Need some advice

[Ticklerguy4u]

Your posts over the years indicate you're a decent fellow; you deserve better.

thanks, its been a curse since high school. Just now learning descent doesn't get a person dates anymore....*lol

 

[chicago]

Ask her to introduce you to some of her friends.

 

[GQguy]

Only female in my life right now. Beats hanging alone. Been there, done that. Know a few chicks but they are usually too busy to hang.

So you're only hanging with her because she's the only option you've got. If you had other females to hang with then you wouldn't hangout with her. Who is using who again? Oh you're both using each other.....isn't that what friends do? My best friend is my best option to hang out with a cool guy. I'm not using him. And i'm sure he feels the same about me.

Moving to a bigger city would be my number one priority. You're not getting any younger and your options aren't improving in this small town. Your ability to get a job in a bigger cityu aren't improving either. Denver would be a great place to cast your net.

Not sure what you look like, but i'd reccomend pursuing women a little bit older. Not exclusively of course but your meet to date conversion might improve if you stepped up the age by a decade or so.

"decent guys" never got dates. It's a myth perpetuated by our loving mothers. The same things that attracted women back then attract women now. There's no point even thinking about it because it's not now. Do whatever it takes to attract the woman of your taste.

You never responded to my suggestion to use her to attract and meet new women. Is that possible?

 

[ticklishdanny]

sigh... i can't stand those type of girls. try and find someone else who won't use you, I mean if it was like a date and you two were going out by all means the guy should pick up the check, but when she's just using you (and you know she is) then find someone else. one of my friends had a situation similar to this and bought the girl he wanted a relationship with a really expensive purse before asking her to prom. she took it before rejecting him and he never saw her again. girls have this hold over guys, and some of them take advantage of it to get stuff that they want for themselves. In the end, it doesn't end up going anywhere and the guy usually ends up thinking "I could have been doing something meaningful or been out with a girl who liked me for who I am instead of wasting time and money on her." It's really up to you how you handle it though, good luck on meeting someone else.

 

[Ticklerguy4u]

Ask her to introduce you to some of her friends.

Unfortunately all her friends are of the same age.

You never responded to my suggestion to use her to attract and meet new women. Is that possible?

I might be possible. Need to check into that.

 

[Ticklerguy4u]

sigh... i can't stand those type of girls. try and find someone else who won't use you, I mean if it was like a date and you two were going out by all means the guy should pick up the check, but when she's just using you (and you know she is) then find someone else. one of my friends had a situation similar to this and bought the girl he wanted a relationship with a really expensive purse before asking her to prom. she took it before rejecting him and he never saw her again. girls have this hold over guys, and some of them take advantage of it to get stuff that they want for themselves. In the end, it doesn't end up going anywhere and the guy usually ends up thinking "I could have been doing something meaningful or been out with a girl who liked me for who I am instead of wasting time and money on her." It's really up to you how you handle it though, good luck on meeting someone else.

thanks. Ive made it clear that I am not going to be used that way unless we have a fifty/fifty split. I am not expecting her to spend the same amount as me (she doesn't have the cash) but since technically it isn't really a date even though there is two of us...we should split the bill since its usually her idea to hang anyway.

 

[OnnaOtaku]

I usually handle my own problems in life but I am really undecided on the proper way to handle this situation. So I figure I get some feedback from anyone.
I have a female friend that only calls me when she is bored because her boyfriend is working or hanging out with his buddies. It usually to go out to dinner or to hang out at the bar. I always pay. She doesn't hang out with me any other time.

Now I am old enough to know that I am being used (like some women are knowned to do plus she has a boyfriend) but at the moment I am going through a dry spell and she is the only female willing to at least hang out with me right now.

So the question is do I bite the bullet until I meet someone else and then kick her to the curb or do I tell her in which case she probably avoid hanging out with me because she doesn't have money (all of it goes into bills) and if I am not willing to spend it then I am probably going to have no life until I do meet someone...*lol
.
Any insights would be appreciated. Stand alone with my morals or keep her around paying for her everytime we go out?

