Need some honest advice about introducing tickling to a relationship

[little_hellion]

Folks, I really need some help.

Let me start with some background. My boyfriend and I often get into playful tickle fights when we are goofing around, of which I am a more than willing participant 🙂 He has openly admitted that he LOVES to tickle me. However, only on very rare occasions can I "get" him with a tickle, since he is both stronger than me and doesn't seem to be all that ticklish (a disappointing turn-off I've had to overcome 🙁 ). My bf knows I enjoy these fights, but as yet I haven't come out and admitted the extent of my fetish.

In fact, it's only recently that I've come to feel comfortable enough with him to begin to introduce some kink in the bedroom, since he's more or less vanilla. Wanting to ease him in, I suggested that we get some light - and frankly pretty flimsy - restraints and do a bit of sensation play (mostly feathers). He'd never done anything like that before, so I volunteered to go first so he would feel comfortable before I turned the tables.

Now, here's where it gets interesting. The first time I ever strapped him down, I straddled his waist and restrained both wrists above his head. Without thinking, I brought my hands down to his chest, resting my fingers on his ribs. I swear, I wasn't even trying to tickle him - I didn't even think he was ticklish - but all of a sudden he FREAKED OUT and quite literally tore the cuff holding his right wrist clean off the strap.

Seeing my WTF?? expression, he explained sheepishly "I thought you were going to tickle me." Now, I really, REALLY tried to hide the hungry she-wolf glint that undoubtedly appeared in my eyes when he said this. "I thought you weren't ticklish?," I asked, desperately turned on but trying to play it cool. "I am when I'm in this position," he said. I nearly died of happiness. But then, before he would agree to put his wrist back in the cuff...tragedy of all tragedies...he made me SWEAR that I would NEVER tickle him when he is tied up like that. In return, he promised he would never do it to me, either. (Good lord, if only he knew!!)

Ever since, I simply cannot forget that amazing reaction he had when I accidentally tickled him. I don't think I need to explain to anyone here why I'm totally fascinated by the idea that a guy who's able to dominate our tickle fights becomes totally ticklish and helpless when he's tied up. It's a little bit evil of me, but I've even tested it out with a couple of "accidental" tickles since - he's truly ticklish after all! Amazing!!

Now here's my awful, awful dilemma. I DESPERATELY want to tie him up and tickle him, but he's clearly terrified of it. I would be more than happy to let him do the same to me, which I know for a fact he would enjoy immensely. But as much as I'd like him to tickle me, too, I definitely DO NOT want a one-way ler/lee relationship. It's just a total turn-off knowing he won't let me do it back.

Can anyone here give me any advice on what I should do? I haven't even come out to him with my tickle fetish at all, let alone with my secret desire to tickle this bejeezus out of him (and vice versa). I CANNOT stop thinking and fantasizing about this, but I really don't want to freak him out. We've been together a couple years and, to be perfectly honest, I want to spend the rest of my life with this guy. As you can imagine, I'm really wary of making anything weird or awkward between us.

Has anyone here successfully gotten a partner who was scared of or hated to be tickled to open up to the idea? And if not, did the "outing" of your tickling fetish cause weirdness in the relationship down the road? I've never had to overcome this level of open resistance before.

 

[eric33]

That,s too much to read ,..o.k from experience introducing a non ler/lee to the tickling fetish is tough,..being a ler i have had relationship experience with women that like being tickled in the least,..and i mean hated it...in any form.,..
For me tickling is sexual...so those relationships ended ,..end of story,..especially after i told then of my ....preference ,..every one is different though , i can't speak for all,..all i know is if i want a relationship , there has to be a mutual love for tickling,..but good luck though.

 

[Angel77]

I can totally relate to how you must feel. I've felt that way quite a bit in relationships and never opened my mouth in the past.

What is maybe you tried being the 'lee first? Kind of get that fun vibe thing going, you know? Maybe use safewords if you already don't so he can see how they work and know that if at any time he feels like it's too much, he can still control the flow? Sounds like it's worth a shot if this is someone you feel like you want to spend the rest of your life with. 🙂

Just a thought. Good luck to you and I hope it all turns out alright.

 

[sealdan]

Wow, I can't imagine how difficult this situation must be for you.

