he asks what I'd rather be doing and I feel too embarrassed to admit that I want him to tickle me and not just for 20mins but for a full hour like we used to do. I am going to have be more direct I think but also kind and patient as you've said. Thank you very much.

Oh, I’m so glad you found something helpful in what I wrote. You are most welcome! After reading more of your replies and re-reading your initial post, I had a few additional thoughts that may (or may not) be helpful.

I am currently married to a natural-born ticklephile. We both LOVE tickling and love each other even more. Even so, we encounter challenges with this from time to time. Life is hard and busy. Our drive for it fluctuates and does not always line up. We both are practiced from an early age at suppressing our feelings. It can still be brutally hard for either of us to ask the other for tickle fun. Does it happen more often in quick one-off scenarios? Absolutely! But to plan and line up both of our energies for a more dedicated session-like experience is more difficult, especially with that habit of suppressing our feelings (which we are working on with focused intention). I’m a switch, and it especially is hard for me to express my lee side. Sometimes I feel like I’d rather suffer than ask her to tickle me. I have a weird thing where I encounter a lot of internal resistance to asking anyone for anything.

I think one thing that might help you is something that has also helped us (not to be confused with a silver bullet that fixed everything). . It’s a communication technique I’ll call intentional indirection. Essentially the idea is to reframe the language around the scenario or initiation of the play so that you are still technically initiating it, but it doesn’t feel as buzz-kill as “sweetheart, would you please tie me up and be mean to me with tickles.” This is not a contradiction to my first suggestion about direct communication—you should keep working on that and even discuss the indirection concept and how it helps you ask for what you want without asking for what you want. An example of that might be a theme of “punishment.” Consider a scenario where you are being playfully annoying to each other and he says something like, “Hey, stop that!” That’s a great time to give a mischievous smile followed by, “What are you going to do about it?”

Obviously, that’s just an example and it doesn’t have to look exactly like that for you, but you can establish some of these signals with him and it can be a great way to give the invitation with out a flat direct question. Some people find this a great way to hack their own brain and get what they want. Of course, you don’t want to abuse it either, and always keep realistic expectations. It’s just a tool to consider and experiment with.

 

[Cave In]

It's difficult. My wife used to tolerate it in the very early days of our relationship, but now she can't stand it and its been that way for a very long time. I've just accepted that tickling will no longer happen.

 

[misslee22]

I feel like most of the good, grounded responses have already been given. I'd also just say that whether someone is into our little hobby or not, sexual energy, sexual frequency and sexual practices will ebb and flow in any relationship, and that's been true since the beginning of time. And generosity is part of this equation too.

By that I mean it should never just be a matter of "How do I get them to do what I want?" Instead, always start by giving them more of what they want. And don't just think of it as giving 51%... think of finding joy in giving 67% and only expecting 33% in return. (Sometimes both partners might actually think they're giving 67% at the same time, when it's really more like 50/50.)

I'm not saying you're not doing that already -- obviously I have no idea -- I just thought it was a point worth mentioning. Usually in a normal, healthy relationship, when we give more, we end up getting more. Maybe he has something he'd like you to do more too, about which he hasn't spoken. Making him want to please you will always be superior to either pushing or begging him to do it.

Thank you for sharing this wisdom, as I think you've said some really important things even if some of it feels uncomfortable to think about because I honestly hope I've not just been pushing my agenda on him without any regard for what he wants and I do think I could find some enjoyment in pleasuring him better and in making that my focus. It might even help me manage my own tickle obsession. I do often ask him if there's more he wants to be doing but I don't feel we usually get very far with that convo although if I really think about it, I know likes naughty play so doing things in places where we shouldn't or where's a risk of getting caught. I don't enjoy the same. I mean I grew up in a church and family that was very conservative about all things to do with sex, so I struggle with the very concept but maybe can try to meet him halfway... within reason. I certainly don't want to be the only one getting satisfaction from our intimate moments and I don't want to make him dread it either.

 

[misslee22]

I'd definitely say be more direct with what you want. "I need to be tickled now" type of blunt as you mentioned. Does he have any sexual interests or needs that you're aware of that you don't currently partake in? Perhaps you all discussed that already. Again, don't mean to be invasive, I'm just in problem solving mode.

