My husband's love of tickling

[tickledwife]

I hope this question doesn't sound completely ridiculous. My husband has a tickling fetish and I know he looks at tickling clips almost daily. When we are hanging out and I'm in the mood I'll often make up a tickling story and he'll get turned on and we go from there. I have been to gatherings myself and think it's a lot of fun though it's not a fetish of mine.

Lately I feel like he'd rather watch a clip and jerk off than have sex. I dressed up in a sexy outfit yesterday (wow, this feels like too much information to share but I don't know where else to ask this!) and...nothing. We ended up going to sleep. I felt embarassed almost since I usually don't dress up at all. He admitted he had jerked off earlier.

He will sometimes tickle me and I welcome it though it seems he keeps this part of his life more private. I feel a bit shut out. I know he is looking at these half-naked, beautiful girls and getting off. When I get the big nothing, it is a self-esteem blow.

My question is, do other people look at clips almost daily even if they are in a commited relationship? I know it's not a sign of fidelity but I feel like it's intruding on our intimacy now.

 

[homemade]

Maybe its something you should let him have a little privacy about, if you push to hard he may become as uncomfortable as you are right now. But also ask him to include you into his fantasies, and to look at it from your point of view.

 

[bigbear_92801]

This is a tough situation to be in. You want his attention to be on you and not the clips. I guess I would have to ask you what kind of message you are sending him. You state that "it's not a fetish of mine". Is that the message he is aware of? Can he tickle you any time he wants or does he think that tickling you is not something you like? When you dressed up in the sexy outfit were your ticklish feet offered to him?

Tickling a real person is a far better turn on than watching a clip. At least for me it is. The thing that you need to do is let him know that your ticklish body is all his. And that you LOVE IT. Give him a little tickle to get the ball rolling. Then when he tickles you back let him know that your enjoying it. Maybe even present him a challenge. Bet him that he can't make you laugh, then let him take his time trying to get a giggle out of you.

A word of caution though, don't let out fake laughter. That is a big turn off.

Hope this helps...

 

[tyf69]

Are you ticklish? Do you fake your laughter? Have you looked at the clips he's
looking at and tried to do the things they're doing?

 

[mass1926]

Sent you a pm cuz it's kinda private 🙂

 

[tickledwife]

Thanks for the responses. I am ticklish though not in my feet (his favorite body part to tickle). I never have to fake laughter as my upper body is quite ticklish and I couldn't hide a reaction even if I wanted to. I do look at the clips he is looking at and part of the problem is he is looking at clips of women he has actually been with and I find this hurtful. He no longer sees them but this gets under my skin. When we were first together he didn't tell me about his "hobby" as he calls it. He ended up hooking up with one of these girls while we were dating and it took a very long time for me to get over this (by hooking up I mean getting together for a tickle session that ended up being sexual). Obviously I really haven't gotten over it. I'm not sure how I can when he looks at clips where some of these women are on it. I love seeing his reaction when he tickles me and I encourage him to do it- especially in the bedroom since I know it turns him on and things are awesome when he's so fired up like that. I just don't know how to feel about him looking at porn everyday and jerking off- that's what it boils down to.

 

[the wiz]

It’s a very misunderstood fetish; either you like it or you don’t; most people who not into it have a hard time understanding how we think. Look at it this way; most sexual fetish like S&M, anal, tits, food, ect…… are common place.

You can go on Craiglist to find people interested or willing to try being beaten, tied down and let people put hot or hard mental items on or in them. Allow others to penetrate them in the rectum so on and so forth. But there is something about being tickle that makes people comfortable. In most people eyes (who are not into it) it’s childish, demeaning, juvenile, torture; most adults stop being tickle when they were pre-teens.

So finding someone truly into this fetish located in the same area you are is like hitting the lottery in 3 different cities at once. Many of us baby booms felt isolated because of this fetish. We went decades hiding it from people we care about; waiting to tickle someone but afraid to.

Wanting to run your fingers over a friend’s soles but you know it will lead to nothing good. So you become introverted when it comes to letting people in. It wasn’t until the mid 90’s when people starting to find sites decided only to tickling. Then this site opened up in 2001; most tickle phobes found a home here or other sites. We started communicating with others around the world with the same fetish and didn’t have to hide it or feel like a freak.

However, most of us older members hooked up with people not into it. So, it’s like living in the closet all over again. One can’t really explore your fetish because the member that not into starts to feel left out. This causes issues inside of the relationship; I myself am dealing with this issues everyday.

