My Beloved Mom.. January 19, 1938-April 4, 2012

[Mitchell]

I just got a very nice e-mail from my mom's radiation Dr. The chemo Dr contacted me yesterday, right after I had told him mom had passed away. The radiation Dr told me how wonderful and courageous mom was. He's absolutely right. She was never negative, and truly believed she would survive this. I think if someone gave her a crystal ball, and told her she would be passed away 25 months after her diagnosis, with all the treatment, side effects, and efforts we made to see the Drs in NJ, she probably wouldnt have believed it.

Mitch

 

[leafstk]

My sincere condolences to you, Mitch... prayers are with you at this time. Hang in there.

 

[Skipadeedoodah]

I'm so sorry for your loss, Mitchell.

 

[PQfingers]

Sorry to hear the news. I hope for the best for you and your family, Mitchell.

 

[xX Yuna Xx]

Aww.. Im sorry to hear that Mitchell. I'll say a prayer for you and your family.

What you did was very brave, Just hearing about this stuff makes me breakdown and cry..

I wish you and your family nothing but the best.

 

[Persephone]

I am so sorry to hear about your loss Mitch. My heart goes out to you and your family in this difficult time. <3

 

[venray]

Mitch...I know how truly devastating this is for you. Tracy and I will hold you in our thoughts and prayers....

 

[Wildtime]

I'm sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you.

 

[Marquis De Sade]

Ugh. I was hoping this post would come along later. Much later despite everything. But I'm sorry for your loss Mitch.

 

[RUNOFFSTAGE]

Sorry for your loss, Mitch. Despite everything, I like that you can have a somewhat positive outlook on things - your mother would have wanted you to keep living your life, keeping her close to your heart. People are a lot stronger than they give themselves credit for, and from what I've seen you have been a rock and a half for her, don't forget to let others be there for you now.
All the best.

 

[GEORGIATKLER]

Mitch: I am so sorry for your loss. You were as devoted a son as a Mother ever had. It is great the two of you were so close. Best wishes to you as you work through the grieving process.

 

[Mitchell]

Thanks to everyone who posted condolences since I last posted on this thread. I'll briefly discuss what happened in NY, and at the funeral.

I met my dad in Fort Lee, NJ, where I used to live for 15 years, on Thursday afternoon. I stayed at a hotel from Thursday night to this morning, because my dad's wife is having other issues.

The funeral was Friday at Mount Hebron Cemetery in Queens, NY. My dad, Aunt Renee, first cousin Mike, (Renee's son) friend Barney, and friend Adam and his parents, who I hadnt seen since 1989, attended. My mom's other sister, Eileen, didnt attend. This enraged me. It's not surprising.

I cried bitterly during the service, and saw them lower my mom into the ground. That made it all seem so final.

I had a Passover Seder at my dad's apartment on Friday night, and met his wife, Cheryl, her daughter, Brooke, son in law.Boaz, and two grandkids. The kids call my dad Poppy. When I asked him about this, he said that while he loves them, nothing will be like if I have kids. Everyone was very nice to me.

Yesterday we went to a Passover Seder at my cousin's house in NJ. I hadnt seen any of them since 1988. I saw my great aunt Bea, who is 93, and my grandmother's sister.

A cousin, Sandy, made one disparaging, and untruthful remark, about my mom. She was talking about some guy she knew whose ex drained him for alimony, and called the woman "Another Sheila". It infuriated me, because it isnt true. My mom lived on the same check for 20 plus years, and NEVER asked for more, or took my dad to court. When I toid both my dad, and Sandy this, they said that Sandy always liked my mom. I know I have to drop it. I dont want to start fights, especially now.

I got an email from, and have replied to, my uncle, Ira, who I had not said a word to since Passover 1988. He sent me a very nice email, and told me he hoped we coukd bury the hurts of the past. i replied and thanked him, and told him that any interaction with estranged relatives begins in 2012, and not 1988. My dad and I plan to go visit him in Vegas, once my dad has time in his schedule.

Today I had breakfast with my dad and friend Barney, took the train home, and here I am. The apartment seems very eerie. My dad and maternal aunt want me to move ASAP. I'm going to take this week to rest, and sit unofficial "Shiva", and just do relaxing things, and then discuss when to move. I plan to be out of here by mid June at latest, and maybe before.