While I told my now girlfriend that I was into tickling on our first date, I never told her the extent of it (i.e. torturous tickling, completely helpless, laughing and screaming, etc.) until about month or two after we started dating. It was a little easier for me to admit it because I wasn't as emotionally invested in the relationship as it seems you are (judging by the amount of time you've been with him). She was lovingly understanding, but hesitant at first to put herself through that kind of "torture." However, overtime she realized how much my tickle fetish means to me, and even enjoys it in certain ways.

Here's some advice from my personal experience thus far:

- Be completely open and honest about your fetish from a place of love. Tell your partner exactly what you'd like to do to him, no holds barred. If you want to tickle him and have him scream and beg for mercy, own that.

- Express your feelings around your fetish as well. Do you have any fear or shame around telling him your fantasies? Do you have any excitement around it? If so, tell him.

- Be understanding of what his experience could potentially be after you tell him. Throughout the relationship, he had no idea that you had intense fantasies of tying him up and tickling the crap out of him (well maybe he had some idea given your tickle fights), and now all of a sudden you bring him this news. Even if you express it in the most loving way possible, he still might be taken surprised and taken aback a bit. He might feel scared. He might even feel a little withdrawn. I'm not saying this is going to happen, but just be ready for this, so that you don't potentially create an argument if he has a negative reaction.

- Don't pressure him into doing anything he doesn't want to do. Take it slow and ease him into it. Maybe start off with some erotic feather tickling and a safe word. Maybe lightly tickle him while you pleasure him. Be willing to experiment and see what you both like. You and him might both be surprised.

- If it helps, think about it this way: If he loves you, he'll care about your sexual pleasure and at least be on board to collaborate and find something that works for both of you. I honestly don't think you have to worry about your relationship getting "awkward" forever after you tell him your fetish, especially since you guys have been dating for years 🙂

Best of luck!

- Dan

 

[ialwayseatsalmo]

I, too am in a similar situation. My girlfriend is deathly ticklish, but made me swear to not tickle her when she is tied up. Try being the lee first.. seems like a decent idea. Tell him for every 10 minutes you are lee, he gets 5 as a lee next time. Gives him a real reason to want it ya know?

 

[Phineas]

Hm.

I'm going to step away from the avenue everyone else is taking and flip the tables a little bit. What if, for the sake of argument, your boyfriend was into something that you weren't, and knew you absolutely never would be? Something like, oh, I dunno, fecophilia. Would you be particularly keen on him gradually trying to introduce 'poop play' into your bedroom antics, especially after you'd said "I ain't down with that?"

No. No, you wouldn't.

Since this thing is "all-consuming" for you, I would, in fact, tell him about it as previously suggested. But, I would also be fully prepared to hear the word "no", and truly think about whether or not you can accept that, were it to happen. If you can't accept it, and he's not willing to budge, then you two aren't right for one another.

I would not, under any circumstances, try to "ease" him into anything unless you'd talked about it first. I know for a fact that if someone went all "surprise buttsecks!" on me, it'd be over before it began.

 

[TicklesFemales]

Wish I could give you some light but I can't. I myself am 99.9% LER and only .1% lee and the only place I allow any female to tickle me is my feet. You can tie my ankles together and tickle my feet and they are ticklish but I enjoy having my feet tickled. I hate having my arms tied up above my head and get mad and angry when someone tries to tickle my upper body. So that being said maybe try tying his ankles together and tickling his feet only he may go for that.

 

[maniactickler]

Im afraid it just might be time to move on.

 

[little_hellion]

Whew, boy. Thank you to everyone who's replied so far!

First of all, I totally take the fecophilia argument (thanks Phineas 😉 ). In fact, this EXACT mental exercise popped into my head the first time I considered admitting my fetish to him. I don't care how much I love a guy, there ain't no way I'm gettin' pooped on.

But I hope my situation is different in that I know he already enjoys tickling me, and he also enjoys the light teases and feather-tickling I've given him while he's restrained. It just seems to be the idea of a "real" tickle that scares him.

