Navigating the TMF and a "vanilla" partner

[YouNeverKnow175]

I've posted a bit on various aspects of this topic before, and there was a recent thread started by Jill143 that explored a similar topic too. I'm still grappling with my relationship with the TMF in relation to my relationship with my girlfriend (a lot of relations!) of two years.

I've talked to my girlfriend about explorations with tickling (and foot fetish) websites, but in the context of something I would do when I was single, and I didn't explicitly say that it has continued while we've been in a relationship. It's pretty much limited to when one of us is away, which is not that often, but I still do enjoy and feel compelled to spend time on here, read posts and stories, share stories, look at pictures and videos etc, every now and then.

My girlfriend is not "into" tickling. She's embraced my passion for it and has been very understanding, but she has her own hangups about it too. She occasionally enjoys being tickled these days, but also really dislikes the power dynamic. I thought that this could be easily worked with because I have a love of hearing tickling stories - and I thought if we entered more into the realm of stories rather than actual tickling, it could be the best of both worlds. However, even talking about being in vulnerable tickling situations makes her uncomfortable sometimes.

In an ideal world, I would feel comfortable telling her that from time to time I like to visit the TMF. I hope to - and think I will at some point. I still feel hesitant right now, because I fear both that a) she won't like the idea of me being turned on reading stories or watching a video, and b) she'll be upset or offended by the idea of me indulging in these instances of power dynamics (I know some are consensual - but I really like "real life" scenarios that aren't).

I'm so curious to know about how other people in relationships with people not into tickling have worked with it, particularly in the context of their TMF use.

Appreciate anyone's insights. Thanks!

 

[iloveddub]

Well, there are many on here who could tell you of my "saga". I am married to a "non-ticklephile". He knows I'm on TMF. Doesn't like it. He will never understand. It has caused fights, even down to me feeling he doesn't love me. Not all of me at least.
He plays a little with me. Not nearly enough for my needs. When I bring up him giving me a "session", it never happens. I have invited him on TMF as long as its for the right reasons. To learn and understand, not judge and stalk. I don't know how long you've been together, or how deep your need is, but know that its best to get it sorted out now.
If you need to chat, PM me. I'm happy to talk and listen.
Just remember some powerful words a close friend told me: Those who love you want you happy.

 

[Libertine]

First of all you are not being honest with your g/f by letting her believe your 'aberrant' behaviour only occurred in your mad bachelor days, and are not being brave enough to give her the whole story of what you want and need from her. If she's unaware it's still going on and means so much to you, how can she possibly meet you halfway?

Your long delayed first step to try and resolve this must be a serious conversation, in which you have the common courtesy/decency to tell the one you love what you've already shared with a bunch of random, total strangers.

Allowing her to live in a situation where you secretly resent the person who thinks she's sharing your life is not fair to either of you.

 

[voided9]

I think talking to others in similar situations, such as iloveddub, will help ease your mind bit.

But I will also say, being in a serious with someone who doesn't get it and isn't into learning about it or experimenting with it, will lead to unfullfilment on your part, which can cause problems in the relationship. If you don't find some sort of compromise, it can lead to resentment... nip it in the bud as soon as you can. Try getting her involved -slowly and cautiously, keeping her comfortable. Otherwise, find someone who will indulge it - above all you need to be happy, while at the same time respecting your partner. Good luck!

 

[JoePTickle]

Otherwise, find someone who will indulge it - above all you need to be happy, while at the same time respecting your partner. Good luck!

I totally agree with Brandi. Some cities just aren't big enough to find a perfect ticklephile match who is also compatible with you in the many other respects that matter. So it becomes a two-tracked life, with happy vanilla relationships, and happy tickling relationships, separate from each other. If not ideal, it's proven to be doable.

 

[rhiannon]

My husband isn't into tickling at all, but he couldn't care less if I visit the TMF and write on here. He sometimes stands behind be talking about a whole different thing while I'm on here.