1. She knows she can take advantage of you, so she does.

2. Two can play that game. Since you're going through a dry spell, why not use her too? Plus, she's the sloot with a boyfriend, and you're single, so she's doing wrong, not you, really.

3. Once you have found someone else, totally kick her to the curb. She's not worth your time or worth risking a real relationship for.

4. Obviously, she can't be trusted if she's doing this to her current boyfriend. (This is where I am a hypocrite, but this isn't about me. lol)

5. Stop paying for her!! Seriously.

My above advice might seem like the "dick move" approach, but honestly, for a person like this that you're describing, this is what you need to do. If she was a good, decent girl, I'd say go a different route probably, but clearly this isn't the case with her. She's just one of those chicks that wants her cake and to eat it too and you're paying for the cake on top of it. Don't invest anything into her. She's getting what she wants by you agreeing to "hang out" with her and you're getting the same in return. That's where it stays fair, but once you go paying for shit then that makes things worse and you're putting in more than you're getting in return.

But, I definitely advise dropping her like it's hot once someone worth it comes along.

 

[Ticklerguy4u]

1. She knows she can take advantage of you, so she does.

2. Two can play that game. Since you're going through a dry spell, why not use her too? Plus, she's the sloot with a boyfriend, and you're single, so she's doing wrong, not you, really.

3. Once you have found someone else, totally kick her to the curb. She's not worth your time or worth risking a real relationship for.

4. Obviously, she can't be trusted if she's doing this to her current boyfriend. (This is where I am a hypocrite, but this isn't about me. lol)

5. Stop paying for her!! Seriously.

My above advice might seem like the "dick move" approach, but honestly, for a person like this that you're describing, this is what you need to do. If she was a good, decent girl, I'd say go a different route probably, but clearly this isn't the case with her. She's just one of those chicks that wants her cake and to eat it too and you're paying for the cake on top of it. Don't invest anything into her. She's getting what she wants by you agreeing to "hang out" with her and you're getting the same in return. That's where it stays fair, but once you go paying for shit then that makes things worse and you're putting in more than you're getting in return.

But, I definitely advise dropping her like it's hot once someone worth it comes along.

This is what I am planning on doing. I am attracted to her but I would never date her unless she matures, maybe. But until then I plan on using her like she is using me.

Well her boyfriend is a "dick" and she wants to marry him. I know I help set them up but I didn't know he was like that. Basically he puts his guy friends first and her second. She has already cheated on him with a one night stand. She stays with him because he is great in bed. She talks more about it then other things about him.

I am keeping her at a distance but not pushing her away. Not paying for anything anymore until I see her until she pays to hang out next time. I am still waiting to see what happens.

 

[OnnaOtaku]

This is what I am planning on doing. I am attracted to her but I would never date her unless she matures, maybe. But until then I plan on using her like she is using me.

Well her boyfriend is a "dick" and she wants to marry him. I know I help set them up but I didn't know he was like that. Basically he puts his guy friends first and her second. She has already cheated on him with a one night stand. She stays with him because he is great in bed. She talks more about it then other things about him.

I am keeping her at a distance but not pushing her away. Not paying for anything anymore until I see her until she pays to hang out next time. I am still waiting to see what happens.

Good idea. She doesn't sound like anyone anyone should date and the fact that she says she wants to marry thus d-bag that keeps her on the back burner just because he's good in bed, says a lot about her. What us she? 16? Girls like her deserve to end up with the loser assholes. They both seem like real winners.

 

[GQguy]

This is what I am planning on doing. I am attracted to her but I would never date her unless she matures, maybe. But until then I plan on using her like she is using me.

Well her boyfriend is a "dick" and she wants to marry him. I know I help set them up but I didn't know he was like that. Basically he puts his guy friends first and her second. She has already cheated on him with a one night stand. She stays with him because he is great in bed. She talks more about it then other things about him.

