My husband's love of tickling

[rhiannon]

I honestly have doubts about the validity of that claim. I'm not saying that she's lying, but I get the feeling that she's adding fictitious parts the story to fit her argument. Seriously, how the fuck do you end meeting a model in a tickling video (producers are usually very private about their models personal lives) and date her? Maybe more often than I think though.

Maybe we are talking about privately filmed clips here...you know, home-videos...that's what I was assuming. 🙂

 

[homemade]

Tru may have something there. People seem to quick to bag on her husband when no one can REALLY know whats going on.

 

[TRU]

Maybe we are talking about privately filmed clips here...you know, home-videos...that's what I was assuming. 🙂

Hmm...you just gave me an idea that I'm going to present to my girlfriend. I never thought about doing personal videos before.

 

[mart]

I hope this question doesn't sound completely ridiculous. My husband has a tickling fetish and I know he looks at tickling clips almost daily. When we are hanging out and I'm in the mood I'll often make up a tickling story and he'll get turned on and we go from there. I have been to gatherings myself and think it's a lot of fun though it's not a fetish of mine.

Lately I feel like he'd rather watch a clip and jerk off than have sex. I dressed up in a sexy outfit yesterday (wow, this feels like too much information to share but I don't know where else to ask this!) and...nothing. We ended up going to sleep. I felt embarassed almost since I usually don't dress up at all. He admitted he had jerked off earlier.

He will sometimes tickle me and I welcome it though it seems he keeps this part of his life more private. I feel a bit shut out. I know he is looking at these half-naked, beautiful girls and getting off. When I get the big nothing, it is a self-esteem blow.

My question is, do other people look at clips almost daily even if they are in a commited relationship? I know it's not a sign of fidelity but I feel like it's intruding on our intimacy now.

This sounds like sex and porn addiction, as others have said. I strongly recommend you look at this website and read some of what the guy says in his online book:

http://www.sexualcontrol.com/index.php

 

[Diego]

Completely understand

I hope this question doesn't sound completely ridiculous. My husband has a tickling fetish and I know he looks at tickling clips almost daily. When we are hanging out and I'm in the mood I'll often make up a tickling story and he'll get turned on and we go from there. I have been to gatherings myself and think it's a lot of fun though it's not a fetish of mine.

Lately I feel like he'd rather watch a clip and jerk off than have sex. I dressed up in a sexy outfit yesterday (wow, this feels like too much information to share but I don't know where else to ask this!) and...nothing. We ended up going to sleep. I felt embarassed almost since I usually don't dress up at all. He admitted he had jerked off earlier.

He will sometimes tickle me and I welcome it though it seems he keeps this part of his life more private. I feel a bit shut out. I know he is looking at these half-naked, beautiful girls and getting off. When I get the big nothing, it is a self-esteem blow.

My question is, do other people look at clips almost daily even if they are in a commited relationship? I know it's not a sign of fidelity but I feel like it's intruding on our intimacy now.

Hi I completely understand your situation. I have a much lighter version of your husband "problem" and found ways with my wife to get along with them
If you want, please PM me and I ll write you an email
good Luck
Diego

 

[baldadonis]

I'd have to agree that based upon what you are describing, your husband sounds like he has an addiction to tickle porn. I think watching porn in and of itself is healthy. One is not always around their partner, and if they want to satisfy themselves, that's fine. But when one's love for porn replaces or displaces a sexual connection with your significant other, then there is a problem. It sounds like he wants to have the family and a life with you, while he gets aroused only by other women, which is obviously not fair to you.

I would strongly suggest counseling in order to help your husband achieve some balance. He may not ever quit tickle porn entirely, but he may be able to get to a state where this does not impact your sexual relationship with him. Best of luck to you.

 

[Mitchell]

tickledwife, I'm sorry to hear about what you are going through with your husband.

From reading your post, the main problem I see is that he would rather satisfy himself sexually by looking at clips, instead of engaging in physical intimacy, with you, his wife. While I know there are guys who do this on some occasions, if it's becoming a regular pattern, that, to me, should raise a red flag that it's time to have a serious discussion with him, and seek joint counesling. He has a marriage, and a life, with you. If his porn fetish is intruding on that, that to me is unacceptable.

My advice would be to have a discussion with him when you are not in a sexual frame of mind. Put everything on the table. Tell him all your feelings, and listen to his. Then, I would see if some compromise can be worked out, sexually, etc, between the two of you. If not, it would be time for counesling.

I hope this advice is helpful. Good Luck. Hopefully you can come to a workable solution with him, where the more important aspects of marriage and family, will win out over his porn fetish.

Mitch

 

[fleshyderriere]

The guy doesn't need counseling.