I would say just understand he has a deep desire for tickling; this will not last forever, he will return back to usual stuff. He just needs to find that balance between you and his fetish.

 

[tickledwife]

I understand what you are saying. He has had this fetish for a long time. I initially found out about it because I found out he was with a woman and he came clean. He actually broke up with me when I tried to make things work, saying he "had" to ticke. I realized at that time this was truly a compulsion for him and not a healthy one at that time- he sacrificed a real, caring relationship for something he felt like he couldn't stop. We worked through that and he stopped meeting different women for tickle sessions. This was 3 years ago and we have since gotten back together and married and started a family.

Part of the issue is he still feels ashamed about what happened and I feel insecure when he looks at clips, wondering if he's fantasizing about these women he has been with. He doesn't want to upset me so he doesn't want me to be a big part of it but I see he looks at it all the time. I want to be understanding but I don't want to worry about it. It's a messy situation but I appreciate all the tips, I truly do.

 

[homemade]

part of the problem is he is looking at clips of women he has actually been with and I find this hurtful. He no longer sees them but this gets under my skin. When we were first together he didn't tell me about his "hobby" as he calls it. He ended up hooking up with one of these girls while we were dating and it took a very long time for me to get over this (by hooking up I mean getting together for a tickle session that ended up being sexual). Obviously I really haven't gotten over it. I'm not sure how I can when he looks at clips where some of these women are on it. I love seeing his reaction when he tickles me and I encourage him to do it- especially in the bedroom since I know it turns him on and things are awesome when he's so fired up like that. I just don't know how to feel about him looking at porn everyday and jerking off- that's what it boils down to.

Okay, that is NOT acceptable! He should have gotten rid of those clips of other women a LONG time ago! For pete's sake, this is not only a committed relationship - you're married! He needs to let these other women go. I could not deal with that.

As far as getting together with the other woman... yeah, stuff like that is hard to get over, and it's one of those things that sometimes we never get over, and will always be wondering if we can trust the other person not to do that again. His unwillingness to share his fetish with you is most certainly not helping that. And keeping those clips of other women doesn't help either.

And it's hard to not feel insecure about yourself when he's jerking off to porn every day. If this is something that is really bothering you, and he doesn't feel comfortable talking about it, maybe you both should go talk to someone, yes, a therapist. Possibly individual sessions, and then come together. This is something that is a part of his life, and that's okay, but YOU need to included in that. If he can't talk to you about it on his own, and he wants your marriage to be happy, someone else may need to help you guys out. Obviously it bothers you that he's doing this online all the time, and your feelings DO matter in this relationship.

He actually broke up with me when I tried to make things work, saying he "had" to ticke. I realized at that time this was truly a compulsion for him and not a healthy one at that time- he sacrificed a real, caring relationship for something he felt like he couldn't stop. We worked through that and he stopped meeting different women for tickle sessions. This was 3 years ago and we have since gotten back together and married and started a family.

Again, raises questions about the outside help. How/why did you end up getting back together? Did he agree to not do some of these things, or did you accept that he was going to anyway? Just wondering what was discussed then.

Part of the issue is he still feels ashamed about what happened and I feel insecure when he looks at clips, wondering if he's fantasizing about these women he has been with. He doesn't want to upset me so he doesn't want me to be a big part of it but I see he looks at it all the time. I want to be understanding but I don't want to worry about it. It's a messy situation but I appreciate all the tips, I truly do.

I understand where you're coming from. He definitely needs to get rid of the clips from his past women. No question. Completely inappropriate. It's hard enough for a SO to be okay with their spouse looking at random women online, let alone ex gf's. I hope you and your husband can work things out... I think communication, openness, and honesty are all really important, especially when talking about something like this. The fetish itself is nothing for him to be ashamed of, so hopefully he can see that, but how he's going about indulging in it - THAT is where the improvement needs to come in. He needs to indulge in that fetish with YOU! 🙂

Good luck!

Laurel

 

[U.N.Owen]

I strongly suggest relationships counseling. Problems like these can fester and turn into serious mistrust. A professional mediator is the best person to help you through it. If you're worried about confiding these details to such a person, don't be: trust me, they've heard MUCH weirder.

 

[MrTicklefeet]

Sounds like he's got a porn addiction. He needs counseling.
Real people should always over trump virtual people. Real experiences are more valued than watching clips. He's got some serious issues.

 

[nylonsnfeet]

Unknowns aside, in "details" of any discussions the 2 of you have had, I say Mr.'s behavior is rather unacceptable.

