My Beloved Mom.. January 19, 1938-April 4, 2012

[Mitchell]

GQ, I'm up at 5-6am every day. I sleep four hours a night.

I am going to move on. That was the first, and will be the last, post about him. I'll be near family, and will be moving on in professional, and social ways. I hope that soon after I move, I will be ready to meet a girl. Right now, I need to focus on packing, getting my head together, moving, and figuring out what I'm going to do with work.

Good Luck with your exam, my friend. Exams suck. I was never a good test taker. I wrote many long papers in college, 10 to 20 pages or more. Personally, I'd rather write a mega long paper, than take an exam, any day.

Mitch

 

[GQguy]

94% not too bad considering the astronaut next to me who has been to space got a 96%. Now off to the Sim. Thanks for the good luck!

 

[kopfhorer]

(Slight topic-drift ahead)

Buddy's get girlfriends...this is just a fact of life. ... When I "lost" a best friend to a girl, I simply made new friends, or invested my time in less close friends.

When that affliction called New Relationship Energy(tm) kicks in, it's very easy to start neglecting one's friends. I think that's something one has to watch out for, especially since sexual relationships can blow a gasket on a millisecond's notice.

Love is what we're all looking for so i'd be happy for my friend for finding it, especially if he's making his dreams come true.

I'd be happy for my friends and acquaintances if they found lovers too. Having said that, I think the prevailing paradigm of sexual relationships/nuclear families has got to go. (Pet peeve of mine in case you couldn't tell!)

Balancing a serious girl friend a job and single friends is no easy task especially as one gets older.

Tell me about it. I once had a crap job working second shift. My then-girlfriend kept normal hours. I was thankful that I got to be with her at least some of the time. I felt isolated from my friends, between their being coupled-up and my weird hours.

GQ, I'm up at 5-6am every day. I sleep four hours a night.

That's a bitch (been there, done that far too often).

I am going to move on. ...

That's the toughest part of the deal. My PM offer still stands.

Exams suck. I was never a good test taker. I wrote many long papers in college, 10 to 20 pages or more. Personally, I'd rather write a mega long paper, than take an exam, any day.

I'm a pretty decent test-taker but I still agree with you 110%!

GQ - Astronaut? Wow! Being an Apollo baby who watched Neil Armstrong do his thing as it happened, meeting someone like that would most likely blow my mind!

Glad you aced that test though!

 

[JPie1]

Hi Mitchell,

Just now saw this post, I am very sorry for the loss of your mother, I know how difficult it can be. It has been over 6 years since I lost my mother to cancer, I also was with her at the end. I guess I was lucky that she hung on enough for my 2 sisters and my dad (who was also in rehab after a big operation) to get to her side. At that point she was unresponsive but being kept alive long enough for all of us to be with her as she passed. It was peaceful and not the agony she went through with the cancer. I don't think there is a day that goes by that I don't think of her at some point. My dad passed about 1 1/2 years ago. I was always close with my dad as well as my mom and my relationship with my dad became even closer when he was alone. When he became sick the last 6 months of his life it was so hard. I miss my folks immensly....but I know somewhere up there they are doing a beautiful foxtrot to maybe some Frank Sinatra or something, they were wonderful dancers. You always remember the special things!

In a while you just need to turn your attention to what is good here in your life.....

Judy aka JPie

 

[pfromptown]

Just saw this thread. Take some solace, Mitch, in that your bravery and dignity in this most awful situation is a radiant example to others who may have experienced, be experiencing, or have yet to experience the tragic loss of a close family member (not least myself). My grandmother is currently in the latter stages of Alzheimer's so I totally relate to your situation and find your comments on here very inspiring. I'm not expecting that this message will find you well, but here's hoping that you will be eventually.

 

[tickleman916]

So sorry my brother i will pray for you and may God richly bless you.

 

[Mitchell]

Judy, thank you for your condolences. I'm sorry that you lost your mother and father. Yes, I know that soon I have to turn my attention to the good. My family and friends have been supportive, which I appreciate. For now, I need to finish mourning.

fromptown, I'm sorry about your grandmother. Thank you for your support. Right now I alternate between being okay, and a basket case. At lunch at Ruby Tuesday's today I was very depressed. My mom and I often went to lunch, to discuss work, or whatever. Nights are excruciating, even when i watch the 11pm news or a movie. Last night I watched American Pie on pay On Demand, and found my mind wandering during the movie, and thats one of my favorite movies.

Thank you, tickleman.

Mitch

 

[Mitchell]

This is going to be a bit of a rant/assessment. Considering the circumstances, I hope I dont get ripped. Please forgive me, but I was really thinking about some things.. and its not pretty for me.