Here's the solution.

Scheduling.

Schedule sex in advance--have certain days when you're supposed to have sex.

That way he won't jerk off at an inopportune time.

 

[ticklebrowse26]

This is a tough situation. I see a lot of helpful people here trying to help you. Here's my 2 cents.

The times that looking at tickling porn has made things difficult in my relationship and past relationships was when I did it in secret. And in ... well, excess.

What could make things better is if you ask him to share more with you about what he's watching. Literally sit next to him and watch it. Ask him what he likes about the clips. It takes his sexual tastes and throws them between the two of you rather than just in his head. Without shaming him. It took therapy to make this better for me. It may take couples therapy to make this ... sexual communication better for you two.

It's ok to tell him that it makes you uncomfortable to see clips of his exes.

The other question is if he is addicted to tickle porn. He might be. And whether it is replacing your own sex life. No easy or fast solution here. Again it may take therapy to fix this one but the things you can do is to increase that communication any which way you can.

Lastly, is he paying attention to your own needs and kinks (if any)? It's great (and hot) that you want to meet his tickle needs but also ask yourself if the converse is true.

Good luck. You're clearly doing whatever you can to salvage your relationship.

 

[rhiannon]

The guy doesn't need counseling.

Here's the solution.

Scheduling.

Schedule sex in advance--have certain days when you're supposed to have sex.

That way he won't jerk off at an inopportune time.

The best way to kill lust and passion within a couple of weeks! Not a good idea!

 

[homemade]

This is a tough situation. I see a lot of helpful people here trying to help you. Here's my 2 cents.

The times that looking at tickling porn has made things difficult in my relationship and past relationships was when I did it in secret. And in ... well, excess.

What could make things better is if you ask him to share more with you about what he's watching. Literally sit next to him and watch it. Ask him what he likes about the clips. It takes his sexual tastes and throws them between the two of you rather than just in his head. Without shaming him. It took therapy to make this better for me. It may take couples therapy to make this ... sexual communication better for you two.

It's ok to tell him that it makes you uncomfortable to see clips of his exes.

The other question is if he is addicted to tickle porn. He might be. And whether it is replacing your own sex life. No easy or fast solution here. Again it may take therapy to fix this one but the things you can do is to increase that communication any which way you can.

Lastly, is he paying attention to your own needs and kinks (if any)? It's great (and hot) that you want to meet his tickle needs but also ask yourself if the converse is true.

Good luck. You're clearly doing whatever you can to salvage your relationship.

I think that was a great response. Good to hear it from someone who has been through it, recognized where there were problems, and got help for it. Kudos to you!

Tickledwife? Are you still around? Hope you're doing okay.

 

[tickledwife]

Hey Homemade, I'm still around 🙂 Thanks for all the responses, I'm taking it all in. I appreciate that people have sent me PMs and offered support!

I'm going to talk with him this weekend about it. It's hard to share the whole background on here without feeling like I'm writing a book. When we initially got back together it was because he wanted to, he missed me, and agreed to counseling which we went to. She encouraged us to share in watching the videos and things went well for a long time. We would watch and it was fun. We went to a couple of gatherings, met some very awesome people.

Somewhere along the way we stopped doing these things together. We work opposite shifts now so we can care for our infant son at home. Our schedules are filled, like all new parents. I am up at least 3 times a night to nurse our baby and work full-time. Life is great, busy but wonderful. Except this part. I should note, when he watches clips and his "exes" are in them, these are not old girlfriends- they are models he paid to tickle. He became friends with some of them but they were never romantically connected.

I know he watched clips occassionally over the past couple of years, maybe once a week or so. The past month it's been daily. A few times I've seen he has looked up specific models. This kind of behavior disturbs me because of what happened before. This time, I am not as tolerant of it. If he cheated on me again (which I wonder about) I would kick him out of the house. I love our family but I'm not putting up with this.

I'm not sure how our talk will go or how things will change. I think he needs to take a break from this daily habit and we need to focus on each other. Again, I appreciate all the advice and support here. This is such a neat community and I've met many folks in person at gatherings which are a blast. I enjoy tickling and don't think his fetish is a problem, more than it's the daily porn habit. I want us to enjoy it together again!

 

[RChello]

hmm just thinking out loud here...

so you've been to a gathering as you mentioned in your 1st post. Did your hubby go? If so, I gather he's possibly a member here also , seeing he views tickling clips online. Is there a chance he's reading this section and more directly the posts here and all the advice being given? Maybe direct him to your posts etc. Hope that helps...

 

[tickledwife]

Thanks RChello. He's a member here too but I think he only checks out the clips section. He's also on the Dailymotion website a lot too, more than here. I have considered showing him this thread. I'll see how our talk goes tomorrow.