I have experienced the worst time of my life, and I extend my heartfelt thanks to everyone who posted in this thread to support me. Since I'm home, I will be around again on a regular basis.

Mitch

I should also post that I now have an official copy of my mom's death certificate. She was pronounced dead at
610am,, Wednesday morning, April 4, 2012, and the listed cause of her death is "Lung Cancer with metastasis to the Brain"

 

[GQguy]

Awesome update. Very excited to hear about your new life. We're rooting for you.

GQ

 

[Mitchell]

Thanks, GQ. I appreciate it, my friend.

Mitch

 

[ticklebunny 2]

Mitchell, I am so sorry to hear about what happened. That is so sad and so very tragic. I am sorry to hear about your mom's passing. I know that had to be really rough on you. Ticklebear2 and I share our condolences-we are so sorry. May God be with you and bless you and comfort and keep you during this rough time-may God be with your family and loved ones and with your friends too. May God bring you peace and great comfort during this rocky and rough time in your life. Just know your mom is smiling down upon you from Heaven-know she must be so proud and she loves you very much-always will love you. You are indeed a great man-a person with a great big heart-always staying and sticking with it-even to the end-know your mom must have been so proud and she is so proud of you. May your heart be filled with happy great memories you can keep in your heart always and may God bring you peace. Hugs Mitchell sorry for your loss.

 

[Mitchell]

Thank you, ticklebunny. I greatly appreciate yours and ticklebear's condolences.

Mitch

 

[Mitchell]

I want to try and reply to everyone individually who responded to this thread. Sorry I didnt do so before. I was distracted with calls from family and friends, but as its nearly midnight now, I'm hoping the phone is quiet til morning.

Thanks for your prayers, leaf.

Thank you, Skip.

Thank you, PQ.

Yuna, thank you for your good wishes. I tried to be brave. It's hard sometimes though.

Thank you, per.

ray, thanks for your prayers. Yes, it is devestating. On top of losing the closest person to me, I've had to meet, and reconcile with, people I've never met, or been with in 25 years. My whole life is going to change. Thankfully, so far, they've been nice.

Wild, thank you.

Marquis, thanks for your condolences.

Runoff, thanks for your analysis. What youre saying is exactly what my dad has been telling me since it happened. He says i'm handling it well. I havent cried since my mom's funeral. I hate the eerie quiet feeling in the apartment. I miss my mom terribly, and I feel numb, but I'm controlled.

Georgia, thank you, my friend. I tried to be devoted. I told my dad a hundred times since my mom died, that I put no feather in my cap. She deserved my devotion, as she was the best mother around. The one solace is that she knew I loved her, even in her final awful hours.

Thank you, jin. In regard to what you said about my mom being "proud".. Its like I said before.. I want no medals for what I did. I did it from my heart, because I wanted to. All I wanted to make sure, is that I was my mom's support system, for comfort, until she took her last breath.

I think I individually replied to everyone, and again, I thank you all for your thoughts.

Mitch

 

[Mitchell]

One other thing..

It absolutely sucks when one is on BP meds and sedatives when you're around a bunch of drinkers, and have been ordered by your Dr not to drink. This was never a problem when my mom was alive, because neither my mom, her friends, nor mine, were/are drinkers. My friend Adam drinks wine very occasionally, but its nothing major compared to what I saw from my dad/Cheryl/Cousins, et al this weekend. My friend Barney and I dont drink at all, because he's on meds too, just like I am.

Both Friday night, and Saturday night, my dad, Cheryl, and all the cousins, etc, were consuming huge quantities of alcohol. As I've posted before.. since at least when I was put on my bp meds in 2005, I have been ordered by my Dr not to drink. After my seizure in May 2011, I'm mindful that the combination of alcohol, and sedatives, could be dangerous.

I confess that I did take sips of wine, and rum, this weekend. My dad kept giving me his glass, and I took sips. On Friday night, at the first Seder, with as upset as I was after my mom's funeral, I was extremely tempted to just grab a bottle of wine, and down the whole damn thing. I restrained myself though, because I didnt want to take a chance of having an adverse reaction, and ruining everyone's holidays.