I really, REALLY hope he can be open to my fantasies, but I know I can't force it. In any case, there's no way that I'm going to just "move on" from the love of my life over this. If feathers and light teases are all I can get, well...sad as it may be, I think just being with the greatest guy I've ever met is still a pretty sweet deal 🙂

 

[brainiac]

I, too am in a similar situation. My girlfriend is deathly ticklish, but made me swear to not tickle her when she is tied up. Try being the lee first.. seems like a decent idea. Tell him for every 10 minutes you are lee, he gets 5 as a lee next time. Gives him a real reason to want it ya know?

I have thought about using that as an idea as well but I modified it. every 5 minutes of tickling she will endure gets her an orgasim. I have not tryed that yet but I am in a new relationship now and we are just now getting into the sexual stuff. She knwos I watch prona bit but she doesn't knwo it is mostly this stuff. She is ticklish and while it doesn't make her mad she doesn't liek to be tickled. So I am thinking about how to get her into it so I can tie her up.

 

[Sunday_10pm]

I just read over that and I wanted to offer you a more positive reply. That's very dark and it'll do you much better to be positive about it.

I think you need just be clever - devise some sneaky tactics and next time you get the chance, play a game with him along the lines of "but I like tickling you... hold your arms up and I will be gentle I promise... I will make it worth your while 😉 be careful yet persuasive with OTT affection.

Slowly, slowly catchy monkey 😉

 

[Em Es]

A man has to remain a challenge

little_hellion, you say a mouthful with your words, "If feathers and light teases are all I can get, well...sad as it may be, I think just being with the greatest guy I've ever met is still a pretty sweet deal." As every man should know, if he does not remain a challenge, a girl will lose interest in him.

But from one hard-core tickler to another, I think it is worth an experiment or two before you resign yourself to being the one who gets tickled way more than she gets to tickle:

1. As you continue to do the bondage switching, gradually up the ante to stricter restraints. If your boyfriend allows you to tie him down in a way where he knows he can't wriggle out, let that be your excuse to tickle him the way you want, as all he will be able to do is laugh & struggle. Once you've had him where you've wanted him, measure his reaction; he might be mad but also might not, seeing getting tickled did not kill him and made you very happy - and very turned on.

2. If you can't pull off that first suggestion - maybe he won't even allow strict bondage - unless you can live with only tickling him a little, give your boyfriend the honest speech others here suggest. Tell him just how much it would mean if you could take turns tickling one another well beyond the light feather touch. Remind him just how much it would arouse you, and how the closing sex would make him very happy he went along with it. You might even ask if there is something he had been hesitant to ask you to do, as long as you are ready to understand it might something just as crazy to you as getting tied and tickled appears to him.

Please let us know what happens, little_hellion. Good luck!

 

[Flatfoot]

Frankly, nobody should ever just "settle" for anything short of what they want when it comes to personal happiness. Would this be a deal-breaker for you? It may not seem like it right this moment. However, sometimes, when we really want something that we "agreed to never do", it will gnaw at us over time, until you either go back on your word, seek it out someplace else, or just resent your partner for not satisfying your needs until you eventually loathe them (I'm not trying to be presumptuous about your loyalty or your self-control, but how important is this to you? I imagine it's at least SOMEWHAT important to you, since you're seeking advice, here. Is it something you'd regret missing out on, down the road?). I'm not saying to go balls-to-the-wall with him and take what you want (Sometimes that's hot, though... Anyways...), but this sounds like something you should address instead of pushing it under the carpet. I know it's easier said than done to come out and talk about things sexually arousing you that deviate from vanilla sex and foreplay, but if you're gonna be happy, you can't put your head in the ground and pretend or assume things'll be okay down the road (In my first marriage, my wife found out about my tickling interest secondhand, through downloaded clips, which is NOT the way to discover something important about your husband's sexuality. Granted, I barely knew anything about it then, myself, but still!).

If you think this guy's the love of your life, tell and show him how things REALLY ARE with you, to find out if you'll get some sort of satiation to your fantasies out of this relationship. If telling him what tickling really means to you gets a negative reaction, you'll know that he's not gonna love the whole you (a difficult reality for one to face, when considering a loved one, I know!), but you need an answer. Don't let it turn into a resentment issue. Whatever happens, good luck! EVERYONE deserves to be happy!

 

[Em Es]

Well said, Flatfoot

And his comment reminds me: It's got to be easier for a woman to push the sexual envelope with a man than vice versa.