I recently listened to a podcast about tickling that featured Bella, and I remember her mentioning that one of the big areas of frustration and discouragement for men in our community is the inability to find someone to play with.
I'd like to speak to that and offer my experience and some encouragement as well. I've had immense personal experience indulging in our fetish. I've played hundreds of times with many different women, and so I have some success to draw from, and some practical tips to offer you.
I've been asked a couple times to teach a class at NEST, but I haven't made it there yet. If you find this post helpful and would like more info, I might consider it. In the meantime, here you go:
(Disclaimer: There is no "right way" to find a tickling partner. What I'm offering you here are my own best practices based on years of success.)
TIP #1 - In my personal experience, the most fun and engaging tickle partners are not found on websites like this. I've been to a bunch of tickling parties, and one thing most of them have in common is that there is a sterile, disconnected, non-intimate energy associated with the tickling that goes on. In other words, it's got a very "fetishy" and impersonal feel to it. I will also tell you that most of the women I've spoken to in this community have wholeheartedly agreed with that statement and have found it equally unsatisfying. Sure, you make friends and have fun, but it's not that erotic, intimate, blissful play that so many of us long for.
I can't speak for you, but this is a sexual fetish for me. It's tied in with intimacy. Doing it just for the sake of doing it feels disconnected and doesn't nearly live up to any fantasies I've had.
So now what? Does that mean you're totally fucked? Of course not. And I'm not saying that you CAN'T meet a match on here. It just means that your search might be made easier if you stop looking here and start looking in your everyday life.
You're MUCH more likely to have satisfying tickling experiences by gently guiding someone who loves you and who genuinely cares about your sexual satisfaction to play the role you'd like them to. I'm a switch, and some of my girlfriends have taken QUITE a shine to chasing me all over the bed relentlessly, and they will continue the tickling whether I'm laughing or not. Why would they do that if they don't get the same kind of arousal I do? Because they know I like it, and they like doing things that make me happy. In fact, it wasn't hard at all to get them to start tickling me during sex. They would do it automatically and they would take pride in using their hard won secret knowledge of what makes me orgasm (sex alone does not).
It's about communication. I wasn't lucky just once. This is pretty much the standard experience with almost every woman I date these days.
Now if you really want to meet people who are already interested in tickling, you can put out the bat signal by putting those words in your personal ad. I've searched on OKCupid for the words tickle, tickling, and ticklish a bunch of times and met some interesting people as a result, but nothing that turned into anything significant.
I guess the point is... you can meet people who already share your fetish, but that's not going to guarantee a satisfying experience. It's better to find a partner that wants to create a satisfying RELATIONSHIP with you, and then gently guide them to exploring your interests with you. It really is not that hard, but there is a fundamental switch in thinking that MUST be made for it to work.
Once someone cares about your pleasure, they will do almost anything for you, but the trick is that you have to also do the same for them...
...and DO IT FIRST!
You set the example. You set the stage. YOU have to go first. Let them know that you're curious about what makes them excited and crazy in their private, sexual thoughts, and then explore it with them in the spirit of GIVING. You must be a giver or this will not work. Don't try to "get" anything out of it. That's like trying to pick fruit before it's ripe. It won't be satisfying, and the plant might will stop producing the fruit if you're taking it too early.
Here's an example from my own life. I've had a couple of girlfriends who liked being choked during intercourse. That is NOT my thing at all, and I ambivalent about doing it. But in the moments where I'm choking them during sex, I'm doing it for them, and I like that it brings them pleasure. So in a weird way, I DO like doing it... not for the arousal it gives me (there is none) but for the satisfaction of taking care of my partner. I will do whatever it takes to give her a big, long orgasm.
In summary:
- If you're not having success finding a partner on TMF or Fetlife, don't get discouraged. You're just looking in the wrong place.
- Having a girlfriend or boyfriend that is already into tickling does not make for a satisfying relationship. Have the relationship and open lines of communication first before you start talking about your fetishes.
- You can include words like tickling in your personal ad just to make sure you show up in the searches, but it's time to take your laser focus OFF of tickling in order to find someone more suitable. If you do it right, they will do anything to make you happy... even let you torture them regularly 🙂
- Lead with the giving hand, not the taking hand. Don't try to take fruit from the relationship tree until it's obviously ripe.
This is already a long post, so I'll stop here for now. If there is enough interest, I'll post more tips and suggestions. Some of the things I can share are:
- How to compel your partner to want to learn about your secret fetishes.
- How to reveal what you like sexually in a way that makes them want to do it to you all the time.
- Mistakes people make when having this conversation that blow their chances of integrating tickling into their sexual play.
And tons more. I hope this helps. There absolutely is hope for finding someone who will indulge with you. Anyone can do it, and the more experience you gain, the easier it actually is. Good luck.