Naughty play. Doing things in places where we shouldn't or where there's a risk of getting caught. He once said he'd like to tickle me in public, somewhere I'd have to really hold in my laugh. I don't enjoy the same as tickling is such a release for me. But as I said to one of the other posters, maybe I need to try harder to oblige him...

 

[MindOverWhatMatters]

This is a really interesting post, and something that I’ve wrestled around with myself. I am in a very long relationship, and entirely content with it.

It took me a long time to be open and vulnerable with my interests around tickling.

My wife knew about it since nearly in the beginning, but I’ve tried over the years to really talk about how I wanted to explore it further.

I feel like it has gone in chapters. Originally, I wasn’t asking for it enough, and I would immediately internalize that as being weird for liking something or selfish perhaps. I didn’t give myself a lot of grace for accepting who I was.

Then it moved to feeling like I accepted my fetish, but limiting the frequency around it because I knew that she didn’t share it the same way.

Over the last year, I tried something different. I knew in my body and brain that I wanted more tickling in my life. I started to write down why I liked it, why it meant so much to me, why I struggled with asking for it, why it felt negative to bypass it, and so much more.

That helped me not only to understand myself a little bit better, but to help convey why it was such an important part of my life to my wife.

Admittedly, she still doesn’t tickle me in sessions very often, so I have to force myself to confront those feelings, handle them with grace, explore them, and continue the conversation.

The wonderful part about this path is that my partner is very understanding, and we have a foundation of love and trust that is so much more than what my love for tickling brings to me.

Still, I love being tickled profoundly. As I have worked on accepting myself for this interest, I’ve also acknowledged that it’s not something that I want to push away. That is to say, I do need some aspect of tickling in my life.

It is a difficult dance, and one that I think is an aspect of both my personality in relationship that I will continue to explore.

My only real advice is that you do the same for you.

For me, it is a core need, and not something that I can or want to shut off.

I wish for continued success for you along this journey. Certainly open to talk further in a DM if you like.

 

[misslee22]

Oh, I’m so glad you found something helpful in what I wrote. You are most welcome! After reading more of your replies and re-reading your initial post, I had a few additional thoughts that may (or may not) be helpful.

I am currently married to a natural-born ticklephile. We both LOVE tickling and love each other even more. Even so, we encounter challenges with this from time to time. Life is hard and busy. Our drive for it fluctuates and does not always line up. We both are practiced from an early age at suppressing our feelings. It can still be brutally hard for either of us to ask the other for tickle fun. Does it happen more often in quick one-off scenarios? Absolutely! But to plan and line up both of our energies for a more dedicated session-like experience is more difficult, especially with that habit of suppressing our feelings (which we are working on with focused intention). I’m a switch, and it especially is hard for me to express my lee side. Sometimes I feel like I’d rather suffer than ask her to tickle me. I have a weird thing where I encounter a lot of internal resistance to asking anyone for anything.

I think one thing that might help you is something that has also helped us (not to be confused with a silver bullet that fixed everything). . It’s a communication technique I’ll call intentional indirection. Essentially the idea is to reframe the language around the scenario or initiation of the play so that you are still technically initiating it, but it doesn’t feel as buzz-kill as “sweetheart, would you please tie me up and be mean to me with tickles.” This is not a contradiction to my first suggestion about direct communication—you should keep working on that and even discuss the indirection concept and how it helps you ask for what you want without asking for what you want. An example of that might be a theme of “punishment.” Consider a scenario where you are being playfully annoying to each other and he says something like, “Hey, stop that!” That’s a great time to give a mischievous smile followed by, “What are you going to do about it?”

Obviously, that’s just an example and it doesn’t have to look exactly like that for you, but you can establish some of these signals with him and it can be a great way to give the invitation with out a flat direct question. Some people find this a great way to hack their own brain and get what they want. Of course, you don’t want to abuse it either, and always keep realistic expectations. It’s just a tool to consider and experiment with.

Your relationship where you're both into tickling and still have love for each as your foundation sounds like absolute bliss, although I hear what you're saying and even perfection requires work. Did you meet your partner on the scene then?

I am definitely going to try what you say and bait him into tickling me when the opportunity arises. Thank you for the suggestion. I'll think I'll also have to manage my expectations so if he doesn't take the bait, I'm not too disappointed. What I do know is that he likes a challenge. When I'm mad at him and he is trying to be playful with me, I know if I tell him I'm in no mood to laugh or something along those lines, he'll usually tell me not to laugh then as he tickle attacks me.

