Need advice about a girl

[ohmaletickler18]

Ok so this is sort of Tickling related and sort of not. But I need an outside opinion on one of the bigger issues in my life right now and I know this is where I can find some of the nicest and smartest people. So I dated a girl through most of college who I liked and got along with pretty good but we had our ups and downs so I told her we should break up because I wasnt too into the whole thing anymore and it wasnt very fair to her or I. She was very negative and kind of antisocial but I truly believe she has a bit of a problem being social. She is very attractive, cares a ton about me from what I can understand, is the only person who knows I love feet. not to mention has perfect ones. So anyways I know this is a bit of a rambler but I really appreciate if your reading and I will try to wrap it up. We broke up a few years back stayed friends and she began to date someone else and I realized I wanted to be with her after several months. I told her she agreed she wanted to be together and we were back together. I was very happy. A week later i went out of town for sisters graduation(who doesn't get along with this girl) my gf calls me and tells me that she kissed that guy she dated last night. She was bawling and I said we will deal with it when I get back. I was pretty hurt and mad but I wanted to stay together. So we did and 4 months later we broke up because I couldnt get over that cheating thing. Although I was impressed that she told me cuz I would have never known. 6 months later we get back together she seems much more positive and I go out of town for a weekend and she tells me when i get back that she spent the night with that guy she kissed last time and did it again. I was furious. we broke up shortly after and now we are friends. last night we hung out and for about 8 months she has been telling me she is sorry and wants to be with me again but I am unable to bring myself to do this. I miss her but I question her sincerity so we stay friends and hang out like once a week. I usually get away with tickling the shit out of her feet like last night I did. I wonder if she is sincere or if Im silly to think that. my family and friends dislike her because the cheating and I am just sketchy. I think I let the physical side get the best of me because she sits there and puts up with me tickling her feet when I know it drives her crazy. And it has been a long time and she still apologizes. Any ideas would be greatly appreciated. sorry for the rambling its just kind of a long story. Love all you TMFers thanks

 

[Mitchell]

This is a very difficult call, ohmaletickler. From what you describe, it sounds like the two of you have very deep feelings for each other.

If she had cheated on you once, then it would seem the answer might fall under the "She made one mistake, and it's understandable why she should be forgiven". The fact that it happened twice, with the same guy, bothers me. It says two things: One, that she has an attraction to that guy, and two, that she betrayed your relationship twice, and didn't learn from her mistake, which is source of definite concern.

I'm really not sure what I would do if I were in your situation. My best advice would be to sit down, weigh all the options, and follow your heart. If your feelings for her are that strong that you can attempt to forgive and overlook the cheating thing, then get back together with her, and hope it wont happen again. If, however, you truly dont believe she is being sincere, and are going to spend your whole relationship with her from here on in not trusting her, then you might have to make a painful choice, and not get back with her as bf/gf.

I hope what I said helped. Good Luck to you. I will also be very interested to see what the replies are to this situation.

Take it easy, my friend,
Mitch

 

[Zacktick]

I dunno man twice you leave town and twice she cheats on you, whether a kiss or sex she, in my opinion cannot be trusted. She is telling you about it because it makes her feel better to have the guilt off her chest but at the same time doesn't seem to really care that she cheats on you and hurts you. Seems to me she wants you when its convenient for her, and i'm telling you if you keep forgiving her and taking her back and making up it will be a cycle that will be present all your lives. If i were you i'd give her one last chance, if she does it again kick her to teh curb and move on to someone more stable.

 

[rhiannon]

First of all, I would say kissing someone is not cheating, but that's just me - cheating is what the partner considers to be cheating, not oneself. 🙂

So - she did it twice, with the same guy, as soon as you were gone. She will do it again. At least she is honest about it, but that doesn't make it better. You will get hurt badly in the process of being with her I dare to predict!

 

[maniactickler]

Sounds like a soap opera. plan on dumping her, but string her along for the tickling in the meantime.

 

[paracarl44]

If a woman has other boyfriends, she will go back to them eventually. Find yourself another girl.

 

[Chloe_Vlad]

From your post I take it that you are not open to an "open relationship," is that correct? Fidelity is a very hard thing to come by in this world and if that is what you want, it appears to the onlooker that you won't ever get that from said girl.

It also seems like as you noted " you let the physical side get the best of you" Are you attached to her because of the tickling? Is that why you want to stay with her? There are other ticklish girls in this world who would treat you better than that.

Best of luck to you.

 

[kis123]

I'm sorry but I don't have good news to share with you on this. You can NEVER let your physical get ahead of your common sense. She's cheated on you twice (with the same man no less) and you think you should be asking us what to do?? Okay, since you asked, here's my answer:

Drop her like it's hott before she really hurts you!!