 

[RChello]

hope it goes well...

maybe show him your posts here and use these posts as an "intervention" 🙂 good luck!

 

[homemade]

I know he watched clips occassionally over the past couple of years, maybe once a week or so. The past month it's been daily. A few times I've seen he has looked up specific models. This kind of behavior disturbs me because of what happened before. This time, I am not as tolerant of it. If he cheated on me again (which I wonder about) I would kick him out of the house. I love our family but I'm not putting up with this.

I'm not sure how our talk will go or how things will change. I think he needs to take a break from this daily habit and we need to focus on each other. Again, I appreciate all the advice and support here. This is such a neat community and I've met many folks in person at gatherings which are a blast. I enjoy tickling and don't think his fetish is a problem, more than it's the daily porn habit. I want us to enjoy it together again!

Well best of luck with your talk! I hope it goes well, and I hope he can prove to you that you can trust him. It's only natural for you to be concerned, given he has betrayed your trust before. And if he does betray you, amen woman on leaving him. BUT, let's assume that is NOT going to happen because he loves you and would never want to lose you! Regardless, this all has to come out into the open, or you will go nuts (or I would anyway). Maybe talking about it will bring you both back to tickling together! 🙂 Maybe since you've gotten away from it for a while, he thinks you don't want to? Although you have tried... I don't know. GOOD LUCK!

Laurel

 

[mass1926]

I know it's sort of painful to talk about, but how was he finding girls to tickle for a fee? Was he buying call girls or prostitutes and paying them to let him tickle them instead of sex? A former las vegas prostitute was on a talk show last summer discussing behaviors where men would hire them and then ask them to do something other than sex, like whatever fetish it was that they wished to indulge in.

 

[tickledwife]

Thanks Laurel 🙂

He found the girls through modeling sites. I know he would get booted off and used different emails but he would eventually find women to do this. And several of them became 'regulars' for him. No sex involved, just nudity and tickling. I think they even became friends. He is a great guy, anyone would want to be friends with him 🙂 I think he also used Craigslist fairly regularly. He had references from women he had used in the past so the girls didn't think he was completely psycho. I guess it really worked for him- I suspect he been with many, many women over the years....

 

[tickledwife]

He didn't have a girlfriend for many years and I think he used these sessions in place of a "real" relationship. No chance of getting hurt. These women knew his fetish, he got to laugh and enjoy beautiful women. Again, he did this for many years (10+). I don't think it's a bad way to satisfy cravings if you are not in a relationship....

 

[fleshyderriere]

rhiannon,

You couldn't be more wrong.

My wife and I have had a regular schedule for 15 years. It hasn't killed our lust and passion.

How long have you been married? Or are you even married? Do you have any idea what you're talking about?

 

[rhiannon]

I am married for 8 years now. Is that long enough to know what I am talking about? To me, passion has a lot to do with being spontaneous. If I know already that I have to have sex every Saturday and Wednesday, neither me nor my husband would want to do it!

 

[fleshyderriere]

Rhiannon,

Ridiculous.

So you have no anticipation for sex? You wouldn't want to have sex because you're supposed to?

I don't believe it.

It's far better to have a schedule.

That way, both of you know in advance when it's time to get in the mood, so both of you will be in it. You will set aside cares about work and other things in order to fulfill your marriage responsiblities.

 

[Mitchell]

tw, thanks for your reply and insight. I agree with you that your husband needs to take a break from his daily habit, and focus on you again. As I said in my other post, if your husband is spending time watching porn, instead of working on his relationship with you, his wife, that is a huge problem.

I do hope you can settle your situation with him, and that your marriage can be saved. Good Luck.

Mitch

 

[TropicThunder]

I agree with Rhiannon. Scheduling sex? Ridiculous.

 

[rhiannon]

Rhiannon,

Ridiculous.

So you have no anticipation for sex? You wouldn't want to have sex because you're supposed to?

I don't believe it.

It's far better to have a schedule.

That way, both of you know in advance when it's time to get in the mood, so both of you will be in it. You will set aside cares about work and other things in order to fulfill your marriage responsiblities.

Sorry, but I think pretty much everything in your statement is what is ridiculous.

Hell no I wouldn't want to have sex because I'm supposed to! NEVER EVER! I want to have sex because I am horny, because I want to, not because I am supposed to. Being supposed to have sex is the worst lust killer there is!

"When it's time to get in the mood" sounds like "Okay, it's noon, I'm supposed to be hungry now." That's not how it works. I can't get in the mood following a schedule, to get in the mood....the mood has to be right!

But hey....since you are calling it "marriage responsibilities", I can see where you're coming from!