We went clothes shopping at Target yesterday. I got a pair of jeans. My dad kept going on about how fat I am, and thats why I dont want to go to the Dr and have my bp checked. Hypocrite. He's a heart patient, as most people know, and HE'S FAT, and drinks too much to boot. I havent weighed myself since last week, but I seriously dont care now. I had Lox all weekend, and I'm going for chinese food tomorrow. When in mourning, eat, gamble, fuck around.. (Not literally, as no girl is in my life now) but I think my point is clear.

Anyhow, thats the nitty gritties of my weekend...

Mitch

 

[Mitchell]

As to how I'm doing..

During the day, I go out with the driver to do chores, and even when I'm in the apartment, I dont feel too badly. Nights are the worst, as I'm sure wont surprise people. I keep my mom's bedroom lights off to conserve on my power bill. She used to keep lights and TV on all night, even when she was sleeping, so the whole idea of how I do it is different, and re enforces that she is gone, even though I began doing it this way on March 5, the day I came home, and the day she went into the nursing home, and a month before she died.

My dad tells me not to worry. I appreciate that. I know he wants me out of here, so I can get back to NY, and get employment. Without going into details, I'm trying to meet with lawyers for a business idea I've had since before my mom died. She and I were both going to work on it together, until we found out about her final illness. My lawyer thought it was a great idea at the time I told him, but I called a friend of his who he recommended, its been several weeks, and the guy hasnt gotten back to me. I went to see my lawyer again today, but he was with a client. My dad is lukewarm on the idea. I would just for once love to be successful at something I really want to do.

For the most part.. my family, and friends.. both ones I've seen currently, and ones I'd been out of touch with for 20 years, have been supportive. I'm thankful for that. I know it will take time. I'm just going to try and concentrate on my rest/informal shiva week this week, and then talk to everyone about what to do next week. I believe I will get through this one day/one week at a time. Hopefully, I can come back to myself, move when ready, and come out the other side successful with. at worst, a combination of a job and business I'm building. I've always dreamed of being an independent small business owner. Hopefully, somehow, even if I have to take a job at first, my desire will come true at some point not long off.

Mitch

 

[kopfhorer]

The daily grind-down when a loved one has a serious illness that lasts for months is worse than the shock of losing a loved one suddenly. Multiply either of those by 2 if it's a close relative.

You have my condolences, as well as my best wishes for your business venture. I'm no therapist or success coach (the latter are lower than slime mold, IMHO), but something just tells me your planned course of action is probably the right one to take.

Hang in there. I don't check in here every day, but you can always PM me if you need some moral support.

 

[Mitchell]

kop, thanks for your analysis, condolences, and good wishes.

You mentioned that a loved one's long term illness is worse than losing them suddenly. My paternal grandfather died of cancer. My father told me that while my grandfather suffered terribly, it also gave them a chance to say goodbye. It was probably the same with me and my mom. I hated how she suffered. Even though her death was expected for two months, it hasnt made it any easier to deal with. I still mourn. I often wonder what would have happened if she had died of a sudden heart attack. . In my view, it doesnt matter. Shes gone, I love her, and I mourn her terribly.

Thanks again, kop.

Mitch

 

[Mitchell]

One other thing I should mention..

Hopefully this will get better in time, and I'm sure it will, but.. my mom passing away has made other things that used to seem important to me, really not important anymore. The Mets swept the Braves in NY this past weekend. Had my mom been alive and well, I'd have been pissed. As it is, I dont care.

If I was to watch a movie of.. Tara Reid from American Pie, being held up by multiple tickling bandits.. who then sucked her toes, and forced her to stand barefoot on a ten foot tall ladder before making their getaway. Normally it would be like OMG I cant wait to watch that movie. As things are, I'd be lukewarm on it.

NOT to start a politics fight, because I know our political views are important.. but.. under normal circumstances, if Obama was to lose the election,. I'd be extremely pissed. If the election was held today, or tomorrow, I'd go, cast my vote, and if he won, fine. If not, I just had a worse thing happen to me.,

Hopefully, this will get better in time. For now.. it hurts like hell. Considering her suffering, I'm relieved that my mom is at peace, and I hope she's happier in a better place, but, they say the loved one who is left behind is the one who suffers. I spoke to my father this evening, and he said i sounded okay. At times, I think I am, and at others, I feel extremely depressed. I have a feeling my emotions may be rollercoaster for a while.