She's not going to change; the minute your back is turned or you go out of town, she'll just go back to him. Is that really the type of relationship you wat with her? Like another poster said, there are ticklish women out there who will let you tickle them AND be faithful to you. You're wasting time with her when you could be looking for the right woman for you.

And don't continue to string her along just to get your tickling fix. If you do that you're going to get what you deserve should she cheat on you again. Let her go now and make it clean--no "just friends!" That's just a way to keep the booty call line open IMO. She won't take you seriously unless you stay away from her; she'll just wait until you get weak and she'll be there to give you what you want. She's in control and plays the game well; don't fool yourself into thinking otherwise.

Whatever decision you make for yourself keep in mind what your expectations are in a relationship. If monogamy is one of them, except nothing less. You'll hurt for awhile, but it'll be short-lived when you find the one who's truly right for you.

Take care and I hope the best for you.

 

[rhiannon]

And don't continue to string her along just to get your tickling fix. If you do that you're going to get what you deserve should she cheat on you again. Let her go now and make it clean--no "just friends!" That's just a way to keep the booty call line open IMO. She won't take you seriously unless you stay away from her; she'll just wait until you get weak and she'll be there to give you what you want. She's in control and plays the game well; don't fool yourself into thinking otherwise.

So true! I am just seeing it happen with two friends of mine. Cut contact completely, or she thinks she can do whatever she wants without consequences!

 

[Lamashtu]

It's a sucky situation. Cheating is an exact betrayal of trust and a big sign of disrespect. When you enter a monogamous relationship which I'll guess that this is, it's kind of like a contract. Going against the "rules" shows that maybe there isn't a very strong emotional connection on her part.
When you are really loved by someone and they want you, then when someone outside of the relationship leans in for that kiss not only should they stop it before it happens, but they should also NOT WANT it to happen. From what you said, she didn't say he kissed her against her will, you even said that SHE kissed him, that shows that she wanted it. Even if she felt guilty after, she repeated this offense. And nobody deserves to be treated this way. You deserve to have the complete affection of your mate. You deserve the peace of mind that your mate will not cheat on you in any form. In other words, you deserve better.

It's a hard situation to go through, and I wish you luck.

 

[ohmaletickler18]

You guys are the best. I'm lucky to be a part of this forum and I am surprised how many people out there take time to help someone they don't even know. You guys are all awesome and I appreciate your advice that I will take to heart. Thanks so much to all of you who replied and for anymore who do reply. I guess its just hard because she seem so sincere now even tho I realize she has really done me wrong she says she would do anything to have me back again but she has moved on to dating this guy again. She claims that she would do anything if I gave her another chance but if Im not then she doesn't want to be alone. Its all pretty messed up when I think about it. Beauty really has a way of masking someone I suppose. Wish there were more people like you guys in my immediate life!

 

[WorkInProgress]

The fact that she's dating the other guy demonstrates that she has feelings for him. She may tell you that you're first and he's second on her scale of attachments, but it sounds to me as if she's never been clear on where her priorities lay. The fact that the tickling and the physical attraction have played such a big part in your description of the situation, and that there were always aspects of her personality that put you off, says something. It sounds as if much is missing from what you and she have had, with or without the presence of the other guy to complicate things.

 

[kis123]

You guys are the best. I'm lucky to be a part of this forum and I am surprised how many people out there take time to help someone they don't even know. You guys are all awesome and I appreciate your advice that I will take to heart. Thanks so much to all of you who replied and for anymore who do reply. I guess its just hard because she seem so sincere now even tho I realize she has really done me wrong she says she would do anything to have me back again but she has moved on to dating this guy again. She claims that she would do anything if I gave her another chance but if Im not then she doesn't want to be alone. Its all pretty messed up when I think about it. Beauty really has a way of masking someone I suppose. Wish there were more people like you guys in my immediate life!

Don't listen to a word she's saying unless she's willing to drop him and make you two exclusive. She's not willing to do that because she likes things just the way they are. I went through that with a man before and the only thing I could do was to cut him completely loose. By the time he realized I was the right one for him, I was over him and was moving onto a man who appreciated, respected, and was willing to be exclusive with ME! You're worth the monogomany and respect; accept nothing less! I don't care how hot she looks, how ticklish she is, or how sexy her feet are! She's using you in some sick, demented, narcissistic, twisted game she plays between you and the man. You are better than that and you should cut her arse loose asap! No more friends, and definitely no more tickling/booty calls.

Do what you want, but if you contiune to indulge her, it will be you own fault when (not if) she hurts you again.