Mr. needs to "open" up & let some things "out" as well as let some "go".

Speaking for myself, I would LOVE to have a partner, not into tickling to start, that would understand & then indulge me. Ticklish feet or not, even as I am a feet person myself. Something that "we" could work on perhaps.

I have had my tickle/foot fetish since childhood. 2 very "vanilla" marriages, during which time I did my share of watching vids. It was an "outlet" cuz I had nothing at home. I guarantee that would "stop" if I had someone living with me that would enjoy my tickles.

I wish you the best in resolving this & tell Mr. I said he needs to WAKE UP.

 

[tommytikl]

He is in an "addictive cycle"... It is a tough habit to break too...
It takes seconds to get addicted and they say 21 days to break a habit.

He is "addicted" to watching/pleasuring to clips. He could/should go cold turkey and just delete the clips and stay away from the clips section for a while...but all other areas of TMF should be fine. He needs to get out of the cycle he is in and realize that what he has at home is what most people on TMF want! A wife at home to tickle...
Gotta break the habit...simple as that...

 

[marcusb]

I would seriously suggest you seek couples counseling. Sounds like there is much more going on here than just his fetish.

 

[homemade]

Good to see those above responses from people on here, and that people can see it's definitely a problem. I'm new to the forums myself, so I wasn't sure what other "active" users would say.

Laurel

 

[homemade]

"I just don't know how to feel about him looking at porn everyday and jerking off- that's what it boils down to. "

No one has said this, but maybe its not all him? Just playing evils advocate here. There are always two sides to every story. I wonder what he would have to say?

 

[New2u]

Marriage Counselor

I hope this question doesn't sound completely ridiculous. My husband has a tickling fetish and I know he looks at tickling clips almost daily. When we are hanging out and I'm in the mood I'll often make up a tickling story and he'll get turned on and we go from there. I have been to gatherings myself and think it's a lot of fun though it's not a fetish of mine.

Lately I feel like he'd rather watch a clip and jerk off than have sex. I dressed up in a sexy outfit yesterday (wow, this feels like too much information to share but I don't know where else to ask this!) and...nothing. We ended up going to sleep. I felt embarassed almost since I usually don't dress up at all. He admitted he had jerked off earlier.

He will sometimes tickle me and I welcome it though it seems he keeps this part of his life more private. I feel a bit shut out. I know he is looking at these half-naked, beautiful girls and getting off. When I get the big nothing, it is a self-esteem blow.

My question is, do other people look at clips almost daily even if they are in a commited relationship? I know it's not a sign of fidelity but I feel like it's intruding on our intimacy now.

Tickled,

I understand your frustration. Having a tickle and foot fetish is fine (I've got one myself) but like anything else, if it starts to interfere with the relationship then there's a problem. That's when the fetishes become too self indulgent and you feel left out. Your husband needs to take hold of his fetishes and bring them under control because they're beginning to make you feel alienated from him. This is not healthy for the relationship. If he's into daily viewing of tickle vids, that's a bit too much. This might be a good idea to talk with a marriage counselor and get his/her input and see if your husband will come along and get his input. He may not even realize what he's doing to you. Communication is the imporant thing here.

 

[Tidas]

Go Aristotle on his ass. The virtuous life is one lived according the mean. Nothing in excess. Also, beating it to your exes, while tempting, is fucked up. You need to put the kabash on that shit right away.

 

[homemade]

If he's into daily viewing of tickle vids, that's a bit too much. This might be a good idea to talk with a marriage counselor and get his/her input and see if your husband will come along and get his input. He may not even realize what he's doing to you. Communication is the imporant thing here.

Agreed... especially because he has you, who is ready and willing to become a part of his fantasies.

 

[ChicagoDavid]

There have been a lot of excellent responses, but I think one that is key is that this is NOT a tickling issue. You could remove "tickling" and substitute in "vanilla sex," and then this situation would be like many, many other relationships. They guy is into porn, and the woman is frustrated with that. The part about watching videos of ex's adds an additional dimension.

Looking at it that way, there is a wealth of literature out there on the subject, written by people who have more expertise than we do.

Having said that, what people here wrote looks right to me!

 

[Em Es]

I don't qualify



tickledwife, here's hoping your husband and you can reach a compromise. Usually the complaints I hear are just the opposite, where the wife loses interest in intimacy or no longer wishes to appeal to the husband in the ways she did when they were dating/first married.