Mitch

 

[Mitchell]

Another thing. I'm going to rip someone. Technically, they have an account registered here, but havent used it in years. I registered the account to come on forum at this person's house. Mods, if this post is a flame, I apologize, and I understand if it is removed.

With all the sniping at my family, on both sides, my dad, uncle, aunts, etc etc, the bottom line is that they were all there when the chips were down. The REAL villain in this whole saga is my former best friend. He knew my mom and me for 29 years. As people who read my posts know, I was finally forced to get rid of him in November 2010, due to his abusive behavior of me for years, his mother's constant meddling in our relationship, the fact that he didnt have the balls to tell her to stay out of our relationship, and also the fact that he felt he didnt need me, when he found a girlfriend.

Both of my parents were very nice to my ex best friend through the years. Far nicer than his parents ever were to me.

If his mother and him find out that my mom died, they will undoubtedly feel a sense of satisfaction, because they are both evil, along with his mentally ill aunt. I truly hope if is a hell, that they all burn in it. My mom loved my ex best friend like her second child, only to see herself and her son stabbed in the back when she had cancer.

My dad and aunt say I cant worry about him. I even told Cheryl about him. Cheryl told me to only focus on myself, and those who care. She's right.

None of this matters now. He and I have been finished for over a year,. and I wont even be living here in a couple of months, so I wont ever see him again. He SHOULD have been there as a support system to my mom and me during my mom's illness, but it was more important for him to fuck up his 29 year friendship because he met a girl a couple of weeks earlier, just because his mother told him to. Evil moronic idiot. Sigh! Thankfully I have other friends and family to support me, so I dont need the SOB.

Mitch

 

[GQguy]

Buddy's get girlfriends...this is just a fact of life. Some buddy's are good at keeping relationships up with their friends. Other guys are terrible at it. It used to frustrate me when I was younger, especially if I was single till I realized that that's just the way it is. I always made sure I was there for them when they needed me though...and for the most part those guys were betters friends in their subsequent relationships. When I "lost" a best friend to a girl, I simply made new friends, or invested my time in less close friends. Love is what we're all looking for so i'd be happy for my friend for finding it, especially if he's making his dreams come true. Balancing a serious girl friend a job and single friends is no easy task especially as one gets older. My girl has no single friends so if she hangs out it's rarely a singles event....usually couples. My friends are all single....so when we hang out it's just single guys. I'd imagine as I get older and more friends get married it will be tougher and tougher to balance my girl and single buddy's when they're the minority. Leaving my girl home alone on a Saturday night to chill with a buddy just doesn't work as well as it did when we both had ample amounts of single friends and I could chill with my buddy's and she could chill with hers.

If you make any single friends and then find a girl you'll see the challenge i'm referring to. Sure it's easy to say "i'll always make time for my friends" but it's easier said than done.

GQ

 

[Mitchell]

GQ, thanks, and while I understand what you're saying, the problems with my ex best friend started long before he got the gf. They had gone on since the 90s, when he was still single, and got worse. His mother hates my guts, because, she and his father gave/loaned his sister a lot of money to start the sister's now very successful toy company. The sister then turned around, and had little to do with her parents, and never gave them consideration for helping the business get started. Instead, her hubby's parents got homes, cars, etc. The mother blamed me for "showing the sister the way" because of my past estrangements with my dad. Since I moved here in 1999, I was estranged from his parents, and his mother used to rip me constantly, even though I hadnt seen her in over a decade. If they find out, "Sheila died", they will love it. With all of my dad's "issues", my dad himself expressed his anger over the weekend at how my ex best friend treated me, because he saw how I got back together with my friend Adam after 20 years, and how supportive he and his family have been, and how supportive my friend Barney is. My ex best friend is a pill. He has road rage, flips people off while he's driving, and has gotten into trouble for sexual harassment. (I dont mean what I admitted happened to me on here in the past where I was too forward with girls at first, I mean for real, where he got into trouble at his jobs, and with the cops, for giving girls inappropriate writings.). I certainly wouldnt go into an office I was working in, and hand a girl a story of her being tickled by a tickling bandit, and then being forced to stand barefoot on a ladder as he makes his getaway. I'd know that would get me fired.

Hopefully, all this is moot. My family hates him just as much as I do, and hopefully I will never hear from or speak to him again.

Mitch