Zero Cool
I'd like to speak to that and offer my experience and some encouragement as well. I've had immense personal experience indulging in our fetish. I've played hundreds of times with many different women, and so I have some success to draw from, and some practical tips to offer you.
I've been asked a couple times to teach a class at NEST, but I haven't made it there yet. If you find this post helpful and would like more info, I might consider it. In the meantime, here you go:
(Disclaimer: There is no "right way" to find a tickling partner. What I'm offering you here are my own best practices based on years of success.)
TIP #1 - In my personal experience, the most fun and engaging tickle partners are not found on websites like this. I've been to a bunch of tickling parties, and one thing most of them have in common is that there is a sterile, disconnected, non-intimate energy associated with the tickling that goes on. In other words, it's got a very "fetishy" and impersonal feel to it. I will also tell you that most of the women I've spoken to in this community have wholeheartedly agreed with that statement and have found it equally unsatisfying. Sure, you make friends and have fun, but it's not that erotic, intimate, blissful play that so many of us long for.
I can't speak for you, but this is a sexual fetish for me. It's tied in with intimacy. Doing it just for the sake of doing it feels disconnected and doesn't nearly live up to any fantasies I've had.
So now what? Does that mean you're totally fucked? Of course not. And I'm not saying that you CAN'T meet a match on here. It just means that your search might be made easier if you stop looking here and start looking in your everyday life.
You're MUCH more likely to have satisfying tickling experiences by gently guiding someone who loves you and who genuinely cares about your sexual satisfaction to play the role you'd like them to. I'm a switch, and some of my girlfriends have taken QUITE a shine to chasing me all over the bed relentlessly, and they will continue the tickling whether I'm laughing or not. Why would they do that if they don't get the same kind of arousal I do? Because they know I like it, and they like doing things that make me happy. In fact, it wasn't hard at all to get them to start tickling me during sex. They would do it automatically and they would take pride in using their hard won secret knowledge of what makes me orgasm (sex alone does not).
It's about communication. I wasn't lucky just once. This is pretty much the standard experience with almost every woman I date these days.
Now if you really want to meet people who are already interested in tickling, you can put out the bat signal by putting those words in your personal ad. I've searched on OKCupid for the words tickle, tickling, and ticklish a bunch of times and met some interesting people as a result, but nothing that turned into anything significant.
I guess the point is... you can meet people who already share your fetish, but that's not going to guarantee a satisfying experience. It's better to find a partner that wants to create a satisfying RELATIONSHIP with you, and then gently guide them to exploring your interests with you. It really is not that hard, but there is a fundamental switch in thinking that MUST be made for it to work.
Once someone cares about your pleasure, they will do almost anything for you, but the trick is that you have to also do the same for them...
...and DO IT FIRST!
You set the example. You set the stage. YOU have to go first. Let them know that you're curious about what makes them excited and crazy in their private, sexual thoughts, and then explore it with them in the spirit of GIVING. You must be a giver or this will not work. Don't try to "get" anything out of it. That's like trying to pick fruit before it's ripe. It won't be satisfying, and the plant might will stop producing the fruit if you're taking it too early.
Here's an example from my own life. I've had a couple of girlfriends who liked being choked during intercourse. That is NOT my thing at all, and I ambivalent about doing it. But in the moments where I'm choking them during sex, I'm doing it for them, and I like that it brings them pleasure. So in a weird way, I DO like doing it... not for the arousal it gives me (there is none) but for the satisfaction of taking care of my partner. I will do whatever it takes to give her a big, long orgasm.
In summary:
- If you're not having success finding a partner on TMF or Fetlife, don't get discouraged. You're just looking in the wrong place.
- Having a girlfriend or boyfriend that is already into tickling does not make for a satisfying relationship. Have the relationship and open lines of communication first before you start talking about your fetishes.
- You can include words like tickling in your personal ad just to make sure you show up in the searches, but it's time to take your laser focus OFF of tickling in order to find someone more suitable. If you do it right, they will do anything to make you happy... even let you torture them regularly 🙂
- Lead with the giving hand, not the taking hand. Don't try to take fruit from the relationship tree until it's obviously ripe.
This is already a long post, so I'll stop here for now. If there is enough interest, I'll post more tips and suggestions. Some of the things I can share are:
- How to compel your partner to want to learn about your secret fetishes.
- How to reveal what you like sexually in a way that makes them want to do it to you all the time.
- Mistakes people make when having this conversation that blow their chances of integrating tickling into their sexual play.
And tons more. I hope this helps. There absolutely is hope for finding someone who will indulge with you. Anyone can do it, and the more experience you gain, the easier it actually is. Good luck.
Zero Cool
makes it for me.