Reality: My parents got divorced, and my father ended up with money, ,love, a luxury life, all the friends from our past, and such. He had done truly dispicable things to my mom and me. His only punishment was that I wasnt seeing him. My mom on the other hand, was alone for much of the last 22 years., except for one LTR, and dates. Her one main love since my dad was an alcoholic, and died not long after my parents divorce. She also had little money. My father blackmailed her not to go to court for an increase, and all of the businesses we tried to improve our financial situation, failed.

Now, he still has money, (Including the money from what was my mom's alimony check back) the wife, all the friends, the family, as well as Mitch, dealing with everyone who he says, and him trying to tell Mitch how to live Mitch's life. Sheila died, which he loves, because it makes him the winner in his now four decade war. The only loss he had, is that I never saw his mother.

Since I've seen him, following my mom's funeral, he keeps saying "You have a shot", in other words.. If fucked up Mitch does what he says, I have a chance to have.. the minimal life that he says. He has never admitted wrongdoing to me with the taxes, his threats, or what he did to me or my mom. If I have kids, he also gets the reward of grandchildren, that my mom will never have.

Maybe I'm stretching the point.. but.. I guarantee, if I met a girl who was reluctant about my foot and tickle fetish, who complained to him about it, instead of telling me to get rid of the girl, if she wasnt meeting my needs, he would tell me that I have the problem, and to go to a shrink to get rid of the forum, and the foot and tickle fetish. If that EVER happened, I would tell both the girl and him to go fuck themselves.

I just think my life would have been happier had my mom lived longer. I know that I just have to accept what is. I know that my mom was a smoker, and that caused the cancer. I just feel angry/upset that she went through so much treatment.. to die so fast, and that my father ends up the winner. I know this is on his mind.

I'm just going to have to make the best of a bad situation. Maybe I wont ever get married, or I wont marry until my father dies. He is a very controlling individual, and if I marry someone he didnt like, instead of working with me, like my mom would have, he will make my life with her miserable. I will do what I have to, but.. my assessment of how my life will turn out, is very uncertain, at best.

Mitch

 

[Leo tickles]

Instead of focusing on some war between them or whatever he may or may not be thinking, think about you.

Your dad isn't going to stop you from marrying a girl anymore than your mom would have made it happen when she was alive. This is YOUR life, it always has been, and right now its telling you to pick it up and start fresh. Once you do, you'll achieve everything you want, on your standards, not anybody else's.

 

[chrisheaven]

My prayers are with you--- will remember you and your mum at the Altar this coming week.
She is fine now and from her point of view you and other relatives etc are present to her.
We just can't see it all-- for the time being--- but we will.
May God bless you and fill you with the abundance of His grace
Chris

 

[Mitchell]

Thanks, Leo. I know your advice is sincere, and i'm going to take it. I was going on some depressed rant. I know this will take time.

Thanks for your prayers, Chris, I appreciate it.

Mitch

 

[Mitchell]

The plot thickens..

My uncle, Ira, who I had not said a word to in 24 years, just called me. We had a very nice conversation. As I've done with the other members of my family, the theme was we are going to live in the present, and not the past. In some ways, and maybe he's changed, he sounded more relaxed than my dad. Then again, Ira is retired, and lives in Vegas, and my dad is a hassled, old NYC businessman. I've asked my dad if he would want to leave NY if he sells his company, and I dont think he wants to, because of his wife, and her grandchildren being there.

I'm hopeful this will all turn out okay. I just hope that the main clashes wont be with my dad. So far, Ira and Cheryl have been super nice. Whatever happens, I'm going to talk it out with them, and not estrange.

Thats the update.

Mitch

 

[GQguy]

This is going to be a bit of a rant/assessment. Considering the circumstances, I hope I dont get ripped. Please forgive me, but I was really thinking about some things.. and its not pretty for me.

Reality: My parents got divorced, and my father ended up with money, ,love, a luxury life, all the friends from our past, and such. He had done truly dispicable things to my mom and me. His only punishment was that I wasnt seeing him. My mom on the other hand, was alone for much of the last 22 years., except for one LTR, and dates. Her one main love since my dad was an alcoholic, and died not long after my parents divorce. She also had little money. My father blackmailed her not to go to court for an increase, and all of the businesses we tried to improve our financial situation, failed.

Now, he still has money, (Including the money from what was my mom's alimony check back) the wife, all the friends, the family, as well as Mitch, dealing with everyone who he says, and him trying to tell Mitch how to live Mitch's life. Sheila died, which he loves, because it makes him the winner in his now four decade war. The only loss he had, is that I never saw his mother.

Since I've seen him, following my mom's funeral, he keeps saying "You have a shot", in other words.. If fucked up Mitch does what he says, I have a chance to have.. the minimal life that he says. He has never admitted wrongdoing to me with the taxes, his threats, or what he did to me or my mom. If I have kids, he also gets the reward of grandchildren, that my mom will never have.

