This was sent to me by a sweet friend who's mom to three kiddos, I hope you like it too...
POSITION:
Mother, Mom, Mama, Mommy, Ma
JOB DESCRIPTION:
Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an
often
chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication
and
organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will
include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
Some
overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites
on
rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities.
Travel
expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.
RESPONSIBILITIES:
The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least
temporarily,
until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
Also,
must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from
zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams
from
the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face
stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair,
mysteriously
sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain
calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must
have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all
ages
and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an
embarrassment the next. Must
handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap,
plastic
toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but
be
prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for
the
quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor
maintenance
and janitorial work throughout the facility.
POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for years,
without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so
that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on continually
exhausting basis.
WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon
payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college
will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give
them
whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme
is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
BENEFITS:
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition
reimbursement,
no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this
job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs
for
life if you play your cards right.
Forward this on to all the Moms
you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis, and
let
them know they are appreciated.
XOXO
POSITION:
Mother, Mom, Mama, Mommy, Ma
JOB DESCRIPTION:
Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an
often
chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication
and
organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will
include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
Some
overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites
on
rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities.
Travel
expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.
RESPONSIBILITIES:
The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least
temporarily,
until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
Also,
must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from
zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams
from
the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face
stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair,
mysteriously
sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain
calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must
have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all
ages
and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an
embarrassment the next. Must
handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap,
plastic
toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but
be
prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for
the
quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor
maintenance
and janitorial work throughout the facility.
POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for years,
without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so
that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on continually
exhausting basis.
WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon
payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college
will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give
them
whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme
is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
BENEFITS:
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition
reimbursement,
no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this
job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs
for
life if you play your cards right.
Forward this on to all the Moms
you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis, and
let
them know they are appreciated.
XOXO