 

[misslee22]

This is a really interesting post, and something that I’ve wrestled around with myself. I am in a very long relationship, and entirely content with it.

It took me a long time to be open and vulnerable with my interests around tickling.

My wife knew about it since nearly in the beginning, but I’ve tried over the years to really talk about how I wanted to explore it further.

I feel like it has gone in chapters. Originally, I wasn’t asking for it enough, and I would immediately internalize that as being weird for liking something or selfish perhaps. I didn’t give myself a lot of grace for accepting who I was.

Then it moved to feeling like I accepted my fetish, but limiting the frequency around it because I knew that she didn’t share it the same way.

Over the last year, I tried something different. I knew in my body and brain that I wanted more tickling in my life. I started to write down why I liked it, why it meant so much to me, why I struggled with asking for it, why it felt negative to bypass it, and so much more.

That helped me not only to understand myself a little bit better, but to help convey why it was such an important part of my life to my wife.

Admittedly, she still doesn’t tickle me in sessions very often, so I have to force myself to confront those feelings, handle them with grace, explore them, and continue the conversation.

The wonderful part about this path is that my partner is very understanding, and we have a foundation of love and trust that is so much more than what my love for tickling brings to me.

Still, I love being tickled profoundly. As I have worked on accepting myself for this interest, I’ve also acknowledged that it’s not something that I want to push away. That is to say, I do need some aspect of tickling in my life.

It is a difficult dance, and one that I think is an aspect of both my personality in relationship that I will continue to explore.

My only real advice is that you do the same for you.

For me, it is a core need, and not something that I can or want to shut off.

I wish for continued success for you along this journey. Certainly open to talk further in a DM if you like.

This is beautiful, thank you for sharing your journey. I think its commendable that you've gone on the journey you have and are being honest about what tickling means to you, not just to yourself but to your wife too. More than one thing can be true at once, that you love your wife more than anything, and that you need tickling in your life. I hope you're able to achieve the right balance. I wish the same for myself too!

 

[tickleteasing]

This is beautiful, thank you for sharing your journey. I think its commendable that you've gone on the journey you have and are being honest about what tickling means to you, not just to yourself but to your wife too. More than one thing can be true at once, that you love your wife more than anything, and that you need tickling in your life. I hope you're able to achieve the right balance. I wish the same for myself too!

wh

I have a question for those of you in relationships with people not into tickling... how do you channel the extra "energy"?

I'm a 36 year old woman who LOVES to be tickled. There's literally nothing I love more. I was very active on the scene in my early to mid twenties and considered myself insatiable. I simply could not get enough of tickling. I met my now husband when I was 29.

When I met him I had stepped down from the tickle scene for about a year. I'd had some complicated experiences which had put me off - feelings developing for tickle partners, boundaries getting overstepped, it got messy... I decided at 28 that I wouldn't have casual sessions anymore and would instead be honest with any future romantic partners about my tickle fetish.

It worked out well... at first... my now husband was the second boyfriend I ever shared my love of tickling with. He has a foot fetish so tickling was the perfect companion to it and our sex life was electric. He was so invested in tickling me and I had some of my very BEST tickle experiences with him (and keep in mind I was tickled by some pros in the past).

However.... it's been nearly 7 years later and his interest has dimmed. He'll tickle me a bit during sex (like once a week if I'm lucky) but the intensity, length of sessiond and spontaneity has stopped. He's just not that into it anymore. It's heartbreaking for me.

Last week, after I spoke to him about how much I miss it, he gave me an intense tickle, just pinned me down and tickled my underarms while lickling my neck and verbally teasing me. It was a good 20mins of heaven and then it was over. All I can do is keep thinking about it and wondering when I'll get to experience it again and wondering what to do with all these cravings. If anything, it only made the obsession worse like an addict who got a little taste of their drug of choice. Even though he knows how to blow my mind if he wants to, I feel he's just going through the motions which kind of kills it for me.

I love my husband and wouldn't want to do anything to jeopardise my marriage. He's not comfortable with me being tickled by someone else and I know that to travel that path would end my relationship. But tickling is on my mind like ALL the time. And it's somewhat of a chore to him now. I don't know what to do.

Is there anyone in similar situation who can tell me what they do? I am thinking to channel the energy into writing and reading tickle stories, or find better videos, or get new toys? Something because I feel like I'm going crazy and I am open to suggestions...

are you having stomach pains