Maybe I'm stretching the point.. but.. I guarantee, if I met a girl who was reluctant about my foot and tickle fetish, who complained to him about it, instead of telling me to get rid of the girl, if she wasnt meeting my needs, he would tell me that I have the problem, and to go to a shrink to get rid of the forum, and the foot and tickle fetish. If that EVER happened, I would tell both the girl and him to go fuck themselves.

I just think my life would have been happier had my mom lived longer. I know that I just have to accept what is. I know that my mom was a smoker, and that caused the cancer. I just feel angry/upset that she went through so much treatment.. to die so fast, and that my father ends up the winner. I know this is on his mind.

I'm just going to have to make the best of a bad situation. Maybe I wont ever get married, or I wont marry until my father dies. He is a very controlling individual, and if I marry someone he didnt like, instead of working with me, like my mom would have, he will make my life with her miserable. I will do what I have to, but.. my assessment of how my life will turn out, is very uncertain, at best.

Mitch

Long day. 12 hours later i'm home. Time for more studying.

I think this is the grief talking.

The thing about parents and kids is that if you rely on their help you'll have to give them some of your freedom. That's the trade off in every household across the globe. "Not under my roof!" Sums it up. Once you're independent financially no one can tell you what to do. This takes sacrifice. A shit job, or crap living situation....but the freedom is worth it. To be your own man or woman. Until that point you have to do what everyone still dependent on their parents has to do..."Yes dad".

As for women and your fetish...don't stress yourself about it. If a woman is "in" to you she'll have no problem. What's a tickle here, a stand on a ladder there if she thinks you're great? Not much. Any guy with a loving woman can ask for his lady to stand on a ladder for him....no sweat! Hopefully that will be you soon. Your dad should have nothing to do with your relationship....it should be between you and her. I assure you NO single woman wants to talk to her boyfriend's (70 something)year old father about your tickle fetish. Actually I can't think of something more terrifying for a woman to do. If she doesn't like it.....she will go. Simple. On to the next girl....or like my sig says If she won't indulge your fetish, I bet you that cuter smarter girl across the bar will....lets go

Your dad is right. You've got a shot. Take it. Stop blaming everyone else...you can't change other people's behavior you can only change your own. If someone pisses you off....you can't stop them from pissing you off, but you can kick them out of your life. People that make me feel bad are kept at an arms distance. I work too hard to have people slow me down.

If I were you I'd work on getting a job. If my dad were supporting me still I'd save(I'd kill to live back at home right now for the duration of my training so I could save!). While working that job I'd develop that business idea into a concrete business plan. Patent it if it involves a patent. Show profitability, startup cost, revenue streams ect. Present it to dad again. If he turned me down. Fine. No worries. I'd find the cash myself. I'd look into loans, crowd funding, credit cards or hell.....just old fashioned hard work and saving. If it's a great idea someone will bite. If not then I'd make friends that believed in me and enlist their help. In short: I'd do whatever it took to be my own man and create a life for myself that I've always wanted.

This thread is about your mom, God bless her soul...but she lived a full life. You took great care of her till the very end. Now it's time to direct that energy at yourself. Keep the negative influences out at any cost. A anyone that limits your potential should be kept away....save for the cases of children under 18 who can't fend for themselves yet. To me anyone that gets in the way of fulfilling my dreams is the worst kind of enemy.


You're in the drivers seat man. You always have been. If you're not then grab the wheel!

GQ

 

[Mitchell]

Thanks for your analyis, GQ.

My uncle said one thing to me that sticks with me.. That I have to follow my heart. My father can be very controlling, and is very short termpered. Actually, although I hadnt spoken to my uncle in all those years, he seemed more relaxed than my father.

More than likely, I will have a job. As to what job yet, I dont know. I have several ideas for a business. What is probably going to end up happening realistically is that I'll work at a job, while developing a business, and my father might help me somewhat for a while. This is just the reality of how expensive it is to be in NY. I wont be living off him, and will be helping myself, but he will also lend a hand.

I have no idea what the details will be. I have five more days before I'm accountable.. according to my agreement with my father. After that, I'll have to see what happens.

Mitch

 

[Lauren Tyler]

You have my deepest sympathies.

 

[Mitchell]

Thank you for your sympathy, Larcen.

Mitch

 

[Mitchell]

Wow.

I just had a nice talk with my dad, and here is what he said. I appreciated it.

First, he said that there are many people willing to help me get started in a job/business, etc.

Second, we agreed that while we will all put the hurts of the past in relationships aside, for him and I, Cheryl, Ira, he also told me that I have his blessing to tell anyone in his family to fuck themselves, if they abuse me or fuck me over. This is completely different than the dad of the past, where he expected me to take shit dished out by his family. I wish my mom could be alive to see this change in him. This was one of the main things they used to fight about. So far, the only comment that pissed me off was the one the cousin made. My dad said she didnt mean it. I plan to overlook it, but, if she does it again, I'm going to deal with her.,

What I think the real bottom line is......