I don't qualify to recommend anything and it seems as though several people have already offered advice. But I have to say, knowing there are women like you out there heartens me. Lots of male ticklers would love to have such a woman for a girlfriend or wife, someone who wants to please her man even though doing so is a stretch for her.

Please let us know what happens.

 

[hsfn]

nylon tickler

My 1st wife indulged my fetish for some of our 18 years together. She was not ticklish on her feet. My fetish was nylon and pantyhose tickling. She belittled me about it and used it against me when we divorced. I was a very nervous man when I met and married my current wife. I still watch videos today. I don't jerk off to them. I use them to set the stage for my current wife who indulges and enjoys my fetish. I make her a part of it by using the videos to give us a scenario for our own session.
I am no expert but if you show an interest in them (ones without the former GF) and show him you are turned on by them and want to experience something like that displayed in the video then maybe he will see your overt interest and get on board. If I saw my wife looking at generic videos of tickling and wanting to be tickled like that you bet I would forget about anything that happened in the past and be on her in seconds. Again I'm no expert. try watching them on your laptop while he is in another room. Then leave the laptop open for him to find you looking at it. Make it obvious without acting so.
Be careful how you do this with kids around and most of all....This guy needs to Wake the hell up and realize he has the ultimate gift. A wife who indulges his tickling!!! Dump the old girls buddy! You have gold in this woman!!!

 

[Flatfoot]

I do NOT wanna come off as mean at all. I understand completely what it feels like to want to be wanted, and I've also been on the other side, where my partner was enthusiastic about indulging me, and I had little to no interest. I don't know all your life details, but from what you've said so far, big-picture-wise, I think you may have had some self-esteem issues long before the porn became an issue. Here's a guy who cheated on you BEFORE you were married, and you're still with him. Yes, many married guys will also watch porn, but his watching porn with an ex should have you raising BS flags left and right. Counseling is a beaten-to-death recommendation, and I know it isn't always in everyone's budget or insurance plan. Please excuse the bluntness, but as the woman, you control the pootie. If I was in your shoes knowing what I know now, I wouldn't even demand that he delete those clips, because obviously, he's got an unhealthy attachment to the woman in them. If you really wanna get his attention back, ya gotta get into his head a little bit. Start displaying apathy towards him. You're a woman who has physical needs, too, and you've been more than accommodating (God bless ya for that!) to his. He needs to realize that you may not always be there. I'm not suggesting that's necessarily the case, but he needs to THINK it is, because either he doesn't appreciate what he has and wants something else, or he just doesn't REALIZE what he has and can still be brought around. One way or the other, EVERYONE deserves to be happy. You need a definitive answer so that you don't spend your life waiting around for things to get better with him. They're DEFINITELY not going to if you don't act. I don't know what, if any, kids are in the picture, but if so, I know it complicates things quite a bit, and it can keep two people together who shouldn't be, but they should also be raised in an environment where the parents both love each other, if they're together. Whatever happens, please remember that you deserve to be happy. 🙂

 

[rhiannon]

It wouldn't be so bad if he just watched random tickling clips, but clips with his exes in them!? NO WAY! You don't have to and shouldn't tolerate that! Talk to him and tell him it hurts you, and that you want him to get rid of these clips.

 

[TRU]

Okay, that is NOT acceptable! He should have gotten rid of those clips of other women a LONG time ago! For pete's sake, this is not only a committed relationship - you're married! He needs to let these other women go. I could not deal with that.

That's being totally unreasonable imo. A huge video colleciton takes a long time to build, and costs a lot of money, and that's not something I'm willing to throw down the drain because it makes my girl feel insecure. I will agree with the rest though. When tickle porn takes priority over a meaningful relationship, it's time re-analyze whats important to you and make a decision to re-prioritize the two. My girlfriend doesn't understand my tickling fetish, but she has tolerated it because she loves me. She's let me tie her down and tickle her before; as long as I promised that I wouldn't take advantage of her and torture her, it is cool with her.

It wouldn't be so bad if he just watched random tickling clips, but clips with his exes in them!? NO WAY! You don't have to and shouldn't tolerate that! Talk to him and tell him it hurts you, and that you want him to get rid of these clips.

I honestly have doubts about the validity of that claim. I'm not saying that she's lying, but I get the feeling that she's adding fictitious parts the story to fit her argument. Seriously, how the fuck do you end meeting a model in a tickling video (producers are usually very private about their models personal lives) and date her? Maybe more often than I think though.