I am keeping her at a distance but not pushing her away. Not paying for anything anymore until I see her until she pays to hang out next time. I am still waiting to see what happens.

LOL! Her boyfriend is not a "dick". Judge women by their actions and not their words when it comes to love. If she says he's a dick in one breath and says she wants to marry him but then cheats....well, there you go. You can see her true intentions based on the act. The words really are nonsensical aren't they? Her boyfriend is not a "dick" because he puts his friends that he has likely had for years before a girl who he has likely been dating a few months. A girl that already cheated on him. He is a smart guy. And obviously she likes it because she sticks around. No woman will admit this but they want a guy doesn't kiss their ass and is willing to make her earn her priority. The guy that makes his girl his priority without her earning it will always get burned....and left behind with no girl and no friends.

I'm curious. Where are you guys eating at? Whose idea is it to go eat. How do you guys meet up? Do you have male buddy's?

 

[Ticklerguy4u]

I'm curious. Where are you guys eating at? Whose idea is it to go eat. How do you guys meet up? Do you have male buddy's?

We eat anywhere in town, its always her idea to go out to eat. I am the one that picks the place for what I am in the mood to eat. Her boyfriend knows we hang out. As I said before...he doesn't care or isn't at all jealous. At the moment I only have one single guy I am friends with (my roomate)...all my other buddies are married.

He has a bigger crush on then I do (he is closer to her age). He usually comes along for lunch or dinner but not when we go to the bar. When I am not paying for meals he is...yes this girl has got it all figured out. He's already hinted to liking her, she said he was like a brother to her.

He and his girlfriend broke up a few month ago. He was one of those boyfriends that was devoted to her so he rarely spoke to other women when they were a couple so he is in the same boat. He doesn't know any single women.

As I said. Its a pretty f** up situation. She is only female I know right now.

 

[Ticklerguy4u]

LOL! Her boyfriend is not a "dick". Judge women by their actions and not their words when it comes to love. If she says he's a dick in one breath and says she wants to marry him but then cheats....well, there you go. You can see her true intentions based on the act. The words really are nonsensical aren't they? Her boyfriend is not a "dick" because he puts his friends that he has likely had for years before a girl who he has likely been dating a few months. A girl that already cheated on him. He is a smart guy. And obviously she likes it because she sticks around. No woman will admit this but they want a guy doesn't kiss their ass and is willing to make her earn her priority. The guy that makes his girl his priority without her earning it will always get burned....and left behind with no girl and no friends.

I say he is a dick...not her...*lol. She thinks he can do no wrong even though she is crying every week. As for the cheating...she was mad at him, got drunk, and made a mistake. 🙄

He may be smart to you, buy I'm sorry why even date someone you don't even care to spend time with---instead hang with your buddies all the time. Just admit it and come out the closet already. Unless he is cheating himself (which I suspect)

Anyway, this had more to do with should I keep her around until I meet someone else or quit hanging out altogether while I am going through a dry spell. The relationship with her boyfriend is no interest to me. I think they are both screwed up. Both just see me as a friend and feel no threat toward me at all. My original post was should I continue paying for her when we hang out but listening to everyone's advice I've come to a decision to just pay when i am in the mood. If that cost a "friend" then oh well.

 

[kopfhorer]

I would personally rather sit here alone then take whatever the world offers, especially if she's taken and uses me not only as her cure for boredom, but as her wallet, too.

What Leo said.

Dry spells can make otherwise cautious, rational people do things they maybe shouldn't. I think "friend zone" is the wrong word in this case. A real friend would act like one, like she actually cared about you and your feelings, and would pay the restaurant bill on occasion if only to let you know she appreciates you. This sounds like a "user" relationship. I was briefly involved with such a "user". They give dating a bad name.

Being involved with a woman you've no chance at all of having a sexual relationship of any kind with is a great way to extend a dry spell too!