Very simple, I have only one blood parent left. I think for many years, my dad resented what he believed was my favortism of my mom. He might well have been harsh/abusive to me, or made the demands of my seeing his family, because of that.

I think that everything is going to be okay. I miss my mom, I feel depressed, I;m scared about the changes in my life, but, if I can have better relationships with my dad and his family than in the past, that will help.

Thats all.

Mitch

 

[alchemy]

Damn...sorry to hear that dude.

You know we're always here for you if you need to talk.

 

[Mitchell]

Thank you for your condolences, alchemy. In four short hours, my mom will be gone a week. It's been the worst week of my life, but, as I posted earlier in the thread, my paternal side of the family, and one of my maternal aunts, have been very supportive.

Mitch

 

[Mitchell]

I have now been without my mom for one week., I'm not crying much anymore, it just feels.. empty. I'm going to the casino that she loved so much (And I do too, of course) in Wilimington, DE, called Delaware Park, today. Many Lancaster people go there, including my friend/assistant and his family. (Who, in spite of how I've bitched about him on here in the past, has been very nice, and misses my mom terribly). I need a day of fun out, after all the hell and stress I went through with seeing my mom suffer, her passing, her funeral, meeting new people in my dad's family, and such. It will be nice to chill for a day.

Mitch

 

[GQguy]

Atta boy! Have fun man. Make some new friends!

GQ

 

[AngelOfDarkness]

Mitch, I just pored over both threads. My hearts bleeds for you. *big hugs* My condolences on your dear mother's passing.

 

[Mitchell]

GQ. I had a good day at DE Park. I didnt make any friends, just did some gambling. I didnt lose, though, so I can go back in a few weeks to the casino there. I felt very sad during dinner with my friend/assistant. My mom absolutely loved to go to Delaware Park, and, of course, this was my first trip there since she passed away. Even my assistant said it seemed odd and difficult, not to see her sitting in the casino, playing the slot machines, or having dinner with us.

Thank you for your condolences, Angel, they are appreciated.

Mitch

 

[Mitchell]

This isnt about my mom, but it is about my life.. so.

Due to all the stress with my mom, I havent been to see my internist since 2-17-11. He reluctantly renewed my Xanax. I know I should go.. so.. I made an appt for next Wed. Right now my weight is 178 on my scale, so I'm not figuring I'll be two zillion pounds in six days. My dad and my aunt were after me to go. I know I should go, and that I have to go. I was just afraid my BP will be high with all the problems. This will be my last visit with him, as I will be seeing a new Dr in NY.

Sigh! I just hope the reading isnt too bad, considering my situation lately.

Mitch

 

[Mitchell]

Another thing..

As of Monday, my accountability starts. I told my dad that I was going to take a week to do nothing, and sit shiva, even though I hardly have been sitting shiva, with my trip to the casino yesterday. My mom would want me to go on with my life. That being said..

Although I hadnt spoken to my uncle in over 20 years, he hit my emotional state dead on when he said "You've just had the worst experience of your life. You need to take it slow, and do everything at your pace".

Originally, before my mom died, my dad told me that he didnt feel I needed more than 30 days from the time I returned from the funeral. I've been home since.. Monday.. the 9th. "30 days" on my dad's calendar, would mean I'd be moved out, and living in NY by Mother's Day. That wont be happening. I need him to come down here, and take things out for us to sell. He cant do it until the last weekend in April, because of tax season.

I've discussed with him that I feel 60 days after i'm finished with my rest week/unofficial shiva would be a realistic time frame. That is June 15, or just before Father's Day. Both he and my maternal aunt keep asking how I can live here amongst my mom's things, in a place I've lived in for thirteen years, with her being gone. They said if it were them, they would want out ASAP.

I have to be out by Father's Day, period, both because of Father's Day, that it would be long enough, and the fact that my assistant is taking a vacation that would put him out of town for a week, and leave me stuck.

As I usually do.. I'm going to take a "middle of the road" position, and see if I can be out by June 1st, which would be two weeks less than the longest possible time I could stay, but 2-3 weeks longer than my dad's timetable, and would allow me a bit more leisure to pack, sort, toss, sell, etc etc, given my emotional state.

My uncle also explained to me that his personality is more relaxed than my dad's, and that he knows my dad will want me to do everything yesterday. I know that I'm going up to NY on Mother's Day weekend. I wont be moved by then, and I cannot be here alone with no family around, on the first Mother's Day without my mom.

I know it will all fall into place, but right now I feel overwhelemed, and if this wasnt bad enough, i have to meet with my internist next Wednesday, and my lawyer next Tuesday. The internist is because I need to go, and the lawyer because I want to discuss business matters with him. Hopefully everything will turn out okay.

Mitch